AN: Much shorter chapter but I wanted to get something out for you guys and sticking this in with another chapter seemed wrong. Hope you enjoy and next chapter will come as soon as possible :)

Alastair didn't exactly feel better the next day, if anything he felt worse, but his head was a lot clearer which should have accounted for something.

He wondered if he'd dreamed the conversation with his brother. It had been so odd and unusual, freeing, but painful as well. It reminded him of the ideals that Kenton held that Alastair didn't. It reminded him of how the last three times, excluding yesterday, he and Kenton had ended their conversations in arguments.

He wondered if Kenton had told the rest of the family about his near death experience or just himself.

Slowly, Alastair got up and he began to get dressed. Every article of clothing he put on, clean and smooth, he put another stone around the darker part of his mind. He closed those feelings and thoughts away, building it up stronger and stronger before finally tightening his tie and headed out for the shop. He took the shuttle to Headquarters and saw Merlin almost immediately when he arrived.

Right away he went into work, taking the next assignment without hesitation. It would be a month before he met with James again. It wasn't so much that Alastair was avoiding him, he certainly didn't want to, but he had to build up his walls with a strong foundation and being in the same room as James always broke that down.

Not to say they never talked. James usually sent the usual call to either annoy the crap out of him, learn something for a new mission, or simple to check in. That made the lack of contact easier but kept his mental wall strong.

During that same month Kenton also called twice more, something that through Alastair off and was difficult to fully understand. Despite what had seemed like an ever growing distance between the two, suddenly Kenton wanted to talk again. He even avoided the usual conversations that got Alastair's blood boiling. Perhaps it was the near death talking. Or maybe it was from just how utterly lost Alastair had sounded in the last conversation.

He couldn't blame him for being worried but it was still odd. Especially the feeling of actually having a brother again.

Then, when Alastair finally met with James again it was during a mission. The first words out of his mouth as they walked towards each other was, "Want to get ice cream afterwards?"

The remark had Alastair practically rolling his eyes out of his head yet he was more thrilled than he let on. It was so simple, like slipping into a second skin, so familiar. It allowed him to breathe easy for the first time since the incident.

It would appear that everything was back to normal, that Alastair would be fine and the incident forgotten.

While all of this occurred however, James had a much more verbal say in what was going on, mainly to Lily and sometimes just to himself when he was bored out of his mind. He once got into a very nice conversation with a drug dealer as well. Had to kill them later on but it was still helpful.

God he hated it. There was simply no way to get around it, to forgetting about it, he was in love with Alastair and he couldn't even bloody tell him. He was fine with being Alastair's friend, fine with being helpful and accommodating to whatever Alastair wanted or preferred, but it was painful.

"Well at least you know this is actual love and not just some fleeting crush," Lily said to him one day.

"Oh yes cause that just makes it so much better," growled James as he theatrically splayed himself out on the couch. Putting a hand up to his forehead in a dramatic swoop he moaned, "Oh to know the pain of true love."

"Shut up drama queen," replied Lily as she threw a pillow at him. "I'm serious though. It being real you now know how to prepare yourself for heartbreak next time. Or help make it easier for someone whose heart you're breaking."

"Thanks. That makes me feel so much better in this moment right now."

"I can't do anything to make you just forget! Unless you want me to hit you upside the head with a frying pan," Lily replied. "And don't worry, I'd gladly do that."

"So kind," murmured James as he touched his hand to his heart. "But seriously, what is the whole damn point of feeling like this. I want to know what biological purpose is served by feeling like utter shit."

"I'm sure plenty of other people would like to know too. Sadly all you can do is trudge onwards through all the muck."

That was usually how their conversations went. Philosophical sayings thrown in between the whining and complaining.

And as the weeks passed, James became more and more worried that Alastair was trying to avoid him. He knew that was stupid, they had gone months without meeting up before, yet every time he sent Alastair something or called he answered. Never seeming different or worried about what had happened. That pleased James and calmed any concern floating around in his head.

Finally he got a mission alongside Alastair and upon seeing him he asked the first words that popped into his head. Afraid of what the reaction would be he almost-no he did-jump with joy as Alastair rolled his eyes and said why not.

The reaction was exactly what James was looking for and despite the fact that the hurt was there, he hid it well.