Syed looked at the photoraphs that Amira had brought with her, feeling more lost and confused the more he looked at them. The people in the photos we complete strangers to him; he had little to no memory of ever existing in that time with them. Although the man in all of the photos was definitely himself, it was like he was looking at someone else' life. He hated the thought that there was such a big part of his life that he was missing. It frustrated him, the gaps in his memory which wouldn't seem to knit themselves back together again. The flashes that would come and go never made any sense, each seeming to make less sense than the last.
"I can't believe I have a daughter," he repeated for the tenth time, staring at the photograph of his six-year-old. "She's so beautiful."
"She misses you," Amira smiles sadly at him. "She can't understand why she can't see you, and I almost don't know what to tell her."
Syed put down the photograph of Yasmin and picked up the one of him and Christian on their wedding day. There was no denying that the love and pure joy shining in their eyes was true, but now, looking into the face of the man he supposedly loved, enough to risk everything for, Syed felt nothing. He let out a groan of frustration and fisted his hands into his hair.
"Syed," Amira grasped one of his hands in hers and held it tightly. "I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be. But I absolutely believe that you will get through this. After everything the two of you have been through already... I may not have been supportive or understanding right away, and it took me a long while to finally forgive you for everything that happened, but now I truly believe that the two of you are meant to be together."
She offered him a smile before standing and pecking him on the forehead.
"I have to go pick up Yas. The doctors say you can go home tomorrow; maybe when you're back home, everything will start making sense."
She smiled at him once more before turning on her heel and leaving him alone with his photographs, his... memories? There was another photo of what he believed was his and Christian's wedding day; a candid of the two of them, Christian ruffling Syed's hair while Syed was laughing at him. And in the background, his mum, dad and Tamwar were watching them with pride and affection.
That was the part of the photograph he was struggling to get his head around. He could almost believe Amira telling him that he and Christian were married. That they were in love. But what he couldn't quite comprehend was the fact that his family seemed to be ok with the whole thing. That they seemed to support him in his decision, too. The father he had known - the father he remembered - would never have accepted the fact that Syed was in a relationship with another man, much less celebrated it.
So much had happened over the last couple of days that his head was aching - not from his fall, but from the mass of information he'd been trying to process. And, quite possibly, from the struggle of trying to remember his life, who he was. Could he have been strong enough to reconcile the two parts of himself; the part which yearned to be a devout Muslim and make his father proud, and the part which he had tried so hard to deny, to bury? Looking at the evidence in front of him, it seemed it had been possible.
Syed glanced at the clock on the opposite side of the room. It was now after visiting hours, so he would be alone for the rest of the night. Suddenly, he felt a pang of disappointment that Christian - the man he must love, his husband - had not visited him tonight. He had a million and one questions, and now that the initial shock of his situation had worn off, he desperately wanted answers. He wanted to know the man he was today, wanted to know who he had become and what he had went through to get here.
But mostly - he realised with a start - he wanted to take away the pain he had seen in Christian's eyes yesterday. As the image of his face came back to him, haunted him, even, he realised that he never wanted to see that look in his eyes again.
And that realisation scared him most of all.