Chapter Thirty: Would We Regret, Would We Forget?

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~ Narnia ~

"Wonderful, darling, I should have Prof– a blue star, truly?" Caspian woke quickly, disbelief on his face as he stared at his wife. After his late hour the night before, he had decided to retire early this evening, feeling exhausted after going over all the problems and complications that had arisen since they'd set out from Cair Paravel. However, upon hearing this astonishing news, he woke immediately. By the time he'd rolled out of the hammock, Serene was trying to get a contentious, belligerent Edmund from bed also. He'd never been good at waking when someone wanted him to, or when he hadn't given the conditions under which someone was to wake him.

"Blast it all! Can't a man get some sleep when he wants it? Or do I have t– to– Sue, did you just say 'blue star?'" Edmund refrained from yawning, ruffling his hair with his fingers as he stared at his sister and Serene, brown eyes wide with surprise and disbelief.

"Confound it and botheration, here I am, finally being quiet, sleeping, and you go shouting about blue stars! Thank heavens you finally found it; now let me– Whoa!" As Eustace ranted, he leaned a bit too far over his hammock and plummeted to the floor in a tangle of sheets, arms, and legs, having fallen atop Edmund, which in turn knocked him from his own hammock and to the floor.

"Get off me!" the older boy shouted in annoyance, still angry at being woken from the first deliciously pleasant slumber he'd had in a while.

"I'm not on you; you're on me!" Eustace hollered back, tripping and stumbling as he tried to stand.

"All this trouble for some star; I pray to any god who hears that it bring something good!" Edmund complained under his breath, pulling on his boots. He was still in quite the foul mood.

"Oh, do be quiet; you think I like being woken in the middle of the night because some fruitcake – I'm still positive all of you are half crazy – is babbling on about blue stars?" Eustace groused, tugging on one of his own shoes.

"Oh, fall down a rabbit hole, Eustace," Edmund muttered, standing.

"Do the same yourself, Edmund, if it will put you in better spirits," Caspian advised with a quick grin, moving toward the next room and the stairs that led above decks. Edmund narrowed his eyes at the other king's retreating back.

"You're supposed to be on my side," he muttered grouchily, hauling himself to his feet and quickly walking after Caspian.

"Well, he's not, so you're going to have to do one of two things, live with the disappointment or get over it," Eustace retorted cheekily, brushing past his cousin. Edmund wisely refrained from engaging in the conversation again and walked silently after the blonde boy to the deck.

~|:Xo0oX:|~

There in the east, the blue star rose from the waves, bigger than most fiery lights of the night, a natural beacon telling them they had been going in the right direction. "I never imagined it to be this large," Caspian remarked aloud.

"We are so close to the End of All Things; it shines the brightest as the guiding light that leads to the Country of the Great King," Arran answered, coming up beside them, eyes on the blue star as well. "The last earthly haven between the world and Aslan's Country rests beneath it," Arran declared momentarily, pointing toward the horizon.

"Past it, open ocean. And Dedathazura, Dark Island. The final wild shore before the fantastical wave that touches the sky," Zephyr added, slightly solemn, staring at the star ahead of them.

"Now so close to the edge of the world that star will shine day and night," Gavan commented, leaning against the railing.

"Drinian, mark the course!" Caspian called to the captain.

"Aye, your Majesty." The man left the helm in the command of Rhince and turned to the chart room.

Everyone stared at the Blue Star, which marked the End of all Things and the Beginning of something New.

~|:Xo0oX:|~

The following morning, when everyone awoke, the blue star was shining in the sky just as Gavan had said it would. Its presence in the heavens unsettled both crew and company, realizing they were so close to their goal, so close to this voyage being ended, to returning home. It was frightening and thrilling, thinking that only months ago they were musing over what this voyage would bring and were now living their speculations, which were not what they had thought they would be.

~|:Xo0oX:|~

Arran had climbed up onto the Treader's dragon figurehead, relaxing in the wind as it pushed over the painted and gilded carving, filling the great purple sail. He closed his eyes, feeling the wind brush against his skin and ruffle its fingers through his hair. He had always loved the smell of the ocean on the breeze, the cry of gulls, and the crash of the surf. It filled him with inexplicable delight and pleasure; he couldn't imagine being anywhere else in the world at that moment.

With a sigh, he opened his eyes, thinking about the mist and the dangerous waters they were heading into. But he could not stop them; Coriakin had told him that; he shouldn't have even bothered thinking it. He remembered what the Magician had told him, about this being something that had to be done, something that would suffer consequence, but must be undergone. He gave a low growl of frustration; foolish mortals with their foolish ideas of death! His father had told him that Men went through that stage, when they thought they were unstoppable and immortal.

Withermere always said that that sort of temporary mindset came with consequences, however. "In which I shall either be forced to join, or rescue them from!" he muttered to himself, stretching out one of his legs, resting his arm on the other.

"Thinking?"

Arran jerked, opening one eye to survey Eustace standing on the ladder not far away. He shrugged in an offhand manner, closing his eyes again and relaxing. "In a way," he answered vaguely. Curse his mortal blood; he was starting to think of this one as his friend! Aslan knows how horribly that would work out for him.

"Mind if I join you? Everyone else is acting all preoccupied, now that we're following the blue star," Eustace said.

"Fine," Arran complied, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice since Eustace was doing a good job of keeping the uncertainty out of his. Using his magic, Arran could tell that Eustace was still unsure of his loyalty. Really, Eustace would make a good Narnian ally from the World of the Kings and Queens of Old; he just had to get better at swordplay or archery. Maybe the crossbow, that didn't take much thought.

"So, are you scared yet?" Arran asked casually.

Eustace glanced at the pirate, whose eyes were still closed, a small smile on his face as the wind pushed against them lightly. "I don't know what I should be scared of, exactly. I mean, this entire adventure has been from one fright to the next for me. I suppose I'd be a bit better if I were to come back again, but who's to say that should ever happen?" Eustace replied, sitting next to the Star, clasping his hands around his legs and resting his chin on his knees.

"Ah, that wonderful thing you mortals call 'regret', is it? Worried that this is to be your first and last visit and that you ruined it utterly?" Arran asked, his voice annoyingly light. He was finding this suspiciously amusing.

"Not really. I just wonder if what happened to my cousins will happen to me. I'd hate to have taken all this time to get to know you only to come back thousands of years later and get to know some new people; that's not fun, that's roll call. I don't do names very well," Eustace admitted, shrugging, slightly embarrassed.

"Well, the good thing is, I shall always be here. I will never pass away from this land unless Aslan grants it to me to fall from the heavens. If ever you do come back, I will do all that is in my power to find you; how does that sound?" Arran tilted his head to the right to smile at Eustace, even though he could not believe he had just made that commitment. What really surprised him, however, was that he meant it.

"It sounds like a promise! I knew you couldn't truly be like how you seemed on Deathwater Island." Eustace smiled a bit, pleased with the promise.

"Yes," Arran remarked, his voice fading as he drifted back into his thoughts. For a fraction of an instant, a look of pain crossed his features. Deathwater; Reepicheep, how could you?

~|:Xo0oX:|~

Caspian stared at the swords, which he had laid out on the table once more. He was starting to notice a more bluish tinge to them that hadn't been there before and wondered about it. Three swords, four more were still unaccounted for, and they had almost reached Ramandu's Island. If they never found them, they were utterly without excuses as to why they hadn't. With a low sound of frustration, Caspian stood. He wanted to pace, that always helped him to relax. When was the last time he'd actually been able to do this? Oh, yes, at Bernstead, where the Lord had said he was more like his father when he did that.

His father; what an interesting subject.

He hated to think of it like that, but the older he got, the harder it was to remember Caspian IX. His father had become something of a topic of discussion, a part of his history he dearly wished to know more of. But there seemed so few people who could give him answers, besides the Professor or Lord Bern. Everyone said he was like the king, sounded like him, looked like him and acted like him in many ways; but was that true? Would his father have understood his characteristic impatience, his quick temper?

The only one who might have known Caspian IX as a normal man without the façade of a king was Miraz, and he was dead. So the answers Caspian hoped to find for these questions lay in Aslan's Country, but what if they could not get there? What if they fell to temptation just as so many of the Lords had? They were only humans, as were the Lords. There was nothing that separated them. Their fate looked grim, but if the years had taught Caspian anything, it was to have hope.

"Do not regret what you cannot change."

Aslan's words came to mind as he stared out the large window at the wake of the ship. He could not change this, there was no use regretting something that was not in his power to alter. Aslan was watching, and He would protect them. But that was so difficult to rely on, when the great lion was nowhere to be found and they sailed further into the unknown.

"What a frustrating dilemma," he muttered to himself.

~|:Xo0oX:|~

The blue star seemed to grow ever brighter on the horizon, giving warning to the fact that they were very close to their destination. Everyone held their breath, just knowing something would prevent them from reaching the Island's shores; whatever lay beyond the Island of Ramandu would stop at nothing to keep those seven swords from being laid at Aslan's Table.

After the evening meal, Lucy stood on deck, her eyes fixed on the star, deliberating her and Edmund's part in this adventure; why, exactly, had Aslan brought them here?

"That must have been how Constance looked, when she learned her lover was a Star," Gavan remarked from behind her. He had come above deck to gain a reprieve from his arguing brothers; Arran was getting unmanageable and argumentative; Zephyr was little better, if only more reserved in his fury. Lucy was, in Gavan's eyes, the prettiest, fiercest person of the entire Narnian Company on this voyage, and, surprisingly, his calm when all else was unstable.

"Oh, hello, Gavan, I was just wondering what that Star must be like. You all seem to be so interesting; it's a bit surprising to know that every single one of those lights is a Star like you," Lucy said with a smile, looking back at the sky.

"That would be something you would think of," Gavan remarked with a thoughtful smile, coming to stand beside her.

"Is it?" Lucy glanced at him.

"Yes, you are that sort of person. Perhaps that is why you found Narnia first, insatiable curiosity," Gavan said, leaning against the rail and staring at the sky.

"That is quite a bit of flattery coming from you, Gavan." Lucy smiled and nudged him lightly with her shoulder before straightening again.

"They are honest words." Gavan sighed just a bit, glancing at her. This was when he thought she looked the loveliest, when she was enjoying something, marveling over simple things as if they were just as important as the great things. He'd never seen someone look at stars this way, loving them without knowing them.

"What's wrong? You seem troubled," Lucy noticed.

"Nothing. Well, that's not true. My brothers are starting to become troublesome, but that is not the problem. I worry about what will happen when you leave. No, you know that will happen; it will come no matter what you say. Twice already you have left Narnia. I worry because… it grows quieter, and I can hear only you. The night sky does not seem as alluring as it once was." Gavan's eyes met hers, some of his blonde hair falling over his forehead in the breeze.

"What are you saying?" Lucy rested her hand on his arm, concern reflecting in her eyes.

"That perhaps I was not made for the sky after all; perhaps forgetting its song is not as difficult as I thought." He smiled hesitantly.

"You would be willing to give up the sky for me?" her voice was laced with disbelief and surprise.

"And anything else," he whispered, moving closer to her. "I was wrong about so many things; for you I think I could give up whatever I must. Even immortality. The Stars are not constant, but love, love is constant and eternal."

"That was beautiful. But are you sure? Are you certain? It is not just this magic you and Arran say that I have that attracts you, which dims the songs of the sky?" Lucy asked searchingly.

"You have looked past what magic draws you to me; I learned these past days to realize that love is more than a kiss or whispered words of affection. It is friendship, an understanding that we share. Magic can only go so deep before you learn to see past it. I do not know if that is how my brothers ignore your power, but it is how I choose to, to determine my feelings for you, whether they be true or false," Gavan answered, cupping her cheek in his hand, smiling slightly.

"Then when we come to the end of this journey, we find out together what will come; do not dwell on the future. What has not yet happened will pass, but what is present should be treasured and enjoyed, made all the more precious when looked back and reflected upon," Lucy whispered in reply, bringing her hand up to cover his.

"You sound like a Star when you say things like that," he remarked, leaning forward to kiss her lightly.

"Is that wrong?" she asked, looking up at him after they parted. Her eyes were bright; whether from unshed tears or reflecting the light of the stars overhead, he did not know.

"For some reason, I think it is beautiful; I would wish it no other way," he replied, sliding his arm around her waist and slowly drawing her toward him. She smiled softly, resting her head on his shoulder and watching the stars twinkle into the darkening sky one by one.

A/N:

Well, here's the promised Gavan/Lucy. Sorry this chapter's so short, but, well, I didn't want to put anything of Ramandu's Island in it yet; I want that to be a separate chapter in and of itself. The quote in italics that Caspian recalls Aslan told him is in chapter 1 of Star~Crossed.

Jesus' girl 4ever was my lovely Beta, so round of applause, please, for her!

Let's see...

Arran can be a nice guy when he wants to - well, I should say, when he lets his façade of pirate captain down. I think that he and Eustace will be good friends. (Hint, they do meet again briefly in the following book.) I can't tell you why Arran decided to befriend Eustace, but he did, and I think that is about the nicest thing Arran's done so far.

The name of the chapter comes from A Dance Round the Memory Tree by Oren Lavie. (from Prince Caspian end credits, love that song, and I play it rather well on the piano, if I do say so myself!)

I liked the beginning of this chapter, the easy brotherly situation between all of them. Yes, Edmund did indeed reference Alice in Wonderland, couldn't help it; besides, it used to be one of my sister's favorite books when she was younger. (I did this with the mirror, I think. I never explained that reference, sorry!) Well, nothing really to write, this is a short chapter and any questions it might bring you guys can ask me, so,

Happy reading, WH

ILoveFanfiction:

I hope life's been keeping you pleasantly busy! It's the only way to be busy, but usually it's rare. I hope you're well,

WH