After a long while, Virgil finally turned away from the door and took a look at the room he'd entered. He could have sworn it was completely empty when he'd opened the door, but a queen-sized bed now sat in the corner, a desk and chair opposite it. Beside each doorframe now sat two bookcases containing no books, and on the left wall was a closet. He was mildly surprised, but he took this as a good sign. The mindscape wanted him to stay, even if the Sides residing there did not.
Exhausted, he limped over to the bed, setting himself down on it as gently as he could. His entire body still felt like it was on fire from what Deceit had put him through what was likely only a few hours earlier. He lay himself down atop the blankets, and after a while, his heartrate slowed and his breathing evened. Now that he was a bit more relaxed, he noticed how much warmer this room was, compared to his room in Deceit's area of the mindscape. That place had always felt like it was one degree away from chilling him to the bone. Here, however, the temperature was something much more comfortable.
He lay there for hours, exhaustion slowly catching up to him. He slept fitfully, and when he woke again, he discovered that a bedside table housing an alarm clock had manifested while he'd been sleeping.
1.47am, the clock read.
Blearily, he slid off the bed, his stomach grumbling. He realised with a pang that he hadn't eaten anything in two days. Despite the late – or rather, early – hour, he could still see without the light on, and he looked to the door, weighing the pros and cons of sneaking into the kitchen to steal some food. He knew stealing was wrong, but he was starving, and he seriously doubted that the other Sides would willingly let him eat their food.
His stomach grumbled again, and his hunger won out. His morality chastising him for even considering stealing someone else's food, he quietly pulled open his door and crept into the hallway. Moving as quietly as he possibly could, he shuffled to the staircase, only making a few eerie creaks as he made his way down.
The ground floor of the house was somehow darker than his room, so he stood still for a few seconds to let his eyes adjust before creeping forward again into the kitchen. He opened the pantry and quickly scanned the contents for anything he could take that wouldn't be obvious, and took whatever he found that met his criteria. Stashing what he could in his pockets and holding the rest in his arms, he made his way back upstairs – still creaking a few of the floorboards and stairs, though thankfully not as many as before – and ducking back into his room.
Virgil stashed the food in the drawers of his desk, all except for one granola bar, which he opened and munched on tiredly. He sat down on the chair and leaned against his desk, resting his chin in his palm. He felt exhausted, hungry and a little bit frightened by his new surroundings. This was not what he had imagined living with the main Sides would be like.
When he had daydreamed of leaving Deceit and living here, he had imagined they would be friendly, and welcoming. He'd imagined introducing himself to each Side and perhaps developing a friendship with each of them.
He had been too naïve.
He'd known, of course, that the other Sides didn't want him here, but he hadn't realised they were going to be so…so hostile, towards him. He had hoped that they would…Hell, he didn't know, at least hear him out before they made their judgement, but they didn't even give him a chance! Didn't let him say his piece before telling him to get lost.
A tear rolled down his cheek, and swiped at it furiously.
Fine then. He decided. If they're not gonna give me a chance, I won't bother giving them one. The wall he had built around his heart solidified, along with his resolve.
He never let it waiver. For years, he avoided the other Sides as much as humanly possible. They didn't try to talk to him, and he didn't try to talk to them. The only times they ever even acknowledged his existence at all was when they disagreed with him about what was best for Thomas – which was, to say, constantly. Nothing he ever did was good enough for them, and quickly enough he stopped being surprised by it.
He found himself putting on a mask a lot – using the dark, scary persona he'd put on his first night in this place as a way to protect himself from hurtful comments and nasty demeanour. If they were going to hate him anyway, he may as well give them a reason to, and it hurt a little bit less than them hating him for simply being alive.
At least, that's what he told himself.
He got pretty good at sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night for food. It didn't take him long to learn which stairs creaked and which areas of the floor made the least noise. He had to re-learn when Thomas moved out of his parent's house and the mindscape changed to look like his new apartment, but, once again, he figured it out quickly.
After the move, things quietened down a bit in Thomas' life, and Virgil found he wasn't fighting with the other Sides as much.
Until Thomas decided to try out Vine, that was. Boy, Virgil had had something to say about that. He'd fought with Roman for hours, trying to get the stubborn Side to see how bad of an idea this was, all of the ways it could go wrong, the situations it would put Thomas in. Of course, Roman didn't listen. And sure, it had all turned out fine in the end, but still, it might not have!
Roman and he had clashed even worse when Thomas decided to start making the Sanders Sides videos. Roman had given Thomas the idea, of course, and had been very excited about it. Patton had thought it was a wonderful idea, and was keen to take part. Even Logan, the Side who was supposed to be the logical one, was enthusiastic about the idea. Virgil spent almost an entire day arguing all of the cons to this idea, and in the end, had given up, but refused to participate.
'"Good, I didn't want you in the video anyway."' Roman had responded, lip curled in disgust at the very idea of Anxiety taking part. Virgil had muttered something nonsensical under his breath and retreated to his room, pretending to all the world and to himself that the words didn't stab him like a knife.
Despite himself, he ended up popping into the third video. It wasn't the first time he had revealed himself to Thomas, but it was the first time he'd ever been in one of the man's videos, and even though he'd chosen to be in it – it had been one of the only split-second decisions he'd ever made – he still felt nervous as all Hell when Thomas had posted the video.
Something he certainly hadn't expected, though, was the positive reaction from the fanders. He'd been holding his breath, waiting for the comments that would say that his character sucked and that Thomas shouldn't bother bringing him back, but, much to his shock, it had been the complete opposite. The fanders had all loved him and – Virgil had nearly fainted – wanted to see more of him! He had honest-to-God cried as he scrolled through the comments on his laptop, all of the positivity towards him shocking him to his core. It remained one of his best memories.
The first time he had ever been loved.
After that, he was much more eager to join in on the Sanders Sides videos, even if the other Sides still made themselves very vocal in their displeasure at him appearing. It was worth it just to read the comments from the fanders when Thomas posted the video. He felt bad that he couldn't respond to their comments, sometimes, but that didn't stop him from reading each and every one of them. They were his comfort – they were what kept him going, and he loved every single fander that left one.
As time passed and he participated in more videos, he found the other Sides – well, two of them, at least – slowly began to, at the very least, tolerate his presence. Patton stopped being so visibly awkward when he showed up, and Logan even said he didn't mind Virgil's company, even after Virgil was nothing but uncooperative during their debate.
The momentary bliss had been just that – momentary. Despite saying he didn't mind his company, Logan's behaviour towards him didn't really change, and the logical Side remained indifferent towards him, as did Patton. Roman, however, continued to make his distaste for Anxiety loud and clear. After a long time to reflect on the Creative Side's words, Virgil's self doubt reared its head, and he came to the conclusion that everything Roman said about him was right. Thomas was better off without him.
He ducked out.
Needless to say, he had been beyond shocked when Thomas and the other Sides had risked themselves coming after him. He had quickly decided, however, that they were just trying to placate him with kind words so that he would come back and stop hurting Thomas. By the end of it all, though, he genuinely believed that they cared for him. Believed them enough that he considered telling them his name.
He'd instantly balked at the idea (they'll hate it it's stupid they'll laugh at you they'll laugh they'll laugh they'll laugh)but the seed was planted in his mind, and suddenly it was all he could think about. And then Thomas started to end the video and the urge wouldn't leave him alone and –
– And he told them. He ripped it off like a Band-Aid, and Roman snorted and his shoulders hunched (this was so stupid you moron why would you tell them you knew they'd hate it and now he's laughing he thinks it's stupid you're so stupid abort abort abort). Then Thomas said he thought it was a wonderful name, and Virgil perked up a bit. Logan and Patton then said that they liked that the name was different, and Roman wasn't laughing anymore. Slowly, Virgil relaxed.
After that, Virgil made a conscious effort to be less distressing to Thomas. It was hard, easing himself out of the persona he'd created for himself and slowly grown into over the years, and sometimes he messed up and was a little too harsh, but he was getting better. He stopped sneaking into the kitchen in the middle of the night for food and started joining the others for Patton's FamILY Dinners. He didn't hide in his room as much, either, and started spending more time with the other Sides, steadily getting to know each one of them. Even Roman. He grew to be very close with the three of them, and though he'd never said it, he loved them all dearly.
Of course, good things can never last, can they?
Virgil had known something was up with Patton the second he popped into the video, but he hadn't been able to pinpoint what. It wasn't until they were in Roman's theatre in the Imagination that he realised.
It wasn't Patton.
Memories flooded into his mind and his anxiety skyrocketed as he scrambled to figure out what to do. Deceit was there, with him, with them, and every bone in Virgil's body screamed Danger! When Roman said 'curtains' he didn't even care what context it was in, because it gave him an excuse to end the scenario and get into a position where he could expose Deceit for what he was.
It had not been easy.
He'd almost caved when Deceit tried to guilt trip him into saying they were friends. God, it had been hard to resist. Even now, after all these years, Deceit still had such a huge influence on him.
Panic had flooded through him when Deceit had flicked his wrist – a gesture Virgil was far too familiar with – and silenced Logan. For a moment, he had thought Deceit was going to control him. Selfishly, he had been relieved when he hadn't. The relief didn't last long, though. Anger quickly replaced it when it sank in that Deceit was silencing his friend! He didn't let it show, though, and tried to keep himself as calm as possible as he explained to Thomas that any information he wanted to know, he could, he just had to be open to hearing it.
Deceit revealed himself, and Virgil's hands trembled at the sight of the Side that had abused him for so long. A horrible thought occurred to him. If Deceit could hurt him, he could hurt the others, too.
Terror gripped him once again, and at the first opportunity that presented itself, Virgil slipped away.