Ch 44

The scenery stopped changing a few hours ago. The view I stared at now was an expanse of fields with just a few mountains peaking over the horizon. It did little to help with the lack of sleep and exhaustion I felt. The nightmares crept in almost as soon as I started to doze. Phantom feelings of being stretched and torn and then being compressed through a marble sized hole would wake me from scenes filled with people being crushed under tons of metal or an eldritch thing laughing despite having no head as it consumed everything before it, myself included.

We'd been flying for three days and last night was the only time I had any uninterrupted sleep. Between being shoved into one of Cid's few private cabins, being checked by the ship doctor, and holding on for dear life to Yuffie as a surge of memories and emotions turned me into a babbling mess. Since then I'd sat on the bed and stared out the window while I would be brought food. One thing I was thankful for was the ability to each food that wasn't canned, hunted, or dried again. I even had pieces of candy left next to the plate which I knew weren't a part of the meal.

I sighed when I heard my door knock. I knew I needed to get back into everything again, for the sake of myself as well as the world. I had already compartmentalized as much as I could to numb myself. But the memories had rooted me. The pains would surface for a faction of a second when I would attempt to leave.

"...Nate are you awake?" Yuffie piped from the other side.

"Unfortunately." The snark was mostly automatic. She usually just left the food outside after one knock. She must have been worried sick.

The door opened almost instantly after the answer since I never bothered to lock the door. She walked right in and plopped herself on the bed next to where I sat. I hadn't looked away from my view but I could smell something delicious. I sighed again as I shifted and turned. Taking my meal and fully facing the anxious ninja. I didn't say anything as I ate while she sat patiently and waited till I finished before taking my plate and setting it aside while giving me some chocolate. I smirked and looked her in the eyes.

"Anything new happen?" She shook her head as i started to eat.

"After you were safe we made sure Cloud and Tifa were examined before we decided to head out. Shinra would eventually hear that Medeel was attacked and send aid. That Kunsel guy and Aeris talked for a while. We're just kind of waiting for all three of you to come out of all this. Tifa seems better but every time she try's to get Cloud out of his room she doesn't get an answer at all." She huffed at that. "Listen...I know bad things have happened, and it seems like its getting worse but we need each of you to snap out of it. You especially since you know everything that's going to happen."

"...Yuffie...why did you join this group?"

"Wha-why ask now?" I looked back down, the visions sped by for just a moment.

"I joined because I wanted to be a hero, and that sounds really noble and all but underneath it all I kinda wanted the glory and recognition more than anything. Save people kill the bad guy and instantly feel good about myself. Stand beside legends as one of them basking inn just the knowledge I did more than others... now I'm thinking it's a weird contradiction, be a hero for less than heroic reasons, how do you explain a selfishness in trying to help people, in trying to be the best good guy you can?" I shook my head.

"Sorry, rambling. I really wanted to hear your answer."

"To steal your gil and materia at a later time because you guys were dumb enough to let a ninja just join your group for no reason after attacking you." A snort escaped me at the sheer bluntness of the response.

"To be fair I knew that was going to happen and could have stopped that at anytime I wanted so I'm not dumb."

"Helping a ninja after said theft and then still letting her come with the group was also a bad idea you agreed with." I smiled, the back and forth helped me forget all the bad things around me. The small twitch of her smile told me she knew why she kept the argument going. I appreciated it, but I needed to know her answer.

"Why did you stay then, why continue on a mission that led us to this, or at least to something like all this." My motivations had consisted of saving as many people as I could, being with characters I loved, and maybe getting at home some point. Eventually all that petered out because by now I rarely thought of home besides the occasional home sickness, I had fucked up my first major chances at keeping people alive and in the end realized I killed people who didn't have to be dead. I had a lot of jumbled feelings and maybe Yuffie wasn't the best choice for motivations but she shared more with me than any girl I knew.

"Even before we went to Wutai I had thought about not robbing you all senseless. Everything you guys got into was crazy and it seemed like the best adventure ever. Sneaking onto a boat, fighting the greatest SOLDIER ever. So when we got to Wutai I thought I'd just take what I wanted and let you go on your way."

"Literally the morning after you stole our materia from us we were attacked by Shinra MP's and then we had to save you from a crime boss, much harder not having said stolen materia."

"BUT AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED..."She eye-balled me. "You guys helped me out anyways. You even helped me with fighting my dad. You had no reason to help too, I just stole what you had and you decided to help anyways. I stole from you all twice and you kept being nice. After Wutai it stopped being about helping my dad, about remembering how great Wutai was, it became helping out a group of people that saved my life, helping a guy who couldn't stop being nice...and at the end of all this all that matters is that if you feel like it was what you wanted. I want to help because I don't feel in debt. I want to help because everyone one of you is a friend...I mean you're special but still." I ignored the small amount of red on her cheeks and focused on what she said.

Maybe at the start I didn't exactly make my decisions for the right reasons, but in the end they were for the betterment of the group and turned out that way most of the time. I wasn't a strategist, I couldn't map some kind of path to victory for the game with the least amount of casualties. I was one extra person who didn't have every answer...but I wanted to help, still did actually and whether I fucked up again or not I needed to do what was right.

Which was making the choice of sitting around and moping about how bad I was at my job before, or just go be a hero.

"...We're still on course. Cloud just needs a pick me up before we head back to Junon. The second to last Huge materia is located there...could you grab my sword for me while I change?" She blinked before she nodded, heading to grab Fusion. I stretched before grabbing some spare clothes I had been given earlier along with my Genji gloves and materia. Their weight gave me a little comfort and the clean clothes were a lot better than the ones I had sat in for a few days.

"Here." I had Fusion almost shoved in my face before I snatched it out of Yuffie's hands and harnessed it to my waist. Having everything with me gave a sense of familiarity I had missed.

"You look good." I stared at Yuffie, immediately that brought back a lot of other baggage it forgot about. Namely that since we had been back I hadn't made any kind of move to show her I still really liked her. Even I knew making moves on someone when one of your mutual friends is catatonic and after revealing I was not from Gaia was not the best mood setter even in my nonexistent experience.

"Thank you." I leaned over and quickly went for a kiss. It felt a whole lot more awkward compared to Fort Condor, but it felt right to me. Thankfully after her surprise she returned it before I pulled away.

"Could you get everyone to the meeting room, I'm gonna see if I can't help Cloud out of his funk, out of everyone here me and Tifa are the only ones who know what he went through. She was there and I experienced it kinda second hand." I felt a little embarrassed but I could push that out of my mind better than my previous depression.

"You got it, don't take too long. Everyone's been antsy." Her smile made me feel better, she still liked me enough to accept whatever kind of relationship we were in, and hopefully it would be more clear cut after saving the world but for the moment it was enough for me.

Clouds room wasn't very far from mine, in fact the sad thing was I just needed to walk down the hallway. The private bunks Cid had that we were in had apparently been for the more important crewman or VIP's that wanted to fly in the Highwind. So right after being checked up on he just holed himself down the hallway from me.

"Cloud, I know you're in there and I know a whole lot of shit went down, I want to talk. Is that okay?" Naturally I just knocked and called out to him because with my new sense of purpose came urgency that I really could have done without. I did tell Yuffie we were on on course, what I didn't say was that we were on time. The fact I sulked for three days could have already led to the Junon materia being shipped out before we even had a chance to head over. Hell the reason why I didn't go for the Knights of the Round materia was for the simple fact that it was in an unmarked point on the map. We had a little time to grab the other materia but I couldn't just put my finger on the map and say hey its in this general area. So currently I just thought we'd nab it after Midgar when we would need it the most.

"Please go away." I almost didn't recognize his voice. Compared to before what I heard was a very meek. I opened the door anyways.

"Would have helped if you locked the door." Inside he was in almost the exact same position I had sat for the past few days. However the bags under his eyes suggested he had an even harder time to sleep than I did. I nodded to him before I found a desk chair and sat down. For moment he looked angry before deciding to ignore me. I was okay with that, he would eventually have to talk back to me.

"Did you know the entire time?"

"Wait what?" That was a little sudden for me.

"That I wasn't myself, that I was living a lie the entire time." I felt a shiver run down my spine. How could he have known.

"...Did someone tell you?" He shook his head.

"I remember being there when you told everyone. I remember how Tifa stood by me while you all went to save the world from my mistake...I remember everything." Oh...

"Okay so all cards on the table because I forgot that I never told you that I come from a world where you are all complete fiction, so yes I did know from the beginning that you weren't entirely yourself." He nodded, so far so good.

"That being said, I am not anything like Jenova. I am as close to human as you are, and since the beginning I have tried to help you guys as much as I can. So if you have questions I am willing to answer them." He had slipped his legs off his bed now as he stared at me.

"Could you have stopped Meteor from happening?" Okay so hard ball at the start.

"I tried, I knew that you were influenced by Jenova so I took the materia. What I didn't expect was Sephiroth to take control of one of the hooded people and use it to attack me. In the end he gave me a choice on giving it up or letting our friends die." That was a moment I didn't feel good about. I still wasn't good enough against Sephiroth. I still had a long way to go before I could help my friends at the hardest battle.

"Could you have made me recover before all this." Now his eyes narrowed.

"No." Was the immediate answer. "After you took Zack's memories the only way I knew how you could go back was at Medeel." He put his head down at that.

"No matter what it was going to end up this way. The giant monsters, Meteor, all of it."

"You had no way of being able to stop all of that, you never had any control."

"But if I was stronger..." That line I remembered from his memories. The poor guy blamed himself so much. He always thought he was too weak whenever it seemed like he failed somebody.

"Cloud I'm going to tell you that you could never have been able to fight off Sephiroth's control." He looked pissed after hearing that.

"Listen, after you guys tossed him into the reactor Hojo grabbed you guys and experimented on you. What you don't know is that making Sephiroth cells have stronger bonds than Jenova cells. The difference that made was that Sephiroth could exert a closer control to you guys than Jenova can to her own cells considering you guys were supposed to be clones. You're not weak Cloud, you just had a shit hand dealt." Slowly he looked down, depression kicking in again.

"Cloud...blaming yourself isn't going to cut it, nor saying sorry that you aren't good enough."

"Then what am I going to do? I'm still not strong enough to face Sephiroth and I-"

"By yourself." I interrupted. "You have a vendetta, I understand that. What I don't understand is what you thought everyone else in the group was going to do when you faced him. Because I can tell you not a single one of us was just going to sit back when it finally came down to it. We all chose to do this and we all have different motivations. You want to know what mine is now Cloud?" I paused, waiting till he nodded.

"I used to do this because it meant being a hero and receiving glory, self satisfaction, and an adventure I never would have been able to achieve back home. Now though? I want to make up for not trying my hardest to do good at the start, for falling down at the worst times, and to help you guys because you're my friends and I am always loyal to my friends, enough that if one idiot still wants to fight a madman trying to destroy the world I have to follow him by default." Slowly he seemed to come out of his funk before he sighed and started to rub his arm.

"...Maybe you're right...I'm sorry if I'm being difficult...will any of the others blame me?"

"None of them will. We're here to support you man." He chuckled at that.

"Yes, someone from an entirely different world is here to support me. I want to say you're lying but how would you know about the difference between Sephiroth cells and Jenova cells...its so eerie."

"If it makes it easier just imagine it like I'm a summons that got pulled in but never got put back. After all those guys live on a completely different plane of existence and everyone seems to accept that."

"That's different Nate"

"How is it-" I was interrupted by by a knock at the door. Cloud slowly picked himself up before opeing it to Tifa. Both looked away from each other almost immediately.

"...Hey."

"...Hey..."

"Well you guys can talk I need to head to the meeting room. You two catch up but bee down soon okay? We got a lot to plan for." I left before it got to awkward for me and them.

It didn't take long getting to the meeting room which was already filled with everyone. Nanaki and Cait were against one wall while Barret, Cid, Aeris, and Yuffie were siting down. Vincent was backed against a corner and Surprisingly Kunsel was their too.

"Ah good everyone's here. Guys Cloud and Tifa are just having a chat right now but they will be here shortly. Until then I'll give everyone the rundown on whats going on." I stood at the head of the table before deciding to pull up a chair.

"Now the next pieces of Huge materia are both going to be in Junon. One is going to be delivered by submarine and another is being taken by plane. Now my facts aren't perfect so going for the submarine is our best shot because I know we can catch it."

"Is it one the submarine or can we catch it before that?" Barret asked. I shook my head.

"From what I understand it will be loaded before we can catch it. I think that's considering security which I have no idea about."

"It should be pretty light actually." Surprisingly Kunsel spoke up.

"The Sister Ray has been moved to Midgar so a good chunk of personal were taken with both for reconstruction and defense."

"Defense against what?"

"A WEAPON." It was Cait who answered. "Sometime after Medeel Shinra started to notice WEAPONS are attacking high Mako area's. Since then they believe that a WEAPON is going to strike Midgar sometime in the future." Diamond WEAPON came to mind when he mentioned it. It seemed to make sense.

"Alright so we have light security but is it easy to navigate?" I pressed on. That info was useful for later, not now.

"Well it's been years since the submarines have been used. Besides helping to find resources its connected to the underwater Mako reactor so I doubt its changed."

"Seems like a dumb place to put one if you ask me." Barret added. Kunsel just shook his head.

"Its separate from the Junon power grid. It was built so if anything happened to the one above, then the one below would be powered up so the base wouldn't be defenseless. That said it probably has a lot of places you need access codes for." Hearing that I turned to the stuffed cat.

"Cait, can you get us some of these codes, at least ones that will get us to the submarines?"

"I can try, give me some time and I'll see what I can pull up." I nodded.

"Second most important bit. If the submarine escapes we need to chase it. Now there is a second submarine we can hijack, but before we think about that. Cid can you drive a submarine?" It sounded like a dumb question for an Airship pilot but I needed to cover all my bases.

"I was tested when the first started started on my rocket. Said being an air pilot helped and that underwater was closer to how I would operate in space." Wow that was...thorough. I mean it seemed like Cid had an idea how to use the machine in the game I just thought that was game logic though."

"I have a question." Kunsel spoke up. I nodded so he could proceed.

"How do you know all this about the underwater base? Or the submarines or even be sure the materia you're after will be there?" His answer was met with silence, well silence and a snicker from Yuffie. Once again I knew that telling Kunsel would only complicate maters for the moment,

"I just know these things, why do you think they have an order out for my capture slash death? Anyways. It looks like we have a decent plan when we get there. We just need a way to sneak-" The door opened than to Cloud and Tifa both walking in. Tifa stood at the opposite corner from Vincent as Cloud walked up to the head of the table.

"Not to interupt but can I say something to everyone Nate?" I smiled.

"Floor is open to the leader." I scooted off to the side as he stood at the head and took a breath.

"Everyone." He spoke very loud and clear. Everyone straightened before Cloud slouched and sighed.

"I'm sorry I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything Cloud. All you've done since you've woke up is apologies." Nanaki said. Cloud nodded before he took another shuddering breath.

"I was never in SOLDIER, I made up stories five years ago about what happened. I left home looking for glory but I never made it in. I was so ashamed of being weak; then I heard a story from my friend Zack. So I made up an illusion of my self from his stories in SOLDIER and what I had seen in my life."

"Illusion huh? Damn strong illusion, I'd say." Barret commented. I didn't add anymore of what I knew. Just telling everybody about a friends identity crisis wasn't cool.

"I'm physically built like a SOLDIER. Hojo's plan for Sephiroth clones wasn't that difficult. After all it was the same procedure they use for SOLDIERS."

"But that's just Mako exposure and hormone injections." Kunsel piped up. Everyone looked at him before he sputtered and continued.

"Sure there are a few bone enhancements, muscle strengtheners. Its all injections while submerged in Mako to ease the process." Cloud shook his head, before looking at me.

"Is he with you?"

"He helped me out in Medeel and helped evacuate the village before it was destroyed." Cloud nodded before continuing.

"We aren't just exposed to Mako, we have Jenova cells injected into us. That is Hojo's pet project that is currently causing problems with the world along with Sephiroth." Kunsel looked sick at that...or as sick as a person can look under a helmet.

"Needless to say only the strong can enter SOLDIER. But weak people like me...get caught up in everything. Jenova cells, Sephiroth's will...and my own weakness created me." He looked up at the ceiling, staring at something before he shook his head again.

"I'm Cloud, the master of my own fake world...but I can't live like that anymore. I'm going to live my life without pretending."

"Don't make much of a difference than before." Grumbled Barret.

"Being true to yourself is whats going to make you strong again Cloud. Don't let Barret belittle it." Aeris added.

"Does that mean you're going to leave the ship?" Cait asked.

"I'm the reason Meteor is going to destroy the planet. So I'm doing everything in my power to fight it." Cloud stood taller at that. I felt motivation hit me as I stood up with him.

"Then you're gonna need help along the way. Like I told you, i'm going to help out even if you're an idiot going against a madman."

"Me too. We've gotten too far to just split up now." Tifa walked up.

"I told you once there ain't no getting of this train we on. So you'll have to keep up with me to save the planet." Barret added, pumping his non-mechanical arm.

"You'll need loyal allies if you want to make this work." Nanaki added.

"Like a fortune telling cat." Cat jumped up

"Or the greatest ninja in Wutai." Yuffie cheered happily.

"Its seems like everyone's volunteering their help. I'm sure I can do more for you guys." Aeris smiled.

"...I still haven't done enough to atone for my sins. Helping you is what is right, so perhaps I will feel less burdened." Vincent hardly moved from his corner besides a nod. Everyone else stared at Cid who was still sitting down before he looked around.

"I already told you numb skulls that I'm going along with your crazy plan. But fine yeah I'm still helping." Cid stood up to before he took a puff of his cigarette.

"Yep so there, I'm standing. You happy? Now we're all just a bunch of idiots standing around." Everyone smiled before sitting down again. Our moment had passed before Cloud looked at me.

"So whats the plan?" I smiled.

"We're going to steal a submarine..."

So yes short chapter and very close to my own deadline which are the two things i want to talk about. I want to get all the talky parts out of the way so we can finally get back to the action i love in this game. So just to add i have had one idea that i can't wait to implement and i hope it turns out as epic as i hope.

two words. Kajuu battle

second I want everyone to know my update schedule will be every 2 weeks. Now that is a hard cap. so no matter what a chapter will be out every two weeks and the next chapter timeline will be dictated by the day the previous one came out. I'm only doing this because I only realized a few days ago I don't have the time i used to when i started writing this in high school, I'm a working man now so I need to maximize the time i have off to make sure i give you guys what i hope is good quality.

until then I want to mention 2 more things. one is to my writers unblocker reviewer and i guess to everyone else which is that spoiler free, the sequel will not follow the story of advent children or dirge of Cerberus. It will be a new line I created that has some elements from both but it will be its own entity in terms of story line. If you're disappointed i just want to mention one thing

Nate being one more guy in a terrorists group doesn't change much because yes one more guy doesn't change how they are hunted. But being known as the guy that fucked up your plan before can change a lot.

next is my new story followers and reviewers. First of all thank you for trudging through those abyssal first chapters to get to this point, that being said when this story is done i will do clean up so when people want to run back to this it will be better looking.

see you next time guys love the reviews and the dedication to something I am surprised has had as many people read it as it has.