I keep your picture by my bed
For when I'm feeling sad
And I don't know why I would be
The way your smile looks so real
I feel like I could start to understand your grace

Touring is the worse part of being famous. True touring I meet all the amazing fans who got me to where I am today, but touring also means I'm without her. Ally never tours with me, she never wants to leave her alone with the store. I've recently just left for a year long tour, a year without her beautiful face I had fallen madly in love with.

I can't sleep during tour just right, and without a picture, the picture from the day we announced our relationship to tiger beat, right beside my bed. I fall asleep looking at us hug, looking at us happy, whole. I knew that all my leaving and coming back killed Ally. I could tell no matter how amazing her fake smile is that she's dead inside each time I pack up to leave again. It's a deadness we both share. It almost makes my dream not worth it.

I understand Ally's liking to be in the shadows more and more each day. When you're in the shadows you don't have to watch your every move, you can stay behind with your love and eat ice cream on the beach and sing along to the radio. You don't have to go a year without kissing the only lips you could ever image being in your life.

But I
I don't understand
Why you're not here with me
And I
I don't even wanna know
Where else you'd be

I know that this is his career, and he doesn't have a choice as to leave; but part of me will never understand why he's not here. Why he's not here with me on the couch eating pancakes and pickles and watching endless movies. Being together just me and him. Instead I'm on the couch lonely and waiting for my goodnight call, and he's by now in California performing an amazing show to start our year apart.

Apart of my recents him for leaving each time, no matter what I always want to be with him, why does he not want to unconditionally want to be with me? But I don't have room to complain I'm Austin's song writer, I could easily go on the tours as well, but I choose to stay behind each time. I can't leave Sonic Boom, my dad, Dez, who Mr. Star says is to big of a danger to be on a bus for a year, behind.

'Cause I have photographs and memories
Of the times
When you weren't on my mind
And I was alone
And I have poetry and drawings
Of my life when you weren't on my side
And I didn't know
Just what is love

The pictures is what keeps them sane. Pictures of the times when the day was perfect and the only thing they had to think about was each other. Not how much the new guitar is, or when will a crazed fan try to jump me. It was only each other, they were alone and it was perfect. They were by each others side and that's all they needed.

They also turn to the songs she writes, the songs about times like these when they're away from each other. Songs that remind them what love is if they ever forget.

Writing moments on the wall
The different color keeps
My mind away from missing you
And I can't wait to fall asleep
Slip into my dreams
Where we can dance upon the stars

Touring is the worst. I actually have to work, and I'm away from Freckles. Yes you heard me I miss Dez the most when we tour. True I miss my best friend, but over the years as we all matured I fell in love with the, still at 20, crazy ginger. The only time of happiness I have is seeing Austin's name in lights and the A&A in huge letters behind him reminding me we all made it. How we proved the doubters wrong and 100% made it.

But the show always ends and the pain comes back when I can't run and kiss Dez as I do at at home shows. Austin and I have bonded over this fact that we miss our huge hug from our chosen lovers. I know it kills him being without Ally, probably even more than it kills me to be without Dez. I have more time to call and skype my love, he's lucky to get more than a "Goodnight, I love you." in each night before passing out asleep.

Sleep that's my favorite time of the day, I get to go into a dream land. A land where he's here and he's holding me in sleep. A place were we just lay on a blanket in his back yard and look at the stars and him horribly singing Chasing Cars. A replay of the best night of my life.

And I
I'll be as patient as a boy
In love could ever be
And I
I feel like I wasn't real
Until you were a part of me

I knew this would be the slowest year of my life, but I had to be patient. Well as patient as someone in love without their lover can be. I have Ally and Miami to distract me, but it all reminds me of my latino love. I don't even feel like Dez without Trish here to tease me, to kiss me, to say she loves me.

True we do skype almost weekly and text constantly, but I can't hold her, I cant be there when she has a bad day and comfort her. It kills me knowing it'll be a year before I hold my Trish again.

So there you go another one (: and please tell me how to update from my phone so I can update over the summer (: and 100 review you guys are amazing thank you ever single person who reviewed xD let's see if we can reach 200 before the end :DDDDD s