Elena woke up next to Damon. It had happened before – though not nearly enough in Elena's mind. At one point, if she woke up to find Damon next to her, she was upset. Things had changed, and though Damon had called it a mistake when she was sired to him, those days were gone. This was what they both wanted now, though they both had second thoughts sometimes – like the previous night when they had argued. When they decide that 'they' didn't work.

That wasn't the way she felt now, though it was probably the way she should feel.

She lay still, not sure if he was awake or not, knowing that when he did wake up, when he knew they were both awake, they would talk and things between them might change. Not that she really knew where they stood just then, the sudden change from arguing to what had followed was confusing, to say the least. Right now, lying next to him, things seemed perfect.

The serenity she found in just lying there with him didn't last. He soon moved in a way that made her sure he was awake.

She wanted to say something, to take control of whatever would happen between them now, so she asked what popped into her mind, what bothered her the most. "How could you not have known that it was Katherine?"

She kept her eyes closed as she spoke. She kept them closed as he moved a little, as she waited for him to speak. As much as she wanted to see his eyes, she knew the effect they had on her – it was obvious from the events of the previous night.

"I've always wondered," he said – barely above a whisper, "how you could love me despite what I've done. I always thought that one day you would have had enough - that you might just be done with me. When it happened, when I thought it happened, I let you go."

She was sure, he was looking at her now. If she opened her eyes, and looked, his eyes would be there. She kept her eyes closed as she responded, "You never 'let me go' before, even when I wanted you to. You always watched over me, made sure I was OK. You were the only one that always did that, no matter what else was going on."

He hesitated again, and as soon as he spoke, she knew he had moved his head again. He was looking above them as he said, "You were safe. Katherine was dead, Klaus has been gone for awhile, so you were safe and you made your choice. Again."

Elena cringed at the last word he spoke. "So you gave up on me. Is that what you think I wanted?"

"I didn't think about what you wanted, Elena." Damon was definitely looking at her now, and his voice was rising. "I know what you want – you want me to be different from who I've always been. You've told me that to my face."

She had to open her eyes now. Whatever else happened, she couldn't let him think this. "You are different, Damon - really different from what you used to be." She kept her eyes open but moved them away from his. "I know that, if no one else does."

"But I'm not quite different enough."

His tone made it clear they were about to have another argument, something she didn't want to do again – though their last argument hadn't turned out so bad.

"There are still issues," she said carefully, still looking away. "I have some, too, now - I can't believe I almost turned someone just so I could feed on them."

She looked down and shook her head.

"Issues," Damon said. "Issues like if you're not right next to me, I revert. We've covered this. We don't work."

"Yet here we are," Elena said, though really she was saying it more to herself than to him.

Her eye were closed again when he spoke. "And the question is, 'where do we go?'"

"This was a mistake," Elena said, rising from the bed and starting to dress. "We know better."

"What we know," Damon began "is that I love you and you love me. What we know is that I'm never going to change and you're never going to like it."

"You've already changed," Elena said quickly, finally letting herself look into his eyes.

"Not enough," Damon said flatly.

Elena cringed and shook herself. "I don't know. But you're right. I love you and I'm not going to stop. I don't want to stop."

"Well I don't want you to stop," Damon said. Elena had caught his eyes again. She was frozen in place as he spoke. "So where do we go from here?"

Elena shrugged and continued to dress. "I don't know. All I'm going to hear now is how you killed Aaron. No one will care that I skewered a witch and nearly turned some guy so I could feed on him." She was fully dressed now and looked at Damon, who was still sitting on the bed, only his head and chest above the covers.

"Of course not," he said. "They know you only do things like that when you have lost control of yourself for some reason. You would never do it if you were yourself. They also know I have control, and think I only do things when I lose hope in you. You hear about it because they think you're trying to control me and they know you can't."

Elena shook her head. "I'm not trying to control you."

"I know that, Elena," Damon said, his voice rising a little again. "You just want me to be better. You've told me that to my face as well."

"You are better," Elena insisted.

"Yet, we're still 'toxic'," Damon said flatly, again. "This was a 'mistake'."

Elena bit her lip as Damon added, "Though as mistakes go, this was one of my better ones. I could make this mistake again."

Elena let a small laugh escape, then sighed.

"So what are you going to do?" Damon asked.

"I don't know," she said, her face showing that she was confused by it all. Then her face hardened, as she took a few steps toward him. "But look, Damon Salvatore; this may be 'toxic', 'we' may not work, but it does not mean that I do not love you. I do. I love you and don't you ever let Katherine, or Stefan, or anyone else convince you that I don't."

She turned around and left him sitting up in bed, saying "That's how you'll know it's not me," as she walked away.

So despite the current situaton, I feel better about Delena on the show then ever. I realized that I don't remeber ever seeing Elena do with Stefan what she's been doing with Damon (though maybe I've repressed it). She always treated him like some fragile thing that might break, like she had to be carefull around him. She's never treated Damon like that. And It's been years since she spent any real quality time with Stefan...

I've even come to accept that the TV people will keep breaking the Delena relationship, but now I see it as a sign of their acceptance that it's what we want. They'll give us what we want, if only to keep us around - but not with the turmoil, not without the storm. I can deal...

(I am suddenly so mature...)