[Friday, January 19, 1990]

Through the work study program, Tami had managed to obtain a morning desk job (8-12, Monday through Friday) in the Baylor Admissions Office, and she was taking 18 hours of classes in the afternoons and evenings and on Saturdays. Eric was working at the book store from 12 – 8 on Saturdays and Sundays and 6-9 Tuesday through Thursday, taking 16 hours of classes, and then, of course, there was football. Spring was a lighter season than the fall, with just the one spring game, but there was still so much work to be done. The coaches were limited to 20 hours a week of directly working with their players and to 15 total practices in the spring, but Eric was always running routes on his own, exercising, studying the playbook, or watching and dissecting game tape in the athletic office.

Sometimes, it felt like they only saw each other in passing. They'd had sex only three times since the New Year. Tami didn't mind that so much; she hadn't been in the mood, but she could tell Eric was tense from the lack of release, and she missed their talks, their cuddling, their time together. She'd been thinking about how much she missed all that this morning when the wave of nausea hit her.

Eric stood in the doorway of the bathroom and asked, "You a'ight?"

Tami flushed the toilet, stood, and washed her face. "I'll be fine."

"How can you keep going to work like this?"

"I'll be fine," she insisted.

"Maybe you should quit your job, just do the classes, rest more in the mornings."

"We need the money," she said. They'd started the year with quite the nest egg, between the gift money and their own savings, but she'd had to pay the fifty percent of her tuition that wasn't covered by scholarship, and then there were books and fees and the extra family health care premiums (Eric's scholarship would only cover an amount equal to his single premium) and co-pays. Eric had also needed to buy new parts for his truck last week, which Stumpy had kindly installed free of charge for him.

"We have plenty of savings left," he told her.

"We'll need more money when the baby comes. You won't be able to work in the fall. And there's fall tuition. We'll go through that savings faster than you think. I'll be fine. I'll just eat some saltines."

"A'ight." He stepped in the bathroom and kissed the top of her head. "I have to get to practice. Then I have my Texas history class, then that sports medicine class, then World War I. Then I have to study game tape at the office and run some routes. I'll be home at nine tonight."

It was 6:30 AM.

"Okay." She kissed his cheek.

"You get some rest sometime today," he told her.

[*]

Eric kissed Tami awake. She looked at the clock. It was 9:15 PM. She'd crawled into bed as soon as she got home from her evening course. "Hey," he said, "you feeling better?"

"Yeah. The nausea was gone when I got to work. I think I'll be done with this part soon. I've already moved into the second trimester. It should be over already, according to the book." She was learning the book was not always accurate.

"How were your classes?" he asked.

"Good. I nodded off for ten minutes during Child Psychology."

"How was work?" he asked.

"Okay. I got a lot done. I found a way to speed up their filing system."

"That's good. Want to fool around?"

Tami closed her eyes. He'd sped through those questions only as a precursor to asking for what he really wanted. "Eric, I'm so tired."

He sighed. "Tami, it's been seven days."

"It's been five."

"At least six."

"Tomorrow. I promise."

"A'ight." He kissed her cheek. "If you're just sleeping, is it okay if I go meet Stumpy for a beer? I need to unwind."

She yawned. "I don't care," she muttered, and closed her eyes.

[*]

Tami woke up at midnight to pee. Eric wasn't in bed. She went looking for him. She glanced out the window and saw his truck was still in the parking lot below. She looked out on the balcony and saw his bike was gone. Stumpy's dorm was only three miles away, and he'd probably biked there. They were trying to save on gas money and repairs, so they didn't drive their cars often. Tami's mother had suggested they sell one vehicle and share the other, to save on insurance and taxes and bank the bit of sales money, but Mr. Taylor had advised them that not having a backup could wind up being more expensive if one broke down, and what if, some future day, one of them had the car while the other was home with the baby and there was an emergency? That last question had terrified Eric, and he'd insisted on keeping both.

Tami tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. She tried studying in the living room, but she was too tired to concentrate. She turned on the TV Joey and Sarah had bought for them as a wedding gift, and dazed at the soft glow. It was 1:00 AM now. She hoped Eric hadn't gotten drunk, fallen off his bike, and broken something. What if he was lying in a ditch somewhere? She nodded off and awoke when the door opened.

Eric walked in. He wasn't drunk, but perhaps the slightest buzzed. She could see his bike resting on the balcony now. He shut the door softly behind himself. "Hey," he said, surprised, "you're awake."

"I woke up and was worried when you weren't here." She glanced at the wall clock. "It's 1:30. Where have you been?"

"Just hanging out at the dorm with Stumpy and some guys. Had some beers."

Tami felt a sudden surge of loneliness and disconnection, a feeling of being trapped by her pregnancy, not free to have the fun he'd been having. "Were there girls there?"

"A couple…three. Maybe four."

They'd probably flirted with him, despite the wedding ring. He'd probably enjoyed it. "Must be nice, getting to go out and party with girls."

"Tami, you could have come with me. Or I'd have happily stayed here if you didn't want to sleep."

"Easy for you to say. You're not pregnant! Come with you and not drink? Come with you and be the fat, pregnant girl at the party?"

"It wasn't a party! It was just some people hanging out. You're not fat!"

"I have that Saturday class tomorrow at 8:30 AM," she muttered. It was a 2 hour and 45 minute seminar, a good way to knock out three credits with just one meeting a week. "I guess you'll sleep in until after I'm gone since you've been out so late, and then you'll go to your work-out and then to work and I have to work and we won't see each other again until after dinner. But at least you got to hang out with some girls tonight, right?"

"Why are you so mad at me? I didn't do anything wrong! I asked if you wanted to fool around. I'd of stayed here. Gladly! "

Tami felt like crying. "Yeah, gladly, if you were getting laid! But if you're not getting that, what's the point, right?"

"You were sleeping! If you'd just wanted to watch a movie together and cuddle, I'd have been happy to do that too. But you were sleeping."

"Because I'm so damn tired all the time!" she shouted. "You don't understand!"

"I'm tired too! Do you know how hard I work?"

"So do I! I work hard too! But you don't have to do it pregnant! And you get to go out drinking with girls! How much did you flirt with them? Did you let one of them stick her tongue in your ear?"

"What the hell, Tami? That was over a year ago and I did not invite that. You're gonna dredge that up and sling that at me? I didn't do anything wrong! Why are you so mad at me? What's with the accusations?"

"I bet you had a real good time, didn't you?" she spat.

"You know what, if this is how you're going to be, if this is how you're going to treat me, I'll just go back and crash at Stumpy's. I'm sure as hell not going to get any sleep with you nagging me all night." He left, slamming the door behind him.

Tami crawled back into bed and eventually cried herself to sleep.