Who Let You Go

About a week went by that I hardly slept or ate anything. I had completely given up on talking to anyone. Mary had almost given up on getting through to me. I was basically a shell of the old Audra; an empty human body and nothing more.

I walked into one of the guest bedrooms with my bucket and rags. The room was already spotless but that didn't faze me, it was like I was on auto-pilot. I poured the floor cleaner into the bucket of water and mixed it together with my hands. I winced as the warm soapy water stung my dry, cracking hands and clenched my teeth against the pain. I scrubbed every square inch of the room, and when I was satisfied, I brought the bucket into the bathroom and dumped it down the sink. I watched as the water disappeared down the drain, a small tornado forming as the last few inches of water sunk.

I couldn't resist the urge to look up into the mirror, but what I saw wasn't what I expected.

It was hard to believe that the person staring back at me was me. There were dark circles around my eyes and my cheeks had sunken in. My hair was dull and looked like a rat's nest. I never felt it, but I watched as my eyes filled with water and tears streamed freely down my face. It was like watching a movie that I had no connection to.

Somehow I managed to walk over to the bed and I stared for a moment or two, wondering how much trouble I would be in if I laid in it. I wasn't a guest here, I was a servant, and I didn't deserve the comfort of a luxurious bed. I sat on the floor in front of a window, wrapping my arms around my legs against my chest. I cried almost silently and gazed out the window, watching the grass blowing in the wind. The sun was beginning to go down and with every inch that disappeared, I felt myself breaking down.

I lay down against the hardwood and let my eyelids fall, warm tears still leaking from my eyes. I started to feel sleepy and despite how terrified I was that I might dream something horrific, I let myself fall into sleep.

In my dreams I could hear people shouting my name, like they were searching for me. I wanted to call to them, to tell them where I was or that I was okay, but I didn't have enough energy to make a noise. The voices grew closer and louder to the point that it sounded like they were shouting in my ears. It took me a moment to realize, even in my dream, that there was someone with me.

Slowly, I opened my eyes. It was completely dark in the room for the sun was gone now, but I could make out a shadow near the door. "Audra?" It sounded small and timid.

"Hanna," I whispered, my voice hoarse. "It's me."

She immediately disappeared through the door and a moment later I could hear her shout through the mansion, "I found her!"

It was impossible how fast Ethan arrived. He was standing over me only seconds after Hanna's announcement. I wished Mary would show up so that Ethan would be less likely to punish me.

"Mary…" I murmured, feeling weak when I tried to roll over.

Ethan crouched down and put his cold hand on my cheek. I shivered against it, surprised that he was showing me such a kindness. "She's on her way," he breathed quietly, probably afraid to startle me.

I looked up at him through my half closed eyes and silently pleaded with him to let me stay here. I didn't want to move or have to speak again; I had no energy for it. His eyebrows were bent in concern, his eyes blatantly showing sign of distress, and if I hadn't been so drained, I might have gasped.

I tried to say something to him, maybe to ask him to leave me be, but he shushed me. "Don't try to speak," he instructed, "you shouldn't waste your breath on me."

It was like a dam was breaking inside me. Almost literally, considering more tears began to pour from my eyes. I started wondering how I had gotten here, how I had let myself go. I couldn't believe this was me, lying on the floor crying like a baby.

"Oh dear Lord," I heard above me, and my eyes flew open. Mary was hovering over me next to Ethan, brushing my hair back from my face. Her look was so severe that I felt worried, and it must have been a miracle, because I suddenly reached out for her hand. She looked shocked at my affectionate motion, and even a little happy.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, trying my best to sound sincere despite my voice sounding like it was mangled. "Please forgive me."

A few tears fell down Mary's face and she shook her head, "Only you, Audra," she smiled, "would apologize to someone while on your deathbed."

"What's wrong Mary?" Ethan asked, his hand smoothing my hair back. "What should we do?"

"Well, she needs food," Mary replied. "She hasn't eaten in a week."

"What?" Ethan spat, his question almost a growl. "Why not?"

Mary was shaking her head, "She refused to eat."

Ethan's hand disappeared from my face and I almost missed it. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair as he stood up and faced the window. The moonlight against his pale face was striking, so much so that I felt my heart skip a beat and speed up. Almost as if he'd heard it, Ethan turned to me.

"Audra," he began sternly, "you need to eat something. I'll have Jacques bring you something, is there anything you want?" I shook my head and closed my eyes again, afraid of what my body would do if I let him get to me. I felt someone shifting my weight into their arms, and I doubted it was Mary. They set me down onto something soft, and then I was covered with a blanket. I welcomed the warmth and comfort, something so different from my new bed downstairs. "Stay awake," he urged, brushing my cheek so softly I wondered if I imagined it. If it hadn't been so quiet, I wouldn't have heard him leave the room.

Only moments later he was returning. I knew vampires had special powers or something, but I hadn't gotten used to how fast he could move.

"Jacques is making her something," he said to Mary. "It should be ready soon."

"Oh good," Mary praised.

"How long has she been this way?" He asked, his voice getting softer.

"About a week," Mary answered. "Maybe a bit longer."

"She won't speak to anyone," Hanna added, sounding shy, "and she's been cleaning non-stop."

"Did anything happen…?" Mary questioned. There was no answer, at least from what I could hear. Maybe he nodded or shook his head. Maybe he ignored her.

Shortly after, I heard Jacques talking to Mary and Ethan. "It will be easy for her stomach to handle," he was saying, and I could smell something delicious in the air. "Audra, mon cheri?"

I felt a smile pulling at my lips, unable to stop myself. "Hi," I whispered, my now open eyes focusing on Jacques. He grinned and held a plate of cinnamon toast in front of me.

"Bon appetite," he said. "Please, eat."

I nodded and reached out for the toast, feeling slightly nervous under everyone's stares. I stared at them as they stared back at me, waiting for me to take a bite. "Don't watch me," I moaned, and everyone averted their eyes to something else in the room. I knew how horrible I looked already; I didn't want them to see me eating like a slob. After a few bites, delicious bites at that, I sat up against the head board and noticed everyone watching me warily. I tuned them out and finished the toast, feeling accomplished. I drank the entire glass of water on the table next to me and snuggled under the covers. Mary kissed my forehead softly and smiled at me.

"You'll feel better in the morning."

"Thank you Mary, I don't even know where to start," I admitted. She shook her head.

"Start by getting some rest," she chuckled. She motioned to Hanna, who waved at me and followed her out of the room.

"Jacques," I started, only to be shushed.

"Ah ah ah," he scolded. "I do not want to hear it either. Now," he gave me a mock stern look, "go to sleep." He nodded to Ethan, who thanked him quietly, probably so that I wouldn't hear.

I watched him, waiting for him to chastise me. "Audra," he began, but I wouldn't let him finish.

"I know."

His eyebrows furrowed, "Know what?"

"I was stupid," I admitted, looking away from him, "I don't know what I was thinking."

I felt his weight on the bed near my feet. "You can't not eat, and you have to talk to someone eventually. And despite how tidy the place has been lately, you have to take it easy on the cleaning."

"I just," I exhaled, "I don't know."

He spoke carefully, "Is it because of your parents?"

My eyes narrowed, "It's not my parents' fault."

He scoffed, "That's not what I meant." He took a long breath, one that I'm sure he didn't actually need, "Was it because I brought it up the other day?"

I felt a little nervous, and I wasn't about to say, 'Yeah, you're a jerk,' to a vampire. Especially one I knew didn't like me very much to begin with. "To be honest, it's a lot of things."

"Like?"

"Everything!" I groaned, throwing the blanket over my head. "You won't get it."

"Try me," he challenged.

"Fine." I thought for a moment, deciding where to begin. "It was hard enough putting my life back together after the accident. I had to make new friends, find a way to pay for my college tuition, let alone my food on a daily basis. Just when I was starting to put everything back together, I met you," I explained, feeling embarrassed. I was so glad the blanket was there to hide my flushed cheeks. "I've lost that life too. Now I'm a servant to vampire living in a huge mansion. Mary, Hanna, and Jacques are my only friends. I don't get to go out and do anything, not to mention I spend most of my time in a broom closet."

"A what?" He was chuckling!

I threw the blanket off of my face and tried to put on the angriest expression I could muster, "It's not funny!"

"Well," he was smiling a little still, though now it looked dark, almost sinister, "despite what you may think, I do 'get it'." When my expression grew confused he ran his hand through his- still perfect- hair and sighed. "Don't you think I had to do the same thing when I was turned? I didn't ask for this."

"What happened?" I asked cautiously, afraid he would either yell at me or close up, but he did neither.

"It was about three months after my twenty-sixth birthday," he started, lost in his memory. "I grew ill, and eventually I was put in the hospital. You have to understand that in 1894, pneumonia was a common way to die."

"1894," I murmured, not meaning to say anything aloud.

He nodded, "Including my human years, I'm one hundred and forty-two years old." He paused for a moment or two, maybe to let it sink in. "Anyway, a vampire found me in the hospital and turned me."

"Why?" I asked breathlessly, still trying to comprehend that the person in front of me had lived through the Great Depression and both world wars.

"I'm not entirely sure," he shrugged. "I've only met him a number of times."

"Who is he?" I yawned, clamping a hand over my mouth automatically.

He soft chuckled escaped from his lips and the sound was so beautiful I almost choked. "That story is for another time."

"Don't forget," I grumbled, turning over to hide my face in the pillow. He was quiet for a moment and I felt a bubble of panic growing in my stomach. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, pushing the blankets off, "I just forgot…" I started to swing my legs off the edge of the bed but he reached out quickly to stop me.

"What are you doing?" He looked genuinely confused and I just gaped at him.

"Going to my room?" I blinked, watching as he came to stand in front of me.

He was shaking his head as he grabbed my legs and pushed them back onto the mattress. "This is your room, now. Unless you're going to miss your 'broom closet'," he added, laughing to himself.

"No," I said immediately, cuddling even closer to the soft comforter, if that was even possible.

He stepped back into the shadows where I couldn't see him. "Goodnight, Audra."

"Goodnight," I replied, and the door opened and closed almost silently. I closed my eyes and reveled in the absolute comfort I felt at the moment. I fell asleep quickly and slept through the entire night in peace.