Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots, with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you

"Uh, uh, uh. Don't think you can get away from me."

"Jesus! " Sharon's hand moved to her heart and she stopped abruptly, nearly bumping into her sister. "You're stalking me outside the bathroom?"

"It's the only chance I've gotten to get you alone since dinner. Come on, let's go." Christine grabbed Sharon's arm and dragged her into their father's study. "Sit down."

Unused to being ordered about, Sharon simply stood with her arms crossed under her breasts. Christine snorted out a laugh. "That look might work on your suspects and your kids, but it doesn't work on me. I've seen you naked. Come on, it's time to dish."

With a sigh, Sharon sank down into one of the plush leather chairs in the masculine room. "About what?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know, the weather, the state of the economy…My GOD, you're getting married."

Sharon glanced down at her ring with a secretive little smile. "Yes, yes I am."

"I can't say I'm all that surprised. As soon as I heard that Andy was moving in with you, I figured it was only a matter of time until you made it official. If he asked you, that is. And considering how hard to get you played, that wasn't exactly a given."

"I wasn't playing hard to get, Chris. It wasn't a game. But why were you so sure I wanted to get married? I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married again."

"Seriously? " Christine's eyes widened with surprise. "You're all about rules and tradition. Need I remind you how long you stayed married in name only to a man you no longer loved and didn't live with for 20 years? Marriage seems like a much better fit for you than living with a guy. So, tell me what it is about Andy Flynn that got you to throw all the rules out the window and let him move in with you. I mean I get that he's good-looking and very sexy. He obviously worships the ground you walk on; he's good with the kids, he-"

"Are you going to sit here and list all my fiancé's attributes or are you going to let me participate in the conversation?"

"By all means, participate away. But before you do, I have one very important question."

"Yeesss…"

"Is he as good in bed as he looks like he would be?"

"Oh my God." Sharon's eyes rolled up to the heavens. "Chrissie, I'm not going to discuss how good Andy is in bed."

Christine grinned at the flush now staining her sister's cheeks. "That good, huh? I thought so. The guy oozes sexuality. Must be the Italian in him. Italians are supposed to be the best lovers, you know. So, does he…You know?"

"Does he what?"

"Does he really rev your engine?"

Sharon shook her head in a combination of exasperation and amusement. Christine was as bad as Gavin. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Nope." Christine handed her one of the small glass cups of eggnog she'd brought with her.

"Okay, fine. This better be the high octane stuff." Sharon accepted the cup and took a healthy sip. It was indeed laced with spiced rum. "That probably wouldn't be the term I would use, but yes, Andy does really rev my engine."

"Damn, I knew it."

Suddenly they were teenagers again, curled up on their twin beds discussing their latest crushes and Sharon felt her reserve melting away. "I've never been with anyone who makes me feel the way he does," she admitted.

"Really? " Christine leaned in, eager to hear all the sexy details. "What does he do? Is he kinky?"

Now it was Sharon's turn to snort a laugh. "It's not like that. We aren't living out '50 Shades of Grey'. He doesn't have some kinky bag of tricks, though he is experienced and he does know what he's doing that's for sure. But that's not what I meant. It's more like when he's with me, intimately; he's completely focused on me. With Andy it's really making love and for me that's more erotic than anything."

"Oh absolutely. Other than a wham bam thank you ma'am there's nothing worse than a guy just going through the motions so he can get off."

Sharon nodded. Before Andy, her sex life had been pretty much non-existent for a very long time. There had been exactly two men between Jack and Andy but neither had lit any sparks sexually or emotionally and certainly nothing serious had come of either short-lived relationship. Andy's lovemaking had restored her repressed libido and brought her body back to life. She trusted Andy and because of that, she was a different kind of lover with him, more spontaneous and uninhibited. The intensity and reverence he brought to sex, combined with a tender playfulness and joy, was something she had never experienced before.

"Okay, so he's good looking and good in bed, but after Jack and all that time alone, what made you decide you wanted to get married again?".

"Well, it's not like I'm jumping into anything. I've known Andy for a very long time. You know how they say the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference? "

"Mmmm…"

"Well Andy and I have never experienced indifference. There's always been a spark between us."

"A nice way of saying you couldn't stand each other." Christine knew of their rocky beginning.

Sharon shrugged. "Yes, in the beginning that energy was pretty negative. Andy likes to say we're fire and ice." And he also liked to add, with a touch of male pride, how his fire had finally melted her ice. However, that had taken some time. Handsome and irreverent, Andy had a mischievous bad boy side that many women found irresistible. He'd certainly drawn the attention of many women in the LAPD. But not her. At least not then. Bad boys had been the bane of her existence in FID.

"I didn't really get to know him until my last couple of years in FID when I began working more closely with Major Crimes, " Sharon said. "Before that, I thought he was just a good looking, hot headed, smart-ass, womanizer. Once I took over Major Crimes and I got to know him better I was able to that under that tough exterior was a man who was really quite charming, funny and compassionate and who is also very, very good at his job."

Christine gave her a sly grin. "And you were attracted to him."

"And I was attracted to him. But I did not intend to let our friendship progress into anything more than it was. "

"Why?"

"Why? Well, let's see. There was the little fact that I was still married."

Christine brushed that off with a wave of her hand. "That was just a technicality. You could have taken care of that at any time. Which you finally did, thank God. What was the real reason?"

Sharon sighed. "The risk. Oh my God, Chrissie, there were so many risks with getting involved with Andy.

"But you said it wasn't against policy for you two to date."

"No, it isn't. But just because it's not against policy doesn't make it a good idea. If we had gotten involved and things hadn't worked out, it could have destroyed the team. I've seen it happen and Andy actually lived through it with two detectives who were on the squad before I took over. It got so bad that one of them had to transfer out."

"I guess having to work with someone you'd been in love with would be pretty awkward, especially if it was a bad break up."

Awkward was the least of Sharon's worries. No, her worries had centered on protecting her heart from pain. With her feelings for Andy already running deep even before they officially started dating, it was hard to imagine how she'd feel if she completely let him in, if she allowed herself to fall in love with him and he decided to walk away. Having to see him and work with him every day, having to listen to him talk about other women in his life, no that wouldn't be awkward, it would break her heart. Those were the worries that had kept her up at night.

"I'd worked very hard to make our team a cohesive unit. I didn't want to do anything to disrupt that balance. So I told myself I didn't want or need romance in my life." And she certainly did not want or need to be hurt again.

"Everyone needs a little romance in their life."

"Yes, well, that's easy to say. But romance can open you up to a whole lot of things that I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with again. I mean a romance can upend the whole balance of your life. And my life was good. I'd sold my house and bought the condo. I'd worked through the loneliness of my empty nest." She paused at her sister's skeptical raised brow and amended, "For the most part, anyway." She would always miss her children. "My kids were in a good place. I had good friends, and being assigned to Major Crimes was my dream job. I didn't feel like anything was missing. "

"Come on Shari-baby. This is me you're talking to. Are you really saying you weren't lonely?"

Sharon gave her a dirty look for using the Frankie Valli song nickname she'd hated, and that Christine knew she hated, and then pondered the question for a moment. Loneliness? It was an emotion she was well acquainted with. When Ricky left for college, joining Emily in flying the coop it had left her completely on her own for the first time in her life and she'd struggled with a deep sense of loneliness. Her focus for so many years had been on her kids so when they were no longer a part of her every day world, that had been a huge adjustment. But she'd worked her way through it and had built a fulfilling life, a life that didn't include being vulnerable to any man. She'd had to cultivate a "stay away" vibe at work and consciously or not, she'd carried that shield into her personal life when it came to men.

She'd thrived in that independent life, had even come to enjoy the peace and quiet of solitude. To be able to eat what she wanted and when she wanted. To sit and read a book without any interruptions. To go to bed at night and not toss and turn worrying about Ricky or Emily coming home after curfew.

Was she lonely? She hadn't thought so. Sure, there were times when she felt something was missing, times when she'd longed to come home and have someone to curl up with and share her day. Times when the condo seemed so quiet and empty. Times when she had watched couples walking on the beach hand in hand or gazing into each others eyes at an outdoor cafe and she would feel a yearning inside for that kind of connection. To feel that kind of love, not the love of child or friend, but that of a lover, a soulmate. Times, as a healthy red-blooded woman with needs when she'd had to admit that the nights were very long when you were alone. But she wasn't actively looking for that someone. It was only after Andy had become such an integral part of her life, taking up so much space in her heart, body and mind that she'd come to realize just how much she'd been missing. "I'd grown used to not having a man in my life. And thanks to Jack, I know I put up some pretty high walls to keep them out. But yeah, of course there were times I was lonely."

"So what happened?"

"I don't know. Andy happened. Once I'd finally divorced Jack and put all that behind me, it was so freeing. Like something that had been hanging over me for so long was finally gone. But it was also a little scary."

"Well, yeah, because you couldn't use the 'I'm a married woman excuse as a crutch anymore."

"Exactly." There had been safety behind that ring even if she didn't wear it anymore and she'd used it for a long time to keep Andy at arm's length and to shield herself from her emotional response to him. "I thought once I was free Andy might try to barrel right through the walls. He's not a patient man, to say the least. But he didn't. He tore them down so slowly I almost didn't notice him doing it. And the more I let him in, the more I got to know him, the more I fell for him."

"Enough to marry him."

"Obviously. I'm wearing his ring. Believe me. I didn't think I'd ever get married again. I thought I'd accepted being alone. " The idea of a man having the kind of control that Jack had had over her while they were married, emptying her bank accounts, destroying her credit, threatening her income and her pension when she asked for a divorce was enough to make any woman run in the other direction. But she wasn't any woman and she wasn't the naïve young woman who'd rushed into marriage with Jack. It was a risk sure, and she'd never been a risk taker. But Andy was not Jack. Not by a long shot.

"One thing that both Rusty and Andy have taught me is that sometimes the best things in life happen when you put yourself out there, open your heart and take a risk."

"Oh my God, Shar. That sounds like a Hallmark movie. "

Sharon laughed. "It does, doesn't it? Well even though I loved Andy and I trusted him, when he brought up buying a house together, living together, it made me nervous. It seemed like such a big step and it was like Jack's shadow was hovering over me, reminding me of all the bad things that can happen when you merge your life with someone else's. But it turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. I was happy and content to be sharing our lives that way, but as soon as Andy asked me to marry him it was like something clicked inside me and I knew just how much I wanted more."

"Marriage."

"Not just marriage. I want to stand in front of God and our friends and family and make those sacred promises to each other. I want that spiritual joining. Oh, I don't know. It's so strange, Chris. I didn't expect to feel as strongly as I do about this, but when he got down on one knee in that gazebo and held out that ring, I realized that there was nothing I wanted more in this world than to marry him."

"It only proves how well Andy knows you."

Sharon smiled. "He does know me and I know him, warts and all. He's the one for me Chris."

"So, talk to me, tell me what you love about him."

Sharon's face softened as she began to contemplate her fiancé. "Let's see. I love that he makes me laugh and that we have fun together. I love that every time he walks in a room he makes me feel special. I love that he's filled with passion, for his family, for his sports teams, for his job…for me. I love that he has this grand sense of romance. I love that he's strong and gentle and that he's not afraid to try new things. I love how open he is with his emotions and that he says exactly what he thinks whether you want to hear it or not and sometimes whether he should even say it or not. I love that even though he's no a saint, he's learned from his mistakes and continues to grow as a person. I love how sweet he is with his daughter and step-grandsons and the relationships that he's building with my daughter and my two sons. I love how much he wants us all to be a family and that he respects me, not just as his Captain or as his girlfriend but as a woman."

"And it doesn't bother him-you being the boss?"

"Not at all. I don't know, maybe it would be different if it were a job that he wanted, but Andy likes the hands on stuff. He likes being in the field kicking in doors and clearing out crime scenes, not meeting with the chief and balancing a team and budgets. Andy values being a team player and getting the job done regardless of your sex. When we were in conflict, it wasn't because I was a woman. It was because he didn't believe that I was really one of them, a member of their team. He's not threatened by strong women."

"Most strong men aren't. It's the weak ones who are threatened."

"Mmmm…Andy's certainly not weak." She smiled into her eggnog remembering the many times that Andy had gotten in her face to argue his point. Of course that was a few years ago when she'd been in FID and then had just taken over Major Crimes. But even now he had no problem questioning her or arguing a point, he just did it in a more respectful manner. "He's no 'yes man'. He challenges me and makes me think and look at things in different ways. I've learned a lot from him and I think he's learned a lot from me. I find that incredibly stimulating. "

"I have a feeling that's not all you find stimulating."

Sharon gave a soft laugh at Christine wiggling her eyebrows. "No, that isn't all. I know he can be tough and cynical but he has a smile that makes it impossible for me not to smile back. I think I fell in love with that smile before I fell in love with him." Sharon leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs. She knew she had a type. Many of the people she was drawn to were outgoing and enthusiastic, people who liked to tell jokes and could hold a room with great stories. They were the Leo's of the Zodiac, self-confident, dominant and extremely difficult to resist. Jack was a Leo and while Andy was a sexy, intense, stubborn Scorpio, he did share some of those Leo traits. At least that's what she'd learned from her friend Summer who believed in all that astrology stuff.

"Does it scare you that he's a recovering alcoholic?" Christine said it softly; unsure of whether she should have brought it up or not.

"You know it really doesn't, not anymore. It did in the beginning, but now it's just part of who he is. I went through so much with Jack and his drinking, but being with Andy I've learned that alcoholism is like every other disease, there are different degrees and different responses to treatment. Jack has an addictive personality. If it's not alcohol, it's smoking, if it's not smoking it's gambling, if it's not gambling it's making money. There is a weakness in Jack, an insecurity and that plays out in his addictions."

"Interesting. He always came off to me as so full of himself."

"It's all an act. Underneath that act he's just a scared little boy running away and hiding from his fears and responsibilities in a bottle."

"Hmmm….And that's not Andy?"

"No, that's not Andy. Andy's drinking began as a way of coping with all the horrific, depressing and frustrating things he had to deal with every day on the job and because of the stress that brought on his marriage. He tries to hide it, but Andy feels things very deeply and he's had to learn how to cope with that. He was what some call a functional alcoholic. He never drank on the job and unlike Jack; he never lost his job because of his drinking and he never missed a child support payment. He was able to continue rising in the ranks while his personal life fell apart. I dealt with that a lot over at the PSB. Being a police officer is one of the most stressful jobs out there. About one in four cops become alcoholics. I'm not making excuses for him, because many of us don't turn to alcohol, but I do understand how it can happen."

"It makes sense that some would try to anesthetize themselves. The world can be an ugly, violent place and you guys see that up front and personal. "

"Yes we do. But, however it started for each of them the one thing they have in common is how much it hurt their families. The main difference is that Jack has not been able to stop. I blamed him for that for a long time. It took me awhile to understand that his addictions are stronger than whatever he felt at losing the kids and me. Now I just feel sorry for him, for all that he missed and is missing."

Christine rested a hand over her sister's. "It is his loss, Sharon. You're an amazing woman and you've raised two amazing kids. It's a real shame that he isn't able to see that."

"You're right, it is. But Andy did see that. Losing his daughter was rock bottom for him. It made him step back, take a good look at himself, and decide who he wanted to be and what was more important to him. Did he want to keep drinking and stay numb, or quit and try to rebuild his relationship with Nicole? He chose his daughter and hasn't looked back since. He joined AA and has been sober for 20 years. He's helped dozens of other people, especially other cops and detectives; navigate their way through the program. He's 100% committed to staying sober and continuing to heal his relationship with Nicole. I've been a witness to that for several years now so I know it's not just lip service. He's done everything he can to make up for the past, move forward and make himself a better person. Is he perfect? Of course not. But then again none of us are."

"It would be pretty boring if we were."

"Exactly. We're all human. We all make mistakes. The difference is that some people face their demons and make the necessary changes, like Andy, while some just seem to repeat their mistakes, never learning any lessons, like Jack. Yes, I'm afraid something could happen and cause Andy to fall off the wagon. But if that happens, I'll be right by his side to help him back up. I guess the way I look at is, if Andy had had cancer, would I not marry him because I was afraid the cancer might come back? Of course not. I'd marry him and promise to help him fight it if it did come back. The same goes for his drinking."

"I never thought about it that way, but you're right. I guess it all comes down to, is your life better with this person in it?"

"Definitely yes. Better and happier. I know this may sound corny but I really feel like Andy coming into my life has been a miracle. Like I've waited a lifetime to feel this kind of connection and happiness and now I'm at the point where I can't imagine my life without Andy in it. And as scary as that is, I can't let myself be worried about something that might or might not happen in the future. None of us knows what might happen on the road ahead. I just want to be on that road with Andy.

"I understand what you're saying. I've been there. Sometimes you just have to trust and follow your heart if you don't want to live half a life. God, look what you've got me doing? Now I'm the one sounding like a sappy Hallmark commercial. "

Sharon smirked and gave a shrug of her shoulder, but it made her think. Had she been living half a life? If she had, it had been a very good half a life, focused on her children, her friends, her job and a few outside interests. If anyone had asked her if she was happy, she would have said yes. Then Andy had come into her life and he had definitely made it richer, fuller and more complete. Only then had she really understood that something had been missing and that Andy now filled that void completely and totally. "To tell you the truth, ever since the kids moved out I've felt like my best years were behind me, but I don't feel that way anymore. It's nice to be looking forward again, not backward. It's exciting and energizing. I know this is going to sound strange coming from a middle aged woman, but I feel like in some ways my life is just beginning, or at least beginning all over again."

"Not strange at all. I felt like that when I married Ed" She raised her glass of eggnog in a toast "To a brand new happy life, full of love and new adventures."

With a nod of agreement, Sharon smiled and touched her glass to her sister's. "Slainte."

TBC