Chapter 14

I Feel Like A Monster

Walking out of the guest-room, Tyroth was very shaken from his nightmare. Needing something to help calm his nerves, he walked over to the kitchen. Throwing a glance at the lab, he could see that the others were still working on the rescue plan. It gave him a little solace that they were working so hard, but at the same time, he felt utterly useless, not being able to help.

Rummaging through the kitchen, Tyroth couldn't really decide what he should have. Tea has always been relaxing, but it wasn't strong enough. Alcohol, on the other hand, might be strong enough, however, in his current mental and emotional state, it might do more harm than good.

Deciding for the tea, while he prepared the kettle, Splinter walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see the dragon.

"Tyroth? I thought that you were resting."

"I tried to, but… I'm haunted by nightmares."

"I see, that is very unfortunate."

"I've had them since this all started, but they have gotten worse. I've tried meditating to get rid of them, only to see them clearer. I don't know how much longer I can take this, Splinter. It feels like I'm at my limit."

"That sounds very serious."

"It is. I awoke from one just recently, and I felt almost like when Arden tortured me with his fear serum. My eyes glowed red as if I was possessed. I fear that I will loose it and go into a rage, just like back in the Foot base, or the ruins in Skyrim."

"You require help, my young friend, and I will gladly give it to you. But this is not the place, come with me to my quarters."

Tyroth followed the old rat to his quarters, once there, Splinter lit some incenses and motioned for Tyroth to sit. The calming atmosphere along with the incenses made Tyroth feel a little more at ease.

"I helped you before to gain control over your instincts, and to conquer your nightmares after your capture, and I will help you again. We will banish these horrors together, just like I helped Monalisa when she joined our family." Splinter said as he sat down opposite of Tyroth.

"I really hope so, Splinter. That night left its mark on me, and not just the torture. I don't remember much from my berserker moments, other than blood and hate. Since then, I've felt the presence of that kind of rage deep inside of me, like if it is another personality, that of a monster. I almost feel like a monster, and after seeing the destruction I caused in the ruins… I'm scared."

"I understand. But you are not a monster, Tyroth. A monster would not fight to protect innocents from evil. You are an honourable warrior, who have saved the lives of my sons and daughter many times. The only monster here, is the rage within you. Do not let it destroy you, find your balance and inner peace, as you did before. Find a happy memory and focus on it, let it be your guiding light in the darkness."

Finding some strength in Splinter's words, Tyroth closed his eyes and searched his mind for a memory that could help him. The horrors still haunted him, but after a while, he was able to push them a way and find an old memory.

He remembered a time long ago, back when he lived in the northern most parts of Sweden, he was eight years at the time. It was late October and in the land of the midnight sun, it was now dark almost all of the time, making it a perfect time for stargazing. Living far from any major cities, there were next to no light pollution, especially in the backyard.

Sitting on a blanket in the backyard, wrapped up in another blanket, he looked up at the stars, his eyes filled with curiosity and wonder. Leaning against his shoulder, was his younger sister. They often came out to gaze at the stars and this night, they were treated to a rare sight, the Northern Lights. Looking like a curtain moving in the wind, coloured like the rainbow, the two were mesmerized by the beauty.

Tyroth smiled when he remembered those magical moments of his childhood and started to feel very relaxed for the first time in days.

But the peace didn't last. The nightsky of his memory grew black as the stars were extinguished and the Northern Light faded away. Dark figures emerged from every shadow and moved closer. Terrified, he pulled his sister closer in an effort to protect her from the black-dressed strangers, but he wasn't strong enough. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't hold onto his sister and she was pulled out of his grip, screaming and crying for her brother to save her.

Rushing to try and pull her back, he was just inches away when the figures faded away in the darkness, together with her sister. Her cries for help still echoed through the air. Left all alone, he fell to his knees and punched the ground, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Sinister laughter filled the air as two figures stepped out of the darkness, one was a Japanese man with dark hair in a ponytail, dressed in black and red robes. The other was a white man with short brown hair, dressed in a labcoat. The left side of his face was little more than a single large scar.

Looking up at the smirking faces of the two men, he felt nothing but hate.

Tyroth clenched his teeth and started to shake. Splinter noticed the dragon's change and knew that the night terrors had sunk their teeth in his happy memory.

"Do not let them win, Tyroth. You can defeat them." the old rat said.

Suddenly, Tyroth's eyes opened and glowed red. Snarling, froth formed in his mouth and he launched himself at Splinter. Shocked by Tyroth's sudden outburst, Splinter was still able to quickly jump out of the way of the berserker mutant, his claws slashing the air where Splinter sat mere seconds earlier.

"Tyroth!" Splinter cried out, but there was no response. "Calm yourself! This is not you!"

Turning his glowing eyes at Splinter, Tyroth growled loudly as his entire body started to glow red as well. Splinter couldn't help but to feel fear at the sight of the raging dragon. He had been told about Tyroth's berserkergangs, and how you could almost feel the rage emanating from him, and witnessing it himself, he fully understood what his children meant.

"You must listen to me, Tyroth. Giving in to your anger will not help you rescue your family. Focus on what matters the most to you and push away the darkness."

Splinter's words seemed to give the dragon pause, as his breathing started to become calmer and more controlled. The red glow, both in his eyes and around his body, began to fade. Tyroth fell onto all four, shaking as tears fell from his eyes.

"… I'm so sorry..." the dragon said sobbing. "I couldn't help it… as soon as I thought I could find some peace… all hell broke loose… and I couldn't control it..."

"You have nothing to apologize for." Splinter said, placing a comforting paw on Tyroth's shoulder. It was now clear that Tyroth was in a far worse condition that they had originally thought.

"Sensei! I heard some kind of commotion, is everything alright?" Leonardo asked through the closed sliding doors.

"There is nothing to worry about, my son." Splinter replied. "Tyroth was just in need of… venting a little of his frustration."

"Tyroth's there? I see. Do you need any help?"

"Not at the moment, Leonardo, but thank you for offering."

Once Leonardo had left, Splinter turned to Tyroth once again, and spoke softly.

"You have been broken inside, but we will help you heal and save your family. This, I promise you on my honour."

This chapter's title is a reference to the song by Skillet with the same name, which I do not own in any way, and it fits very well with how Tyroth is feeling right now.

He's already snapped once, will there be more? Read on and see.