Samantha's POV
"Hey, don't do me any favors. Look, if you don't want my help, fine. Don't let the door smack your ass on the way out. But John wouldn't have sent you if..." Ellen snips back to Dean's comment about why we even needed her help. She pauses and her eyes slowly mimic a look of realization.
"He didn't send you." She says slowly and Dean looks down, hiding his emotions before looking over t the slightly uncomfortable Sam. Still not one word to me, by the way.
"He's all right, isn't he?" Ellen asks, cautiously. The brothers both shift and quickly share another glance before Sam speaks up, letting suspense end.
"No. No, he isn't. It was the demon, we think. It, um, it just got him before he got it, I guess" Sam stutters and I finally get to the point where I have to pace around behind Ellen to relive some tension from my body. My fists are still throbbing, along with my cheekbone and head. I'm sure that punch will leave a small bruise. I heard the others still talking but I mostly focused on not focusing on the stench of alcohol. Or the dozens of empty beer bottles in the trash. Nope. I wasn't paying attention to those at all. Just like I'm not relieving the memories of cleaning up my father's piss or having to put my parents to bed instead of them putting me to bed.
"Samantha. Samantha!" Dean yells and I jump, slowly turning around so I'm looking at the small group huddled together, staring at me.
"What?" I ask, as if I weren't just having a mental breakdown. Dean stares at me in the eyes, cautiously before glancing at my cheek.
"You okay? What happened to your cheek?" He asks, and if I'm not mistaken, he sounds slightly concerned. Ellen shifts slightly and looks back at me, casting me another slightly prideful look to me.
"I'm fine. And, uh I accidently ran into Ellen's fist." I say, quietly. Jo looks at her mother, surprised, while Sam tries to hold back a smile. And that pisses me off. It really pisses me off, because I know he should be mad at me but to act that childish? So, I decide to speak up.
"You know what, Sam? I'm so sorry that I beat Dean. I swear on everything, I did not mean to. I understand if you want to scream at me or hit me or, you know what? Go ahead and shoot me, if it makes you feel better. You don't have to act like a damn six year old who got his toy taken away." I say, not very angrily but more in a tired voice. Ellen and Jo look at Sam confused while Sam looks down guiltily. Dean sends Sam another look before forcing a smile at me and winks.
"We're fine, kid. We know you didn't mean to." He mutters and Sam nods quickly before looking back to the beyond curious Ellen.
"So look, if you can help, we could use all the help we can get." He says, and my heart cracks at his almost pleading tone. Ellen shakes her head slightly and looks back at the passed out guy on the pool table.
"Well, we can't. But Ash will." Ellen says and I see disappointment in both of the brother's eyes before they turn slightly hopeful again. All while I loll the name over in my head.
"Ash? That's a badass name. I want that name. Can I have that name?" I ask and look towards Dean. I immediately mentally scold myself. All I've ever done in life is seek approval. Even after being a ghost, I still fucking seek approval from people who'll never give it to me. I cannot get close to these people. You know what happens. Dean laughs slightly at me and shakes his head.
"I'm pretty sure the name is already take." He says and I shrug in a 'fair enough' manner. Ellen calls the name out and mullet guy wakes up, sitting up quickly and trying to spin around while sitting down, his glorious mullet getting in the way.
"What? It closin' time?" He slurs slightly and I fail to hide a grin at his antics.
"That's Ash?" Sam asks skeptically and I can't help but kind of agree with Sam's doubt. Ash gets up finally and Jo nods before replying.
"Mm-hmm. He's a genius." She says and Dean shakes his head slightly before slapping a brown holder on the bar as Ash sits next to where Sam is now sitting. I stand next to Dean behind Ash.
"You've gotta be kidding me, this guy's no genius. He's a… Kansas roadie." Dean says and I look at him weirdly.
"No. Dude, look at him. Mullet, flannel, jeans. Totally Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie." I state and everyone looks at me shocked except Sam's annoyed face. Probably because Dean played classic rock the whole way and I could tell Sam wanted to complain but he didn't.
"I like you guys." Ash says and that warms my heart slightly as I smile at him.
"Thanks." Dean says sarcastically, causing me to send him an exasperated look. Jo looks up from getting some water across the bar and looks at Dean.
"Just give him a chance." She says and Dean takes a deep breath before Dean sits down on the other side of Ash. He opens the folder and looks at Ash as he riffles through the papers. Once again, the revolting smell of alcohol hits my nose and I feel the need to get out of this place. I raise my hand slightly and point outside.
"I'm going to- um- to go outside." I stutter and Dean casts me a wary look before nodding. I gulp and mentally tell my brain to stop making me freak out. As I start to leave, I don't notice the way Ellen looks at me before muttering to Jo and following me out. Once I hit the outside I take a deep breath of gratitude and lean against the embarrassingly creepy van that we drove in. I hear soft footsteps on the gravel and I turn, meeting the cautious eyes of Ellen.
"You okay?" She asks and I internally roll my eyes at having to put on, yet another, façade. She doesn't care. And I don't have enough energy to tell her my sob story. Well, I do. I just don't want to be rejected again or pushed away. Because sob stories are your own and others don't care about yours. Because everyone has a pitiful sob story.
"Fine. Why?" I ask and barely tense as she leans against the van next to me following my eye-sight to car driving by us. It's crazy. Knowing that, that person in the car doesn't know what's going on. That I recently tried to kill myself and became ghost allies with someone, before we both woke and now are searching for a yellow-eyed demon. That guy probably has a desk job, answering phone calls, and doesn't open his eyes to the mysteries of the world. Doesn't realize that evilness is all we have of this world.
"Well, your eyes look distant. You were starting to have a panic attack in there and as soon as you came out here, you visibly relaxed. Is it the boys?" She asks and a small smile slips on my face before shaking my head.
"No. They're fine. Nothing's wrong." I say, making it sound convincing from years of practice. Ellen looks at me before coming to a conclusion and pursing her lips.
"Okay. Fine, you don't want to talk about it. So how about you tell me how you met the boys?" She asks but it sounds more as a command. I shrug and look back down to my grey Vans covered shoes before replying.
"Dean and I were both in comas. We were spirit-type-things and we became allies. He told me how him and his brother hunts ghosts and shit and I thought that was a bad-ass job. So I told him that and he said he'll teach me how to and we'll become a happy little hunting family." I say and Ellen looks at me stunned, probably not expecting that answer. We talks about little nothing for a while before she offers to help me with training sometime.
"No. I've got some training." I mutter, not convincingly at all. Truth is, I like Ellen and I'm afraid if I try to train again, I'll beat the shit out of her because of that voice in my head.
"Sure, but not enough. This isn't a game, you don't come back. You die at the first wrong move." She says slightly harsh, but it gets the point across.
"Fine. But if I wound you, don't blame me." I say seriously but she laughs nonetheless, patting me on the back.
"I like ya, kid." She says and I start to feel as if I'm slightly wanted.