Finally night fell. The twins and their pet cat had made a crude shelter with some rubble and a tarp and were currently sitting under the stars quietly (for once). They attempted to admire the artificial sky - the last ray of beauty in their cruel game of survival. However, suddenly the horns of the Capitol's national anthem began blaring - a sad reminder of the oppressive control of the government in their attempt to be free from it.
"The Horn of PPLLEEEENTYYYYY. The hOORRRnn of pleNNTYYY overFLOOWWWWS!" Mr Cat began to sing on his hind legs with one paw over his heart.
As the song entered its main theme, a hologram materialised in the night sky. And with it, the faces of the fallen tributes. The first tribute was of a pubescent boy with a chiseled face from District 2.
"I wonder how he died,' Morris pondered.
Mr Cat, shadowed by the fire, looked up. "I can tell you how…."
~Flashback (to be read with Western, redneck accent)~
The tribute, Ophelius Denvar, stood facing the tribute who had tried to attack him a day earlier, Celia Gorman from District 6. He stood hunched over in the hot burning sun as his hands loomed over the knife stuck in his belt, twitching ever so slightly. The girl stood 20 metres away, resuming the same stance. A tumbleweed that looked suspiciously like a cat rolled past. The tension spiked, and their eyes narrowed as they stared each other to death. Right before either could draw, both collapsed because neither had eaten anything for days. Two cannons promptly sounded.
Boris took off her imaginary hat in respect for the brave tributes. The next face flashed on the screen. It was a rather pretty girl from District 3, however she had an unfortunate photo as it caught her face mid-sneeze.
"Poor thing." Boris whispered. "I wonder how she died, too."
Mr Cat's ears perked up.
The girl, Delilah Watson, was cornered against a tree by three ugly mutts - trapped. Despite feeling the mutt's hot breath against her skin as they closed in, she was unfazed.
"TRIBUTES, ASSEMBLE!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Suddenly nine random tributes swung out from hidden vines and jumped in front of her. They fought and slashed and teared the mutts into pieces as they worked as a team. One of the brutish tributes even managed to grab one mutt by the leg and slam it repeatedly onto the ground.
"Puny mutt," he gruffed.
Finally the beasts were all obliterated.
"Thank you," Delilah thanked them.
Suddenly the nine tributes realised they had no idea why they helped this girl and they all started killing-
"EEK! DON'T SAY THAT WORD! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A KID-FRIENDLY STORY!" Boris and Morris simultaneously screamed and blocked their ears.
Mr Cat was very startled. "What? You don't want me to say kill?"
"STAHP!"
Mr Cat facepalmed himself with his tail. "You morons are in the Hunger Games! How can I avoid saying that word when you're supposed to kill each other!"
"Stop it!" Boris wailed.
"There's already been 22 instances where we've said that word and you're just bringing it up now?" Mr Cat pressed on.
Morris grew annoyed. "Just shut up and explain the next death."
She pointed at the sky and for some reason two tributes were projected in the sky, holding hands.
"Ah yes, Jack and Jill."
Jack and Jill from District 5 had not stopped holding hands since the games began. Compared to everyone else, they were taking the Games quite well. In fact, I think they were treating it as one big date.
"Ahaha you're so funny Jack!" Jill said with her high-pitched voice as she fluttered her eyelashes. The two were having a picnic in the midst of the ruined city. Jack scooped out a brick that had a J+J hastily etched onto it.
"Here, I made this for you." he said with a deep sexy voice. "Happy 3rd day anniversary my Shmoopie Poo."
"Aww, you shouldn't have Shmoopie Pie!" Jill responded.
The two shared a loving kiss but soon died of oxygen deprivation because they forgot to breathe.
Morris shed a tear. "That was so sad! There was obviously room for Jack to clamber on and fetch a pail of water as he climbed the beanstalk."
Boris began to cry emotionally as well. Mr Cat didn't even bother correcting them.
The next tribute was the haunting face of Desmond Castle of District 7.
"Ooh boy, now this was quite a story."
The corridor was dark; darker than the night outside. Desmond Castle stood at the end, frozen, with his ears straining to hear any sound. Nothing.
He gingerly lifted one foot and inched it towards the first floorboard. He slowly shifted his weight onto it.
CRRRRREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAKKKK.
Desmond Castle flinched.
"Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea," he whispered.
He kept his eyes wide open, straining to see something in the dark emptiness around him. He dared not blink.
He stayed like that for a few minutes. His eyes watered heavily and stung due to keeping them open.
After a week, he died of sleep deprivation. His body thumped to the ground as the cannon sounded. Desmond Castle was no more.
"Brave soul," Morris muttered.
The sky darkened once more.
The final faces were the male and female tribute from District 12.
"As USUAL." Morris rolled her eyes. "You'd think they do better after getting some new mentors"
Boris looked at Mr Cat expectantly. The shadows the fire created danced across his face as he launched into the story.
Titus Valerus stood on his pedestal, waiting for the countdown to end. He was really really nervous and tried to calm down in the best way he could. He turned to his district partner who was two pedestals away.
"Hey Quinnette!" He called out. "What did one tribute say to the other?"
Quinnette shrugged.
"NOTHING! THEY WERE BOTH DEAD!"
Suddenly the whole chorus of tributes started laughing simultaneously as if they were all possessed even though the joke wasn't even funny, and Mr Cat was that one person (?) who always coughed obnoxiously in the middle of the laughter. It sounded just like a laughing track.
Quinnette laughed so hard at the joke that she accidentally fell off her pedestal and got blown up. Titus decided it was only appropriate if he did the same so he died as well.
Finally the anthem stopped and the faces of the fallen tributes disappeared.
"What?" Boris and Morris replied. "How come we don't remember that."
"Lim was too busy calling you names." Mr Cat.
"Speaking of," Morris said. "I think he's been hiding in that Bush and plotting our deaths this whole time."
Just as she said that, Youngwood leaped out of the bush and brandished a stick whittled down to a spear.
"Time to die!" He growled like a savage monk.
He raised his stick ready to thrust it into the twin's shared body but accidentally poked his eye with the other end.
"FNSJSOCLFMDOOSSPFJDJSOOWVJFKS" he screamed! Lim dropped the stick and began howling at his injury.
"IT BURNS, IT BURNS"
"This is why you are incapable of murder." Mr Cat rolled his eyes.
"I could have totally killed them." Lim cried out blood.
"Your lack of intelligence even for a human says otherwise."
"Well excuse me," Lim snapped sarcastically as his injury magically healed in the spur of the debate. "At least I'm actually a main character and you aren't."
"Who said I'm not a main character?" Mr Cat said.
"Well the title of this story is 'Twins for the Win' not 'Mr Cat the Twat'."
"It's not called 'Lim the Utter Dim' either."
"Oi!" Morris yelled angrily. "Rule number one of this team is no breaking the fourth wall!"
"Technically even by mentioning the fourth wall you're breaking it." Boris said.
"STOP THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THIS RULE!" Morris grabbed Boris' head in confusion.
There was silence for a few seconds.
"Who said we were a team?" Mr Cat said.
"Me." Morris huffed.
"Team (noun) - a group of players forming one side in a competitive game or sport." Mr Cat said snarkily. "Team (verb) - to come together to achieve a common goal."
"Did you just quote the dictionary?"
"First of all, I am not a player in the hunger games, therefore I am not in a 'team' with you." Mr Cat ignored Morris. "Secondly, we do not have a common goal."
"Then what is your goal, Mr Cat?" Boris questioned. "Why have you been helping us?"
"Please," he scoffed. "I've hardly helped. All I've done is lead you around the arena."
"Seriously? Then why are we even following you!?" Lim shrieked.
"You're the idiot who decided to."
"Wait since when were you with us? Last paragraph you were just about to kill us!"
Lim thought for a moment. "Because hanging with you idiots makes me look more intelligent. Also if the careers pounce on us, they'll be more likely to kill you first."
"It's true, it's true." Morris nodded her head while Boris just looked at her in disbelief.
"You know, The more seconds pass, the more surprised I am that you made it this far in the games." Mr Cat criticised Lim.
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"
"What do you think?"
"UGH." Lim cried out finally. "I am not having an argument with a cat of all things. Why are you even here?"
"Why are any of us really here? What is the meaning of life?"
"You," Lim pointed at the feline. "Are really annoying."
"I am bored with this conversation." Mr Cat yawned.
"And I'm bored with this chapter." Lim shot back.
"OI! RULE NUMBER ONE!" Morris screamed from behind them.