Gods it's been too long since I updated. This isn't long and, let's be honest, it won't be very happy but it'll get better. I promise!
Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater.
Chapter 6: Break My Heart
His wounds had healed considerably well. Kim was truly a trained physician when she wasn't worrying about her clothes or fussing with Jacqueline in one of the meeting rooms. His arm felt much better than it had before and walking was no longer a problem for him. Soul had the ability to run alongside some of the younger maidens, girls he could see only as young children rather than future queens. That did not mean they could not command and have things done as they wished. In fact, the younger princesses were likely the most interesting and powerful group amongst the others, telling people what to do and enveloping everyone they came across into their masterful plans.
"Soul, let me go right now."
"No can do, Maka," he said, hand lingering around her wrists. Squished together beneath an infirmary cot on the stone floor, he and Maka hid from the princesses in a game the others had come up with. No portals were allowed, and as they had been counting in the courtyard so the others could hide in the labyrinth, Soul had naturally come to the place he believed they wouldn't check. The girls had something against the infirmary, likely the antiseptic and smell of blanched white sheets forced them away, and it seemed ideal. Until, of course, he had heard their footsteps echoing down the tunnel and forced him to hide with Maka to prevent her from ratting him out.
"I won't tell them," she assured him, still trying in vain to convince Soul that she would be loyal and keep his hiding place secret.
"Can't risk it. If they find me, they will dare me to do something wretched, just you wait. I'll be forced to do their laundry until I'm fully recovered."
"That won't happen," she hissed. Maka's wrist jerked in his cage but he had no intention of letting her go. "Soul!"
"Hush, princess, you'll give away my spot."
"Why do you have to drag me into this? You know that I'm not playing. I've got too many abilities."
"Sure, that's what they say," his red eyes flashed playfully, "but do you truly have extra abilities?"
"Yes, because I can sense where they are when I want to," Maka huffed. "It's an ability I gained from Chrona before they passed away. If I was the seeker, it just would not be fair to the others."
"They did not gain this same gift?" Soul fished carefully.
"No. All of them have the ability to create portals and illusions, but none save Kim and myself were granted extra abilities."
"Why is that?"
"Kim comes from a long line of healers." She tried to get more comfortable, using her free arm to cushion her head and stare up at him. "And to prevent any more deaths or injuries, accidental or otherwise, Chrona thought we needed a physician."
"And Kim was the best choice?"
"She was, at the time. Now, I believe Tsubaki would make a skilled doctor, but she enjoys the peace of her life and I wouldn't want to disturb her."
"And you?"
She frowned. "What of me?"
"Your gifts; why were they given to you?"
"Do you not think me deserving of them?" she teased.
"Not at all. It is simply that you, who have been here the longest, would know how and why you received such gifts, don't you agree?" Recently, Maka had been more receptive to talking of her imprisonment, or her history with the labyrinth. After their first barrier had been demolished and she revealed a bit of her past, more flooded through. She no longer flinched at the mention of her capture and did not avoid him when he mentioned his knighthood or men in general. Maka was growing more open by the day, and their conversations were evolving like the strange sort of poetry he used to hear in taverns. They had conversations that seemed to flow on and on, continuing even in the silence, even between waiting for the girls to find them, between eyes that watched him with mossy intellect.
"I would agree." He released her and she curled up next to him beneath the bed. She seemed a bit uncomfortable with this question however, and he could only imagine why. Maka's gifts had been allocated to her because she had volunteered to do so, however one could never get magic without giving something in return. The deal Lady Jacqueline had mentioned had been made between her and the sorcerer's child, but he could not fathom what she would have had to give up to obtain such power.
"You never told me what kind of deal you made," he whispered to her.
"I don't intend to, so stop pushing me about it."
"Sometimes pushing you is the only way to get any answers."
"If you keep pushing me, then I seriously won't tell you."
"That's not very fair."
"Life is not fair, Soul. Even you know that."
"Yes, but-"
"Soul," she warned, green eyes fixed decidedly on him.
"Fine. I-" Her hand slapped against his mouth sharply. Soul's brows knitted and he made to pull away but suddenly he could hear their voices, high-pitched and excited. His muscles tensed as he heard them open the infirmary door, giggling in quiet whispers to one another as they entered. His back was towards the door, but he could see their feet pass by his cot and move on to the others in the room.
"Soul? Are you here?"
"He's not going to respond, stupid. Just keep looking for him."
He could hear them sifting through the blankets, as if assuming they'd find him peacefully sleeping. "Maybe he's not in this room."
"But Kim said she saw him run this way."
As the maidens neared his bed, their slippers nearing him, he shifted forward instinctively. A part of him was afraid that they would stick their hand beneath the cot to feel for him. He was surprised that they had not even looked. However, when he moved, so too did Maka. It seemed reflexive, for they both shifted into one another, her knees knocking against his beneath the cot. Her face was extremely close. Once more, he was struck by green eyes like summer trees and a scent more like flowers and candle wax than dust and molding drapery. The hand that had instinctively latched onto his shoulder tightened when he noted a maiden trying to stick her hand under the cot just behind Maka, feeling around for something.
"If everything okay, Meme?"
"I think I lost my clip," she said dreamily, still blindly searching beneath the bed. Despite the weakness of one arm, Soul managed to hook it over Maka's waist and pull her flush against his body. Catching sight of a fair, pink barrette, he flicked it over to the girl's eager hands. He watched as Meme pulled back her hand, her sleepy voice declaring her finding and having all of the girls clear out of the room. They stayed in place moment longer, eyes locked. He could feel the drawstrings of her dress tickle his fingers, her heat burning through his tunic while her cheeks coloured. The shadows hid parts of her face from view but her lips seemed closer than ever. If he just leaned down a bit, he'd be able to meet hers and taste that which he had been dreaming about the last few nights. It wouldn't be hard, he reasoned, and he noted that she seemed closer than ever before.
He had only to tilt his head down when she squeaked, "Sorry," her hand jolting away from his mouth and, unsure of where to put them, they rested on his shoulders, the curve of her elbow propping her up. "Um, Soul?"
"Yes, my Lady?"
"Your arm."
"It is feeling quite recovered," he tugged her closer, eager to know if she had felt the same irresistible pull he had moments ago. "Thank you for asking."
"Soul, this is not appropriate."
"Because we are under a cot?"
"Because you are a knight."
"Am I not protecting you from getting caught just as a knight should?"
She slapped at his chest. "I'm not playing, idiot. You're just protecting yourself."
"So you wouldn't have minded getting caught down here with me? Since you're not playing, of course." She flushed, stuttering out some incomprehensible excuse that made Soul chuckle. "Not to worry, my lady, they are gone."
"That's what you say. And if they returned?"
"Well, then I ought to find another hiding spot. Unless you'd like to remain under here with me until dinner?"
The suggestion coloured her face and she tightened the hand on his shoulder. But something had changed in her eyes, something colder in the way that she stiffened. He released her, rolling out from under the bed. Soul was careful not to put too much pressure on his newly healed injury, fearing that the wounds would reopen and cause him more harm. He got to his feet slowly, expecting Maka to appear on the other side. When she did not, he stumbled over and offered a hand to aid her.
"Maka?" he asked, confused at her lack of action. "Maka, are you feeling well?"
"Yes, just… just give me a moment please." She stayed hidden before rolling out from under the bed. His extended hand seemed to surprise her, but she still took it, a word of gratitude drifting into the air between them.
"That was very close. They almost caught us." He brushed some of the dirt off her sleeves, conscious of how far his hands went. Had their proximity bothered her that much? "We have been spared." When she didn't say anything, he frowned. "Maka?"
She didn't say anything after that and when she remained in her daze, her face flushed and her eyes fixed decidedly away from him, he moved to the door.
"I've got to find a new hiding spot. I'll see you at dinner."
Only he didn't. After he'd left the infirmary, only to be found ten minutes later in the courtyard, he'd sought her out but had been unable to find her. Or speak with her. She hadn't shown up at dinner, and for a brief moment, as he was drinking his soup, he wondered if she knew that he had tried to kiss her beneath the raised cot. It would explain her embarrassment and her lack of speech. Granted, he'd never kissed a woman that hadn't been courting his advances, so he could have been reading the fair maiden all wrong. If she had realized his intentions, did her avoidance mean that she was simply not interested in him? Was there another reason she balked from him?
A friend of his had once tried to go after a maiden who had turned him down instantly. She had avoided him much like Maka did. Soul tried not to allow the thought to worry him, but once it had been brought up, it stuck to the corners of his mind, creeping into every thought. It persisted long after dinner had finished, after the hall had been cleaned, after he resolved to retire to the infirmary to sleep once more.
"Soul?" his head jerked up to meet the gaze of the table, Tsubaki seeming most unnerved with his absent mind. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Just tired."
"You certainly do look tired, but somehow I don't think that that is all. There is more to your mood. What is the problem?"
"What else?"
"Maka again?"
"Only every single time."
"What's the matter today? Is it another fight?"
"What makes you think that there's another fight?"
She shrugged. "It's just a feeling that I had. Is it a right feeling?"
"Might as well be," Soul groaned, laying his head down on the lacquered tabletop. "I don't even know what I did."
"Are you sure you did anything at all? Maka is a busy person, after all. Perhaps, she just isn't free."
"It wasn't like that. Me and the other girls, we were playing hide-and-seek."
"Mhmm."
"And I sort of got Maka to hide with me for a bit."
"And that was a problem?"
"I don't think so. I mean, we were pretty close in our hiding spot," his face heated up and the memory of it, "and nothing seemed wrong. But once we got out, she was acting different. More distant."
"Like she had before your friendship?"
"No, this isn't outright ignoring me because she's annoyed. It is different this time. Something more is there. I just don't know what it is."
Tsubaki tightened the band around her hair. "Knight Soul?"
"Yes?"
"How are you feeling? Are you in any physical pain?"
"Better than before, that's for sure."
"Would you say you are well enough to venture back out into the land and escort Jacqueline back to her father?"
"I believe so," his good hand moved over to his forearm and rubbed the muscle there, "but I'd rather stay here a while longer to make sure."
"You underestimate yourself. I've spoken to Kim, and while your pain lingers, you are, by her standards, well enough to leave."
"But?"
Tsubaki sighed. "It's not really my place to say." Her hands rubbed each other in her lap. "I would not want to risk getting Maka upset with me but she has spent too much time being upset at the world for things out of her control. It must end." Her eyes pierced his. "It needs to end."
"I'll do what I can."
"I know you will. Maka can be difficult sometimes, but you've seen more of her than any of us, I think. That alone gives me faith."
"Tsubaki…"
"Every night, Maka takes a walk through the labyrinth. She wants to make sure all the girls are well, taken care of, alive. It's really sweet. That'll be your chance to talk to her."
"Alright."
"Maka told me once that we are more likely to speak the truth when we are tired, and that is why we have the propensity to confess our darkest secrets in the dark of night. Perhaps, if you wait up for her, she will tell you what you need to hear and maybe you can find out more."
"And you can't just tell me?"
"I only know so much. I think I know the reason, and if I'm right, all I ask is that you be gentle with her. And honest. Very, very, honest."
"Why-"
"You care about her. We can all see it."
"I-"
"And if you can find out her reasoning, perhaps there will be less tension between the pair of you."
"I really appreciate the help, princess."
"It is my pleasure."
When Maka's head peeked into the meeting hall, she wasn't expecting to see Knight Soul sitting there, his head buried in his arms as he lay face down on the table. The candle sitting in the middle of the table flickered weakly, the darkness creeping up to haunt the visage of the princesses on the wall. She walked over to him, her hand hesitantly brushing at his fringe, a soft, "Soul?" slipping from her lips.
He turned towards her hand and she watched as he opened his eyes to stare at her; a tired, piercing red unlike anything else she had ever seen.
"So you are awake."
"I was waiting for you. You never came to dinner."
"I wasn't hungry."
"Liar." She let him take her hand, his calloused fingers tracing the lines in her palm as she had done to him a few nights ago. "I'm getting better."
"I know."
"Will you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"Tell me the truth about you. About this place. You said it yourself, it's not like I'm going to remember anything once I leave with Jacqueline in about a week's time."
"I-"
"Please." He tugged her closer and held her hand to his heart. "Please, my lady. It is all I ask."
"You're sitting in my chair," she said softly.
"Tsubaki once told me that your seats reflect your status to the group. But I never truly understood her."
Maka sat next to him and gestured to the chairs around them with her free hand. "All these other chairs...they are simple and minimally decorated, yes?"
"Yes?"
"Every five years, you are to add something to the chair, to acknowledge that you have stayed so long. But my chair…" He looked at the ornate cushion, the embroidered cape, the colourful trinkets on the arms, paint swirling around the wood by her family crest, "I have long since run out of space to add things. I am...the first."
Her admission stunned him. "The first princess?"
"One of the first, yes. My father once led the witch hunt and I now pay the price of his foolishness."
"But the others," his mouth felt dry, "they've only been here for a few years!"
"That's part of our spell, remember? The youth reminds us of what we have lost; what we have all lost. And I watched the girls stare into mirrors and lose their minds over the curses. I'd seen them jump out tower windows and use the fine cords of their dresses to-" she choked on the words to come and he raised her hand to his mouth, kissing the back of her hand.
"If this is too painful, I-"
"No, you should know. I felt so guilty after Tsubaki mentioned that you were having a tough time with me. Your kindness should not be punished."
"Not that much." Soul's red cheeks betrayed him. "I was worried that I did something wrong before."
"Before?"
"Under the bed?"
"You were being an idiot," she said, "but all men are, so I can't blame you." He hazarded a smile. "Earlier, you asked about the trade off for my powers."
"I did, my lady."
"And this is my answer. In order to gain the powers, I had to exchange something important to me; I had to make a promise that would be impossible to break."
"And?"
"I promised that I would not leave until the curse was broken."
"What?"
"The curse must be broken on the other four families before I may leave. It is conditional and binding."
"Why would you commit to that?" Perhaps it was the hour or the dim light that stoked his honesty but he was angry. "So you gave up? Just like that?"
"I didn't have a choice. My father's kingdom had fallen to ruin after the trials, nobody was going to come for me. My tale was lost in the history books and replaced with more fantastical adventures and legends. No one was coming to save me, Soul, so I did what I had to do."
"You could have waited. You didn't have to give up."
"It was better than leave the girls without strength and without magic. Chrona was dying. Giving me whatever power they had left would guarantee the survival of the princesses and I took the chance. Nobody was coming for me, nobody knows where my tower is, but they still had a chance."
"I would have come for you," he vowed, looking into her eyes and finding tears in them.
"You hadn't even been born yet," she said weakly. "I spent months agonizing over what to do if someone found me. One man did, and took the gold without a second thought. One hundred years, and you're the first man who would have come to rescue me from my tower. Amazing isn't it?"
"It will happen. I will save you from the curse. I'll rescue every single maiden from their curses as long as it will save you."
"You will spend your life foolishly then," came Maka's stiff reply. "It would be better to live in blissful ignorance as husband to a future queen with Jacqueline."
"Husband?" The word felt strange in his mouth. "But I don't love Jacqueline."
"You could grow to."
"But I won't," he said firmly.
"You don't know that."
"I do."
"Soul, you are a knight to her father. You will be bound to their family for as long as you live."
"Perhaps it is you who has forgotten why I wanted to rescue Princess Jacqueline. I wanted freedom. Freedom is more precious to me than anything else. It's what you've desired too; to be free of this place."
"This is a sanctuary."
"Who are you trying to convince? This is a prison. You have suffered enough. You don't have to convince yourself of this, Maka."
"I'm not leaving. It doesn't matter how many girls you save, I'm a lost cause. And whatever," she hesitated a moment, eyeing their hands, "we have is going to have to stop."
"But-"
"You deserve to be with someone who you have a chance with. I can't give you any sort of life."
"Maka, this is what I want."
"After you leave, that's going to change." His heart burned at the words. He was being rejected without even confessing his feelings. "I want this to hurt as little as possible, for the both of us. The last few weeks... I fear I have been leading you on. It's better if we spend less time together."
"I don't want to spend whatever time I have left here away from you. Maka, I-"
"If I wanted to spend it away from you? Then what? Are you not still a knight, bound by your honour to respect my wishes?"
Soul pulled away, years of practiced obedience rising in his throat and forcing him to stand. "Is that what you wanted to say? You hid all day so you could tell me this?" She nodded mutely. His nails cut into the flesh of his palm with frustration. "If that is your wish, my lady, then it shall be done."
"It's for the best," she supplied, almost desperately as he stalked to the door. She seemed more intent on reassuring herself of that than him.
"Maybe you believe that, but I do not believe it to be for the best of any one person in this castle. Nobody benefits from this kind of cowardice. Goodnight, Princess."
"Soul…"
"I am a knight, Princess Maka," he reminded her with a bitterness that made her flinch. "Perhaps calling me so would be more appropriate."
Maka's stiff shoulders and rigid posture persisted. "Of course."
"Goodnight, Princess," he said once more before disappearing out of the door and trying his best to will the burning behind his eyes away.
A/N: I have mixed feelings about this chapter. Maka is generally very courageous and I realized (a little too late) that this decision of hers is both brave and cowardly. Hope it isn't too OOC.
Also, thanks for all the reviews you guys have been giving me. I really ought to responded to them personally but I've been a bit pressed for time. I'm mostly back on my feet now, so once school starts back up, I should be okay. I hope.
Thanks for reading this and I look forward to the 2 or so chapters I have left to post!