For a moment, she contemplated turning back and proceeding with her hunt for a washroom.
She was one of those people who were just naturally horrible at dealing with emotional situations, and that was when she was sober. She doubted she'd be any good at it now, drunk and harbouring an almost bursting bladder.
But she had never seen Bo look so broken in all the months she'd known her and to make matters worse, it was her birthday. She sighed, this is what she got for forming friendships; a freaking conscious.
''Bo..'' she called softly.
The brunette looked up, her eyes blood shot and her makeup that had looked so impeccable before all ruined, ''Tamsin,'' she frowned, ''what are you doing here? Did mother send you? Cause if she did you can go back down there and tell her to fuck herself. I'm in no mood to mingle.''
Tamsin shut the door behind her and took a seat on the bed next to Bo. Maybe sitting would make her forget she was pressed.
''Do I look like FedEx to you? Go tell her yourself.''
''So she did send you? God,'' she scoffed, ''that is just classic mother. Never allows me a moment to myself. '' she wiped her tears away furiously and drunk some more jack.
''You've been missing from your party for like four hours, Bo.
''Still doesn't give her the right to watch over me like a crow. Go tell her I'm not coming.''
''The fuck would I do that?''
Bo's red eyes eyed her curiously, ''because she sent you. She'll be expecting either me or an explanation for my absence.''
''Who said she sent me?''
''Wait,'' she shook her head as if to clear it of fog, ''mother didn't send you?''
''No.''
''Then what's the point of the conversation we've been having for the past few minutes?''
''Well, you looked like you needed to bitch so I was trying to be a good friend by contributing to the conversation while at the same time trying to convince my bladder that now isn't the best time to burst.''
Bo just stared at her like she didn't know what to do with her then she shook her head and drunk what was left of her drink, ''you can be so strange sometimes.''
Tamsin shrugged.
The room fell into silence. They could hear people talking and laughing outside while music played on softly.
''Your party is great.'' Tamsin said genuinely.
''I guess.'' She shrugged.
''You guess?''
''I would forfeit it all in a heartbeat if it meant I got just one phone call from her.''
Tamsin was pretty certain her guess on who her was was spot on.
''This is the first time in six years that she hasn't celebrated my birthday with me. I just...I'd convinced myself that she'll call. I kept looking at my phone today, willing her to call me but...'' she gave a defeated little sigh. ''I just miss her so much and she won't even pick my calls anymore and,'' she wiped away the tears that had started spilling again, ''today was my last hope. She's big on birthdays and the fact that she didn't call me today shows she's completely done with me and that thought makes me feel like dying.''
Tamsin didn't know what to say. She had a feeling at that moment that she couldn't explain. She felt bad for Bo, she did. But she also felt something else. Something that she couldn't define but it was there and it was strong.
''I messed things up so bad, Tamsin.''
''Have you tried apologizing?'' she asked, feeling like something had wrapped itself around her neck and was chocking her
''She doesn't want an apology from me. She wants me to grow a back bone, she wants me to make promises and keep them.''
''Then why don't you?''
The brunette shook her head, ''I'm not brave enough yet. I'm not and she's grown tired of waiting for me to be.''
''Are you ever going to tell me the whole deal between you and Lauren, I mean a few weeks ago she was your enemy number one. Now here you are, crying for her'' there was that feeling again. Like she wanted to smash a couple hundred glasses on a wall.
Bo smiled sadly ''I will, just not today.'' She stood up, ''the next door to the right is a guest washroom. You can use it. I need to change for the second part of the party before mother does send someone to come looking for me.'' She started walking towards the door then stopped and turned to Tamsin, a small smile, half sad half thankful, on her lips, ''thank you. You're a great friend''
She said sincerely.
Tamsin nodded though she really didn't feel like one at that moment.
...
It was past ten when she said goodbye to Bo and left for home. She was drunk and exhausted and that stupid feeling that she couldn't adequately describe had only grown stronger as time went by. Every time she thought back on her conversation with Bo, she felt like crying, or hitting something, or hitting something while crying.
She let herself into her house and slumped ungraciously on her couch. It was pissing her off that she felt like this and didn't know why.
''Fuck!'' She growled and face palmed. She had to distract herself before she goes crazy. She fished her phone from her jeans pocket and dialled the first number that came to mind.
''Hello.''
Suddenly it didn't seem like such a brilliant idea to call someone at ten in the night.
''I'm sorry, did I wake you?''
''Tamsin?''
''Yeah, it's me. I know it's late but I... I just wanted to talk to you.''
''It's okay. Is everything alright?''
''Everything's fine.'' That didn't sound convincing even to her own ears. ''
''Good. You'll never guess what I did today.''
'' An experiment?''
There was silence from the other side of the line and Tamsin felt a smile creeping onto her face.
''Lucky guess. But you'll never guess which experiment.'' Her voice sounded smug.
''You made a volcano.''
''How¬ how did you know that? Have you being spying on me?'' She asked seriously.
Tamsin let out a laugh.
''Maybe.''
Actually Lauren had told her about it in the morning. It seemed she had forgotten and Tamsin was having too much fun to remind her.
''it's for one of my father's patients. He's ten and has been asking me for one for a while now. I hope he'll like it.''
''I'm sure he will.'' She said sincerely.
Someone called Lauren's name,
''I have to go help my father with something. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay.''
''Okay. Thanks for staying on the phone with me although I called so late.''
''You're welcome. See you tomorrow.''
''See you tomorrow.''
She ended the call and placed the phone on her chest, a smile playing on her lips. That feeling, the one she had been eating away at her insides for hours, it was gone.
...
It had been almost four weeks since Bo's birthday and anyone with half a brain could sense that the order of things had shifted.
Bo was still Bo; bitchy when she wanted to be, sweet when it suited her and entitled as hell. at the same time though, if someone looked closer, she wasn't Bo at all. She had an air of vulnerability and sadness around her that hadn't been so prevalent before and for some reason, it made Tamsin's shoulders feel a little heavier. Like somehow, it was her fault that the brunette was down.
They still hang out and Bo still thought Tamsin's house was a church and she could come and go as she pleased. But the asking about Lauren after every hour had stopped. She acted like that night in her room hadn't happened at all and Tamsin let her. If Bo wanted to talk about it, they would, if not then that was her business. Tamsin had her hands full with other things anyway.
By other things, she meant the complete and utter havoc Lauren was raging on her feelings.
She couldn't as much as look at the girl anymore without feeling things she didn't understand. Feeling like her whole entire being was coming completely unravelled.
It was sudden and confusing and it wasn't making Tamsin's already complicated life any easier.
...
''Could you ask Lauren to meet me so we can talk? Please? She won't pick my calls and you guys are friends anyway, so you might be able to convince her.''
They were having lunch at Betty's, exactly a month after Bo's birthday and or breakdown, when Bo pleadingly made her request. Before Bo's request, Tamsin had been enjoying the meal. She doubted that she would anymore. For some reason, she felt sick in the stomach.
''You want to talk with her?'' She asked more out of needing to say something than wanting to know.
''Yes. I just, I realized she isn't going to wait for me forever. I'm not as brave as she needs me to be yet but I'm ready to fight for her. I'll even fight my own cowardice if I have to. I just need to know that she still wants me to fight for her. I need to hear her say it.''
Tamsin was going to be sick. Either that or murder someone.
''So, will you?'' Bo asked, ''talk to her for me I mean.''
''I am not her freaking parent Bo, I don't have any influence over her. There's no telling she'll talk to you just because I ask her to.'' She sounded harsher than she intended.
''I know that. I do. If she doesn't say yes then cool, I'll find another way. Just please try. It doesn't even have to be today or tomorrow. Come on Tamsin, for your best friend.''
''Whatever, fine. I'll try.''
''Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll totally owe you one.''
...
''Are you okay?'' Lauren asked, taking her eyes away from the movie for a second.
''Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.''
''Really? Because you haven't even finished one cookie. Usually you eat like three packets before the movie is even halfway.''
They were watching a movie later that same night. It had become their thing now, watching movies together on Sundays which was Tamsin's off day. Lauren still hadn't gotten the art of buying just enough snacks down yet. Tamsin teased her about it endlessly. Not tonight though, tonight she had her conversation with Bo playing over and over in her mind. It was making her angry then that made her angry because she didn't know why she was angry to begin with.
It was all messed up. But she wouldn't let Lauren see that.
''Are you insinuating something?'' she asked with a faux gasp.
Lauren shrugged, her cheeky smile, in place.
''You can be so mean sometimes.'' Tamsin said, unable to hold back her laugh.
''being honest and being mean are two different things.''
''Whatever. I just like cookies.''
''Yet surprisingly, you're not gobbling them up today.''
Tamsin smiled softly, not even knowing she was doing it or why, ''I'm fine. Really. Just not that hungry.''
''Speaking of food,'' Lauren suddenly perked up, ''would you like to have dinner with my father and I this coming Saturday? He wants to meet the famous Tamsin.''
''Famous huh?'' she couldn't resist teasing her. It was too cute when she blushed.
''Shut up,'' Lauren said shyly. ''So, will you come?''
''Of course.'' She said without missing a beat, it made Lauren smile before turning back to the movie.
Tamsin thought of Bo and her faith in her ¬her best friend¬ getting Lauren to talk to her, then she looked at Lauren, all excited and beautiful and more perfect than one human being should be allowed to be, and she had no idea what to feel.
None at all.