As soon as Syed had arrived at Walford Tube Station, he was filled with a sense of trepidation. He had been so sure when he'd set off earlier that morning that as soon as he'd arrived in their old home, all of his memories would come flooding back to him, but now that he was here, he was nervous. He was pinning all of his hopes on this plan working, and if he'd travelled all this way and none of his memories did come back, he was left with nothing. And he didn't think he could take seeing the look of disappointment on Christian's face for another second, never mind the rest of their lives. He hovered around the entrance to the station, unsure of anything other than his desperate need to get his life back on track. Everything else paled into insignificance.

Syed took a breath, forcing his feet to move. He walked slowly, trying to take in everything around him, while at the same time trying not to stare and make a scene. Since he had no memories, he couldn't be sure of who he did and didn't know around here anymore. He knew his family had moved away, Christian had told him that much when he'd first started coming to terms with everything. But other than that, he had no memory of anyone else around here at all.

He walked past an alley way, which was positioned near a couple of flats, and felt his gaze automatically being drawn to a blue front door. He titled his head, as though questioning the significance of the door with his eyes, trying to see what secrets lay inside. As he got closer, he was suddenly hit by a wave of emotions so strong that he was forced to sit down on the nearby war memorial for support. The sudden rush of feelings were overwhelming, and he tried to dissect them to work out exactly what it was that he was experiencing.

Pain. That was definitely one of the things he was feeling when he looked at that blue door. Not physical pain, but a terrible mental anguish. Pain, sorrow, regret. Unbidden, a memory sprang to the front of his mind. Himself and Christian, in the flat behind that door? Both were crying, full of remorse for their situation.

You know I care about you. His own voice floated back to him, breaking through the realm of consciousness as a wave of his memory hit him. Yeah, last! You care about me last! And I'm never gonna stop moving down the list. The pain in Christian's voice as he realised that he'd lost. Finally. And suddenly, the whole reason for having the conversation broke through Syed's mind. They'd just found out that Amira was pregnant. That their life together was over. For good this time. Syed felt a stray tear run down his cheek as he relived the sadness he had felt, they had both felt, during this moment in their life.

Worry. That was another of the feelings which came to him as he stared at that blue door.

Christian. His image suddenly infiltrated Syed's mind, but it wasn't the Christian he recognised right now. He was covered in bruises, a small cut still healing on his lip. And the look in his eyes when Syed had told him that he could leave the sanctuary of his flat. A look of fear. A look of fear which instantly put Syed's defensive side on high alert, when he thought someone he loved might be in trouble. I think you can do anything you decide to do. I think you're Superman. Syed felt his memory stirring in the back of his mind, remembered how it had felt to have Christian cupping his cheek. He could almost feel it right now, despite Christian being nowhere around.

Happiness. That last feeelng which had come running back to him had perhaps been the most powerful of all. So many happy memories were bubbling to the forefront of Syed's mind now that he was struggling to pick just one memory out from them all.

The feeling he got when he'd spent the whole night with Christian for the first time. Just waking up with him, going about their morning as if they'd already done this a thousand times before. The familiarity of everything, which at the same time felt totally surreal. That was the first time that he'd properly thought about the two of them being together. Properly.

Once Syed had started being true to himself and they'd finally gotten together, going about their daily lives as one. Waking together, preparing for the day ahead. Eating dinner together and arguing over who's turn it was to do the washing up. Going to bed together, not necessarily to do anything. Just to lay in one another's arms and let the world go by without them in it for a while.

Syed, I love you with all my heart. Please, marry me. That feeling of indescribable joy as he's finally able to reconcile the two parts of himself which have been at war with one another, if he's honest with himself, for the majority of his adult life. The part of him which desperately wants to be a good son, a good Muslim, who lives by the rules and beliefs of his religion. And the part of him which only wants to find love and happiness, but just happens to find that within another man. He can now finally realise that neither parts of himself could exist without the other; that they both live within him for a reason. Staring into Christian's eyes, into his very soul, seeing his own mirrored back at him. I'd love to...

Syed took a breath, his heart racing as the memories which had come flooding back to him went round and round in his head. He was aware that passers-by were staring at him, some in mild concern, others in pure confusion. Apart from the occasional stare though, no one was paying him much attention. He was glad of the time to sit and think. For the space and room to breathe. He had been cooped up at home pretty much everyday since being discharged from hospital, and though he understood Christian's need to hover and constantly check up on him, he had sorely missed having this time to himself. Ever since losing his family all those years ago, Syed had come to think of himself as independent, that he didn't need to constantly be around people all the time. But ever since he'd met Christian, his life had completely flipped upside down. Syed was starting to see that now, to remember it. Remember their time together, and all of the pain and heartache they had gone through to get to where they are today.

Syed stood, intending to explore the rest of the place he had called home for so long, when he heard his name being called. More than that, his name was being called in the one way, by the one voice, which had, for the last few years, been his anchor. His safe-haven. His very existence. As he turned and locked eyes with Christian, everything fell into place. He was home.

A/N

As I've not actually watched EE for a while now (probably since my boys left!) I'm aware some points about the Square may be different from canon right now; I sadly don't think the flat on Turpin Road actually exists anymore? And I know Jane isn't living on the Square at the moment either, but you'll have to forgive me for using those pieces in this story.

Also, think I can squeeze one last chapter out of this one, if folks really want me to ;)

xoxo