We rode out of Os Alta in an unmarked coach, exiting the city's gates well before sunrise, per Nikolai's request. He was convinced that I was a moving target. It was imperative that I travel without being noticed, he said. I understood his worries but my greatest fear wasn't some Fjerdan assassin or dedicated zealot. I was confident I could handle them with ease.

No, my fear existed in the shadows. It manifested itself in the places that light could not reach, silently waiting for me in the dark. His visit the other night did what he intended it to do—frighten me. My dramatic outburst with Nikolai illustrated that well.

I hoped that the Darkling truly was growing tired. His actions had been desperate the past few months. He did everything in his power to possess me in some way, failing time and time again. That should exhaust any person, even him. I imagined him resting like some eternal power, waiting a millennium before appearing once more.

I bit my lip, not wanting to think about him further. I pushed back the silken curtain and looked out the window. Faintly, I could make out the growing tent city that stood outside Os Alta's walls, waiting for their Sankta Alina to make an appearance.

"It didn't take them long to rebuild their little city," I said to a sleepy Tamar and an alert Tolya.

"They are devoted," Tamar said, trying to suppress a yawn. She agreed to tag along with little persuasion needed, though she resented having to wake up so early. She leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes.

"And rightfully so," Tolya muttered beside her. He sat upright, completely focused with gun in hand. He had been eager to leave the Little Palace. And even more eager to be a bodyguard again. "I don't know how you can be so relaxed."

Tamar shrugged, eyes still closed. "I'll wake up when I'm needed."

I smiled, appreciating Tamar's calm exterior. It did well to balance out Tolya's seriousness and my nervousness. I closed the curtain and tried to close my eyes, thinking about the journey that lied ahead.

Nikolai suggested that I see the newly rebuilt Keramzin and determine what needed to be added or changed. He said that he would send a few people to Os Kervo to assist me with whatever I purchased there once I was done. I was delighted to be apart of Keramzin's rebirth, as it wasn't always the most welcoming place for children. It had good intentions but everything was untouchable, off-limits. It never truly felt like your own space. I decided it wouldn't be that way this time.

It took several days to reach Keramzin. The trek was fairly easy. We, surprisingly, had little issue traveling discreetly. No one attacked us or attempted to take our lives. Tolya remained on edge the entire time while Tamar relaxed, occasionally talking to me about Nadia and her little quirks.

I stared out the window as we rode through the white pillars of the gate, bouncing along the straight gravel drive. A sunken feeling grew in my chest as we came to a stop. I couldn't help but fear that everything would be in ruin like before.

I held my breath as Tolya and Tamar stepped out of the coach first, ready to attack if necessary. My leg bounced against the floor of the coach as I waited for them to tell me it was safe. Minutes passed then Tamar finally opened the coach door, a grin plastered across her face.

With clumsy movements, I leaped out of the coach and took in the scene before me. Keramzin seemed to glow beneath the afternoon sun. It stood, slightly larger than before, made with beautiful polished wood. It was stately, elegant even, but in a way that welcomed you to its door.

I turned in a circle, taking in the greenery around me. Life flourished in all directions. I couldn't believe my eyes. There was no sign of the burning that occurred just months before. Keramzin had gracefully risen from the ashes, all thanks to Nikolai's kind gesture.

I felt I would burst with joy until I turned my head and saw it. The large oak tree still stood, towering over Keramzin. The memory of the dead, hanging from the branches of the tree flashed across my mind again. I slowly approached it with unblinking eyes. I was afraid Ana Kuya's body would appear, dangling from the branch, if I blinked. With outstretched hands, I touched the bark of the tree.

"Cut it down," I whispered.

Tamar appeared beside me. "Cut it down?"

"Cut it down," I ordered loud enough for the nearby Grisha to hear. "Then burn it."

I heard a few 'yes, moi soverenyi' as I walked past them, heading toward the stone steps that led inside. I felt at ease once I crossed the threshold, away from the reminder of the carnage that took place. The inside was bare but gleaming. Sunlight poured in through the large windows that lined the walls. The floors were clean and polished. I couldn't deny that it was beautiful. The Fabrikators did an incredible job.

After we ate dinner with the Grisha that night, Tolya and I sat by the campfire while Tamar fell asleep with a bottle of kvas. I had never seen her so at ease before. I guessed that Nadia was a welcome distraction for her. Tolya sat beside me, mostly relaxed, with his sunburst tattoo clearly exposed in the firelight.

I listened intently while he told me stories from his privateer days with the renowned Sturmhond. It was strange to hear stories of the three of them sailing the True Sea together, living outside the land of Ravka and its tribulations.

"And then Sturmhond had these pirates stark naked, begging for their lives as they were about to be shoved overboard. Of course he wasn't really going to feed them to the sharks. He only wanted them to think that. He got the information out of them then put all eight of them in a rowboat, bound and gagged, docking it at the nearest port. That's when Tamar and I knew that we belonged on Sturmhond's ship," Tolya finished with a smile.

I laughed, wiping a tear from my eye. "It sounds so freeing. Like the world couldn't touch you."

He fell silent and looked to the sky, staring up at the stars like they were once his home.

"Would you want to go back?"

He sighed, bringing his large hands to rest against the back his head. "Things are different now."

I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't mean you can't go back, Tolya. Even Nikolai talked about returning."

Tolya shook his head. "We all have obligations, Alina. Obligations greater than ourselves."

"And why is your obligation to serve and protect me?" I asked, gesturing to his tattoo. I had never really understood why Tolya or Tamar fought for me with such fervency.

He didn't respond as he sat there, staring at the glittering night sky.

"Well, thank you for doing so," I said. "Mal and I couldn't have made it without you and Tamar." I looked down at her, curled around the brown bottle, sleeping soundly.

"I have no doubt you would have survived without us. Without Mal even." As soon as the words left his mouth, he tensed up. "I'm sorry," he said hurriedly. "I didn't mean to say that."

I stared at him, unsure what to make of his words. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't mean anything by it," Tolya said as he began to rise from the ground.

I reached out and wrapped my fingers around his large arm. His dark eyes looked down at me, frustration evident in his face. "Don't doubt your abilities, Tolya. I owe my life to you and Tamar both. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for the two of you."

"That's not what I meant," he said as he sat back down, shifting uncomfortably. "You never needed any of us. You could have made it on your own, especially now."

There was a double meaning to his words that I couldn't quite understand.

"You've grown powerful," Tolya continued. "We all see it. Even the Darkling knows it. He wouldn't have run into hiding if he wasn't threatened."

"If you're talking about what happened on the Fold, that power came from Mal somehow. I remember holding onto him, maybe that—"

"No, Alina. Your power didn't come from Mal. It came from you."

I shook my head. "You're wrong. There's no way I could have changed Nikolai back without the power of the last amplifier. I tried before then, to purge the darkness from him, but it didn't work. So I don't know what you're talking about."

Tolya picked up a stick that sat beside him and poked it in the fire, causing sizzling embers to jump into the air. "You're not going to like what I have to say."

"I don't care. Just tell me."

He sighed. "We were close behind Mal, following the faint light from the lumiya. Then we saw the light shoot from you, followed by your screams. The sound was deafening as it mixed with the volcra," he said solemnly as he stared into the fire.

I could feel a knot developing in the pit of my stomach as Tolya paused.

"The light went out and Tamar thought you were dead. But I knew better. Then blinding light shot from you, like nothing I had ever seen. It engulfed everything. I thought it was the end of the world. It was quick, but it wasn't instant. It held for nearly a minute, covering everything."

"That doesn't prove that I did that on my own," I insisted.

"You're not understanding," he said, throwing the stick into the fire, causing it to crackle loudly. He turned to me, his dark eyes serious. "Mal's death freed you."

"That's ridiculous," I whispered.

"Think about it, Alina. In that moment, you knew he was dead. Dead but not by your hands. How could he have amplified your power in any way?" He shook his head. "He couldn't. That power was you in your purest and strongest form."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I said as I quickly stood up. Tolya rose from the ground to follow but I held up my hand, signaling him to stay. "I'm only going for a walk. I'll shoot up a beam of light if anything happens."

He gave me a stern nod before I turned my back and walked in the direction of the woods. The moon hung high in the sky, barely illuminating the ground as I walked. I wasn't thinking about the darkness as I moved between the trees, I was only focused on Tolya's accusation.

Mal and I needed each other here at Keramzin, two orphaned children who had no family but each other. That's how I grew to love him. But had it been out of necessity? He found friendships in others, relationships even. I never truly grew attached to anyone other than him.

My thoughts made me feel unsteady as I walked. I made my way into the small clearing that I spent many summers running through. I found a familiar rock to sit on and brought my legs into my chest as I sat. Tolya was right, I didn't like what he had to say but I couldn't escape it now.

Once I grew into myself, Mal changed. He finally saw me once I became the Sun Summoner but he was afraid of what I was. I became someone strong, someone with unparalleled power and that frightened him. He was scared that I no longer needed him. Was his fear justified all along? I didn't think I was capable alone, not with him by my side, constantly reminding me of what we shared. Maybe I had been wrong?

I dug my face into my knees. I felt I was betraying Mal, hurting him, even in death. He had always been the easy answer. A life with Mal. In time, we could have settled back at Keramzin and lived simply. That's what anyone would want. But it wasn't what I truly wanted. It never was. There had always been something drawing me to a larger purpose—a life of power.

Mal's death freed you.

Was Tolya right? Had I been freed of something I once wanted so desperately? In a way, had Mal's death given me the power I had been searching for? I could feel another string within me being pulled too thin. Another truth bubbling to the surface, another part of me that I could no longer ignore.

A weight dissolved inside of me as I sat there, alone in the same woods I played with Mal in so long ago. No tears came, no angry declaration of my failure or my sadness. I was done crying. Mal was dead and he took a part of me with him.

It was a part of me that I was willing to leave behind.

Author's Note: Thank you to all of the people who continue to read and review this story. I know the plot is slow moving, but I wanted to try and develop Alina's feelings fully before I jumped into anything. This is still, largely, me trying to accurately portray a proper ending to Ruin & Rising. So thank you again for reading and please review! (Things are going to get interesting in the next chapter, I promise.)