Have I said thank you to all of you for being amazing? If I haven't, then thank you.

disclaimer; I don't own lost girl.

Something had to give. Something had to fucking give before Tamsin lost all her shit.

''Tamsin,''

''What?'' she snapped, concentrating on the drink she was mixing.

''You need to calm down.'' Nadia whispered.

''And you need to back the fuck off.'' She slammed the drink in front of a bearded man who was one pervy look away from getting himself punched.

Someone snapped their fingers to get her attention, Tamsin turned towards them, poison in her eyes.

''Snap those hideous things at me just more time, I beg you.'' She snarled.

The girl backed up a little, clearly scared.

Tamsin was about to say something else when she felt herself being pulled by the elbow.

''What's your problem?'' Nadia sounded pissed and concerned in equal measures.

''Other than you not getting the concept of backing the fuck off?''

''I'll back off when you stop being rude to customers! God Tamsin, have you completely lost it?''

Tamsin ran her hands through her hair. It was a good question, one she too wanted the answer to. Things were just constantly running through her mind, feelings that she didn't understand and was scared to try understanding were keeping her up at night. She just needed things to calm down for a moment so she could fucking think. But they wouldn't and it was messing with her head.

''I know we're not close but, you can talk to me Tamsin.'' Nadia's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

She sighed, ''I'm fine.''

''T¬''

''I said I'm fine, okay. Let it go.''

...

She left the bar a few minutes past ten. Business had been doing well for Trick for some time now and he had finally decided to hire another girl to work during the day so that Tamsin and Nadia could share the night traffic. It was a good arrangement. Nadia was pretty cool to work with and during school nights she even let Tamsin take the first part of the night so that she could squeeze in a few hours of sleep. Also, having someone to help deal with the occasional sleaze bags wasn't something Tamsin was complaining about. Honestly, she really liked this new arrangement.

Just not tonight.

Tonight, she had felt suffocated. Nadia, the customers, the Irish music that she couldn't stand; they were all just sucking the air out of her, leaving her with nothing.

If Nadia hadn't forced her to head home, tired of her attitude, Tamsin probably would have killed someone tonight. It would most likely have been the girl with the snappy fingers.

She took a large sniff of her cigarette and closed her eyes as she felt it course through her lungs. The last time she'd had a cigarette she was ten. They were her mother's husband's expensive ones. The man never had a cent to spare for basic necessities but he could afford Italian cigarettes. He was so pissed when he found out she had smoked them. Tamsin actually believed that that was the day his blows to the head would finally kill her.

She threw the unfinished stick to the ground and crushed it with her boot. She hated thinking about her past. Nothing good ever came from it.

She sighed, things were just getting more complicated by the day and complications were the last thing she needed. She'd had enough of them to last her a lifetime.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, a message; Lauren.

''Hey, I just want to tell you that dinner will be at seven. My dad is really excited to meet you. Good night, and please don't hit any drunkards at the bar. It's bad for business.''

She found herself laughing at the text. The hitting drunkards thing was a little inside joke of theirs. Tamsin was always complaining about how she sometimes the customers made her so mad she could hit them and Lauren always told her that she shouldn't, it was bad for business.

She shook her at Lauren's sneaky sense of humour. Some things were definitely worth having a complicated life for.

...

For all the stressing out she had gone over it, Tamsin was really surprised when Saturday dawned on like any other day. The weight on her shoulders and the annoying knot in her stomach were still present when she woke up, just like they'd been for the past few weeks. Mrs Perkins's cat which was pregnant and noisy and annoying as fuck was still around. Still pregnant and still inflicting murderous thoughts into Tamsin's head.

She rubbed her eyes. Why the hell was she stressing over having a simple dinner at a friends house and meeting said friend's father? She didn't have to feel guilty about this. She hadn't done anything wrong. Yes, she hadn't told Bo about it yet but Bo wasn't her keeper, she didn't need to tell her everything.

What she did need to do, was go buy a new top, and maybe get new jeans while she was at it. She was going to meet the girl's father for Pete's sake, she had to look presentable.

...

''Is that new?''

She started, completely startled.

''how many times do I have to tell you this isn't a mosque?''

''You said church and don't change the subject.'' The brunette sat on the bed, ''why are you wearing a new top?''

Tamsin turned back to the mirror, she really didn't want to have this conversation.

''I'll try not to take offense in that statement.''

Bo rolled her eyes, ''You know what I mean.''

''Actually, I don't.''

''Whatever. So I've been thinking. Maybe I should have a party.''

Tamsin frowned, glad for the change of conversation but a little confused,''you had the hugest party I've ever seen just weeks ago.''

''Yeah, but maybe I should have another one and as my best friend you have to come and maybe ... maybe bring someone with you.''

Then it dawned on her, ''By someone you mean Lauren?''

''Yeah.'' She stood up, ''It'll be a great chance for us to finally talk.''

Tamsin couldn't see how that even remotely made sense but at that moment she couldn't concentrate enough to tell Bo that. it was starting to worry her how many times in a single day she felt like vomiting. if she didn't know any better she think she was pregnant.

''Maybe you could ask her when you see her on Monday for your lessons?'' Bo sounded so innocently shy and sickeningly trusting.

''I'm seeing her tonight actually, we're... we're having dinner with her dad.''

There, it was out. It had been choking Tamsin every time she'd seen Bo in the past five days she had felt guilt and anger in such high intensities that it scared her.

There was a moment of silence then. Tamsin felt a weird case of dejavu

''What?'' her voice and eyes and entire body language told Tamsin Bo was hurt. suddenly she wanted to take it back.

But she couldn't.

The words were already out there and Bo already looked like Tamsin was having dinner with Lauren just to hurt her. she wanted to make it better, so she softened her voice, ''it's just dinner, Bo.''

''With her father,it's just dinner with her and her father.'' her voice sounded dead.

''She...''

''God I'm so stupid!''

''What are you¬''

''I practically handed her over to you!''

Uh, ''What?''

''If it wasn't for this stupid tutoring thing you wouldn't even have known her. How could I have been so stupid.'' She was talking more to herself than to Tamsin.

The blond took a breath, no use losing her shit now. '' she's just my friend, Bo.''

''And I'm your best friend. Your best friend who trusted you with the most important thing in her life, your best friend who you're going to screw over. Aren't you?'' Her voice was dripping with so much hatred it scared Tamsin a bit.

''That's not...'' She tried explaining although she didn't know exactly what to say.

Bo put her palm up, her brown eyes swimming in a sea of so many emotions.

''Fuck you Tamsin. Just¬ fuck you.''

...

"Fuck, fuck fuck!"

She dug her hands in to her hair and pulled, she needed to feel the pain, she needed to feel something at that moment other than confusion and pure hate at herself.

God had she fucked things up!

She shouldn't have told her. Yes, it had been eating the fuck away at her although she had no idea why but she could have handled it. She was good at handling shit so that other people didn't have to.

She had done it for her mother for fifteen fucking years and she didn't even like the woman.

"Fuck!"

The alarm that she'd set so that she wouldn't be late leaving the house went off.

It was time to go to Lauren's for dinner. A dinner that Lauren had been so shy and excited inviting her to, a dinner that if she went to, Bo would never talk to her again.

She stared at the phone, the alarm kept going off.