What am I doing?

Rey puts a hand up to her head and feels that she's hotter than normal. Was she sick? Why was she acting this way? Why was she feeling this way?

Breathing hard she flees to her tiny cot, flopping down hard.

Now was not the time to be complicating an already complicated relationship, Rey admonished herself. Her friend's lives and the lives of countless others were hanging in the balance…

Why did she kiss him? What drove her to? She wasn't thinking. She just did it!

It was that feeling again, she thinks, that pull drawing me inexorably towards… him. She'd felt it ever since the interrogation room. A confusing, contrary attraction that defied her logical mind and came from someplace deeper. It was easier to push aside when he was acting like a monster… now not so much.

Rey frowns and covers her face with her arms. She burns again with embarrassment. Hadn't he called her a pervert just this morning? And then she goes and does something like this? He ran away, AGAIN. He seemed to be good at that. But she crossed the line and HE was the one controlling himself…What did that say about her? What would her friends think of her now?

She flops on her belly trying not to imagine Finn's broken hearted face or Poe's look of horror or Leia's disappointment.

But, then she remembers how far Kylo Ren has come. How raw and open and vulnerable he was as he clung to her crying, how remorseful, how dear. That was the Ben Solo she longed for…. Longed for?

Rey shakes her head and tries to stop thinking all together. This was getting her nowhere fast and now it wasn't clear if she had ruined her chances to accomplish anything productive with her former enemy.

He could refuse to teach her now. Drop her off at the nearest planet and abandon her forever… That thought sends a swooping grip of terror through her more than anything else. She'll apologize when she can, and they'll get back to business. That was that.

—-

Naïve girl, innocent girl, not knowing she's playing with fire.

Ben had fled to his quarters and stands in the center of the room, hand on his lips, remembering the burning, sliding pressure of her soft sweet mouth.

Something has changed within him. Something was not the same. What that truly meant…remained to be seen.

He hadn't allowed himself this idea. Hadn't remotely allowed himself to hope she might desire him the way he was ashamed that he had at times desired her. She hated him, she abandoned him, she was a slave to a bleeding heart…

He wrote his occasional feelings off as admiration of her strength and the unavoidable biological response to a young attractive female, all of which were urges he had well under control… not so much right now.

No one had held him like that since his mother more than a decade ago. No one had run their fingers through his hair and caressed his scalp in such an intoxicating and soothing way. No one had embraced him since he became Kylo Ren, nor shown him compassion, nor comforted him, nor given him hope, nor challenged his strength, since her… Rey. The tenacious garbage picker who had broken into his mind and soul.

He had always been able to take what he wanted, but he couldn't take anything from her that she did not give freely.

He knows the greater will of the force is at work here, that they're strength is meant to be combined, that they're meant to stand side by side….but to what end? For what side?

He was beginning to see the shades of gray, but still there was no apparent way that this would not end in their deaths, if he didn't seize control of the First Order himself.

A finger goes to his lips again. He can't give in to this. They have too much to do and not enough time to do it…

But that didn't mean he was going to let her live it down. A twinge of a smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

Ben collapses on his large bed with a heavy sigh. It had been days, nay weeks, or months really since he had a reasonable sleep.

Maybe, if he could close his eyes, he'd be able to make more rational decisions. Maybe he'd be able to see the truth of the matter, the path to both their salvations…

—-

Hours later Rey is having a terrible nightmare. She tosses and turns, drenched in sweat as she spirals through visions filled with burning flesh, a woman's cries, babies wailing, children slaughtered, a whirl of fire and loss and hatred so intense she can't breathe…

She screams and jolts awake.

Rey is just catching her breath when she looks and sees Ben at her door, shirtless, in tight black undershorts and looking over her with fearful eyes.

She jumps again, "Oh! Ben!"

And as she says it he sweeps in, scooping her up into his arms. "Hey!" she cries as he turns and marches out of the small room. She's wearing only a breast band and white undershorts as well.

Rey grips his neck loosely, all words falling from her lips as they turn into his dark quarters. He stops before his wide bed, in a regal and immaculate room.

They both stare at the bed, hearts racing.

A million questions echo in her head but none reach her lips. She can't think over the thundering of her heart, matching his.

"We need to sleep," he finally says barely above a whisper.

He lowers her legs and lets her stand. Rey backs away a few steps in the dim room, wide eyes staring at a nearly naked Adonis of a male specimen before her. With every breath he takes his wide chest expands and falls. So much strength, barely contained.

"We need to sleep… maybe together…" he tries again but the words fall away. Rey gets his meaning now. Maybe together they'll sleep better than apart.

"I've never…" she starts. I've never slept next to someone before.

She telegraphs her thoughts to him instead.

Don't touch me and I won't touch you, he thinks back at her.

It was a promise.

They lock eyes and she sees his intensity and fire.

Rey remembers the feel of his lips on hers, the electricity his every touch left on her skin. She blushes hard and tears her eyes away, looking down at the floor. This would not do. What had she just told herself. They had important things to do, there was no time for complications. If sleep was what they needed, then sleep they should get, and then it was back to work trying to bring down Hux.

Without answering or looking back at him Rey climbs into the bed and lays as close as she can to the wall, facing it. A single long pillow runs the length of the head of the bed and she cuddles into it getting comfortable.

She can feel Ben watching her every move, and senses his amusement when he notices how she's pressed herself against the wall as far away as she can.

She feels his hesitance and his nervousness, before hiding it behind his usual unemotional façade. Rey feels him lift the sheet and slide his heavy body underneath. The atmosphere under the covers becomes warmer. Though they aren't touching, she can feel his heart beat close to hers and she focuses on his breathing like a meditation.

It's odd but satisfying. She's hyper aware of his movements, and sounds, and smells… she blushes again. The clean but manly smell of him is everywhere and it's strangely calming.

She closes her eyes and feels the lulling satisfaction of the force around them. It isn't long before they both fall into the deepest, most satisfying sleep of their lonely lives.

—-

On a world far away the Resistance is planning a daring and dangerous mission.

"Good thinking on your feet Captain, or should I say Admiral," comes the husky voice of the galaxy's toughest woman.

"Leia, thank you," Poe gushes at her side.

"Hold your thanks until after. If all goes well, we may save her yet."

"We'll bring Rey home General, I promise."

—-

When Rey wakes up, Ben is already gone from the bed. She's content and rested and feels wonderful. How long was I out? She wonders. She's startled to find a clean pair of clothing on the bed beside her. The same as she found in the crew quarters before. A large long black sleeve shirt, and black leggings.

Rey dresses quickly and ventures out into the common area and sees yet another interesting sight.

Delicious smelling hot breakfast waiting and ready for her.

Ben is pouring over the Jedi texts on the other side of the table, wearing his now customary black tank top. It's no wonder the Force Bond opened with this man shirtless, he didn't seem to favor clothing when he didn't have to.

She's excited to get to work.

"Did you sleep," she asks him as she tears into the food with her usual fervor.

Ben looks up just long enough to nod, then resumes his studies. She smiles. Something about all of this just feels right.

—-

After breakfast Rey sits beside Ben and listens diligently as he explains the peculiar dialect and letters being used in the texts.

They read together and she begins to understand how to read it herself. Rey is deeply surprised that the original intent of the Jedi was a refined usage of both light and dark in a single practitioner.

"It makes sense now, what Luke told me," she says thoughtfully.

Ben tilts his head questioningly.

"He said that to say if the Jedi died, that the light would die, was just vanity. That the light always exists, even without the Jedi. He wanted the order to end… but maybe it just needs to change…" Rey loses herself in thought and Ben stares at her.

Change is what he would bring the galaxy. With her by his side.

He had woken up first, his eyes devouring the sight of her lovely peaceful face on his pillow. She smelled like sweetness and grease, her warmth filled up his dead heart and he KNEW in that moment, there was no going back. He…loved…her.

He was totally and completely screwed.

—-

They read for hours and when Rey can't focus any more she works on creating a new staff. She wraps it in the fine fabric she stripped from Vader's castle, burning the ends, tightening and cementing the grips, and filing the sharper edges down. It was welcome mindless labor.

Over dinner they discuss ideas for a plan.

"We need to infiltrate his inner circle. Hux is cautious but overly ambitious and overly cocky, He's most likely to make a mistake when he feels safe. He's too smart to appear in person if we allowed ourselves to be taken prisoner so we need to be more… delicate about our entrance."

Rey barks a laugh and Ben gives her a biting look. She looks half apologetic, half amused. Kylo Ren was not a delicate man, he was raw and explosive. Ben Solo on the other hand… She's felt his soul mending since they reunited on Gallanco. He's almost kind now… almost… she chuckles to herself. He's still unpredictably impulsive, if last night was any indication.

"So, what do you suggest Supreme Leader? Where's the weakness?"

He has to stop himself from rolling his eyes at her.

"The Attendants."

"The what now?"

"The Attendants are tall ghastly creatures responsible for the survival of the remnants of the empire. They grew the forces in the Unknown regions according to a plan laid out by Emperor Palpatine. It was a fail safe in case the Empire fell, which it did thanks to Vader. They ensured the birth of the First Order and are very close to Hux right now. If we could infiltrate them, it will take us right to where we need to be."

Rey stares at him nervously, and he eyes her with those impossibly deep, ancient brown orbs of his.

Could Ben still revert back? Could he still try to regain control of the First Order? After everything they've been through, could she be forced to fight him again? Rey didn't think she had the strength to do so anymore.

He senses her hesitation and he resents it. When will she be on my side?

—

More hours go by in silence and Rey can't stand her anxious thoughts any longer. She stands and walks back towards her cot, when Ben grabs her by the arm, halting her in front of his quarters.

"Where are you going?" He asks almost angrily, towering over her.

She points back to the crew quarters, her eyebrows raised, "To sleep…"

"You sleep here now," he says more forcefully than he intends in that low dangerous voice.

Rey's eyes go wide as the grip on her arm tightens.

"Say please." Rey's not sure what compels her to say it, but this time she won't let herself be carried away like some hapless little girl.

Hand still on her arm, he lowers his face to hers, his lips hover just above her ear and she can feel his warm breath on her neck. He wasn't going to let her go anymore.

"Please," he speaks huskily into her ear.

And Rey remembers the throne room, sending emotions welling up in her throat. She was not nothing to him still. He had pleaded for her to stay with him then, like he was the most desperately lonely man in the galaxy. But it wasn't right, she couldn't stay and let her friends die. But that didn't mean she didn't want to take his hand, after he saved her, after he wanted her, something no one had ever given her before…

And she can feel his fear now, as a calloused thumb experimentally caresses the skin of her arm, over the scar she got in her battle with the Praetorian guard. He doesn't want her to abandon him again, the same way she doesn't want to be abandoned.

His little touch send shivers down her spine.

"I won't leave you," she whispers back, frightening herself with the truth of it.

Ben gulps, pulling back and searching her eyes. He feels her sincerity and the sensation is overwhelming. He can't control the well of affection that fills him, the softness his eyes betray to her.

Then she's reaching her hand up again, landing on his face, stroking the scar she gave him with her thumb.

"You're touching me."

"I am."

It's too much.

He leans down and captures her lips. A sincere sweetness turns into a growing inferno, as they grip each other.

She sighs into his mouth and he lets loose a groan as they press harder into each other, hands roaming. She can't get enough of his soft wavy hair, gripping his locks as she pulls him in deeper. A tongue tests her lips, she jumps a little but allows their tongues to play. Then a large, warm hand slips under her shirt and Rey leaps up. He easily catches her as she wraps her legs around his torso.

Every sound, every touch is electric, sending fire to her belly in a way she's never felt before.

Ben turns and pushes her against the wall, trying hard not to hurt her but finding it harder and harder to think as he feels more of her warm smooth flesh.

Her shirt is pulled over her head. The momentary lack of contact quickly rectified as Ben's mouth comes crashing back down upon her swollen lips with a passion.

His lips are like pillows, more heavenly than she can imagine, Rey thinks, as she sucks his bottom lip into her mouth and nibbles it with her teeth. Ben is about to lose all his sense, a raging erection already pulling at his too tight pants. He presses into her, grinding into her crotch.

Rey's eyes fly open as a jolt like lightening shoots through her core.

She stops momentarily afraid. She's never felt anything like that before, and she knows what that part of him is.

Ben halts, sensing her fear and kicks himself mentally.

She's never done anything like this before… and neither has he.

"Wait," he says in a raspy voice, before she can decide to flee.

Ben lifts her up and carries her into the room, laying her gently upon the bed.

"Don't be afraid," he rumbles, willing his own sincerity through the bond.

Rey is astonished at his tenderness and fills herself with the sight of him. His face flushed, his lips red and his hair tussled, all because of her.

He wasn't the man from star killer base anymore… or maybe because it WAS him… that made this all the more exciting to her. She's seen him at his most powerful, violent and cruel, and now he's here, putty in her hands. She feels herself getting drunk, and wet, at the thought. She's taken care of herself before, what would it be like to have the most terrible, powerful man in the galaxy help her get there?

"Don't stop," she says huskily.

Ben is happy to oblige, but more slowly this time.

He's kissing her again, hovering over her as they lay, legs entwined. His free hand caresses her hard abs, travels up her belly and envelops her breast over the bindings. She gasps against his mouth. His thumb runs over a protruding nipple and she can't seem to breathe. His mouth leaves hers and she whimpers as he instead kisses a trail down her neck, over her collar bone, then…

Rey gasps again and arches her back as she feels his hot wet mouth over her nipple. Even through the fabric it's blissful and intense. And he's moving his tongue so slowly, then another hand takes the other breast and she's squirming and writhing beneath him. She can't take it anymore.

Rey pushes Ben back and straddles him. He's sitting up against the wall as she recaptures his perfect lips but she doesn't stay there long. She's assaulting his jawline, then his neck, savoring his growls and the digging of his fingers into her sides.

She arrives at that damn tank top and she rips it with both her hands. Ben gasps and knits his eyebrows. It's one of the hottest fucking things he's ever experienced in his life and it's taking every ounce of his self control not to take her right here and now.

She kisses and bites him everywhere, savoring her exploration of that impossibly broad chest. Her fingers play over his abs and it's Ben's turn to struggle to breathe.

Rey finally brings herself back up to his lips, centering her molten core over his.

An experimental rocking of the hips instantly leaves her panting. She can feel his hot hardness pressed against her damp center, and the feel of pressure friction is unlike any sensation before. It's fire and electricity and she's burning up. Rey can't stop. She hooks her hands around his neck and grinds against him again. Ben grabs her hips and kisses her hard.

Then they're forehead to forehead, panting hard and looking down between them as she rides him like a fathier over their clothes.

It doesn't take long. She's moaning, and sighing, and calling his name.

"Ben!" she cries as she sends herself over the edge. She presses hard against him, wiggling, riding that high for as long as she can. She collapses shaking into his arms and a surprised Ben strokes her back in disbelief.

"Shhh," he soothes as she struggles with seemingly every emotion she's ever had.

Rey rolls onto her side and buries her face in her hands, turning red.

Did I really just do that? Did that just happen? Did I do that thing with Kylo Ren?

Sensing her thought he pries her hands away from her face, and forces her to look at him.

"My name is Ben," he says, surprising himself.

Rey laughs and cries blissful tears.

They hold each other for a long time. Shock and awe is only way to describe Ben's feelings. Watching her ride him to her completion filled him with pleasure and pride he's never known. Was this real? Was this truly the girl who had slashed him? Broken his family's light saber and run off with that damnable rabble? Did she truly desire him? Would she truly stay with him? Was she his…his Rey?

His chest swells as she slips into sleep, and he feels like he could destroy 10 First Orders and a thousand Huxs just to protect her.

Especially when she makes those sounds that only he has elicited from her lips.

He would be her Ben… but only Kylo Ren can keep them safe he thinks darkly.

He gently pulls out from under her and escapes off to the refresher. Ben is still sporting a stubborn and painful erection that needs to be taken care of. And after that, there was an element of their plan that he needs to attend to…