Chapter Twelve: Eustace Part 2.
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~ Cambridge England ~
[A continuation of the previous chapter, in which Eustace Clarence Scrubb wrote five diary entries.]
~|0\/o\/o\/o\/o\/0|~
In picking up where we left off, Eustace walked out of the guest bedroom that was to be Lucy's for the duration of her stay, and stomped back to his own, to sulk. To sulk over the blow to his pride and the blow to his beliefs. Who was Peter Pevensie anyway, to talk to him as he had? The blonde haired boy was too ashamed to think about it for much longer, and soon went about getting ready to retire for the night. He went downstairs and bid goodnight to Alberta and Harold, before returning to his room and dressing for bed. he turned on his side, away from the lamp's annoyingly warm glow, reminding him of the feeling he'd felt when Peter had started talking of his and his brother's and sister's fairyland.
Lying there, in bed, trying to sleep, one often finds that as hard as one tries to forget and go to bed, that one can't. So Eustace waited for Edmund, knowing the older boy would have to come in some time to sleep, he couldn't stay up with his siblings all night, they all had to sleep too. Soon, Eustace heard footsteps outside his door, and sure enough, it was Edmund.
The tall dark haired boy kicked off his shoes, and collapsed tiredly on the bed next to his cousin's. Rolling over on his back, he stared up at the ceiling. He looked upwards for several minutes before sighing and whispering softly to the quiet room;
"Totdeauna și în eternitate."
Eustace watched Edmund silently, wondering what the strange words meant. It sounded haunting and tragic. Something that Eustace hadn't ever really though about before. Tragedy. It was an interesting word, the twelve year old surmised. And it sounded melancholy. The idea that a word to describe sorrow sounded so sad was fitting. With his thoughts on sorrow and meanings of words, Eustace eventually drifted off, finally to the sleep he had wanted an hour ago.
Edmund stayed awake long after, even though he didn't know the other boy had been up. Edmund thought over everything that had happened in his life, musing over things that had happened and wondering what might've gone on had he behaved differently. He stood back up to take off his tie, wondering how much longer Aslan would make them wait to go back.
~o0o~
The next day was rather quiet, as Alberta and Harold were letting the Pevensies settle in to life in the Scrubb household. Eustace tried to listen in on any conversations the Pevensies had, hoping the discussion of Narnia might continue, if only to ridicule it and prove it all a complete and utter lie, so he could put his doubts to rest.
Once, he got his chance. Peter stared at him with a weird look, not as if he was patronizing him, nor as if he was angry, Eustace couldn't place the nineteen year old's gaze. Edmund scowled and told the boy that if that was the way he felt about it, then he should get out. And Lucy seemed close to tears, a disheartened look on her normally cheerful face.
"Eustace, I really think, that, considering the deteriorated condition of my sister's emotions, and the more than obvious affections of my brother toward you, that it be best for you to vacate the premise of this room. We can discuss your actions later." Peter spoke up calmly, waving in the direction of the bedroom door as he and Edmund turned to console Lucy.
"But it's my house and-"
"Eustace, I will not discuss the matter further in here, go!" Peter's voice took on a more forceful tone as he interrupted and pointed toward the door.
"I don't know who you think you are, but don't think this is over!" Eustace managed to reply as he made a narrow escape out the door, closing it behind him sharply.
"What were you doing just then, playing High King once more?" Lucy jested through her tears. She quickly brushed them away as she spoke and tried to regain her composure.
"Yes, and I do believe it worked." Peter replied dryly, a small smile on his face. Edmund growled some smart remark under his breath as he paced behind them, angry with Eustace and angry at their parents for making them stay here.
"What was that Ed?" Peter queried, turning his head to look at his brother.
"Nothing, I just wish I had a good broadsword so I might act the part of Just King to that vagabond!" Edmund replied, his tone clearly implying that he was fearfully angered.
"Calm down, you lose your temper so quickly in this world, it's aggravating. Perhaps Eustace will come around, give him some time to get used to us. You're not exactly pleasant either right now." Peter reminded the outraged boy.
Edmund nodded in acknowledgement, before coming to sit down on the bed on Lucy's right side, and Peter moved up to sit on her left. Things would get better before he left, they had to, Peter thought as he reassured Edmund and Lucy.
~o0o~
Later that day, for he could find nothing better to do, as Lucy was writing letters to their parents, and a few of her friends, and Peter was studying, Edmund once again found himself in Eustace's company. He sat on his bed and looked down at the leather journal in his hands. He was so tired of just staring at them, but he didn't know what else to do with the books, no thoughts came to mind, even when he stared at them for hours on end.
Eustace was busy reading some book about foreign countries and such, which Edmund found disturbing, seeing the younger boy acting as if he was a miniature adult, it reminded him of what he'd said when he was younger, about children and them never knowing when to stop pretending. He shuddered at the idea of Lucy, or any of his siblings for that matter, acting like Eustace. Suddenly, as if the boy knew he was being stared at, he put a marker in the book and laid it on his nightstand. Sitting up from the reclining position he had moments before been in, he looked at Edmund.
"What do you want to do with yourself?" His cousin asked rather bluntly.
"Do with myself?" Edmund echoed, staring at Eustace doubtfully, wondering what the boy meant.
"Yes, what do you want to be, well, what I should say is, what occupation do you want to have when you become an adult?" Eustace clarified calmly, raising his blonde eyebrows and staring at Edmund expectantly.
"Well, I suppose I'd rather like to be a lawyer. I've always loved the law and things to do with that type of work, but it's rather deep for you to understand." Edmund admitted, knowing Eustace wouldn't want to hear of Narnia, his time there as her ruler, and how he became interested in the law.
"A lawyer? You don't study very hard. If you really wanted to be a lawyer, you'd study harder." Eustace dismissed Edmund's future occupation with another raising of his eyebrows and a waving of his hand.
"Oh really? And you know about my studying habits how?" Edmund queried, his temper rising.
"I know you, and therefore, much about you. Dr. Clayborn Munsen talks all about this sort of logic and know-how in his book, "Reading Man". It is very informative on how to view the world and people around you, I might lend it to you if you'd like."Eustace replied in a superior way.
"I don't have time to read some quack's idealistic world views. And you shouldn't either! You're a kid for heaven's sake, you should be outside, playing in the fresh air, reading stories of fiction and daydreaming about what next to do in your childish world, not about machines, and children in foreign countries doing exercises and all that other rot! Haven't your parents ever taught you how to simply have fun, and be good at it?" Edmund asked, nearly shouted, in anger, mixed with concern for this kid who didn't seem to know how to do anything but argue adult themed discussions.
"Well, you go off and play in your made up world along with all your siblings, just don't drag me into it, I want no part of your insanity, I'll be normal thank-you-very-much!" Eustace retorted. Edmund had been walking toward the door when Eustace said that, but now he turned back around, his eyes holding a fire in them that was unsettling.
"I can't just go back whenever I want, you little brat, and neither can Peter, he can never go back, and now Lucy and I are stuck here in this godforsaken house with you and your oddball parents until Aslan calls us! Do you know how bloody long that seems to me? I have to wait who-knows-how-long before going back, I did that the last time and Serene was gone, Phillip was gone everything - everyone - I knew and cared for was just bloody gone. All lost, so. Very. Bloody. Lost." Edmund's voice rose as he raged, and then descended to a whisper as he finished.
Eustace had leaned back in shock when Edmund exploded, and stared at the older boy as if he'd gone insane, for it very well looked almost as if he had. Eustace didn't manage to catch half of what Edmund was shouting about, and was busily trying to piece everything together that he had heard, when Peter came in quickly.
"Ed, Ed, get ahold of yourself!" Peter said, shaking his brother sharply to bring him out of his stupor. Edmund stopped muttering when Peter shook him and looked up at his brother in surprise and dismay.
"Do you honestly think shouting at him will help matters any? Where's that boy I knew who was wiser than any man before or after him? Use that wisdom of yours and calm down!" Peter's voice wasn't loud, but it was firm and soothing.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why I just lost it like that Peter. Sorry Eustace." Edmund genuinely apologized to his brother, but his expression begged to differ when his gaze swept across Eustace sitting on his bed.
"You should be. Watch yourself in the future, cousin." Eustace replied haughtily, he was by no means cowed by Edmund's anger and frustration at him, in fact, it seemed to Peter that he enjoyed being able to make the older boy angry and loose his calm.
"Come on, Go find something else to do, I want to talk to our cousin." Peter said, turning Edmund to face the door. Edmund nodded, wanting nothing better than to leave.
"Now, what is it about you that angers my brother so?" Peter demanded of Eustace firmly. Sandy-blonde stared at blonde, blue eyes stared into hazel. Peter's gaze won out though, and Eustace lowered his eyes to look at the sheets.
"I don't know, he has the problems, I'm fine. As far as I'm concerned, all of you are bonkers. Alberta, Harold and I are the only sane ones."
"And how is that?" Peter queried, crossing his arms and staring at Eustace with a benevolent expression, causing Eustace to scowl before responding.
"A magical land? In a wardrobe? Really, just how logical does that sound to you? And besides that, all you believe is magic and true love and tons of other rot. None of it's real, yet none of you seem to know that. One day reality will knock you awake and then you'll be wishing you were more like me."
"Perhaps Eustace, but then, perhaps not. I don't think you fully understand what Edmund, Lucy and I share. I don't know if you ever will. You spend all your time trying to be right and superior to everyone else, that you miss the wonderful moments of just being a kid. If you keep at it, you'll miss God too. And that is something I loath to ever happen to you."
"Well, of all the know-it-all, sage things to say! You might be able to boss those two around, and get them to believe in your silly God, but do not think I shall be suckered into it, what I told Edmund, I'll tell you, do not drag me into your game, I won't have it cousin." Eustace replied firmly, picking his book back up and opening it, trying to end the discussion.
"Very well Eustace, but I won't give up on you, and neither will He, until every last hope as been extinguished. Therefore, I have hope for you, because there was hope for me." Peter said, his determination clearly defined by his words.
"Cousin, you have an incredibly deluded belief in God. I truly pity you. You talk as if there is some Greater Being, or, if there is one, as if He cares. Well, here's a revelation for you; He doesn't, if he did, than neither of us would be here. You staying in a house that doesn't abide your silly, fantastical beliefs, and me with mentally damaged people who call themselves my relatives!"
"Perhaps God put us both here in this situation for a reason, and I must find it Eustace, did you ever think of that? God's thoughts are not our thoughts, so we must have patience in the "Grand Scheme of Things" as you philosophical people like to call time. And I wonder, in doing things we don't fully comprehend, does He not test our faith in Him?" With that parting thought, Peter walked out, leaving Eustace staring after him but momentarily, before returning to the pages of his book.
~o0o~
Narnia, nor anything so profound as Eustace's discussion with Peter was mentioned in several days, until one day, when they were walking back from church, as Alberta and Harold believed that exorcise was one of the five "Most Valuable Things In Life".
A dapper gentleman walked past them in the opposite direction, but, in his passing, he doffed his hat and said to Alberta and Harold; "Cécile sends her greetings." With that small remark, he quickly moved on, but Edmund glanced at Peter with a grin, before both young men chorused;
"Urresta sends her greetings, my Kings!"
The chuckled and shared fond looks, while Lucy begged to be let in on the secret. Peter and Edmund told her about their race on Yuletide's Eve, and how on the way back to The Cair they had come across Restvar the satyr on his way home, and he had called that out to them.
Eustace rolled his eyes in annoyance as their discussion turned down paths of vague Narnian stories, but never giving anything away, it simply sounded like they were talking of friends, or, if one listened closer, a good book they all loved. But because Eustace knew what they were talking about, he rolled his eyes, feeling humiliated when a woman looked at them because Edmund was carrying on as if they weren't in public.
Eustace, for the first time he could remember, lagged behind, hoping to be unassociated with his cousins. The boy sighed in relief when they finally walked up their front path. Another thirty minutes listening to these three and he would surely have passed out from mortification where he stood.
~o0o~
When they had all become situated in the living room, Alberta drinking some coffee and Harold reading the Sunday paper, Eustace finally thought they would get a break from the Pevensies. But in walked Peter, his siblings following. The nineteen year old sat down and looked at the wood floor, Alberta didn't believe in carpets, "too dusty" she claimed, before smiling and looking over at his uncle.
"And what, if I might ask, did you think of today's sermon? Does your pastor always talk about love and pity and then evil Germans that need to be destroyed?" Peter asked, his expression curious.
"Hmm, I suppose so." Harold tried to skirt around the question, not overly eager to get into yet another discussion with Peter over religion.
"He's wrong you know. I'm not saying I know more than he does, but he can't go talking about loving our fellow man and having pity for all those poor Jews who are being massacred and then treat the Germans as if their the Devil incarnate, and "must be stopped at all costs". What they're doing is wrong, surely, but we cannot exclude them from God and his mercy."
"Peter, don't you have anything better to do? How about you go do something else, don't you have a young lady friend like most boys your age? I don't care if you're on the phone for hours, just, please, stop all this." Harold tried to push Peter away, unknowingly touching on a subject that was painful for the young man.
"No, there's no one like that in my life, anymore. You see, she died." Peter smiled, but it was clearly a difficult thing for him to say. Alberta looked up from her magazine, shocked.
"Oh Peter, why hadn't you told us? I'm truly sorry for the loss." Alberta said.
Lucy wanted, at that moment, to jump up and go comfort her brother, knowing that what he'd said was true, nearly, but Amalia had been much more to him than a friend. But Peter had to battle this alone this time, and she couldn't help, as much as she wanted to.
"I'm sorry as well Peter, I suppose none of us knew," And, because Harold truly was a caring man, he felt he might just indulge Peter in his arguments for a little while. "Now, what were you saying about the sermon?"
Eustace scowled at the fact that his father and mother were playing along with the older boy. Why in heaven's name didn't they just put him in his place? All this silly nonsense about God and revelations and saving lives, it was insulting to his ears. Eustace sulked while Peter talked about his experiences with God, and how he came to own his Bible. Alberta and Harold listened, but only partly, merely thinking to indulge him.
But they had opened a door far larger than they had imagined. Peter was always enthusiastic about his subject, and had always been an excellent storyteller, in this world, he was no different. Lucy, watching her oldest brother become more animated and alive than she had seen him in years, knew that this was truly Aslan's gift to him, and that this was what Aslan had wanted Peter to find.
~o0o~
Eustace walked downstairs for breakfast, and heard Peter going on about something spiritual from the kitchen, he groaned, not again! This was getting old.
"It's not sitting in a pew, but actually spending time with him, that God wants. Why do we, as humans, want interpersonal relationships? Because God created us to have a relationship with him in mind, so, no matter how hard we try to fill that gap with everything this world has to offer, we can't."
"And that's all, nothing more?" Alberta asked, genuinely interested now.
"Well, no, you have to give up many things that you used to love, drinking or money or material wealth, whatever you love before God."
"So, you're saying that if I loved going to parties with friends, and other such things, I would have to give that up completely?" Alberta's voice carried a hint of displeasure at the idea of giving everything up.
"No, you can still do those things, but, God will be first, only do those things after God, nothing seemingly big will change, but after a time, you'll look back on your life and you'll realize that so much has changed. You'll crave for material things less, and a relationship with God more."
"Well, I suppose that makes sense." Alberta replied slowly.
"I know, it's confusing, but after a while, you slowly begin to understand, I still don't about many things though. But, I am only human, and well, I'll learn." Eustace could hear the smile in his voice as they younger boy peeked around the entryway into the kitchen.
"Oh, hello Eustace, I was just talking with your mother, would, would you like to join in on the conversation?" Peter asked, when he noticed the other boy. His tone slightly hesitant, knowing how many times Eustace had mocked and ridiculed his beliefs.
"I'm sure he would, he's really bright you know. Such a smart boy." Alberta broke in, praising her son.
"I might, though really I was quite hungry, when will breakfast be ready?" Eustace partially ignored Peter and turned to his mother instead.
"Oh, yes, breakfast, so sorry Peter, but I really must get back to cooking. A healthy, balanced meal requires detailed attention you know." So Eustace stopped all religious talk, at least for a little while.
~o0o~
Peter was in the study when Eustace walked in, sitting by a window. Eustace was going to just pretend he didn't know Peter was there, until he realized the older boy was talking. Eustace, thinking he might finally have something he could use to find fault with Peter on, darted behind a heavy drape covering some books that Harold didn't want bleached by the sun. He listened, wondering who Peter was talking to. What he did hear was not what he was expecting at all.
Forget me not, as roses die,
And blooms don't last through spring.
The painfulness in hearts abound,
But still eternal love can bring
A summer's kiss,
A parting wish, that through the snow,
You will remember, ah, how I loved you so.
Autumn leaves fall in a gentle breeze,
And meet the ground to sleep
Under a cool bed of ice, the winter she shall keep.
Remember me when roses die,
And spring blooms do fade to dust.
I give you my heart, to always, keep in everlasting trust.
The years do pass,
T'will not forget the spring rain,
The summer shadows,
And autumn's pain
Nor winter's kiss of graceful death,
Will never mar the grave's agonizing request.
My love is eternal, it will never cease to burn,
You are my only love,
And truly will remain so, until the world forgets to turn.
"Poetry? I did not expect cousin to know anything of the sort, he seems too rough to comprehend any such thing." Eustace thought as he listened to Peter quote the lines under his breath. It was strange to think that Peter, of all people, would be quoting poetry. He just didn't look the type. Eustace fidgeted wondering just how long Peter would sit there, staring out the window.
Eventually though, Peter did leave, and Eustace came out of hiding. This was not the first time he would hear Peter quoting poetry. Eustace forgot the book he had been going to read and instead left the study, deciding to ask his father about poetry and what sort of people wrote it and why was it so important?
A/N:
Well, I know this is short, and personally, not my best. But it will have to do, I just can't bear to write Eustace much longer, and believe it or not, his still has two or more chapters!
For now though, I'm going to take a break and go back to Narnia for a chapter or two, to boost my spirits and my writing muse a bit. I love writing Eustace, but it gets exhausting at times! I promise I will write up Peter's chapter shortly!
Did you know we only have three more chapters to go before this fic has more chapters than Star~Crossed? I can't believe how long this one is going! (it's cool, isn't it?)
A big round of applause to Bekah, who helped edit/beta (?) a small part of this chapter for me, she helped with that, but sadly, my writer's block is a stubborn thing!
Now, moving on; What Edmund whispers is basically, roughly translated from Romanian as "Always and forever" in English, "Forever and into Eternity". His and Serene's line.
I like the idea of Edmund being slightly concerned for Eustace, even though they don't get along, deep down, Edmund does care for his cousin, and doesn't want him to miss out on all the good things in life.
I like the idea of Peter recovering, but sometimes his walls come down, and Eustace gets to see Peter's real self. The one experiencing all this emotional pain and loss.
I don't know what else to really talk about, except the poetry is all mine. I wrote it many years ago, so please, if it's not too cool or good, blame it on that! I did not edit anything in it either!
The little bit there where Edmund and Peter refer to Narnia happened in my one-shot, Christmas At The Cair.
ILoveFanfiction:
Thanks for review 7s7l! I fixed the problem. That was actually an honest mistake! It's what happens when I go around copying/pasting/deleting without doing anything but a quick hit-and-miss editorial. Many thanks for pointing it out.
Now, about your questions and/or reviews to previous chapters:
I edited all those heinous errors! (I think) So sorry for those, that was absolutely pathetic that I missed those. I thought you might like that line! I'm glad you like the fact that Lucy's room was on the east, it was something that occurred to me might be possible. I mean, pretty much every time they go to Narnia, their surroundings in our world coincide with something in Narnia.
Wardrobe made from Narnian wood, lamppost made from human metal. Underground train station, cave on The Cair's shores. (Once you think about it, why wouldn't her room be on the east side?) East side of house/picture of ship and ocean, they end up in that ocean with that ship which is heading east.
I'm glad you liked all those other tidbits and things, I like to think writers have to include little metaphors and allegories and what-not.
Well, please tell me what you think!
Again, if there is anything I missed, {explanations, punctuations, grammar, misspellings, plot-that-doesn't-make-sense, something that I failed to clarify on, etc...} Please tell me so I can fix/tell you about it in a PM/Author's Note.
Happy reading, ~ W.H.