As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree
But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up Christmas list

The house was still gray and quiet as Sharon made her down the stairs. She vaguely remembered Andy brushing a kiss against her temple saying he was going to get breakfast started before she fell back to sleep. When she woke again, the sun was starting to rise and Andy was gone. Passing through the living room, she noticed that he had turned the tree lights on and they twinkled cozily. He'd also started a fire in the fireplace. She paused for a moment to warm herself, and then continued on to the kitchen. Sure enough, there was her man, standing in his bathrobe at the counter. He had something that smelled delicious sautéing on the stove, definitely some peppers and onions, and was whisking what looked like a bowl of eggs.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist pressing a kiss into the back of his shoulder. She left her lips there inhaling deeply, sweet woodsy spice and that special musky male scent she would know as her mate if she were blindfolded in a room full of men. Andy stiffened in surprise, then smiled and leaned back against her upon hearing her "Good morning, darling."

He lifted her hand and kissed it while he continued to cook, enjoying the feel of her rubbing her cheek sensuously against his back. "Good morning, sweetheart."

"Yes, good morning, sweetheart."

"Oh my God!" Sharon nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of her father's deep voice. "What are you doing in here, Dad?" She spun around to see him sitting at the kitchen table.

"It is my kitchen." William deadpanned. If one did not know him well it would be hard to read his reaction to his daughter's loving little display with her boyfriend, but Sharon could see the amusement sparking in his eyes.

"You should have told me he was here." She backed away from Andy and moved to the coffee maker to pour herself a cup.

"You didn't give me a chance. You walked in the kitchen and you were all over me."

"Andy!"

William gave a bark of laughter.

"Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"Of course," she smirked. She sipped at her coffee and glanced into the frying pan.

"Low sodium turkey sausage, peppers and onions," he answered the questioning quirk of her brow. They'll go into the casserole dish with this eggwhite mixture."

"Is this the breakfast casserole you made me with the ham and salami?"

"Yep, too much sodium in the ham and salami so I've had to improvise."

"I'm sure it will be delicious. It smells delicious." She picked a sautéing pepper out of the frying pan and popped it into her mouth.

"Hey, why does she get to sample the goods? You wouldn't let me," William protested.

"You have nothing to offer me in quid pro quo." Sharon held her breath at the devilish glint in Andy's eyes and the sexy little half grin her father couldn't see him giving her. Her face flushed with the memory of Andy sampling exactly what she had to offer. He knew where her mind had gone and wagged an eyebrow at her, but to her father he said, "Sharon makes a great mushroom chicken dish and if I don't let her sample my goods, I can't sample hers."

"Hmmm…" William nearly rolled his eyes. Did they honestly think he wasn't getting all that double entendre? As his wife often said, he might be old, but he wasn't dead. Still, Sharon was his little girl and it was time to steer the conversation away from a sex life he liked to pretend she didn't have. "So, Sharon, come sit down and talk to me about this new job offer before everyone wakes up for breakfast. Andy here seems to think you'd be a perfect fit."

"Uggg…" Sharon groaned and sank down in a chair next to him.

"What? You don't want it?"

"No, I don't."

"Why not? It's a higher rank, more power, more money. You were always an ambitious girl."

"I still am. I just have different ambitions now. There was a time the rank was important to me. When Taylor and Pope promised to promote me to Commander when I took over Major Crimes and then reneged, I'll admit, I was pretty upset about it. Not just for myself, but for every other woman working for the LAPD. It took me a long time to get over it."

"You think they did it because you're a woman?"

"Oh, I know they did it because I'm a woman, or at the very least they felt they could get away with it because I'm a woman. They were the ones who came to me and asked me to take over Major Crimes. They promised me the promotion as part of the package. Then when I had the audacity to question Taylor about it he told me, in an extremely condescending way, the job was the promotion and that I was lucky to have gotten it and I should be grateful. As if I hadn't earned it or deserved it. They never would have said that to man."

Standing at the stove, Andy winced. Until he'd become romantically involved with Sharon he'd never really thought about how much more difficult it was for a woman on the force, how much harder they had to work and how much crap they had to put up with. He'd seen it of course, the condescension and the misogyny, but he'd never really thought about it very much, never felt it, until Sharon. When she'd begun to open up to him and he'd seen things from her point of view he'd been filled with a great sense of shame for some of the comments he'd made in the past. However, he also knew it went a lot further than inappropriate comments or being looked over for promotions. There was an even darker side, one that included sexual harassment and even sexual assault, which filled him with an impotent sense of rage, not only on Sharon's behalf, but also on the behalf of all the women on the force. Grabbing a cup of decaf, he joined the two at the kitchen table.

"Anyway," Sharon continued. "I absolutely love the job and I stopped worrying about the title and the money. After so many years of doing what I had to do for my kids, I have a job that I love and I don't want to lose that. If I get the Assistant Chief position, everything will change."

"How will it change? I understand why you turned down the NFL job, because of all the travel. But for this job, you'd still be with the LAPD, how would it change things?"

"I wouldn't be running Major Crimes anymore. I wouldn't be leading investigations. I'd be overseeing them. I'd be back at a desk, a bureaucrat playing politics. It would feel more like a step back than a step forward, even if does mean a higher rank and more money. I'm at a point in my life right now where I have the freedom to choose that loving my job is more important than rank and money. "

"Then why are you even bothering to interview for it?"

"I kind of have to. I was put on a short list and if I don't interview for the job it will reflect poorly on me. And, there is another person on the short list that will probably dismantle Major Crimes if she gets the position."

"Winnie Davis," Andy said with a grimace. "She's a real ball buster."

Sharon turned to him with a raised brow. "Isn't that what you used to call me?"

"Not exactly."

"Oh that's right; you had other names for me."

"Really? " William turned to Andy with interest. "What did you call her?"

"Go ahead, Andy. Tell him." Sharon was amused watching Andy squirm with discomfort before finally spitting it out.

"The ice queen."

"Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad." William gave a dismissive shrug.

"That was the nice one," Sharon said. "Tell him the mean one."

"Sharon..."

She just stared at him until with a grimace he finally said, "The wicked witch of FID."

"What?" William leaned forward. Andy had spoken so softly he barely heard him.

Andy sighed and spoke a little louder. "The wicked witch of FID. "

'He even drew a picture of me with my broomstick." Oh, the deer in the headlights look on Andy's face when she'd told him on their first date that she had seen the little picture he'd drawn of her as a witch on the murder board back when she was still with FID never failed to amuse her.

"Oh, well that is mean." William leveled Andy with a look and in that moment he knew exactly where Sharon got her steely Darth Raydor stare.

"Things were different back when Sharon was with FID, "Andy continued on quickly in an effort to dig himself out of the hole. "You want to talk mean? Winnie Davis is mean. Sharon only got pissed off when we made her job more difficult and gave her a hard time. Which I fully admit that we did. But, you know whatever crap we threw at her she just let it roll right off her and she stayed professional. It takes a strong person to stay completely true to who they are and Sharon always does that. I admired that about her even when she was frustrating the hell out of me. Having her as a leader now makes us all better cops."

"Andy, thank you." Sharon rested a hand over his. Given where she'd started with the team, that was really quite a compliment.

"It's true. We might not have liked what you were doing , maybe didn't even like you in the beginning, but you were just doing your job and you were doing it in a completely professional way. That isn't Davis. 'He turned back to William. "Davis has something in for us, for Sharon, and it's personal."

Sharon nodded in agreement. "Whatever her reasons, Winnie does to seem to have a chip on her shoulder a mile wide and she's the reason, the only reason, I'm going for the position. She'll destroy Major Crimes if given the chance."

"What would you like to have happen?" William asked.

"Ideally, I'd like for things to stay the way they are, with Fritz in the position. I like Fritz, I work well with him and so does the whole team. But no one thinks that will stick. Fritz is former FBI and there is a prejudice in the force against the FBI. So, my only hope is that Leo Mason gets it. I don't know him very well, but what I hear of him is that he is professional, fair, and ambitious. I can work with a man like that. If by some chance I still have a job when she takes over, I'm not sure I'd be able to work with Winnie Davis, or more importantly that I would want to work with Winnie Davis.

"Have you thought about you'll do if that happens?"

"A little bit. But I'm trying not to dwell on it. I guess I just have to have faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to work out. "

Andy, whose faith in the world was never as strong as Sharon's, piped in with, "Worse case scenario, Davis takes over and gets rid of Sharon and Major Crimes and we hit the road. We have our time in; we'll retire and start our own PI business."

Sharon grinned. Andy often talked of opening his own PI business and she didn't doubt that maybe one day they'd do just that.

"Well, make sure you keep us posted on how that's going."

"I will. I'm sure things will heat up once the holidays are over."

"There's one more stop I'd like to make before we go home. Or are you hungry?"

Andy was leaning back contentedly in the passenger seat of their rented car watching the scenery pass by when Sharon spoke. Usually it was he who drove when they went out together, but this morning, after stopping at the grocery store with a list from Colleen, Sharon had offered to give him a little tour of the affluent New England city where she'd grown up. It seemed not that long ago that he'd been starved for any little bit of insight into the closed off woman he'd been falling in love with, so he'd jumped at the chance to see where she'd grown up, gone to school, took ballet and riding lessons and worked as a lifeguard. Being here, driving down snowy streets lined with old Colonial homes, meeting Sharon's parents in person, seeing the large brick all- girls convent school she'd attended and staying in her childhood home all helped round things out for him. Even if she no longer lived on the east coast, growing up here was a big part of who she was today, in the same way it was a part of him. Of course, his hardscrabble lower middle class upbringing in Brooklyn was a far cry from Sharon's here on Connecticut's Gold Coast. Still, strangely enough, it worked for them. Their differences in background and in personality only seemed to strengthen their relationship, not diminish it.

"Andy?" She questioned him again and he was puzzled to see that she seemed strangely tense, her gloved fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"I'm good," he assured her. "Where do you want to stop?"

Sharon didn't answer. Instead, she made a turn taking them under a tall stone arch and driving down a long lane of headstones. She didn't need to pause or look around; she knew exactly where she was going. Two left turns and she pulled over and stopped the car. Still, she sat silently, as if gathering her emotions.

"Sharon?" Andy's voice was laced with concern. He'd known as soon as they turned into the cemetery where they were going. Sharon turned to him, her eyes suspiciously shiny.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet."

He nodded and they both stepped out of the car. Sharon grabbed the poinsettia they had purchased at the grocery store and they walked hand in hand through the calf high snow.

"Looks like my mother has already been here," she said, setting her poinsettia down next to the one that already sat in the snow. The headstone was large, topped with a Celtic cross and read Richard James O'Dwyer 1953-1975. Beloved son and brother. In addition, there engraved high up on the left hand side was a large angel. Andy's gaze moved quickly from the stone to Sharon and she could see in his eyes that he understood what that meant.

"This is my brother… Richie," she said. "He's our original angel."

Back at Sharon's parent's house, his arms full of groceries, Andy shoved at the front door. He was immediately assaulted with the delicious scents of gingerbread and Balsam fir.

"Papa Andy, Papa Andy! Come and see the gingerbread cookies we made with Mrs. O' Dwyer."

"Okay, okay, hold on guys."

"Boys, let your Papa in the door," Colleen laughed. "Oh, Andy let me take one of those bags."

"No ma'am. I've got them." Andy continued in through the house to the kitchen where he set his bags down on the counter next to cooling racks covered in gingerbread men. Then he turned to Sharon and took the bag she carried and set it down with the others.

"These look almost good enough to eat," he said, surveying the cookies.

"They're not almost good enough to eat, they are good to eat," Scottie insisted.

"Sharon." Tyler looked up at her with solemn eyes. "We want to set up the crèche but Mrs. O'Dwyer said we had to wait for you. She said you always set it up. Can we do it with you?"

"Of course you can. As soon as we get these groceries put away, we'll go set it up."

"I can take care of the groceries," Colleen said. "You go head with the boys. The manger and all the pieces are in a box in your father's study."

"Okay, then, let's go boys." Sharon set off with the boys, while Andy continued to pull items out of the bags for Colleen.

"The boys are adorable," she said to him. "They're so excited for Christmas."

"Yeah, I think we all are. I know it's been a really long time since I've been this excited."

Colleen took a deep breath, as if steeling herself for something, then, without looking at Andy she asked, "Did Sharon take you to the cemetery?"

"Yes, she did. I'm very sorry for your loss. "

"Oh, thank you, dear. It's hard to believe it's been forty years."

The pain in Colleen's eyes made Andy think about that large poinsettia sitting on the young man's grave. Richie O'Dwyer's mother had never forgotten him. And neither had his sister.

"I can't even begin to imagine living with a loss like that."

"Yes, well. No one really does until they have to. In the beginning, it's just about surviving. Finding some way to make it from one minute to the next, because you can't even think in the realm of days and weeks and years."

Andy nodded. He'd been through that himself with AA. In the beginning, it had all been about just making it for another hour, and then hours turned into days, days into weeks, weeks into months and now it had been twenty years since he'd last had a drink.

"You know, life is a funny thing." Colleen continued to put groceries away while she spoke. "For a long time William and I thought Richie was going to be our only child. We wanted more children; we both wanted a big family. But after Richie I had several miscarriages and it just seemed like it wasn't meant to be. We never lost faith and we did keep trying, but after so many years, we had pretty much resigned ourselves to having our one perfect child. And then almost 10 years after I had Richie, I got pregnant with Sharon. I was terrified through that whole pregnancy, so afraid I was going to lose her. But I didn't. She was full term and perfect in every way. Our miracle little girl. And then, less than a year later I got pregnant with Christine. We felt so blessed. The girls adored their older brother, and Richie was so protective of them. He helped teach them how to swim and to ski and to ride their bikes. Everything was as it should be. And then came Vietnam." She paused to put the empty paper bags into the recycling bin and Andy could see she was trying to maintain control of her emotions. "Richie was a sophomore in college when they announced there would be no further draft calls. The war was winding down and we felt like we'd dodged a bullet so to speak. And, well, I'm sure Sharon told what happened."

Andy nodded sadly. Not long after they'd begun dating Sharon had told him the story of her brother's death. Of how after graduating from college and before he started law school, young Richard James O'Dwyer had signed on with Catholic Relief Services and left for Vietnam as part of "Operation Babylift". He was helping to save orphaned children after the fall of Saigon when his plane crashed into a rice paddy killing everyone on board.

"When they came and told us I couldn't believe it. I think I went into shock and didn't come out for a long time. Sharon was just turning 13. That's such a crucial time for a young girl, but I was so numb with grief I know I wasn't really there for her. She'd just lost her brother and I think for too long she lost her mother too."

Andy rested a hand on the older woman's shoulder. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Sharon never said any of that."

"No, she wouldn't, would she? That's just Sharon's way. She's good at picking up the pieces and moving on. She is her father's daughter in that way. But losing Richie when she was so young forced her to grow up rather quickly. She stepped in with Chrissie and was so good with her. I often think that if William and I had lost faith, if we had given up on having another child, we wouldn't have any children today and no grandchildren."

"Well, I'm very glad you didn't lose faith. Because then I wouldn't have Sharon, and your daughter wasn't only a miracle for you and your husband. She's been a miracle for me too."

Colleen saw nothing but sincerity Andy's eyes. Since they'd arrived, she had been watching this handsome man who had stolen her daughter's heart, intrigued by their relationship and hoping to get a better feel for him. So far she liked what she'd seen. Andy had a comfort and ease that was so different from Jack's near frenetic need to please. With Jack, everything had been a show. He was always trying so hard to charm her and William. Too hard. And it had never felt sincere. After all these years she wasn't sure she'd ever met the real Jack Raydor.

Andy was charming too, but it was a more natural sort of charm. And he was so solicitous of Sharon. The way he looked at her, the gentle way he touched her, well, that spoke volumes for how felt about her. You couldn't be in a room with the two without feeling the love they had for each other.

Last night after supper and after the kids had been put to bed, the adults had convened in the living room to watch "White Christmas" both her and Sharon's favorite holiday classic. Sharon and Andy had taken to the couch, Andy unselfconsciously slipping his arm over her and Sharon just as unselfconsciously curling up into him, resting her head on his shoulder to watch TV. It was so nice to see that ease and that warmth and affection between them. They even finished each other sentences. Nothing filled her with more joy this Christmas than seeing that her daughter had finally found this kind of love. The only thing that would make it more perfect now would be a wedding. Call her old fashioned, but she wanted to see her daughter married.

After helping Colleen put the groceries away, Andy left the kitchen to find Sharon and the boys.

"This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and Angels sing
Haste, haste, to bring Him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary."

He smiled when he heard Sharon singing and followed her lovely voice into the living room. The first time he'd heard her sing was on the way home from Nicole's wedding. Sandra's brothers had been tripping over themselves trying to buy drinks for her at the reception and though she wasn't drunk he guessed the alcohol had caused her inhibitions to be down a little bit or she was just feeling more comfortable with him, whatever the case he'd turned on the radio and she'd begun to sing softly with Stevie Nicks. Rhiannon. First he'd been surprised at how well she sang and how sexy her voice was and then she'd gotten to "wouldn't you love to love her" and he'd been taken aback by his instant arousal at the very thought of making love to Sharon Raydor. These strange and roiling feelings he had for her had started the first time he'd held her in his arms on the dance floor and rather than abating they only seemed to be growing stronger. When she told him that Rhiannon was the name of her best friend's daughter and that she had down syndrome he had suddenly found himself in the strange position of not only being attracted to her but also wanting to know so much more about her. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd experienced that combination. But back then, Sharon was off limits. She was married and she was his boss. At the time, it had all felt so hopeless. But there was something there, something had changed between them and he hadn't given up. He'd struck up a friendship with her that had blossomed into a romance and then into a love so deep it actually hurt to remember back to those hopeless days.

He stood outside the door for a little bit, enjoying listening to her sing and when he finally did enter the room he found that she was not only singing, she was also the one playing the piano.

She looked up and smiled at him as he sat beside her on the piano bench.

"You play really well," he said.

"Actually, I'm pretty rusty. But thank you, honey." She reached out a hand to brush her fingers lovingly against his sandpaper rough jaw.

"You used to play a lot when we were kids," Ricky said. "I still don't know why you got rid of the piano, Mom."

"Oh, I just got much too busy to play and there was no reason to keep it when others could be using it." Sharon's response was matter of fact, but Andy noticed that her face nearly imperceptibly tightened with pain and her green eyes lost the sparkle of joy they'd had in them when he'd entered the room. There was a story behind that piano.

"Sharon, do you know Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?" Tyler asked.

"I do. But I'm getting hungry. Why don't we go see about some lunch and I'll play some more for you after."

"Okay."

Sharon rose from the bench and Andy took her hand. He hated to see that bleak sadness in her eyes. As they stepped under the archway that led to the hall, he paused. Sharon gave him a confused look until he pointed up and she saw they were standing under the mistletoe.

"You know the rules." He lifted her chin with his fingers and gave her a wicked smile she couldn't help but return.

"Indeed I do." He was glad to see spark back her eyes, that's exactly what he'd been aiming for. She barely finished the sentiment when he covered her lips with his.

"Oh my God, don't you two ever get enough?" Rusty groaned.

"Uh…I can't speak for your mother, but for me it's a no. Sharon?"

"That's a no for me too. "

Rusty shook his head and left the two making goo- goo eyes at each other.

"So you want to tell me about the piano?" They were in bed and Andy was spooning Sharon, nuzzling into her hair as he spoke.

Sharon tensed. "What about the piano?"

"I saw your face when Ricky asked why you got rid of the piano and I've been to your storage unit. You keep everything that has to do with your kid's childhood. You didn't just get rid of it did you?"

"No." Sharon's voice was barely a whisper. Andy waited quietly, knowing she would tell him when she was ready. Finally, she took his hand, the one that was caressing her hip comfortingly and wrapped it around her pulling it in to her chest.

"The piano gift was a wedding gift to me from my Aunt Mary, my father's sister. She knew I loved to play. A few years after Jack left, he came back. He said he'd gotten sober and wanted to try again. We were legally separated by then but a part of me wanted to believe him, even if I didn't really trust him. And whatever happened between us, as long as he wasn't drinking I wanted him to have a relationship with the kids, so I let him move back in for a little while-into the spare room. It didn't take long before I found out why he'd really come home. He was gambling heavily and had gotten into some trouble. He owed some people money and he wanted me to "loan" it to him. I didn't have $10,000 lying around, I was still digging out of the debt he'd left me in, and even if I did have it I couldn't give it to him for gambling debts now, could I?"

"Of course not. He had to know that."

"I'm not sure it even crossed his mind. Jack's never seen things in black and white and there's never been a line he was afraid to step over. He begged me to take the money out of the kid's college funds. The same college funds he'd already depleted when I gave him the ultimatum to get sober or leave and he'd chosen to leave. I got a call from the bank saying that he had tried to access the funds from our former joint account and then from the kids accounts. Thankfully when I made the separation legal it kept him from being able to access my funds and I had the money the kids had inherited from my grandparents put in trusts to be used for college where Jack couldn't touch it. He was furious and I was furious. The next day while I was at work and the kids were in school Jack took the piano and a few other things, sold them and ran away back to Vegas."

"He stole your piano and sold it? Why didn't you have him arrested?"

"I thought about it, believe me. But I had no proof. The piano was a wedding gift; I didn't have anything on paper saying it was mine. What really pissed me off was that being a lawyer Jack knew that. He knew I'd have no recourse."

"And you never told the kids what happened?"

"What would have been the point? They were already hurting because Jack had upped and left again without bothering to say good-bye to them. There was no need to pile on. I was so angry and so…hurt…And I felt so foolish. I'd known better than to trust him and yet I'd let him back into my home."

"You have a good heart Sharon. You want to believe the best in people and you wanted to do something nice for your kids." God did he hate how Jack had taken advantage of her love for her children.

"And you always want to think the best of me." She kissed the back of his hand. "I do make mistakes, you know. Maybe it was a mistake for me to constantly cover up for Jack and never force him have to take responsibility for all the shitty things he did to us. But I was trying to protect my kids."

"We all make mistakes, babe. And you shouldn't ever apologize for trying to protect your kids. Maybe Jack did deserve a kick in the ass a lot sooner but speaking as a man whose ex did everything in her power to sabotage my relationship with my daughter no matter how hard I tried and no matter how much it hurt her, I don't think it was wrong to try to give him the benefit of the doubt." He paused for effect then added, "Just maybe not so many times."

Sharon smothered a laugh into the back of his hand. "Believe me, I learned my lesson. No more cover-ups. Jack's on his own. Maybe one day he'll get his life together, but it's not my responsibility anymore."

"It never was, babe. It was always his."

"You're right, I know," she sighed.

"Why didn't you get another piano?"

"Emily had become completely focused on dance and wasn't interested in piano lessons anymore and by the time I could afford one, both she and Ricky were in college and I was looking at downsizing. A piano wouldn't fit in my condo."

"But it just might fit when we buy our new house." Already he was adding that into his list of requirements. The home must have a room big enough for a piano.

"Yes…Yes, it might. I'd like that." She rolled over, rubbing her hand on his shoulder before cupping his cheek in her palm. "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Make me feel better. You always seem to know how to make me feel better."

"I don't have many gifts, but if that's the only one I have, I'll take it."

TBC