Another Winchester Talk

"Do we have everything?" I asked, replacing my gun into the back of my jeans.

"What did the two of you get?" Dean demanded, looking in disbelief at the multiple bags we had between us.

I smirked quite proud of ourselves with all we managed to get together while Sam chuckled. "We ransacked the trunk." Sam explained. "Holy water, every weapon that the two of us could think of, exoticism rituals from about a half dozen religions."

"We weren't exactly sure what we would need during this." I explained, zipping up one of the bags. "So we grabbed whatever we could to be prepared for anything. Dean nodded and we all lapsed into silence as we worked quietly on the task of making sure our guns were prepared and loaded.

"Big night." Dean broke the silence. I looked down at my favorite silver handgun, the side where I put my bullets open.

"Yeah." Sam said quietly. "Nervous?"

"No." Dean answered immediately.

"I'm not." I said quietly, closing my gun with a snap that just screamed finality.

"Of course I'm not." Sam said. It was clear all three of us were lying but none of us were calling the other out on us. This was a big fight...we may finally get revenge on the very thing that ruined our lives. Several seconds of silence passed again before Sam sat down his gun. "God, could you imagine if we actually found that damn thing, that demon."

"It only took over twenty long years." I muttered darkly, eyes lowered with pieces of hair falling into my face.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, alright?" Dean said. Last thing he wanted was everyone to get excited with hopes raised only to realize they've been duped in the end.

"I know, I'm just saying what if we did?" Sam started again. "What if this whole thing was over tonight." Twenty years all to lead up for one night fight? It just seemed way to simple and easy for me to take. "Man, I'd sleep for a month." Wouldn't we all? "Go back to school, be a person again." My heart dropped a little. I finally had a family, the kind I've always wanted that actually wanted me around and now...now we would separate?

"You wanna go back to school?" Dean asked quietly.

"Yeah," Sam said as if we should have known that which in some ways...I guess I should have realized that sooner. "Once were done with hunting the thing. Isn't there something you two wanna do after its all over?"

"Me?" I asked, not wanting to sound like a small child by whining how she didn't want it to end. Not if it meant we would be going our own ways. "I guess I'll just...head back home, to where I lived before Dean tracked me down. There was always something new showing up every few months."

Dean shook his head. "The hunt is never gonna be over, there will always be something else."

Sam turned to him and I finally set my gun aside to focus on they're conversation. "There has to be something that you want for yourself." Sam protested. After all, Dean had spent his childhood practically raising Sam, he just wanted his big brother to be happy without all the monsters.

Dean turned his back to his family. "I just don't want this family to fall apart as soon as this thing's over." He admitted.

I pushed a piece of hair falling into my face back. "I know, I don't either." I said quietly. During my time with my brothers, I think j was becoming more emotional. I had never felt this attached to anyone before, not even to my friend Brooklyn who died just before I left with Dean.

"I don't understand the problem!" Sam said frustrated. Of course he wouldn't, being the only Winchester to strive for what was considered normal. The apple pie life with the fancy school, then career, a normal wife with a white picket fence and a few kids scattered around.

Dean fell silent before he finally snapped. "Why do you think I don't go anywhere without the two of you? Why do you think I tracked down Chris? Why we can to get you from Stanford in the first place?"

"Cause you wanted to know our sister was okay and alive all these years." Sam said confused, even as my mind was running a mile a minute. "Dad was in trouble and you wanted to find the thing that killed mom."

I finally stood up, being drawn to the conversation like a moth to a flame. "There's more, isn't it?" I asked quietly.

Dean turned back to his half of the dresser, pulling out his clothes before he finally answered. "Yeah." He finally admitted. "You, me, Sam, and dad; I want us...I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family." I looked away. Honestly, I wasn't sure we could ever be a family. Not after what John did to me, throwing me away like yesterday's trash while he kept a small child and an infant. Was it because they were boys and I was the lone daughter that decided I would be given the boot? Why not keep all of us or drop us all off at the orphanage like he did me. Why separate us, pretend I never even existed. Hell, Sam didn't even know I existed till I showed up with Dean.

"We are a family." Sam said. "But things will never be the way they were before." He could forgive his father for a lot of things but the collage thing and being kicked out, plus learning he had a sister all these years...it was just to much to forgive and forget.

Dean looked like somebody killed his puppy. "Could be."

I bit my lip before saying, "Not for me." I wanted this family, I wanted us to stay together but...I could live forever and a day without John Winchester.

Sam shook his head. "I don't want things to be like they were before. When all this is over," he stopped to look at Dean and then at me. "I'm going to go and you have got to let me leave my own way."

I let my hair fall back into my face as I tilted my head down. I felt numb as my hand squeezed around the handle of my gun just to have something to hold onto.