[Saturday, November 11, 1989]

There was no sense worrying about the broken condom. It was just the one time, after all, and the condom had probably caught most of Eric's boys anyway. What were the odds, really, that Tami could get pregnant from just the one slip up? They would wait to worry about it if she missed her next period. Or so they told each other.

But Tami worried.

Every day she worried.

She suspected Eric was worried to. At his away game in Arkansas, which she listened to on the radio in her apartment as she swept the kitchen, he fumbled twice and was benched. The second string quarterback was brought in.

"Wow, Eric's playing like shit," Gretchen observed. She was around a lot more often now that she wasn't working at Bazookas. With the commute, she was only gone 8-6 Monday through Friday. She was eating her dinner at the kitchen table now. "What's Stumpy's position again?"

"He's a tight end." Tami dumped the dust pan in the trash.

"Yes, he does have a nice ass," Gretchen agreed, "but what position does he play?"

Tami laughed.

"Is that offense or defense?" Gretchen asked.

Tami wasn't sure if she was still joking or if she really didn't know. "You should learn about football if you're going to date him."

"I'm not really dating him," Gretchen insisted. "Although we did somehow end up having sex Thursday night."

"Really?" Eric had not reported this information to her. Had Stumpy not told him?

"Just the once. It'll never happen again."

"Sure it won't."

"I don't know how Stumpy's doing in this game," Gretchen complained. "They never mention him."

"They just did. When they said #15 opened up a hole in the defense. That's Stumpy. 15."

"Oh. What's that mean?"

Tami sighed, put the broom behind the fridge, hung up the dust pan on the side, and sat down at the kitchen table. The radio rested on its edge, near the wall. "It means Baylor might manage to score one touchdown before they lose this game."

[Friday, November 17, 1989]

No Ramen noodles tonight. No free, guest-pass trip to one of the Baylor dining halls. No employee discounted food at Applebee's. Eric had taken Tami to a real restaurant tonight, with cloth tablecloths and candles in little blue jars.

It was her twentieth birthday, and the best present of all? She'd received an acceptance letter from Baylor this afternoon. She could start in the spring. Baylor would give her a 50% tuition waver as long as she maintained a 3.4 average.

"So," she said as she forked some lettuce from her salad, "That means tuition and fees will be about $1,300 for the spring. I've got $500 left from my mom. I managed to save $1,500 over the summer. That still leaves me $700 for next fall, and I can work a lot over the summer again. I think I'm set, at least until half way through my junior year. What I do then...I don't know."

"There's always loans," Eric said. He pushed his salad aside. "This has leaves in it."

"It's got arugla and spinach and endive and all sorts of mixed greens. It's good, sugar. You have to broaden your tastes beyond iceberg."

"It's a scam. When did they start making salads like this? They collect bitter leaves from the ground, convince you it's fancy, and then charge you more."

She laughed. "Well, you should at least like the steak. And you ordered a huge one."

"Well, coach said I need to bulk up."

"You're muscular already. Your arms and shoulders are beautiful." She did enjoy running her hands over them.

"I've lost too much weight."

It was true. All those work-outs, the constant training...Tami liked a slightly stockier Eric. But she wasn't going to tell him that. "Well I think you look fantastic either way."

He smiled. "Did you get a haircut? It looks good."

She laughed. "Yeah. Two weeks ago. So no points for finally noticing." She'd gone to the Waco Community salon, which was run by cosmetology students, who would cut and style your hair for next to nothing, as an exercise in training, but you did risk being butchered. She'd thought her girl had done well, though.

"Well, babe, you're so blindingly beautiful all the time that it's hard for me to notice the details."

"One point." She sat back from the table as the waiter took their salad plates.

Eric was quiet for awhile. He turned his dinner fork over on the table. Looking at it, he asked, "When's your, uh...monthly visitor due again?"

The truth was, she thought her period should have started already, but her cycle had always been a bit erratic. She wanted to wait another week to assume anything. "If it hasn't started by the end of next week, it's time to consider...that I might be..." She trailed off.

He nodded.

Since he'd broached the topic they'd been avoiding, she thought she might as well dive in. "What if it doesn't start?"

"I'm sure it will, Tami. Stumpy told me he's had a condom break or slip at least four times, and he's never gotten a girl pregnant."

"You told him?"

"No. I just asked if it had ever happened to him."

They grew silent when the waiter brought their meals.

"I'm worried," she confessed.

"Don't worry. Enjoy tonight. It's your birthday. You're going to Baylor. You're going to get a four year degree from a top tier college, just like you wanted." He raised his water glass. "Tonight we celebrate. To you, Tami."

She raised her glass and clinked his, but all the while she wondered how worried he was and wished he would talk about it.

[Saturday, November 18, 1989]

"Why has Eric been so distracted these past two games?" Mr. Taylor asked, shaking his head. "That receiver was wide open! How could he not see that?"

"I don't know," she lied. "He's trying his best."

"He is not trying his best," Mr. Taylor muttered. His wife had not joined him for today's game at the home stadium in Waco. She was working a nursing shift at the hospital. "His best is far better than that."

The game was tight with little successful action. The Bears lost in the end, having scored no touchdowns to Rice's one.

[Thursday, November 23, 1989]

Eric and Tami went to separate Thanksgivings, Eric at his father's house with the new Mrs. Taylor (not quite as new anymore; they'd been married five months now) and his aunt and uncle, and Tami at the parsonage with her family.

Eric had a game in Austin on Saturday, and he would be leaving Friday evening. Tami would drive separately to Austin early Saturday morning to watch him play. As that was Joey and Sarah's school, they planned to visit their old friends Saturday night.

Tami could no longer pretend that her period wasn't obviously late. Even accounting for the erratic nature of her cycle, it had to have started by now. When Shelley and Mom and Pastor John were in the living room after Thanksgiving dinner, she called Eric from the kitchen phone and told him she was late.

She should have waited, she knew, until after his game. She shouldn't have burdened him with this worry right now, but she simply couldn't bear the burden herself. She was in a turmoil of uncertainty and fear.

"You…uh…sure?" Eric asked.

"Pretty sure," she said. "I've waited days past when I think it should have started." She felt a little faint, like at the start of stomach virus.

"How do we proceed?" he asked.

"Proceed? Is your dad there in the kitchen?"

"Yes."

"Oh." She thought he'd be in the living room watching football by now.

"If you're not feeling well," Eric said, "maybe you should go see the doctor?"

He sounded so weird, choosing his words carefully, with his father nearby. He sounded distant, almost cold. What was he feeling? Was his gut cinched with anxiety, like hers? Was his head light with fear?

"They came out with these new one-step pregnancy tests recently," she said. "They sell them in the pharmacy. You pee on it, and if a blue stripe shows up, that means you're pregnant."

"That sounds like a good purchase."

"CVS opens at 8 AM tomorrow. I could stop by and get one."

"Want to meet for breakfast tomorrow morning? Say, 8:30? We could eat together, so you won't have to eat alone."

"We can't do it at the parsonage," Tami said. "My mom and Pastor John are both off. They'll be home. Can we meet at your house?"

"Yes."

"Your dad and Karen will both be at work?"

"Yes. They both have to be at work."

"Your aunt and uncle will be gone too?" Tami asked.

"They're heading back to Oklahoma at 7 AM tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then. At 8:30."

"Tami, I love you," he said suddenly and rapidly, in a mingled tone of fear and reassurance.

"I love you, too."

[Friday, November 24]

When Tami came out of the hall bathroom with the pregnancy test stick resting in the plastic container it had come in, Eric was leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, looking pale. They'd hardly said a word to each other when she showed up at the kitchen door. She had no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

"How long does it take to develop?" he asked.

"A few minutes," she said.

"And it's blue if you're pregnant?"

"Yeah. A line."

"And if you're not, it's just nothing? Nothing shows up?"

"Yeah."

He took in a shaky breath.

She leaned back against the wall opposite him.

There was a minute or more of silence.

"How accurate is it?" he asked.

"False positives are extremely rare. False negatives are more common. If I get a negative, I should probably take a second one, just to make sure."

"Did you buy a second one?"

"No. They're expensive. I'll get another one in a week and try again if it's negative."

"I'll pay for it."

There was dead silence for the next two minutes. She looked down at the stick in its container. Nothing yet. "What if it is blue?"

"Let's worry about that if it is."

"I'm already worried," she said. There was only two feet of space between them in this hall, but they weren't touching. He wasn't holding her or comforting her. She wished he would, but he looked so tense, it might feel like stiff cardboard was enveloping her.

She looked at the stick again and saw it, the faintest hint of a line, darkening, growing. Eric followed her eyes. He saw it too.

There was a creak in the hallway, and they both looked up. Mr. Taylor was standing there. "I forgot my measuring - " He stopped mid-sentence. He looked at the stick. He looked at Tami. He looked at Eric. "Is that a pregnancy test?"

Neither of them answered.

"It's blue," Mr. Taylor said. "It's positive."

How did he know about home pregnancy tests? Tami wondered. They didn't have these one-step tests when Eric was born.

"Maybe it's a false positive," Eric said.

"Chances are slim," Mr. Taylor replied, sounding more stern than Tami had ever heard him sound. "You have a game tomorrow, Eric. The last game of the season. The last chance to make a good impression your sophomore year." He was gritting his back teeth together as he spoke. "Then you only have two more seasons left until the draft. You're on your way to realizing your dream. Do you have any idea how distracting a baby can be?" A line flickered in his jaw. "Goddamn it, Eric!" He slammed his fist against the hallway wall. The material gave beneath his hand, the drywall crumbling in a little. "How many times have I told you that you have to be careful? How many times have I – Goddamn it!" Mr. Taylor turned on his heels and paced down the hall. The house shuddered when he slammed the kitchen door.

Tami burst into tears.