"...is it over?" Yuffie asked, peeking out from her arms she had curled herself in.
"Seems like it, the WEAPON flew off a while ago. The island seems to have calmed down." Red said.
"But where are the others?" Aeris asked. Yuffie looked around and sure enough couldn't find Nate, Cloud, or Tifa, making her heart sink.
"Should we head back ?" Barret asked. Cid had walked forward and nodded, already on his way. The rest of the group was close behind as they approached the village.
Or what was left to even call a village.
The entire place was a mess of splintered wood and green liquid. The Lifestream had risen enough to create lakes and puddles. There wasn't a stable structure in sight.
"This does not look good." Cid muttered to himself. Already pessimistic about the situation.
"At least everyone was gone...where did they go?" Aeris asked.
"Down by the coast, there is a docking area for ships with a few houses for fishermen. Not all that big but the town was small anyway. The citizens will be safe there until things get cleaned up." Kunsel answered.
"That's good, I would have worried about the village if anything else happened." The group turned to see the doctor from the now destroyed clinic walk over with his nurse.
"Good to see you alive doc" Kunsel said smiling.
"It was mostly luck, the chunk of land we were on simply bobbed in the Lifestream, we never sank." He explained.
"Have you seen the others...we're not sure if they..." Barret tried to ask, but left the question hanging. The doctor nodded.
"One of your friends didn't get dragged in the pools. But currently he is in...something of a comatose state. You can see for yourself if you wish." The doctor turned and walked around the wooden rubble while the group followed. When they turned they saw what looked like what was left of some beds placed next to each other.
The only occupant was a very pale looking Nathan with a twisted, painful expression on as he breathed horribly.
"He's not dead, I assure you. But the contact with raw Mako has put him in a similar state he was in when he and your other friend washed up on shore." The doctor explained, though it did nothing to calm the team down. Yuffie went and knelt down buy Nate, looking very worried.
"He's going to be alright?" She asked.
"He already has Mako ingrained in his body, though not through normal circumstances. Give me more time to clean off any lingering Mako, as well as any he swallowed. But he should pull through." The doctor got a rag from a kit he had nearby and wiped some of Nate's sweat off as Yuffie watched.
"What the hell are we going to do about Cloud and Tifa...what the fuck do we do?" Cid said. He knew Nate was the only one with any kind of plan for them and now all three of them were out. He growled as he took out a cigarette and leaned against a stable looking wood beam.
"We wait...and hope." Vincent added, also deciding to rest on a piece of rubble.
"Wait? We ain't got time to wait!" Barret shouted. Red decided to lay down on a non-moist patch of ground as he stared at the larger man.
"If you want to, dive in, go ahead. But please don't and save us the trouble." He said as he settled down. Barret just looked at the green lake for a minute before snorting and started wandering. Cait Sith was just being idle around since resting didn't appeal to him. The only two left standing were Aeris and Kunsel.
"...You think they'll be alright?" Kunsel asked. Aeris just looked down. She didn't have a clue how the Lifestream work physically on a person. Nate had been asking her to try to contact it more, become more in touch with her abilities. But she was going at an agonizing slow pace, both for herself and from what she could tell, Nate as well.
"...I think so." She said. Walking towards the emerald lake. Kunsel followed.
"How can you be sure?" She ignored him and knelt down by the liquid. She placed the Princess Guard inside the water while clutching the White materia close. She smiled as she looked back at Kunsel.
"Vincent said we should pray, so I will at least."
One of the hardest lessons I learned since I came to Gaia bounced around in my head as I stared at the scenery.
Sometimes, even if you try to change everything, it stays the same.
Many people go by the logic that simply existing in a world you didn't beforehand causes everything to spiral out of control, create alternate events, completely change how actions would unfold. That going against what you knew was orchestrated at one point in time will shatter and possibly cause events to be more horrific. People who shouldn't die simply will, evil will know things they didn't before and plan accordingly, catching you off guard.
However the fact of the matter is that the universe isn't some cosmic clock where every gear and cog has its place to made to fit perfectly together and operate in only one way. Events won't change just because some no name try's to go against it, in fact life may even try harder to make the events happen because somethings aggravating it. After all, what was one more person in a group of terrorists? What was one more human to a cosmic force wanting to destroy a planet?
But I digress, events stay the same even if you fight them. Cloud and Tifa were stuck in the Lifestream...as it was orchestrated. I couldn't remember if I fell in with Cloud and Tifa or not, but I could defiantly say they did fall into a pit of Mako.
I had never been more uncomfortable in my life. Looking out the corners of my eyes for sudden movements and kept a hand on my sword in case of attacks. I thought I'd just be stuck back in the void but this time with hundreds of memories not my own trying to rip my mind out from the inside-out.
Instead I was standing in a park, my neighborhoods park to be exact.
The first question that came to mind was how did I end up from a tidal wave of Mako hitting me to a park. Before I came here I experienced the same white world of pain as before. Even being covered in Mako once didn't help prepare for when it happened the second time, but I gained my consciousness back faster than before. Only to realize I wasn't stuck in a liquid that was the unholy combination of souls and nuclear waste.
Instead I found myself...home...
I recognized the city well enough, The air I breathed was nostalgic. People walked the streets wearing normal clothes, talking on cellphones, hanging out with friends. I had ended up on earth and I felt like I had been teleported home. I was extremely confused and had questions running through my mind. But I sobered up when after attempting to speak to a group of people who seemed to be enjoying themselves under a tree, they ignored me completely.
Actually its more that they ignored my very existence, when I tried to touch one of the them my hand just passed through them. And when I got a closer look at them they didn't make any noise, in fact the entire park was completely silent despite the running children and people everywhere. It was all so real and yet so fake at the same time.
"Its only memory's, different mashed up times of the same scenery you were at." Immediately I turned to the voice behind me, hand on my weapon as I realized my situation.
"I hoped you were gone for good."
"You expected me to roll over? You don't know yourself very well." Standing in front of me was my alter-ego, smiling smugly. He had changed from the last time I had seen him at the Ancient city. He was pale now, near snow white skin. His eyes had the same green glow of Mako mine had, his eyes however didn't have any pupils, they were simply a mix of pale white with an emerald glow to them.
"You look like shit." I said bluntly, the few times I was stuck with my broken mind showed me that all of my meetings would be unpleasant, there wasn't a point to be civil.
"The Lifestream is a very dangerous thing, physical, mental, even spiritual presences are effected by it, how I look is due to trying to keep thousands of memories and souls out of your mind." He said, looking very annoyed.
"I had really hoped you were gone after that, but everyone has to face their fears one day." He chuckled for a second before looking at the scene behind me.
"Its not perfect, however it is a complete rendition of home. Or would you like a to scale model of Gaia? You will be spending a lot of time in here after all."
"After all this time, you still give me the option of spending the rest of my existence in my own head?"
"My absence was me preparing for when I took over...as I said Mako effects different presences, perhaps even this worlds laws have helped me turn into what I am now. You haven't been influenced by me recently because I am now completely separate from you, a whole new existence brought to life." Immediately I went for my sword and attacked. I had no idea whether it would work or not, but my instincts told me to get rid of him. However when I swung he vanished, as well as the other fake people in the entire place.
"Do you remember the day you were born? How you opened your eyes and saw the world for the first time...well of course you don't...but I do...and the world looked like the perfect place for me to achieve my dreams." His voice echoed around me. I searched what I could but I couldn't find him.
"Remember when life was simple, when we lived in a world where there weren't any real heroes? Because you won't be the hero here, you simply can't "
Then the world fell apart.
The sky turned black, the grass died, the entire park soon became a desolate wasteland.
"This...is where you die." I dodge rolled to my left. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of steel pass where my head was. I spun on one foot and made for another slash, the figure seemed to disappear again.
"What the fuck is going on?" I was hitting fake images that may have had the ability to kill me and I was stuck inside my own mind which was apparently now a playground for my alter-ego.
I needed time to think, time to plan and figure out how to win this. I was in a situation I had no control over.
So...I ran away.
Tifa thought she knew pain. The experience of absolute loss of everything she loved, hoped, or dreamed. The day Sephiroth destroyed Nibelheim, killed her father, stabbed her and left her for dead. She believed she knew how horrible loss was.
She was wrong.
The Lifestream was freezing and burning, scorched and frostbitten, the assault on her body was far worse than when Sephiroth had stabbed her in the past. But the worst part was what the Lifestream did to the mind.
The constant pounding at her head, the feeling of being invade in ways she hoped no one should have ever felt. She couldn't concentrate with all of the things causing her pain.
But slowly the pain subsided, her feeling of drowning in liquid air soon turned into falling from high up. She turned, and turned, and turned until she suddenly felt like she was sitting. Slowly she opened her eyes. However there was very little difference.
She was surrounded by pure darkness, she couldn't see anything at all. However when she looked down she realized she could see her body just fine. She showed up perfectly in the void she was in, which only confused her more.
"W-where am I...Whats happening? I...?" She couldn't process where she was, the pain was finally gone but now she was stuck somewhere she didn't understand. She stared into the abyss, wondering why she was there until the memories came pouring back.
"Where's Cloud...Cloud where are you!?" She shouted into the darkness, but nothing replied, not even an echo of her words.
But then she started to hear something. She was almost happy and thought Cloud would turn up. But as the sound started to get clearer she realized it wasn't one voice, but many noises pounding at her senses.
"What?...who-" The noises became clearer, she could hear birds chirping, machine gun fire, static in the air it all just meshed together.
"Who is it? I can't hear..."
"Where is the rest of the resistance! Who are the Six Saints of Wutai!?" Tifa cringed as a very commanding voice yelled at her.
"Wait a minute, I don't know anything about that!" She yelled back, only to be answered by a completely different voice.
"You did this...you monster...you killed everyone!" A female voice screamed behind Tifa.
"No its not me! I'd never do anything like that!" She pleaded. However the voices only increased as the topics seemed to multiply.
"What is happening? The whole Sectors going down!"
"Have the reports come in yet?, I don't expect anything less than-"
"When was the LOVELESS play again?"
"You know I could get used to living here its really-"
"Tomorrow will be a new day I'm poss-"
Tifa covered her ears to stop the voices but they kept coming. None of them made sense and they all sounded like they were in her head. More voices adding more random thoughts and speeches kept appearing in her head.
"No! Stop it...stay back." Tifa shook her head but the voice kept increasing and making her feel like her head was exploding as more and more voices pushed their way in. She started running, hoping she would get farther way but they persisted.
"Someone help...please!" She yelled, but her own voice was drowned out as sounds such as train engines, crowded plaza conversations, dogs barking, animals fighting, gun shots, it kept forcing itself in her head as the pain became excruciating.\
"Cloud...help me." She dropped to her knees, running only made her head swim as more thoughts came up. She pulled her hair and clenched her teeth hoping the pain would stop.
"EEEAAAAAAARRRGH!" She yelled, hoping it would stop. The pain was to much to bare, she just wanted it to end, she wanted to get Cloud back, she wanted-
She gasped as suddenly the sounds ceased. The pain she felt in her head was gone and the only sound she heard was her quickened breath. Slowly she opened her eyes, not to the infinite void, but a floor covered in green stone.
Slowly she stood up and took a look around the area. She was on a raised piece of ground surrounded by...what seemed like space but she knew it wasn't the same place. It had planets and nebula's but it wasn't what she thought it was. But as she looked around she noticed the strangest part.
There were Clouds, plural, three Clouds, all of them sitting in front of a different view of Nibelheim.
"Where am I?" She couldn't understand this place. She wondered if this really was what the Lifestream was like, this was what Cloud went through before he washed up on Medeel.
But she stopped questioning herself when she looked up at the fourth Cloud that was in the sky. This one was different though. The other three seemed stuck in a stop spell, not moving an inch as well as stuck in one emotion. This one was active, thrashing his head in pain, and was barely a full image of Cloud. Tifa knew though, she felt it in her gut that this one was the real Cloud.
"Cloud what is it...what is this?" She looked around again, but the image continued struggling in pain.
"Is this inside your dreams...or is it your subconscious?" Again no answer. But she could actually see his memory's, ones that keyed her into what he wanted...ones she was involved in.
"You're searching...aren't you Cloud...searching for yourself." Ever since she had met him again at Midgar he had been a different person. He had memories of events he hadn't experience, because she remembered him never being at those places or events. She couldn't disprove him, but he wasn't right either when he told the story of Sephiroth back at Kalm.
So here he was now, not even sure of his own memories or his sense of self. He was lost and in pain because of it.
"I can help too. We'll work together and try to get the real you back!...but where do we start?" She sounded resolved at first but soon became disappointed. How would she find his sense of self again?
Slowly she turned until she looked at the first piece of scenery. She nodded before walking up to the Cloud in front of the Nibelheim gateway. Suddenly the fragment seemed alive when she approached.
"The gates of Nibelheim...five years ago...Sephiroth passed through here." The Cloud mumbled mechanically. Tifa felt sad for a moment before she squashed it down.
"And that's how it all started." He stood up and walked towards the gate, stepping into the scenery.
"It connects to Nibeheim?" She asked, but the Cloud in front of her kept moving. Slowly she walked behind him into the memory.
"It's probably best we start there...I know its hard for you but we have to start somewhere" She told him, but he gave no responce. Slowly the entire area changed before her until the whole world looked normal. Behind her were the fields leading to Cosmo Canyon and in front of her were the gates to their childhood home.
"Cloud look...there's the well, gramp's inn, and that truck that was there since we were kids...this is how you remember Nibeheim...isn't it?" The place looked exactly like their old home. It looked exactly the same as how she remembered it.
"Its the same as mine, that's why it's our Nibelheim." Slowly Cloud materialized near her. The look on his face told her that saying this was their home wouldn't cut it. They needed to correct every memory he had about what happened.
"Five years ago, two men from SOLDIER came...Sephiroth and...a young and vibrant soldier. Can you tell me what happened?" She would start out the memory, he would explain his, and then she would correct it. This is what she had in mind, it would be small and tedious, but they would eventually get him back to who he was. Slowly Cloud looked around the area before Sephiroth blinked into existence. Tifa almost tackled the man until she noticed how Cloud stared aimlessly at where his image stood.
"How does it feel? Its your first time back to your hometown in a long time right?" The silver haired image spoke. She remembered how it was five years ago she met him for the first time. How he always seemed so cold, how he had a foreboding presence about him. She wasn't here for this conversation personally, but it seemed accurate.
However as the image of the two troops walked up to the gate and image of Cloud followed them, the one next to her walked over and took his place. Adopting a happy expression and looking exited to be there. Tifa stared at him before she shook her head.
"No Cloud." Her fist clenched. The fragment looked at her, confused.
"I've been hiding it for a while. I thought if I told you...something terrible might happen." When she first heard his story she didn't want to tell him because she thought he had been traumatized, that remembering it any other way would only break him more. But now, she needed to tell him so he would get better.
"I'm not going to hide anything anymore." The people around her disappeared, Cloud looked troubled.
She took a breath before looking him in the eyes. "You weren't there. Cloud did not come to Nibeheim five years ago."
Just like that he was devastated, completely lost again as he stared out into space with an emptiness in his eyes. She turned away though, the look pained her too much. An image of herself from five years ago appeared in the world this time, standing at the gate. It was She would have questioned how her memory's were showing up, but she needed to help Cloud first.
"I waited...but Cloud never came. The two that were ordered here were Sephiroth and another person." Slowly the people appeared again, walking up to the gate, and for a split second she saw the man she had met five years ago, the happy expression, the bouncing dark hair, the buster sword on his back...
But in that instant she and Cloud were back on the floating pillar, the scenery behind them now gone.
"You mean that member of SOLDIER that came with Sephiroth wasn't...Cloud...?" He looked confused at the revelation as he stared at her, hoping she would tell him everything, but she kept silent.
"There's nothing to be said. If you can't find the answer yourself then..." She thought about giving him everything, but she couldn't interfere. If Cloud couldn't figure the answer out himself then how would he know if it were true or not?
"Take your time Cloud. Slowly, little by little okay?" The Cloud in front of her became transparent again, Nodding his head before sitting on the ground, now clear enough to see through. But he had at least had a thoughtful look as he stared at the ground.
Tifa smiled.
It was a start.
The world stayed the same. The look stayed the same. The whole scenery for a doomsday that my other self had made to trap me.
I knew if I kept running it wouldn't get me anywhere. I knew running away would only work for so long. From what I could assume I didn't fall in the Lifestream, however I was stuck inside my own conscience...or sub-conscience, whichever it was. For the time being I found a way to by myself time.
The problem now was how to fight a being that had control of an entire environment, was currently invincible, and could appear at any second.
I groaned, I couldn't think straight, the entire situation I tried to prevent only ended up worse than before with not two but three people getting sucked into the Lifestream but also without the aid of the only Ancient in the world to communicate and use her powers from the dead.
...and yet I wasn't fused with the millions of souls in the Lifestream, I wasn't dead from swallowing Mako. Somehow I was still alive and aware of my own existence. Maybe Aeris had found out an ability she had, maybe something intervened, either way I had breathing room, how much, I didn't know. But I still had time to solve my problem.
But how could I win? How could I face myself...no a version of me that didn't fuck around, one that had a real goal in mind instead of just taking one from a game, a twisted version that had all of the negative aspects of myself that I wanted to suppress. He was me...he was what I could have been with all of the fucked up shit that I had gone through...wow...
I looked at the ground, as I realized many things about myself.
Like how I had become such a broken person, and how I denied it. It took so long for for any kind of person to go through this stuff they had to give up things that made them...well themselves to become a new person to cope with what was going on.
I wasn't any different, I had changed, but I didn't grow and live with it. I bottled it up and let it fester into something that threatened myself, my friends, maybe even the world.
I was a broken person...
Just thinking those words triggered something in me. I looked up and noticed the world around me started to shift. The dark clouds slowly thinned, the grass beneath me slowly lifted from its rusted color to a dark shade of brown. Looking around I noticed the ominous presence had lifted just a little. The world was still in horrible condition but it looked healthier.
Slowly it seemed like all the answers were coming to me. This place was my mind, in its own way it reflected how I perceived it. As messed up as I was it could get better.
I didn't know what I needed to do still. Realizing something about myself couldn't be the constant, but it had something to do with me and what was wrong with me.
"Did you think running was going to help you?" I turned, my alter-ego stood standing smugly in the middle of the endless field.
"It has its advantages." I smirked back, His smile fell as he looked at me.
"So are we going to go at it or what?"
"If you thought I didn't notice the change in here than you underestimate how much I control our own spiritual world." Now my grin fell.
"But I won't ignore this, you have somehow gained some control back, but not enough so you can't be imprisoned." Suddenly he faded from my vision, along with the rest of the world. I was only able to blink before a strong sense of vertigo blasted my mind. Everything spun as I tried to gain my bearings only to find my body moving on its own. The world reshaped itself slowly as I was forced to walk, each step creating more floor underneath before I started to recognize the familiar bloodstained hallway in Shinra tower.
"A prison where you will feel you're most horrible emotions and memories over and over. When I've taken everything this world has to offer I'll come back to show you. Until then...entertain yourself."
"That starry night at the well... and our promise that night... what if the memory was just a lie?" The fragment asked, Nibelheim's water tower behind him at an impossibly close distance, yet so far away at the same time. Tifa shook her head, her own memories springing up from the hopeful scene from years ago.
"Don't hurry, Cloud...don't answer to quickly." She didn't know how much time they had really, an eternity?... maybe the very next second they could be snapped out and they would never have recovered. All she knew was that if they didn't take this slow then Cloud would never get through his crisis.
"Just keep checking all those small emotions and it'll come back... little by little." He was getting it, he just needed someone to help him along the way. But the vacant looks the fragments gave her when they couldn't think of the answers were unnerving.
"Right...like the sky that night...the heavens were filled with stars..." The world shifted around them again, until both were standing on the tower at night. She gazed at the sky then at the houses below. It really was a beautiful memory, but lingering wouldn't help.
"From the beginning okay? try and remember." Slowly forms of their younger-selves faded into existence. She almost laughed when she remembered the dress she wore that night. To mature for a couple of awkward preteens.
"Right, I was wearing these clothes...and that's you too...you were so small then...and cute" One of the many reasons Cloud was bullied as a child. He was a runt, just over half the size of the other kids in the town. They child like innocence in his big blue eyes made the grown ups treat him nice, but the kids in town would think he was weird and too quiet to play with.
"Sephiroth once said...Cloud made up his memories by listening to my stories." She bit back any venom she wanted to let out. Anger wouldn't help him.
"Did you imagine this sky, no you remembered it." How can anyone imagine perfect scenery? They only way to see it was to experience it yourself. He couldn't just think up how the stars lit up the night so perfectly.
"That night the stars were gorgeous, it was just Cloud and I. We talked at the well... that's why I continued to believe you were the real Cloud." Even if he had memories he shouldn't have, even if he acted completely different from the boy all those years ago.
"I still believe you're the Cloud from Nibelheim...but you don't believe in yourself...because these memories aren't enough." More shifts, and now they were walking away from the scene.
"Cloud, what about your other memories...no not memories. A memory has to be consciously recalled, right? Which is why it can be mistaken as something different." Which was why Cloud doubted her when these memories popped up, these memories were explained away by Sephiroth as stories Cloud made up for himself.
"But its different from a memory locked deep within your heart. That's why it must be fake. If he could call up that memory." He could dismiss them because he wasn't connected strongly to them, so they could have all just been something he imagined while his mind took hold of them... it had to be a memory she didn't tell to him...but if Cloud told her what he remembered instead...
"That's it! What about a memory that has to do with me? I say something and you don't remember it. But if you say something and I remember it too, then we'll know its our memory." Sephiroth could say everything she remembered about Cloud could be a lie, but anything Cloud remembered about her could be dismissed so easily, its what he knew about her, not what she told him he knew or what he molded from her memories. If it was important to himself then it had to be real.
"Talk to me about anything, some important memory to you." She remembered the water tower again, he wanted to join SOLDIER... but now that she thought about it...
"Why did you want to join SOLDIER in the first place? It was weird how you decided so suddenly." She had no idea, he never had the idea before that night far as she could tell. He seemed like the quiet kid that would have been happy as a farmer for the rest of his life...why the sudden interest in the military?
"I was devastated...I wanted to be noticed..." His first words after so long sounded split out, as the echoed throughout his mind. He was looking away from her, at the ground...almost like he was embarrassed and ashamed.
"I thought if I could get stronger I could get someone to notice..."
"Someone to notice you?...who?" The village, the bullies, the adults?
This time the echo's spoke first, angry and sad all at the same time.
Who...?
You know who!
You that's who.
"You." She sputtered at the sudden emotion in the one word, the vacant look in the fragments eyes now filled with something she just couldn't quiet place.
"...Me? Why?!" It was so sudden she could feel her face heat up, and he just kept looking at her with those eyes. She turned away only to see a younger Cloud standing on a pillar staring at both of them...looking so much more solid than the rest of the fragments.
"Tifa...did you forget...about those days?" The other Cloud snapped he back from her thoughts as she stared back at him. He looked so hurt, on the verge of crying that she couldn't remember something.
"Look...I..." She wanted to comfort him, to get him back on track but she couldn't for the life of her understand what he was on about.
"I'm sorry...but what are you talking about?" Again, that look of devastation, his whole world being flipped on him again, he actually looked like he wanted to break again, and it hurt her heart so much to see him like that. She wanted to take that back
"No...its alright. You were having a hard time back then." A familiar and childish voice spoke up, catching Tifa by surprise. She pun around to see another Cloud, only when he was a child.
"You were so busy with your own things, its only natural you don't remember me back then."
"Back then?" He even sounded younger and acted like it. Maybe it was his inner child, or another repressed part of himself but this one seemed to know what she was looking for.
"It's important to me...I hate to say it but...its a very important memory. Do you want to see it?" He shuffled a little, obviously uncomfortable so she just nodded as he stumbled off to a wall in the imaginary world. The other aspect she helped looked up at the window.
"A sealed up...secret wish. Tender memories...no one can ever know." She kept following the child Cloud, but his words rang deep within her.
What was Clouds childhood wish?
Confusion followed first, then my excitement for being in a new place. I could change everything and make it better. I could be someone cooler than what I was!
My first kill chipped at my heart but I could push that away, it was just a game after all.
Killing innocent people in a power plant...that was logical, not all Shinra employees were bad but its part of the plot...
Letting a sector die because I didn't use my knowledge of events like I should have tore me up inside...it wasn't a game anymore.
Jenova...finally tearing my mind apart and driving me to shield myself by hiding behind an insanity that just hated everything so it couldn't feel pain.
More and more memories would play back, I would be in the scene and I would be forced to act my part. Every horrible thing I felt since the beginning of being shoved in Gaia was thrown back in my face over and over and I couldn't rush through it while it looped back and hit me again. I wanted to change how the scene would go but my body wasn't my own, it would go through the motions and then I would feel whatever emotion I felt shoved inside me before and tear me up again.
Honestly, while I went through the motions I regretted a lot of what I did. Killing innocent people was basically what AVALANCHE did through its crusade across Gaia. The people in the reactor were just day to day workers, the guards were just trying to do their job and guard what ever building we'd attack. I had killed people who were just doing what they did to make a living.
Losing my mind at the Zolom fight, the first time I felt like I was a prisoner n my own body.
My bones nearly shattered as we fought a horrid monster I could only imagine inside a boat full of people wanting me dead.
Being imprisoned again as my alter ego injured my body to prove how powerful he was.
Then there were times where I felt gratified in lying to them, my friends. They were titans before I came in, fictional characters that had great powers but were just that, fictional. So I show up and expect myself to stand shoulder to shoulder with people who gained their ability's not by design but through years of effort and practice. Along side the emptiness and hollow feeling my memory was being forced upon me I also felt like a pretty big piece of shit. I wasn't a hero, I had a track record of maybe a couple thousand people dead because of me to maybe one hundred I had a hand in helping. But that was the reality of it, real hero's at least had a chance at saving everyone...
I couldn't save everybody.
Once again I felt my thoughts ring something inside myself. Like I finally got an answer right on a question I had been pondering for a long time. The memories kept playing, they hut and stung me...but I could accept them now, action I made that I had to live with.
"I think I get it now." I said in the middle of looking at the group of people Dyne had killed. I could control myself again and felt the memory wade.
"It's all about me isn't it?" No one answered back but that was to be expected. I needed to to keep going through before I could finally get rid of my alter ego. I needed to face reality.
"I'll beat this, just like Cloud and Tifa will find a way back I will to!" I walked, the memory changed to another but I started running. The scenes started to flash by as did the emotions. I felt a genuine smile come on as I went into a full sprint.
"I may not be a hero like they portray, but I can learn, I can get better. I can accept the kind of person I am now and keep pushing until I get the ending that I want!" The memories dissipated, I ran on better looking grass from the field before. The dark clouds now looked gray instead of black with what looked like the sun behind the white sheet above me. The previous scene of my neighborhood playing out.
"So shove everything back at me, I'll just push harder until I become the hero I wanted to act like. So how about you come out and face me like I would any other fight." The world turned into the meadows I crossed with everyone else back on the first continent. I felt nostalgia much like my home, but it seemed more important than any memory I had of my town.
"Why are you ruining everything! You won't stay down until I put you down myself!" He reformed again, mid-slice from taking my head off but my sprint took me out of the way.
"I guess staying here helped me find a backbone I never knew I had." It turned and threw my fist out, hitting my image square in the jaw making him stumble. I would have followed up but he threw his out and knocked the wind out of my lungs before backing off, his Fusion no held in both hands.
"You made me to deal with everything, all the trauma, pain, you can't just erase me like that!"
"I know its not that easy, but when has it ever been?" I brandished my own sword, confident now I knew I could actually land something on him.
"So lets cut to the chase, it's either you or me that get out of here, and to be honest I want to see my friends and girlfriend again." I went for and overhead swipe when he deflected my attack and swung back. I ducked and used my free hand to hold one of his arms while I punched his stomach.
He recovered quick and smashed his head against mine before he kicked me away. I shook off the pain and started circling him. He mirrored me as we started to move. I dashed forward and held back at the last second when I saw him do the same, I sidestepped an over head and went to hit his back when he diverted and slashed sideways, cutting me in the process. I bit my tongue and held back a scream when I made and empty swipe to create some distance.
He jumped back and then went to stab me before I rolled to the side and swung when I knelt back up, I felt my sword tug on something before I rolled again and turned to face him holding his side with his sword in one hand at the ready. Yet when I looked at my small victory the wound slowly put itself back together.
I took a few slow breaths before stepping forward. I had to concentrate on fighting. Even working with my sword for maybe a month or so I improvised more than actually tried to prod anything before going for confirmed kill shots, and judging by his lack of wounds those were what I needed.
I sheathed my sword but kept my hand in place. I needed to make an opening so I could get some clean hits in.
"We should hurry this up, we don't exactly have a lot of time to waste before someone gets to us." Which was complete bullshit. For all I knew I was stuck at the bottom of the ocean or in the center of the Lifestream.
Instead of taking the bait he just kept staring at me when he swiped again, I jumped back before he stuck again and I rolled to the side. I gripped Fusion hard to stop myself from attacking. He turned and swung in a wide ark hoping to hit. I took the chance and rolled forward. I felt his sword nick my back as I pulled and swung as hard as I could. He hopped away but not before getting a cut from the edge of my sword across his stomach. I wanted to curse, I had a lot of practicing to do if I ever wanted something like that to actually hit and do significant damage to somebody.
I pressed forward and swung for the same spot but he deflected again and backed away, So I rolled again and made a tackled for his legs as he sidestepped. I knocked his left leg back making him kneel but his quickly elbowed the back of my head. I felt myself get dizzy but I threw out my hand to catch him before he hit again before I twisted and used my legs to take his right foot off balance, making him tumble. I couldn't climb up and hold him down so I threw my sword before I used my free hand to chop at his neck. He choked on air before he kicked back at my body and rolled away. So I scrambled up and snatched my weapon back as he pointed his while he rubbed his throat.
"How about you get the fuck out of my head. I got over everything, I killed innocent people, I didn't save as much as I wanted, and you came out. I get it now, I'm fucked up and my body's filled with the liquid essence of dead people. Shit happens, and my stupid hero plan got screwed up. Well I'll fix it now. I'll head to the Northern Caves with all of my friends and show Sephiroth and Jenova how this games supposed to end!"
"You can't get rid of ME!" He rushed and swung. I deflected as he wound up making me block the next hit.
"I'm here for good! As long as you hate how you came here, how you were forced to abandon everything. As long as you want to grow stronger and take more for yourself. I will stay!" I felt him push harder making me pull my sword back before he punched me and kicked me away. I gasped before I kept rolling, hearing a thud where my head was before I pushed myself back up.
"Damn it." I stared at him. I had no idea how to manage this. I understood that I needed to come to terms with everything but he just wouldn't get out of my head. I jumped back as he continued to swing at me. I felt him nick me as I tried to evade each slash. I saw him make an overarching attack before I swung at him. He dodged, twisted behind me as I over extended myself. I felt him breath once before I felt him stab through my shoulder. I felt the pain sink in before I decided to desperately make one more hit. I turned my sword and stabbed through my ribs into where I hoped had hit his heart.
"Fugh" I felt him spit on neck before I felt him fall back, taking his weapon out making me scream in pain before I fell forward on my hands and knees. Suddenly a swift kick to my side knocked me over I barely lifted my sword up to block the bastard force his whole weight down on me while he held his sword as close to my neck as he could. Felling my arms give I kicked a leg out, tripping him up just enough to roll him over and toss both out swords away.
One fist snuck through my arms and jabbed my eye before I started smashing his face in. One hit him in the nose when he lifted his arms up. He got another as I pulled one away and felt the satisfying feeling of his jaw rattling. It was a brawl now, rolling on the ground, trading blow for blow, we had lost any semblance of respectable fighting for some time. I finally stabilized the roll as I growled and slammed fist after fist in his face, baring my teeth as I yelled feeling the satisfaction of each smash. But that went away the moment he took his hand and jabbed it into my rib wound, I clenched up before he shoved me off, cradling his face as he curled on the ground. I wheezed as I tried sit up and hug my chest at the same time.
We stayed put as we caught our breath, both too weak to make an effort at each other with our wounds slowly healing while the phantom pains lingered. Looking over I could see my other now on his side throwing a look at me.
"...I never had a chance at coming out of this the same did I?" I turned to see him staring at me, somewhat perplexed. I didn't even know where that came from.
"I thought it would be easy being the hero. Yeah I was greedy at the start, still am really. I hate how everyone else handles this better than I do. Plus I want to be the best, but I would have my ass handed to me by a majority of hero's and villains around here if I was by myself." I sighed. I didn't want to fight anymore. Rest was the first thing on my mind, hell it had been on my mind since I went to the northern continent.
"It was hell you know." I looked back, he was staring at the sky now. "The trip here...you may not remember it but I do. The screen sucking me in, being shifted through some place my mind couldn't process. Every second was insanity and I can't remember how long I was in there."
"You mean we don't you? I mean you said you're separate now but your still in my head. Aren't we still the same person?" He nodded, the resentment absent and only a dull sense of awareness was left.
"You rejected all of your bad memories, I rejected you for being able to go through it all and experience all the good we got in our lap. I am the insanity I hid behind...i don't want to hide anymore" I nodded, I looked around to see the scenery gone. It was just the both of us in empty space now.
"...How about we work together on this. No one should be separated like this. Fighting you has only caused me grief and I suspect its the same for you. Out of all the crazy shit that happens I at least want myself to be the same." I held out my hand, he stared at it before doing the same to me.
"The minute we go back you'll remember every horrible feeling and it will stick with you no matter how long you try to forget. You've killed, you've lost, and don't forget getting here and meeting Jenova. You'll feel more broken than ever and you won't be able to fix it." His words rang deep inside, I almost pulled back at the mention of having all my bad memories put to the forefront of my mind. But I kept myself still.
"Better than being split like this at least." I forced a smile, he chuckled before he made the same one. He grasped my hand.
Then I knew how horrible I really felt.
Her room was picture perfect, somehow Cloud had the entire place committed enough to a memory that was so precious to him he was scared to show it to even her.
"It was my first time there." The child mumbled
"...was it?" He remembered his first visit? Even she was vague on how many times he was actually in he home, it wasn't something she brought up and he wasn't the kind to simply hang out at someone else home. Her most prevalent memories usually invoked the both of them outside and mainly on the water tower.
"I only used to look up at it from outside." She sated were he was and saw her younger self along with a few boys she remembered always being around. She could for the life of her remember their names, sad considering the incident years later, but they did seem to be a bunch she was with most of the time.
"Hey look Clouds coming, you think he wants in?" Just outside she saw him coming up to the house, yet her younger version was hugging her knees next to her bed.
"Was that the first day you came to my room? I've known you since we were kids and I always thought we were close..." But this was one of her memories, it didn't jump out at her like others but this did happen.
"But now that you mention it...I can't recall you ever being in my room." So what event was he talking about? When had he been here?
"Tifa used to always be with those three and I always thought they were stupid, being childish and laughing at every single stupid thing."s
"But we were kids back then." Just because this Cloud was a kid didn't make it so he could say that about the others. Kids do what they do because they were young and naive, that's how it was.
"I know...I was the stupid one. I wanted to play with everybody but no one let me into their group, so I thought I was different from those immature kids...then maybe..." She twitched when she saw the adult version of Cloud duplicate when his younger self stopped talking. One kept sitting as another walked up to her, the same sad look still in place.
"Just maybe, they would invite me in. I thought that might happen, so I hung around..."
"I was so prejudiced and...weak."
"That night I called Tifa out to the well, I thought she would never come, that she hated me." After the two Clouds traded sentences she nodded.
"It was so sudden. I was a bit surprised but..." but she went anyways, now them at the watr tower was one of her most treasured memories.
"Its true we weren't that close, but... after you left I really started thinking about you a lot. I used to wonder how Cloud was doing, did he get into SOLDIER? I even started reading newspaper articles hoping you would be in one." As a child she couldn't stop thinking about him, one meeting had changed everything she had thought of him. And from the small smile on the younger Clouds face he may have finally gotten what that meant.
"Thanks Tifa. Tell him what you told me later. He'll be so happy." She nodded, then looked around as a thought occurred to her. Each of these fragments seemed to take place on days that were very important to him. This one seemed completely normal.
"What happened today? Was it special."
"This was..." She looked at how the kids smile faded. The duplicate shook its head before his younger self could continue.
"Tifa's mother..." immediately she knew the date. She felt tears start to drop before she found her voice.
"The day mom died." The scene restarted as her younger self ran out the room crying. The scenery kept shifting as she kept running until it finally stopped in the Nibel mountains. Her younger self back to normal and still with those three boys. All of them much to far in to be safe.
"I wonder whats beyond those mountains?"
"Lotsa people died there, its scary."
"No one crosses that mountain alive."
"How about those who died. Did mama pass through the mountains?" Her younger self walked forward as the three boys followed, or as the three started to as one ran back to the village, then the other two stopping at the bridge before leaving as well. But what was curious was Clouds younger self running past each one until he and Tifa were on the bridge.
Another change blindsided her as each Cloud and her stared at their younger versions lying on the ground. What was odd though was that she couldn't quite remember where this part took place.
"I don't remember the path I walked..." SHe mumbbled, she couldn't even recal when this was, but one Cloud spoke up.
"Tifa missed her step, I ran to her ...but didn't make it in time." Another picked up
"We both fell, back then I only scraped my knees but-" He didn't finish as her father and another villager walked into the scene before running to pick up her body. Her father looked relived until he stood over Cloud.
"Why did you bring Tifa to a place like this! What the hell's the matter with you! what if she dies!" Both ran off, leaving the bruised child by himself where she could only assume was still in the mountains.
"Tifa was in a coma for seven days."
"We thought she wouldn't make it."
"If only we could have saved her." Each added on a part to the thought. Then all spoke.
"I was so angry at myself for my weakness. Ever since I thought Tifa blamed me. I got out of control, I picked fights without caring who they were." All stopped as two lowered their heads, one looked up instead as the scene shifted.
"That was when I'd heard about Sephiroth, if I got strong like Sephiroth then.." The world pieced back into the platforms she started at.
"If I could just get stronger then Tifa would have to notice me."
"So that's what happened." She barely remembered that coma now, let alone the fall that lead to it. Most of what she remembered was her father and many other towns people glad she had woken up at all.
"If only I remembered what happened sooner. I could have changed something."
"Its not your fault." She turned away, aggravated before she started to think about the scene before...
"But I remember back when we were eight! That's it now I know! You weren't created five years ago, my childhood wasn't made up hang in there Cloud you've almost found the real you." Sephiroth said Jenova took her memories to make Cloud, if that was the case then why did he remember something they did but she didn't. It was added details that didn't really matter but that meant he had his own memories she just needed to piece everything together and it would all finally click.
"We have to go to Nibelheim again!" Cloud started running first as she followed. The memory still there as they ran passed the entrance and kept on.
"Where are we going."
"The reactor! Five years ago." Both shifted as the scene of her being slashed played again. It was nearly the same except for the positon of Cloud being switched to a man with black spicky hair.
"ZAAZZZAzzzzzazaZAaacckckzZack..." He sputtered out, then Tifa spoke.
"Thats right! It was Zack who came to Nibelheim with Sephiroth...then where were you Cloud." The scene had Zack run into he Jenova room before being spit out and landing on a pod.
"I remember everything." A shadow figure entered afterwords, taking the buster sword and running into the chamber before impaling Sephiroth as he turned at the disturbance.
"w-who are you?" He coughed up blood, the sword inched in just a little more.
"Mom..Tifa..Nibelheim...give it back." He pulled the sword out, Sephiroth slumping from the lethal blow.
"I had so much respect for you! I admired you!" The silver haired general barely wheezed for he stopped breathing. The regular army MP shook as he removed his helmet to reveal Cloud.
"That's what happened." She couldn't tell if if the scenery was changing or if it was just her finally seeing how everything played out. It explained how he knew so much without seeming to be there five years ago.
"You were watching me." A memory of Zack asking him to take of his helmet played as Cloud spoke clearly for the first time.
"I...never made it as a member of SOLDIER. I left home telling everyone I'd join but...I was so embarrassed I didn't want to see anyone." The scene changed to the four of them walking to the town entrance as Cloud hastily put on his helmet after seeing Tifa at the entrance. The memory burst into flames as the village was on fire. But one MP sat up as he looked at his homes destruction. The inside of the reactor appeared as a Cloud now covered in blood ran downstairs to pick up Tifa.
"You really did come when I was in trouble." She felt tears well up again.
"Sorry I wasn't fast enough."
"Its alright..."
"Just like you." She was interrupted as Sephiroth wobbled down the stairs. Jenovas head dangling in one hand as he carried his masamune out the door."
"Cloud...kill Sephiroth." Zack begged, unable to move from what battle happened between the two. Cloud nodded before rushing out as Sephiroth was standing in the middle of the bridge.
"Sephiroth!" He yelled as he ran towards the first class, before being impaled as he flipped its grip and stabbed Cloud.
"Don't...push..your..luck." He breathed out each word as he lifted Clouds body with one arm. The wound that had semi healed from his previous impalement. Cloud dangled for just a moment before grabbing a hold of it and sliding it out, landing on his feet as he started to lift with all his might.
"This can't be!" Both struggled but with Cloud being impaled center mass he was able to contest the weakened Soldiers strength, slowly lifting him before throwing Sephiroth and Jenovas severed head into the open Mako pools below. The scene slowly shifted until Tifa saw herself in the middle platform again. Standing next to kid Cloud.
"This is goodbye Tifa...until we meet again." The child and the three versions slowly walked towards the center before each combining. The world shook each time an iteration combined until Clouds suffering visage in the sky started to shrink until he was lying still right in front of her."
"Cloud!" He groaned, twitching as if her yell woke him.
"Tifa..." He sat up, instead of the serious expression she had seen him constantly use on the journey his blue eyes shifted back and forth, nervous and unsure.
"Its really you isn't it."
"Yeah...we finally meet...again." He spoke awkwardly as he stood up. She farrowed her brow as he flinched again.
"You stupid jerk! You had us all worried sick!" He fell and she immediately regretted yelling. But soon she realized he was holding his hands over his ears as muffled voices started to speak in the background. She had forgotten they were in the Lifestream, the voices weren't like the ones at the beginning though. There were only a few pleading for something.
"Come on Cloud, lets go back...back to everyone." The world slowly sifted away as both floated o the light illuminating the world. The air in Tifa's lungs suddenly felt like heavy syrup before the light suddenly blinked and all she saw was darkness.
"Yo Tifa you alright?!" Immediately she threw up as she felt burning on her skin and nausea she had never wanted to experience again. Finishing up she put what little strength she had in her arms as she looked to her old friend.
"Barret...you came back...Where is Cloud?"
"Don't worry about him, he's a tough one." She would have laughed if it didn't make her gag.
"Barret...in the Lifestream I saw the real Cloud...i mean I didn't find him he found himself but-"
"I know...I shouldn't have doubted him." She lied down, the strength she had wasn't enough to keep her up.
"People have so many things pent up..and forget so many things...strange...huh."
"Tifa snap out of it! Tifa!"
"She's tired you idiot pipe the fuck down. We need to get them all to the infirmary on board the ship, this layin on broken wood shit ain't gunna help them heal. " Cid yelled as well before he grimaced and cleared his voice before lowering it. "I mean..after those two finally calm down."
Everyone looked over to see Yuffie smiling with tears while hugging tight to Nate, who looked like he was holding on for dear life to the ninja.
"Its okay." She mumbled, more for him than herself, because since he'd woken up thirty minutes ago, all he had done was cry and apologize.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry just...please I'm sorry." He kept babbling on as she stood up. Nanaki walking his opposite side in case he stumbled. Barret and Vincent carried Tifa on a makeshift gurney while Aeris, Cid, and Caith Sith brought along Cloud.
"Its going to be okay." She wasn't sure of her own words, but for now they would do.
XXX
I had a review yesterday. Over these past few years I've had many like it saying that there are apparently a lot of people who really like this fic. Now over these years I had serious blockage on what I wanted and couldn't get anything on here to be substantial for my tastes. Over these years I've changed alot, I've grown a bit more bitter, I've become a lot less energetic, mostly I've found that for a 23 year old I am very tired compared to everyone else. I've lost close friends and gain new closer ones. One in particular is an artist who is trying hard to make his way into the world without stepping on any toes along the way. Since I've known him I've encouraged him the best I can and now he has an artist corner spot at an anime convention in Colorado this February. The basic point here is that after reading this review in the middle of work I felt like a huge hypocrite for not even putting in the same amount of effort into this story than he does his original world.
So to make a long story longer. Thank you mystery reviewer for giving me that spark back so i could move past it all and focus on something that makes me happy to work on. See everyone next wednesday.