A/N: Hey there, been busy binge watching season 3 ! How awesome was that, right ! I'm trying not to be influenced by it too much, because I feel characters like Juliana have changed completely between the two seasons so...Anyway I hope you enjoy the read :)
I forgot to say that I'm not a native English speaker so mistakes tend to happen, don't be alarmed

Oh and in case you didn't know, I figured out how to post nonsense on Tumblr if you wanna check it out: thathaircut (yeah I love that name a lot, even though I can't remember where it came from^^)

Chapter 2

The house had never been so quiet at diner time for the Smiths. Helen was absently looking at the empty chair in front of her, trying hard to hold back her tears before her two daughters. During the entire afternoon she had tried to convince herself that Thomas had done what the Reich wanted from its citizens. It had only ended up with her throwing the furnitures of the bedroom on the ground and cursing the Reich out loud with utter fury.

When Jennifer asked her why mama was angry, she simply smiled and told her everything was going to be alright. Helen didn't tell them, she couldn't, didn't have the strength or will to do it. She had sat on the floor against the bed and resisted the urge to down an entire bottle of scotch.

There was no one she could share her grief with, not even John. She hated him. Truly. Accusing him of being responsible for Thomas' condition had been one step too far, Helen recognised that, but leaving for Berlin on a moment like this one, that she couldn't take. Their son had surrendered himself to the public health department because John hadn't been there to stop him. Things would have been very different if he had remained at the house, and Helen couldn't forgive him for that.

After having cleaned herself in the bathroom, she had went downstairs and told the girls to set the table as if everything was normal.

Amy and Jennifer remained silent while eating, sometimes exchanging worried looks. They weren't sure of what was going on. Thomas had left without warning, their mother had cried and broken things upstairs but everything seemed, somewhat, like any another day.

Right after dessert they asked if they were free to go, but Helen nicely asked them to stay a while longer, saying that she had to tell them something very important. The time had come, it would have been unfair to hide the truth from them and it was her duty as a mother to keep the family strong in the hardest times.

At first there was incomprehension, Amy was still very young and not entirely familiar with Eugenics policies. Jennifer already knew a great deal about it but it made no sense to her. She hadn't noticed anything in her brother's behaviour that could have given away any serious decease. There had been that time, when he had fell while climbing down the stairs but that could happen to anyone on a bad day, she thought.

Without really saying the words, Helen made them understand that they would never see their brother again. Watching their faces sadden and burst into tears hurt so much but she held back her own. It was essential that she remain strong and supportive, because nobody else would do it for her.

The three of them decided to sleep in the master bedroom after multiple nightmares successively woke them up. They held each other tight and desperately tried to find sleep together.

SS Headquarters, NY

In the soon to be Oberstgruppenführer's office, Juliana had explored the deepest corners of boredom. She had tried and done everything to keep herself entertained. Well aware there could be some cameras, she hadn't pried too much. The size of the room was ridiculous, she thought, but also admitted that the furnitures were splendid. At least the ones which were not bearing Swastika crosses. The walls were decorated with a few paintings of which she didn't know the authors. Greek-like statues, as always, near the desk and of course a large portrait of the Führer right behind the chair. Juliana contemplated it and agreed on the fact that she wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything with his face above her like this. Soon enough, the portrait would be taken down and replaced with Himmler's one. New man, same thing.

Smith's desk was just like him, ordered, plain and all about family. A picture of his wife, Helen, rested between a family portrait and another picture of John and Thomas fishing together by a lake. And there it was, the memory of killing George Dixon in cold blood in the prospect of saving Thomas. The bright side of the story could never erase the darker one and she would bear this terrible memory for the rest of her life. However, there was a part of her, deep down, that really believed she had made the right choice. She needed at least that.

Just when she saw the clean ashtray in the middle did she realise how much she needed a smoke. She was this close from searching the drawers but managed to hold back the urge to do so.

After an hour finally, a living soul entered the room. It was Major Klemm who nicely asked her if she needed anything, a coffee, something to eat. Juliana gladly accepted the coffee and downed it as soon as he came back with it. Before living he told her they had some books available if she wanted. Her hopes were not high on the content of the books but she accepted anyway, all things considered it was better than nothing.

Quickly enough, she got tired of reading that nazism was the greatest order in the world and so on and started to fall asleep in the comfortable leather couch.

Joe, Frank, her Trudy, those were the faces that kept coming in her dream. Nightmare ? It was neither one or the other. Just memories, pictures that she couldn't quite place. Some of them had probably never occurred.

It was long past midnight when Major Klemm came back to wake her up and inform her of Smith's arrival. Through the window the night was dark and it was raining cats and dogs. From this height and point of view New York didn't seem frightening and oppressing, no it looked absolutely magnificent. The lights of the tall buildings made the city glow in a way Juliana had never witnessed. So very different from the Pacific States.

Her thoughts were brutally interrupted when John Smith walked in, almost kicking the door on his way. The major saluted him with a sharp Sieg Heil and then left the room on his orders.

John looked her up and down with that smirk of his, irritating yet equally disconcerting. He pouted his lips and went to lay his long leather coat on the desk chair, putting his wet cap on his desk and deactivating the listening device of the room. As he returned to face her, hands stuffed in his pockets, Juliana tried to look as composed as possible as she knew he would analyse each movement she would make, each word.

The light was dim in the room, it accentuated every feature of his. Those razor sharp cheekbones, his thin lips, lightly curved upward. A smug yet surprisingly soft face all things considered. Juliana didn't know were to look, she never did with him. He tended to have that effect on most people, so she'd heard from the mouth of wealthy women of the Reich, she was no exception. Her pupils went to the floor, then the medals on his chest, and whatever was behind him only to return her gaze back down.

After an excruciating wait, he did that on purpose, he finally broke the deafening silence

"Good morning, Miss Crain," very early morning, yes, but still the morning, "I hope the wait wasn't too long ?" oh, yes it was

"No, it's okay, Obergru- hum John. Mr. Raeder said it was very important so.." Juliana couldn't remember the man's title but Smith didn't seem to be bothered by it, instead he nodded and moved towards one of the large armchairs.

"I'm sorry for keeping you here that long, I heard you've had a…complicated day. Mr. Raeder told me you killed someone ?" There was surprise in his voice but it was moderate. Like he had said when he had paid her a visit in her apartment, she was much stronger than she wanted people to know. Juliana nodded quietly, her gaze avoiding him still.

"How the mighty have fallen." He said, more as a compliment. "Oh, don't look so gloom, Miss Crain, I don't care if you kill or who you kill just as long as it's not my men. Please, make yourself comfortable, we might be here for some time" he informed her before literally falling backwards in the smooth armchair. He was exhausted, from the flight, the ceremony at the Volkshalle, from trying and succeeding to stop the supposed war to end all wars. But he didn't have time to rest unfortunately, his son was still in danger, he had to find that tape no matter what. Oh little did he know…

With an attentive eye he watched her sit down and do her usual mannerisms. Adjusting her skirts when they didn't need to be adjusted, tucking her hair behind her ear more often than necessary or scrubbing the tip of her fingers in an obsessive manner.

John honestly didn't think she had anything to do with the tape, but she had had contacts with multiple members of the resistance. Any information she might have on them was of great value to him.

He leant forward a bit and cleared his throat, any smirk definitively gone from his face.

"I heard my son Thomas came to see you a few days ago" he started and Juliana's heart started to beat faster. If he knew that she knew, then he was aware she was a threat for Thomas. John Smith didn't joke when it came to family. "Tell me, what did you two talk about ?" He knew of course, having seen footage from the cameras placed in her apartment, he just needed to know he could trust her completely. The hesitation was big and clear on her face

"It's all right, you can tell me" he half smiled and that helped her gather the courage somehow

"He wanted to talk about…He said you and your wife were hiding something from him. He thought he was sick and that he had let you down" John swallowed at that. The thought of his son considering himself as defective, as a useless eater was unbearable to him. And it was his fault, he had raised him like this. Of course he had chosen to do so to protect him, but today he was threatened by the very system he had thought would protect him. He focused his attention on the woman in front of him

"Do you know what that means ?"

For a brief moment, Juliana wondered what he was playing at. Knowing Smiths methods she should already be dead by now. She knew way too much. But yet there she was with the man himself. Considering his question for a moment, she was well aware of what happened to sick people in the Reich, she just couldn't bring herself to say it to him, regarding the situation

"I- If he can be cured then-"

"He can't be cured, Miss Crain" he interrupted in a low voice, looking down at the table in front of him. "If this gets out, my son will be handed over to the health department and…he'll be killed." A hard thing to say, even for him. This was the first time Juliana heard a tremor in his voice. He was visibly afraid and had every right to be, it was just very unusual for him.

Without going as far as saying that she felt sorry for him, Juliana couldn't help but be on his side. Thomas was just a boy, a sweet boy, and John was not the Obergruppenführer of the American Reich at this moment, just a frightened dad, trying to save his son.

"What I'm about to tell you is…very sensitive intel that is only known by me and Sturmbannführer Reader. No one else." He paused, making sure he had her full and undivided attention, "As you know, we have this thing in the Reich, bugging everyone's apartments, listening to conversations for the sake of…safety. I've seen your encounter with Thomas, it was all recorded. And yesterday I got word that the resistance managed to obtain a copy of it and intends to report him to the authorities. Now I know it's been a trying day for you, Miss Crain, and I know your ties with the resistance are limited," that was an understatement, but that also meant he knew she still had contacts with them. That was treason, fortunately for her, that was the least of his worries at the moment, "but if you know anything on that tape and who might be in possession of it, I need you to tell me now." His green eyes pierced right through her when she looked up at him, a true living lie detector.

Now might be a good time to explain why she had killed George Dixon, Juliana thought. Surely it was that tape he was talking about, had to be.

"I'd advise you not to lie to me, Juliana," it was the first time he used her given name, things were getting serious, "this is about my family, trust me you don't want to upset me on that" he warned her.

There was a long silence, not for the sake of suspense or anything, but Juliana was processing the fact that she had really managed to save the boy after all, that her actions had finally served a purpose. A tear rolled down her cheek, raising John's concern. She dried it right away

"Miss Crain ? Are you alright ?" He got up to sit on the sofa, centimetres away from her "If you know anything, please, just talk to me."

"The man I shot yesterday, his name was George Dixon…my sister's father," she watched as Smith frowned at the information, "I assure you it is the only reason why I had contacts with him". She lied and John waved her excuse away, focusing on what mattered

"What does Mr. Dixon has to do with the tape ?"

"He was going to deliver the tape, he had it when I…shot him."

John's frown intensified, he was generally quick to pick up on things but now, none of this made sense. He shook his head

"I- I don't understand, why would you shoot him ?" Very slowly the answer started to take form in his head, yet he couldn't bring himself to believe it. He needed to hear it from her

"I have many flaws, John, letting an innocent boy die is not one of them." Juliana said, "He left me no choice. He was walking away from me with the tape, I shot him in the back. I had to" Her voice was almost just a whisper now. It was always painful to think and talk about the memory. John leaned forward a bit

"And where is the tape now ?" He inquired, hoping she had destroyed it and not simply thrown it somewhere.

"I burnt it"

The lines of his face softened completely, he exhaled hard and put his hands on his face. Leaning deep inside the couch, he rested his head on the backrest. Throughout the day he had prepared for the worst, imagining countless scenarios in which the story ended very badly for his family. In a way he had prepared himself mentally for the worst to come. But then Juliana had happened. Always Juliana. As he looked at her he found it hard to believe that this woman was capable of harm, let alone shooting a man in the back. Perhaps he should remember that in the future, just in case. For now he just..admired her. He was relieved and thankful. Of course he would restrain his emotions in front of her, he had a reputation to maintain, but he would not forget this.

"Miss Crain, I - thank you for what you did. I know it mustn't have been easy for you. I'm afraid I owe you again." That was good to know.

John gave her a slight smile and she returned it. Turns out they 'worked' rather well together. After contemplating each other awkwardly he was the first to get up

"You really must be tired, I'll have a car ready for you" he offered and she nodded.

There was a knock on the door and Erich Raeder walked in, a strange expression on his face

"Obergruppenführer, the mission report you required" he said, handing him a large file. "Huh, if I may, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about your son" he lowered his gaze and started to walk away. John's stomach flipped and he and Juliana exchanged worried looks

"My son ?"

"Yes, I just learnt through this morning's first draft that he had surrendered himself to the public health department. I had no idea, Sir. It must be really hard for you, if you need anything…"

John couldn't hear anything he was saying. The world, his world was collapsing around him and he feared he was about to die on the spot.