Morris and Boris skipped through the ruined city.
"I hate skipping." Boris said.
"Me too." Moris said.
"Then why are we skipping?"
"Well because the narrator is making us, that's why!" Morris huffed.
"Wait a second, how come we can suddenly see? Wasn't it pitch black last chapter? How do we have enough confidence to be SKIPPING THROUGH THE CITY shouldn't we be crawling and feeling our way around? How come-"
"Oh my god, shut UP," Morris pulled at her hair. "Obviously the narrator is an idiot and is super inconsistent-"
Morris slapped herself in the face.
"OW!" She screamed like a dying walrus. "That hurt, narrator! And I did NOT sound like a dying walrus!"
"That's what happens when you insult the narrator, Morris." Boris said wisely.
"This is so stupid, we have no control over our actions!" Morris yelled angrily. "Everything is predestined for us!"
"That's just the way things are for book characters, Morris, and if I were you I'd be careful or you might suffer a more serious injury next time."
"Why are you defending the narrator?" Moris turned to her twin. "Wait… is the narrator speaking through you?"
"Technically the narrator is speaking through all the characters. Our entire existence is a construct."
"Okay this is hurting my head and the readers' heads." Morris turned to the sky. "Narrator, can you at least give us SOME choice?"
The sky didn't respond.
If you choose to keep screaming at the narrator, go to 1.
If you choose to grow up, move on and keep moving, go to 2.
1
"Oh my god, the narrator gave us some choice!" Morris said surprised. She turned to the sky again. "Damn right, narrator! Keep doing that, you hear me? KEEP DOING THAT. OR ELSE."
"MORRIS SHUT UP BEFORE YOU LOSE US THIS OPPORTUNITY." Boris yanked her sister away and they kept moving.
Go to 3.
2
"Wow!" Moris beamed. "The narrator actually gave us some choice! Thanks narrator, I can't believe I thought you were a jerk. You're actually not bad."
"Are you done sucking up to the narrator?" Boris cut in. "Because we have to keep moving."
Go to 3.
3
The twins kept moving through the city.
"Wait, what's the point of choices if we're just gonna end up with the same result-" Moris pondered.
"Shh…" Boris suddenly cut in.
"What?" When Boris didn't reply, Moris yelled again. "WHAT?!"
"SHUT UP AND LET ME LISTEN."
The twins shut their holes and listened hard.
"Oh. Em. Gee." Boris muttered. "Run."
"?" Moris questioned.
"RUN!"
If you choose to run go to 4. If you choose to continue to be an idiot go to 5.
4
Listening to her sister's instincts, Moris began to run with her sister.
Go to 6
5
"WHAT R WE RUNNING FROM?!"
Boris didn't answer and yanked moris' hair.
Go to 6
6
"UP THAT TREE NOW!"
With great difficulty the Siamese twins clambered up a moderate sized tree.
And just in time, for at that moment a horde of blurry masses sped around the corner and shot towards the tree.
"Mutts!" Boris screamed and they scrambled further up the tree. The beasts resembled some kind of huge feline, with pointy ears, sleek bodies and long faces with sharp teeth. The skin on their faces was stretched like badly done plastic surgery, so that their eyes seemed to be popping out of their skulls. Moris started to scream but was cut off when the creatures began yowling, so Boris considerately finished the scream for her.
"Nah, they can't get us up on this tree." Moris said, dangling a cat toy down to taunt them.
"IDIOT CATS CAN CLIIIIIIIMMMBBBB-" Boris was cut off by one of the beasts launching itself at the tree and shooting up it like a bullet. Before the twins could move, they felt hot teeth on their skin and heard an enormous ripping sound from in between them. Boris squeezed her eyes shut and clutched Morris's equally tense body with all the strength she could muster. Her ears were ringing and she could feel warmth and numbness spreading on the side of her body joined to Morris. This was it. The beasts had separated them, literally torn them apart. She was in shock now but the pain would scream itself into existence any moment.
"Get up."
Boris opened her eyes and saw a cat lounging on a branch above her head.
"Mr Cat!" She yipped. At this, Morris also opened her eyes and stared at their pet.
"Thank goodness you're here!" Boris continued. "Now tell us what to do."
"Not so fast." Mr Cat sounded slightly annoyed, the angriest the twins had ever seen him. Because he was a cat and should have been incapable of human emotion. "Did you forget that you kicked me halfway across the arena?"
Boris gave him an apologetic look. "Yeah… sorry about that."
Mr Cat stood up and stretched. Then he sharpened his claws on the tree branch. Then he yawned. Then he licked his paw thrice. Then he -
"Alright we get it!" Morris screamed. "We're sorry, really. But please, no more Bee Movie references."
Mr Cat blinked lazily. "No promises." He jumped gracefully down from the tree and began walking away, his tail in the air.
"Wait a second," Morris blinked. "Where did all those weird cat beasts go?"
"WAIT!" Boris jerked. She looked down at themselves. "We're not cut in half!"
"Of course you aren't, you blithering buffoons." Mr Cat's voice carried down from down below. "It was only your pants that ripped."
Morrris and Boris looked at each other. They felt like idiots.
"Are you going to follow me or are you going to wait for those hideous abominations and disgraces to the feline race to show up again?"
"Wait you got rid of them?" Morris puzzled.
"Why are you trying to help us?" Boris asked suspiciously.
"'Thank you Mr Cat!' 'You're so kind, Mr Cat!' 'We love you Mr Cat because you were our childhood pet.' No, all they do is complain like simpletons." Mr Cat sarcastically ranted to himself. "Are you coming or not?!"
If you stay in the tree, pick 7. If you ignore Mr Cat and leave, pick 8. If you follow Mr Cat, choose 9.
7
"Let's stay in the tree." Said Boris.
They stayed up there even though it is the absolute stupidest option. Night came. Night went. Days past. The Hunger Games finished. District 14 won. The President was overthrown and the world grew into a peaceful place where nobody screamed and nobody was stupid and certainly nobody ever broke the fourth wall. All was well.
"Hey this option wasn't that stupid." Said Morris.
"Yeah I mean the world is like a utopia right now!" Boris cheered. As they adjusted their position in the tree, the arena exploded. Turns out everyone forgot about the arenas until then and then they were like "Better blow this up as a symbol of a new way of life!"
Morris and Boris died. Mr Cat was never seen again.
8
The twins got down from the tree.
"I say we ignore him," Morris whispered in her sister's ear.
"I heard that." Mr Cat called as he got further and further away. "I am a cat. I have better hearing than you walking sacks of deaf stupidity."
"Then start acting like a cat, you freak!" Boris yelled. Mr Cat ignored them and disappeared behind some rubble. The twins turned their backs on him. They never saw him again.
The end because this story sucks without Mr Cat.
9
The good option! YAy we love Mr Cat here at HQ.
"You can't refer to yourself as 'HQ'," Morris muttered as the twins climbed down the tree with difficulty. "It makes the readers think you're actually legit."
"What readers?" Boris said. There was silence as the twins looked at each other.
"BURN!" Morris screeched. They high fived.
Ouch. That hurts.
"Wait is it a burn to the author if it's us that no one cares about?" Boris began.
"Shut up, Boris, you know nothing." Morris waved her hand dismissively. "Where'd Mr Cat go?"
The twins awkwardly did that half jog, half walk thing until they reached Mr Cat. Mr Cat sighed.
"I was hoping you'd pick another option so I wouldn't have to deal with you."
"Well we don't have much choice when the other options are both under ten lines long." Boris snapped.
As they trudged along behind Mr Cat, wary of any mutts or tributes, Morris had an enlightening thought.
"Wait, so since our pants ripped," she started. "are we not wearing any..?"
"In case you haven't noticed, this is fiction." Mr Cat said without turning around. "As long as you don't mention something, you can just hope that the readers forget about it and keep imagining you with pants on."
"Woah that's actually smart." Morris said.
"Life hack!" Boris yelled.
"Too bad you already brought it up." Mr Cat muttered.
"Wait so can I just do this?" Boris grabbed a machine gun out of her pocket. Her eyes grew wide. "Wow!"
"Wait what?" Morris questioned. "Since when did you have a machine gun in your pocket?"
"Dammit Morris!" Boris yelled. The gun disappeared. "You brought it to the attention of the readers!"
"You can't just do that, it has to be something subtle, IDIOT." Mr Cat said quietly. "Of course the readers would notice that."
Morris had had enough. She stopped walking and stomped her foot. "ENOUGH!" She screamed. "Can we please stop breaking the bloody fourth wall? It's so damn confusing and nobody cares!"
Boris and Mr Cat were silent for a few seconds.
"Fine, sheesh." Boris said. Mr Cat ignored them both.
"Yeah," a voice from the clouds said. "You didn't used to do it at all, but then it started and it's been really random."
"Who was that?" Morris looked around.
"The readers." Boris said.
"Sweet brocolli," Morris face palmed. "Wait a second so we do have readers?"
"Stop bickering and keep up." Mr Cat said.
"One more thing…" Boris interrupted. "You spelt 'broccoli' wrong."
"ARGH!"
The three bickersons continued to traverse through the ruined city.
~MEANWHILE~
Right after Lim shattered the phone screen and quickly tied himself up, he found himself back onto the ground. Truthfully, he was afraid of the dark and always anticipated something horrific. And so, paralysed in fear, he stayed where he was. Unfortunately, that came at the cost of hearing the twins argue.
"AND STOP CALLING ME MORIS! IT'S MORRIS, WITH TWO Rs!"
Lim rolled his eyes. He found it very stupid that Boris didn't even know how to spell her own sister's name. As the arguing became climatic, Lim began to reflect and regret everything that happened up to this point: Why was he picked despite complications? Why did he have to be paired up with the Siamese twins of all people? Why did he always end up crossing paths with Boris and Morris despite trying to get away from them? Why would anybody name their kid Limyoung Wood?
Lim was fuming and lost in his thoughts when he suddenly heard an ear-piercing scream metres away from his position.
It was quickly followed by a "Dang it!" from a familiar voice.
"Floyd." he breathed.
Rather than taking this opportunity to strike her down, he decided to wriggle away to sweet, sweet freedom. Still tied up, he pushed forward with his shoulders and knees hoping - nay, praying - that that would be the last time he'd ever see those people again. Just when he thought he'd left them, he heard the devil's voice.
"Maybe because her siamese twin keeps spitting in her ear which is affecting her hearing!" Morris screeched.
"Are you KIDDING me?!" he mouthed to himself. Lim was about to turn right when he heard what Boris said next.
"Wait what about LIm?" she said.
"Who." Moris replied.
"We can't just leave him there, Floyd's captured him."
"Boris, this isn't Friendship Games, nor is it Teamwork Games. This is the oddly named Hunger Games which is Australian for 'every man for themselves'."
Boris sighed. "Yeah you're right."
"Besides, even if we do form an alliance, we'll have to kill him if we wanna live."
Lim lay on the ground with his mouth gaping like a fish out of water. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He replayed the conversation again in his head.
"What about Lim?"
"Who."
Lim began to cry. "Morris didn't know who I was…? After everything we went through?"
The boy's sobs began to be hysterical. "How could she?!"
Eventually his sadness morphed into blind but totally rational anger. Enraged that his name was forgotten by the siamese fools, he vowed then and there to hunt them down.
"I'll kill them," he gritted his teeth. "I'll kill them all."
Lim found a pair of scissors nearby and cut his ropes loose. He then began to track the twins down.