Hey guys. This chapter is mostly an AU. I need to say something( There is going to be a short, short peek-a-boo at the next chapter though.) I don't feel right not updating for awhile without an explanation, so here it is. I'm in a bad place right now and I'm constantly fighting to actually do anything, even writing. I should have the chapter out by next weekend. (If not earlier. Sorry. Please just stay with this story, I just have to take a week or so.) Thanks so much for your reviews, favorites, and follows it means a lot to me. If any of you need to talk, I'm here. This chapter does mention suicide so I don't want you to read it if you are in a bad place too, it is only a few lines though. So again, by next Saturday the rest of the chapter should be out. I'm just trying to make myself Okay right now. Thanks for all the love again. Sorry about this.
"Holy shit. This is like an early Christmas!" I yell excited. Sam rolls his eyes but Dean laughs as I look down at my fake I.D.s and badges. After our little mountainside bromance session, we drove for a few hours until it got too dark and cops started showing up everywhere along the highway, so we're in a cheap motel now. A few minutes after settling down, Dean jumped up and handed me a small box. Full of fake I.D's!
"Yeah, they caused a fortune. You better like them. Next time we need to interview people you have a suit in the trunk." He says and I grin, ready to bust out an 'I'm a FED, tell me the shit I need to know' on some people. Sam looks up from his laptop and smiles as he sees my grin.
"So, we're uh really sorry about the Gordon thing." Sam starts saying as Dean looks down to his shoes. Are they feeling guilty? I shake my head and look at them like they grew a third head.
"Why? You guys didn't do it. And, I am the one who, expertly, drove the car to the house in the first place. Don't apologize for something you didn't do. You make it awkward." I lecture. Sam nods and Dean smiles before wiping his, dirty, hair. I know how it is to feel guilty even when it wasn't necessarily your fault and I don't want the boys to have this on their conscience for no reason. Sam goes back to looking at the laptop and I look back to the box of fake I.D's once more before placing it on the moldy dresser next to the box television. I go to wash the left over sweat and dirt (maybe even some blood from earlier) but Dean jumps up from the bed he was laying on and runs past me into the bathroom.
"First shower!" He calls before I hear the shower turn on. I groan but a small smile slips through at his boyish antics.
"Asshole!" I yell back before going towards the bed he just got up from, closest to the door, and collapsing on to it, groaning from the relief of not standing anymore. Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I listen as Sam taps the keyboard. Finally, I look over at him and open my eyes, watching as he stares at the computer in concentration.
"Whatcha doing?" I ask in a springing voice. He glances at me, looking down at my blood-covered sleeves on my shirt.
"Looking around for a job." I nod and look back up to the ceiling, considering what to say next.
"You and Dean are okay, right?" Sam sends me a weird look and shifts so he's completely facing me.
"Yeah. Why?" He asks and I shrug, looking towards the closed bathroom door, still hearing the shower going.
"Well I mean, your dad just died, you have to be with me, and you've guys fought a few times." I say softly. It wasn't really fair that I just went with the brothers when I should've went home, take care of my family. But, I've already made my decision so I guess you can't really go back now. This is one of the rare times you won't find me making a sarcastic remark, I've had this question going screaming in my mind for a while.
"We're fine. I guess hunting just has its good perks and it has its bad parts. That was one of the worse ones. And Dean and I are brothers, we're going to fight." Sam says and I nod, looking back to the water damaged ceiling. Sam goes back to the laptop and it falls silent for a few seconds.
"Hey Samantha, how are you doing?" Sam asks seriously, looking at me partly concerned. I shot someone, I didn't even hesitate to shoot someone. What if my dark thoughts are right? I'm evil. I feel alone. I feel like if you guys handed me a gun and left the motel right now, I'd shoot myself. At some points in the night, my thoughts crash into me so hard I feel like I can't breathe and I might throw up. I feel like laying in bed until I die of starvation or something. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I need help.
"I'm fine. Let me tell you though, if Dean doesn't come out of the bathroom soon I'm going to take all of his money!" I finish the last sentence in a yell so Dean can hear me. I can't burden the brothers with my dark shit. Sam glances at me for a few seconds before seeming satisfied with what he sees and looks back to the laptop.