A/N: Here we go - the next to last installment and the last MAIN bit of this fic. It addresses something Charles needed to acknowledge and deal with, as well as something that Elsie, as a new (biological) mother, is also struggling with. And as the first scene of this entire story belonged to Charles, the last scene (minus Epilogue) will end with Elsie - a bit of balance, as it were.
This chapter is mostly set in London, because I felt I had one or two more things to tie up there, and occurs six months after the last one left off. The Epilogue will be set in the future, in Misty Cove, and will revisit all of our friends there one more time.
There's another massive author's note at the end with thanks for many individuals who helped make this fic what it is. Please take the time to read it and acknowledge them, even if it's only in your own mind. I almost didn't do that, as I really fear having left people out, but several folks were regular contributors and helpers and I would be remiss in not acknowledging them. 300K+ words ... this story was raised by a village, truly. I've placed all that info here, as the Epilogue will be unread by anyone but me when it's published. :)
Love to you all,
CSotA
Friday, July 1, 2016
"You've got the number just in case?" Charles asked for the fifth time.
Elsie sighed, and through a monumental show of effort she managed not to roll her eyes. "Yes, love. I've had their number in my phone for about a year now."
He smiled and set his satchel down on the floor and straightened his shirt, and then placed a gentle kiss to his wife's head as he did so.
"I know," he admitted. "I'm just …"
"Nervous," she said, patting his chest. "Yes, I managed to get that far. And I think I can find my way around Logan and Heathrow in the unlikely event that we're separated."
"But Juliet -"
"Will be fine. Babies fly all the time, Charles."
"What if she cries? What if she's one of those annoying little ones on the plane that simply won't stop wailing the entire time? It's an overnight flight, Elsie. What if no one can sleep?"
She smirked at him. "Like you'd know," she said teasingly. "We both know you'll be out five minutes after you finish your meal."
"True," he acknowledged with a smirk.
"And what if, indeed? Look, I know what you mean, Charlie, but she's an easy baby; she's already sleeping through the night, and we scheduled our flight to line up with her usual bedtime. I'll feed her as we're taking off - that will help with the altitude change. Don't worry. It won't do any of us any good if you do."
"I know. And you're right," he said.
She smiled brilliantly at him. "I usually am," she sighed happily.
"We're all set," Tommy said, coming into the kitchen with Juliet in his arms. "One clean bottom, one favorite rattle," he said, shaking it in the air for effect, "and one very sleepy baby. She'll be out the entire ride to Boston, I think."
The pounding of Daisy's feet could then be heard on the stairwell, and she came tearing into the kitchen to join the rest of the family.
"Sorry," she breathed, a book clutched in her hand. "I can't believe I almost forgot this. I'm all set now."
"Alright," Charles rumbled, reaching his hands out to relieve Tommy of the baby. He cradled Juliet in the crook of his arm, brushing his forefinger down the bridge of her nose and smiling as she cooed in her half-asleep state. "Let's get you in the car," he murmured to her. "We've got one ride to Boston ahead of us, followed by what I hope is a very good night's sleep for us there, and then, your first trip on an airplane."
Juliet gurgled, then rolled her head to the side and promptly fell asleep in his arms.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
The bells of the chapel rang loudly as Richard and Isobel shared their first kiss as man and wife; Juliet picked up her head and turned it, searching for the source of the sound, her huge, blue eyes wide with excitement. She was quite content sitting in her Mam's lap for the moment, though, and the sounds of her Papa's voice were soothing her.
Elsie smiled apologetically when Juliet reached out a hand for Isobel's dress as the happy couple were making their way down the aisle. But their friends stopped to drop a kiss to Juliet's forehead before finding their way out the chapel doors, and Elsie's heart melted.
"It's not about us anymore," Charles whispered in Elsie's ear, the heat from his breath caressing her skin. "All anyone cares about is the baby."
"As it should be," she replied, leaning a bit back into his side.
They exited the chapel, their family of five following the rest of the crowd, and Elsie adjusted Juliet's white hat as they stepped into the sunshine. It was a beautiful day - unseasonably breezy for July, for which everyone was thankful. As they made their way down the small receiving line, Elsie passed Juliet off to Charles, who took the babe in one arm as he reached for his wife's hand, clasping her fingers. She squeezed back, sharing in his memories of their own wedding before turning slightly to see the older kids behind them, smiling.
Kisses and hugs were given as they proceeded to the end of the line, and then the Carsons piled into one of the family's cars and headed back to the Crawleys' for what promised to be a lovely reception.
oOoOoOoOo
Juliet started to fuss just as Richard and Isobel were being whisked away in the limo, headed for a glorious two-week honeymoon in Spain. As Elsie was holding Juliet and trying to wave goodbye, Juliet decided she'd had enough of weddings and big parties (and missing nap time) and let out an enormous wail.
"Alright, little one," Elsie cooed. "Shhh … We're all done now."
"Do you want me to take her?" Charles offered, but Elsie shook her head.
"No, but thanks. I'll try to get her to eat, and then I think a nap is in order. Thank God the reception was here at the house. It was lovely of Cora to offer."
"I think Violet had something to do with it," Charles chuckled.
"Well, be that as it may, it was a lovely gesture," Elsie said. "I'm still shocked that Mary was interested in attending."
"Well, it was a good excuse to see her parents," he said. "And to get away from Edith, perhaps."
"They've been doing better, though," Elsie acknowledged.
"Well, Edith is very patient," Charles laughed. "But I'm glad Mary is trying. She'll be better once the newspaper sells."
The sound of his laughter made Juliet fuss again, though, and Elsie bent down and kissed her daughter's head. "We'll just be upstairs in the nursery. I'll see if I can calm her down."
But Juliet cried and cried. She nursed for a bit, then angrily twisted out of Elsie's grasp.
"Hey there, hold on," Elsie muttered, repositioning her clothing as she held on tightly to Juliet. "You'll fall if you keep that up, lass."
Elsie put her down on the floor for a bit, wondering if just not being held would be helpful. She knew the poor girl was cutting at least two teeth, and that combined with her being overtired was an awful mix.
After listening to Juliet cry for a solid ten minutes, Elsie saw her eyes drooping; when Juliet's cries ceased altogether, Elsie sent up a prayer that her babe (and, maybe, Elsie herself) might finally be nodding off for a while. But then Juliet's eyes opened wide again, and she began to whimper.
"Oh, come now, my beautiful girl," Elsie whispered, picking Juliet up again and resting her over her shoulder. "There, there, nothing to fret about …"
Elsie felt Juliet pick up her head, and she turned to see who'd come in the room.
"Tommy," she said, a tired smile on her face. "What brings you up here?"
"Papa suggested you might need a break," he smirked, tilting his head toward Juliet. "Why don't you give her to me for a bit and find him? I think he's waiting for you in the kitchen; he mumbled something about chocolate."
"That man has a heart of gold," Elsie sighed, smiling. "And so do you. She's just so fussy; I'm not sure what happened. She was fine for the entire wedding - even when the piper started!"
"Come here, you little monster," Tommy said, smiling at his baby sister as he lifted her from Elsie's arms. "Now, are you giving Mam a hard time? Are you? It's been a very long day, you know, and I think she's pretty exhausted."
Juliet looked at him and smiled, but then her smile disappeared and she started to whimper again.
"Go," Tommy instructed Elsie. "Before she starts up again; we both know you'll just stay if she does."
"You're my saviour, Tommy," Elsie said, dropping a kiss to his head. "Thank you. Remember -"
"You're right down the hall. Or in the kitchen. There's a monitor; I know, Mam. Go."
Elsie headed for the door, but then turned back and smiled at him fondly. She and Charles had counted on Daisy treating Juliet like a little princess, but what they'd not counted on at all was how good Tommy would be with her. The boy was a natural and, at that moment, Elsie couldn't have been prouder of him.
She turned back and scurried down to the kitchen, with thoughts of chocolate in her mind. But as she rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs, Charles reached out and grabbed her hand.
She screamed, and he laid a finger over her mouth to silence her.
"Shh," he said, stifling his laughter. "I didn't mean to scare you. Just … come with me." He tugged her hand and led her back up the stairs, to the wing that held their bedroom suite.
She opened the bedroom door and stopped dead, looking around at the soft candlelight, the drawn shades, and the large wedge of chocolate cake sitting atop the nightstand, a glass of milk beside it.
"What's all this?" she asked curiously.
"This," Charles said, hugging her from behind, "is your time out." He indicated the bed with a flick of his hand. "Sit, please."
She looked at him and complied, sitting on the edge of the bed. But he shoo-shooed her with his hands, motioning for her to sit against the pillows at the headboard. She laughed but did as instructed, and he sat before her and removed her sandals, laying them to the side before turning back and beginning to massage her feet.
"Ohhh," she moaned, lying back against the pillows and closing her eyes, feeling as though she were positively melting under his caring touch.
"I'd like to remind you that there's a snack over there," he said after a while.
She opened her eyes and beamed at him. "So there is. Care to share it with me?"
But Charles just shook his head. "That one's all yours. I may have indulged in a piece of my own while waiting for you."
"Of course you did. I can't fault you, though," she said, forking a bite into her mouth. "This is one remarkable cake."
He continued with his ministrations, moving his way up her calves and smiling as she continued to relax, the stress of the day dissipating.
Once the cake was gone, she placed the plate back on the nightstand and downed the glass of milk.
"You really thought of everything," she said. "Thank you."
"My pleasure."
After a few more minutes, he shifted her feet to the side and joined her against the headboard; he extended his arm, and she tucked herself up against him, completely relaxed.
"It's so quiet," she murmured, placing a kiss to his chest.
"I shut off the baby monitor," he admitted. "I forgot about it until you just said that."
"Well, I don't hear any wailing," Elsie said. "Even from in here, we'd hear her. Maybe they're both asleep?"
Charles sighed, reading her mind, and reached over to turn the speaker on.
"Just to check and to satisfy your curiosity," he warned, "and then it goes off so that you can rest."
"Alright," she said sleepily.
The sound of Tommy's voice as it came out of the speaker made their hearts clench; they were stunned. They'd expected silence, or maybe fussing … but instead, Tommy was singing, with the gentle creak of the nursery's rocking chair sounding softly behind his voice.
… You can close your eyes - it's alright
I don't know no love songs
And I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
And you can sing this song when I'm gone
It won't be long before another day …
Charles swallowed the lump that had appeared in his throat and shut the monitor off, then scooted down on the bed, taking a weepy Elsie with him.
"Bless him," she whispered, hugging her husband tightly around his middle. "Bless our dear, wonderful boy."
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
"Surely you have it memorized by now?"
Elsie watched Charles refold the letter he'd been carrying around, and he tucked it back in his pocket.
"I do, actually," he said, his gaze drawn to the window. The rain was coming down in buckets that morning, and they were enjoying a quiet moment up in their sitting room, with Daisy and Thomas off on the grounds on some wild adventure or other while Juliet napped peacefully in the next room.
"And?"
"And … And, I don't know," he replied, shrugging helplessly. "I don't know what to make of it, and I sure as hell don't know what I'm going to do about it."
"Well, you've got two more days to decide."
"I know that!"
Her eyes widened and she pursed her lips, but remained silent.
"I'm sorry, Els," he said, turning to look at her. "I didn't mean to snap. It's just that neither of the available options seems like a good one." He moved over to the chair and plopped himself down.
She got up from the settee and moved to stand behind his chair, resting her hands on his shoulders and squeezing, moving her fingers to massage his neck as his head dipped forward. They stayed like that for several minutes, with the only sounds in the room being the rustle of his shirt and an occasional moan of pleasure as she released some of the tension in his neck.
"You should go," she advised eventually, moving to sit in his lap. He draped his arms around her loosely, and she rested her own over his shoulders and leaned in to place a kiss to his forehead. "For her, if not for you."
"I still can't believe you picked it out of the bin," he grumbled. "And read it."
"Yes, well, I did pick it out and I did read it," she said needlessly. "And, for what it's worth, I think he sounds genuine."
"I know you do."
"Where's the place he suggested?"
"Near Kew," Charles replied. "It's nice, actually. Was one of Alice's favorite spots."
She hugged him to her, and he happily allowed his head to rest on her bosom. She knew the instant he'd made his decision, having felt his sigh and the relaxing of his body, and she squeezed him tightly.
"I'll go with you, if you'd like," she offered, but she felt the shake of his head instantly.
"No, but thank you," he whispered. "I think I'd rather have you waiting for us when we come back. I have a feeling we'll both need a bit of cheering afterward."
"Well, I shall certainly try," she said, kissing his head.
"I love you, Els. So much."
She smiled into his hair. "I know you do."
Friday, July 8, 2016
The car's engine quieted, and Daisy turned to look at her father, noticing that he seemed miles away.
"Papa?"
"Hm?"
She fiddled with her seat belt, the tip of her tongue poking out from her lips as she contemplated how to phrase what she was thinking.
"Do you wish we hadn't come? Do you … well, do you ever wish we could just never have to think about it all again?"
He was a bit taken aback by her question. "Do you?"
"I don't know," she said softly. "Maybe … Sometimes."
He just nodded, giving her time.
"I forget so much, Papa," she whispered tearfully, "and I get angry that I can't remember. But then I do remember some of it, and I think it's worse."
He reached out for her hand, squeezing it gently in his.
"We don't have to go in," he said. "I can call him and explain."
"No. We should. Just maybe … maybe it's the last time we have to do something like this. I'm not sure I want to visit the cemetery every time we're here, either. I'm not sure how Tommy goes all the time. It just makes me sadder."
"Fair enough." He smiled sadly at her and nudged her with his arm, and she tried to smile back.
They walked into the restaurant hand in hand. Charles felt that Daisy was walking a bit taller than usual, as though she were facing this as best she could, and he was very glad in that moment that he'd had the foresight to ask Elsie to remain behind, to help pick up the pieces of what was going to undoubtedly be a difficult experience.
Charlie Grigg was already there, seated at a table for four that was tucked into a quiet corner of the restaurant.
Good, Charles thought. At least he thought to get a decent place, a bit out of the main crowd.
Grigg stood as Charles and Daisy approached; he awkwardly offered Daisy his hand, and she shook it and then watched with some interest as her Papa did the same, albeit reluctantly.
"I'm glad you came," Grigg said as they took their seats.
"How did you know to write to us at Robert's? That we'd even be there now?" Charles asked, curious.
"I happened to see the announcement for the Clarkson wedding in the paper," he said. "Took a chance that you might be here for it, being family of the bride and all."
Charles nodded, his head tilting a bit as he reevaluated his opinion of the man before him. Smart, he thought. Cunning, perhaps, but not maliciously. Otherwise he'd have shown up announced at their door and demanded to see us.
"Why did you want to see us?" Daisy asked. Both men were a bit taken aback by her forthright manner, but Charles knew that she just wanted to leave as soon as possible.
The waitress came by and dropped off a teapot and some biscuits, then left without saying much of anything.
"I hope you don't mind; I took the liberty of ordering something for us while I was waiting," Grigg said, pouring for them all. Charles took care of his own cup and the added a bit of extra sugar to Daisy's, but she shook her head and refused to even sip at her tea.
"Thank you," Charles said, nudging Daisy.
"Thanks," she said.
"I suppose this really isn't going to be a social visit," Grigg admitted. "And I understand that. I'm sure neither of you really wish to ever see me again. But I came across a couple of things that I think you should have, Daisy. I wanted to give them to you personally, to ensure that nothing happened to them in the post. I waited, and then took a chance that you'd be here for the wedding."
"What would you have done if we hadn't been?" Charles asked.
"Probably put them in the post after all," Grigg admitted. "They're things that Alice had, but I don't feel right having them. They're yours, after all."
Charles's brow furrowed as he racked his brain, searching his memories for something that Alice might have taken with her when she moved that would have value to him or Daisy. And just as he found the image he was looking for, Grigg pulled the real thing out from underneath the table.
"The scrapbook," Charles whispered. "Of course."
Grigg nodded, handing a large album out to Daisy, who grasped it with trembling hands. Charles silently moved her tea, plate, and flatware out of the way so that she could set it on the table.
"I'd forgotten all about that," Charles said. "When we packed to move, there were so many things … I didn't realize it was even missing from the rest."
"I thought not," Grigg said quietly. "Because if you had, I was sure you'd have come looking for it."
Daisy lifted the cover and gasped. "That's me," she whispered. "I think I remember seeing this book a long time ago."
Charles smiled down at the picture, taken in hospital about an hour after Daisy had been born. "It is you," he said. "That was the best day of my life."
She looked up at him curiously. "And now you have two best days," she smiled.
"Well," he said, "that's mostly true. But you were the first, and that's extra special. Just don't tell Juliet, maybe." He winked at her, and she smiled.
"Juliet?" Grigg asked. "You've another daughter, then?"
"I do," Charles said. "She turns six months old in a couple of weeks."
"Well, then," the other man said kindly. "Congratulations."
Charles nodded, and Daisy continued through the book. In it were photographs from the first five or so years of her of life, with notations about "first foods," "first steps," "first words," and more. Charles had to swallow a lump in his throat as they flipped past "first day of school," remembering how he'd cried more than Daisy had, and how Alice had actually comforted him - genuinely, he knew. It may have been one of the last tender moments they'd shared before it had all truly gone south.
"Papa?"
He shook his head. "I'm alright, petal," he said quietly, and he turned his attentions to Grigg. "Thank you for this," he said. "It means a lot to me - to both of us. Daisy has so few things to remind her of Alice, and it gets harder every day."
"Well, in that case, I'm truly happy that I found this thing," he said, pulling out another object and setting it on the table.
Charles picked it up and turned it over in his palm. "A memory stick?"
"It has four files on it," Grigg explained. "I'd no idea she was even doing this, but apparently Alice was making a series of recordings - for you, Daisy," he said, turning his attention to her. "It appears to have been part of what should have been a larger project. I wonder if she may have meant to send it for Christmas, only she never got to finish it."
"Wait … Recordings? Of what?" Daisy asked, thoroughly confused.
"Recordings of herself - her voice," he said. "One is a video, actually, of her reading a book. I presume it was one that you particularly loved. The other three are just voice tracks: two are stories she's telling - one of those is something about when she was a little girl, and someone named Timmy."
"Her dog," Charles whispered. "She had him when she was very young."
"Ah, that makes sense, then. And the fourth file is her singing a Christmas tune. It's odd, really. She wasn't much for sentimental things, Alice. Except when it came to her little girl."
"She used to be, though," Charles mused. "When she was younger, when we met, Alice was very sentimental, indeed."
Daisy couldn't take her eyes off of the memory stick. "Papa," she whispered tearfully, "do you know what this means?"
He handed her his handkerchief, which she gratefully accepted before wiping harshly at her eyes.
"I do," he said.
Grigg looked at them quizzically, and Daisy answered his silent question. "I've been having a hard time remembering what Mummy sounded like," she murmured. "Now I don't have to worry about forgetting."
He smiled sadly at her. "I know what you mean, Daisy. I still have a message on my phone from her. It's nonsense, something about getting takeaway, but I can't bear to delete it. I listen to it every day, just to remember."
Daisy just looked at him, then at her Papa, and then back at the scrapbook.
"Thank you for this, Charlie," she said. "It was very nice of you."
"Well, then," he said gruffly. "That's alright now, isn't it?"
oOoOoOoOo
Elsie met Charles in the driveway, her shoes crunching on the stone as she, Tommy, and Juliet were returning from a walk.
"Everything alright?" she asked as Daisy flew past her and into the house, clutching what Elsie could see was a large book, with something else held tightly in her fist.
"I think so," Charles said, dropping a kiss to her lips.
"I'll take Juliet," Tommy said, looking from Elsie to Charles and back again. "You two look like you need to chat."
"Daisy's headed up to see if your Aunt Mary is free," Charles informed him. "She'd like to show her something before Mary flies home tomorrow. I'm sure you two would be welcome to join them."
"Gotcha."
Elsie handed over the baby and thanked her son, then took Charles's elbow as they walked away from the house. There was a breeze, and Charles wrapped his arm around her when she shivered. They meandered around for a while, not heading anywhere in particular, and she gave him time to gather his thoughts.
"He was nice," Charles said eventually. "It was a good meeting. I'm glad we went … In another life, I think he and I may have even gotten on fairly well."
"Really?"
"Mm, yes. Anyhow, he'd found some things of Alice's, and he wanted Daisy to have them."
"Things he couldn't simply drop in the post?"
Charles explained, telling her of the book and the photos within, and of the USB drive and the odd assortment of files.
"How very thoughtful of her," Elsie remarked.
"It really was," he admitted. "I'd forgotten that she could be like that, way back when. It seems she was trying to get back to that, in some way - at least where Daisy was concerned."
Elsie squeezed him, and they stopped walking. She turned to look up into his eyes, and saw his uncertainty.
"It's alright for you to miss her, too, you know," she said softly. "She was your wife for a long time, and you loved her very much."
He turned his head away from her, looking out over the expansive lawns of Robert and Cora's property. A few tears fell, and he whispered, "Do you ever miss Joe?"
"I do," she said instantly. "Sometimes. Most often - and ironically, at least to me - it's when I'm with Becky. Something will come up, she'll do or say something, and it will remind us of a nice time we shared with him, a party or a movie or something. And I'll smile, and then I'll be a bit sad, because there were good times. We wouldn't have married them if they'd been awful people from the start, Charlie."
She paused, nibbled on her lip as she contemplated her husband. "You never did allow yourself to mourn her, did you?" she asked. "I think that, when she died, you were so close to being officially divorced that you felt you didn't have a right to."
"I feel a fool right now, you know," he said, wiping at his eyes. "Crying about memories that should have long since disappeared."
"Oh, Charlie," she murmured, hugging his arm, "they'll never disappear. And you need to hold onto them. Daisy will want to know more about her Mum as she grows, gets older. When she has children of her own, she'll share with them our stories, but she'll want your stories, too. She's been trying so hard to remember, even now. Don't help her to forget, hm?"
"I never did allow myself to be sad," he said at last. "To mourn her. I had to be strong, for Daisy. Had to deal with her, with her not speaking, and with maneuvering her through it all. And then we left. Too many memories …"
"But a lot of good ones," Elsie said. "I don't begrudge you those, Charlie. All of those experiences, all of those happy times you had before the bad ones came about, they all made you who you are today. I owe Alice a great debt, the way I see it, one that I'll never be able to repay. She's part of what made you the man you are now, and she brought Daisy into this world."
"You repay that every day, love, by being Daisy's Mam."
She smiled gently, allowed a tilt of her head in acknowledgement. "Perhaps," she whispered.
Charles let out a brief sob, and Elsie wrapped her arms tightly around him.
"I do miss her," he said eventually. "But what I miss is the Alice that Daisy will never remember. She was so young when Alice died, and the few years prior to that weren't exactly fun all the time. She'll never know the Alice that I married, not really."
"I disagree," Elsie said, looking at him. She cupped his cheek, and smiled softly when he leaned into her palm. "She will know her - she does know her. You've said yourself that Alice was kinder when she'd moved on, and that Daisy came to enjoy the time spent at her Mum's place. No, Charlie; Daisy will look at that album, and listen to those recordings, and you'll regale her with stories of birthday parties and Christmases and weekends away, just the three of you. You'll never let her forget that her Mum loved her."
"You're right," he said. "I won't let her forget."
Elsie nodded firmly, then stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, her lips salty from his tears.
"Let's head back," she said. "Mary wants to see you before she leaves."
He took a deep breath and nodded. "Alright."
Tuesday, July 12
"You've been awfully quiet today."
Elsie turned to find Robert standing a bit behind her, looking over her shoulder out the window, his gaze taking in the expansive grounds of his estate.
"I feel like you and I have been here before," she teased lightly, drawing a chuckle from him. Elsie had come to adore Robert - he was lighthearted and fun, wonderful with his grandchildren, and she knew now that he'd provided a levity in Charles's life at a time when her husband had sorely needed it. He was a wonderful man and a good friend - the perfect lighthearted foil to Charles's often quiet nature - and she could see why they'd always been close.
"It seems so long ago now, doesn't it? Back when I'd just met you. I feel like you've been a part of this family forever, now."
"Mm," she replied, lost in thought.
Robert looked over at her. "Penny for them?"
"Oh, I don't know," Elsie sighed, staring out at the sun peeking out from behind the trees. "Just tired, I suppose. But it's wonderful being back here." She turned a bit and looked around the library. "This house, all of you. It's like a second home for him, and I love seeing him here. I think I just feel a bit at loose ends lately."
Robert put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed tightly. "Why don't you leave Juliet in the nursery wing with the other kids tonight? Go out to dinner with Charles. Cora and I will sleep down there with the kids tonight, and you two can have a night to yourselves."
Elsie looked over at him with something akin to horror. "Oh, no. We couldn't possibly."
"She's been sleeping through the night, hasn't she? Charles hasn't stopped talking about the kids since you all arrived, and I'm sure he slipped that detail in there somewhere between Tommy eating you out of house and home and how many times Daisy went riding last week."
She couldn't help but smile, and nodded a bit. "She has been, but …"
"Look," he said, cutting her off somewhat uncomfortably. "I'll let Cora sort all the feeding details and such with you. That's certainly not a conversation I want to have. But do think about it. It's not hard to wheel the crib from your suite back down to the nursery."
He paused for a minute, then added, "I remember the days and months after a baby comes into the fray, Elsie. Those times when you're lucky if one of you has managed to get out of the house in the last month without the baby, even if it's only to buy a pint of cream. You need some time to just be your old selves again … together, just the two of you."
She wrapped her arm around his waist and hugged him back, her head on his shoulder, and nodded. "Maybe you're right."
Elsie heard her husband's footsteps long before he turned into the library.
"What's this?" Charles said from behind her and Robert, a hint of humor in his voice. "Cozying up to my wife? You've got your own, mate!"
Robert laughed and moved away from Elsie, his hands up before himself in mock defense. "No offense meant, old boy. It'd be like sneaking around with my sister."
Charles took Elsie's hands and kissed her sweetly on the mouth before wrapping her in a hug.
"He was ever the gentleman," she giggled.
"Tell him about our plans for tonight, Elsie," Robert said playfully, and Elsie laughed loudly at the rapidity with which her husband's eyebrows shot up.
"Thanks, Robert - that was very helpful," she giggled.
"I live to serve," Robert replied, giving them a mock salute as he headed out of the library.
"What's all that about?" Charles asked as Elsie turned in his arms, her back against his chest so that they could both see out the window.
"Robert thinks we need a night alone. He's volunteered himself and Cora to stay in the nursery wing with Juliet and the other kids, so that we can have some time to ourselves."
Charles rested his chin on his wife's head and wrapped her up tightly in his arms, smiling when she rested her hands over his and squeezed.
"I think that's a marvelous idea," he murmured, "but only if you're up for it."
She sighed. "I don't know," she admitted. "I think I can manage. Something's got to change, Charlie. I don't know what's the matter with me."
"There is nothing the matter with you that some patience and a few nights of undivided attention from your loving husband won't cure," he said.
"Then why hasn't that worked already?" she whispered. "It's been weeks since we've ... well, since we've started up again, Charlie, and I haven't been able to … you know."
He kissed her hair. "I do. Have you asked Isobel about it?"
"Yes. That was a mortifying conversation, I'll have you know. She said the same thing as you and, even though he didn't realize it, Robert: some time alone, with no worries about the baby, would go a long way. Only she suggested a drink beforehand," she said with a smirk. "She tried to tell me that this is a common thing for new mothers to go through, but I don't know. You and I have always been so …"
"In sync?" he suggested, nibbling her ear. "Wonderfully sated as we drifted off to sleep?"
The corner of her lip curled up just a little bit. "Yes, that."
"Well, for what it's worth, I say we give it a go," he said, leaning over to brush her hair aside and gently kiss her neck.
"You would," she replied with a chuckle. She turned in his arms and buried her face in his chest. "Oh, Charlie, I do love you. I hope you don't think this problem I'm having is a reflection of how much."
He lifted her chin with his finger. "I could never think that," he said meaningfully. He leaned down to kiss her and smiled against her mouth as she reached her hands up around his neck, pulling him down and deepening the kiss, her tongue moving insistently against his. He felt her fingers curl in his hair, and he was momentarily lost.
When they finally broke apart, Elsie found herself rather breathless. "Well," she managed. "That's a start, I suppose. I think perhaps I should speak with Cora - get things set for tonight."
"No pressure, Els," he said, pulling her close again. "No plans; we'll just roll with it. You'll find your way back to how you used to be."
"If I do -"
"When you do," he corrected, lifting her hand and kissing it.
"Yes, well, when I do, it'll only be because I've got you," she whispered tearfully. "I don't know what I'd ever do without you."
"Well, then, it's good that you don't ever have to worry about not having me, isn't it? I'll always be here for you, my darling. Always."
She looked up at him, smiled, and nodded gratefully, allowing her heart to trust in the words he'd spoken despite the fact that each of them knew better than most that life offered no guarantees.
oOoOoOoOo
As their future rolled ahead, Elsie would look back upon that night and feel a bit sad sometimes, frustrated that she'd be unable to remember all of the details - their first date, Charlie would call it in his deep, rumbling voice, the first time they'd ventured back into being what he'd call a proper couple, instead of just being Juliet's parents.
She'd recall the name of the restaurant in London where Charles had taken her, it now being emblazoned upon her mind as one of the best she'd ever been to, but she'd not remember the color of the walls, nor the face of the waiter who'd so marvelously served each course of their meal. She'd have trouble remembering the taste of her dessert and the vintage of wine that Charles had ordered for himself; she'd know Charles had worn his best suit, but would forget which tie tack and cufflinks he'd chosen.
But the parts of that night that she would remember would outshine all of the others. She'd reflect upon the way her husband had looked at her when she'd come out from the en suite, the small gasp that had escaped his lips as he watched her make her way toward him, clad in a new, deep blue dress that had accentuated the color of her eyes and the new shape of her body. She'd recall how he'd reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair back into her up-do, his fingertips ghosting along her neck, the promise of things to come, of moments late into the night when the tip of his tongue would trail along that same path.
She'd remember coming back from the restaurant to a blissfully quiet house, and she'd smile at the thought of how Charles had poured them each a small dose of brandy, something she'd studiously avoided while nursing but which Isobel had assured her wouldn't hurt the baby just that one time. She'd vividly recall how his hand had trembled as he'd handed her the snifter, how she'd reached out to lay her own hand upon his, steadying him as she took the glass from his grasp. She wouldn't recall the words she'd offered up as a toast, but she would never forget the shimmer in his eyes as she spoke them, nor the feeling she got when she met his gaze. She'd remember the second that she felt she might just be finding the wife again, unearthing her from the mother persona that had slowly been overtaking her being, and she would remember the flash in Charles's eyes when he'd seen that happen.
She'd remember the way he'd set their empty snifters aside and gathered her up in his arms, dancing in their room to music he'd somehow procured from elsewhere in the vast, stately home, the sound coming through speakers that were hidden in the room's shelving. And she'd remember the song, which had always been a favorite, its lyrics holding new meaning for her as she'd slowly spun in his arms …
I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand ...
She'd vividly recall looking at him and smiling then, sharing a reflection of their true first date, of the moment his fingers had touched hers over the back of the sofa. She'd remember the feel of her husband's arms around her, and her knowledge that their lives would be filled with a joy and love that she'd only ever dared to dream about.
She'd recall the soft sounds of velvet and cotton, as clothes were whisked away to chairs and floor, and she'd remember the soft groan of the bed as they lowered themselves down upon it; she'd remember every syllable of the whispered things that had fallen from each of their lips, and the joy she'd felt as she'd given herself to him completely once again, finally falling apart beneath his body as she'd not done in such a very long time.
She'd remember waking in the middle of the night, slipping from the bed and donning a robe, and padding down the hallway to check on her children - fast asleep, all of them, even after the kisses she'd bestowed on their foreheads. She'd remember returning to her man, stripping off the robe once again, and tucking herself back under his arm … and she'd remember the feeling of complete and utter bliss in her heart as he'd rolled toward her in his sleep, clutching her tightly to his body once again.
Home, she'd remember thinking, even though they'd been thousands of miles from their own. I'm home.
A/N: Oof. Bear with me for a moment.
It's been emotional writing the end of this fic. This is the last MAIN chapter of the story, but there IS an Epilogue coming in a day or two. I have a slew of people to thank, and this is going to sound like an awards show acceptance speech. I have no delusions that it's anything like that, but please don't play the music before I've finished. ;) These folks deserve accolades for helping to make this fic the wonder (at least for me) that it became. ALL of my friends have been lovely beacons of support along the way, and each and every one of them deserve a shout-out. I hope they know how much I love them, but these ladies have gone above and beyond in their own ways, contributing time, energy, research, and support ... and pushes when I needed them most.
Gotta start at the top, with the LOVELY brenna-louise, who has been beta, confidante, idea-bouncer-offer, and such a wonderful friend throughout this entire experience. I started writing this story before I met her in person, something that blew my mind when it occurred to me. She is, and will always be, just wonderful. xxx
Huge amounts of thanks also due to Hogwarts Duo, who has provided endless support, pushing, and ideas, and who has maybe read these chapters as much as Brenna and I have. She and OJBF3 were my "BIMP squad" (Baby pimps - thank you, Hogwarts Duo), although I'd already decided on that story line long before they started pushing for it. The tap-tap-tapping to pump out new chapters was helpful, too, particularly in long, dark, wintry months when I had no desire to do anything.
To meetmeinstlouie, who always answered messages where I was stuck or overwhelmed, and sent me endless kindnesses. To chelsie fan, who has helped in more ways that she would ever acknowledge, with little, nit-picky things that she and I could discuss for hours. To dameofdownstairs and joanie fan for gorgeous artwork they've done for this story, some of which was a surprise to me - their talents are endless. To Dillyydallyy, who was an actual CHARACTER and who provided the GIFs to prove it. To YellowBrickRoad, who wasn't even really invested in this fic, but for a conversation we had long ago about how it's always best that a Chelsie fanfic involving children wouldn't toss the children by the wayside for the sake of the romantic relationship between Charles and Elsie. I hope I've maintained that balance here, my dear - that thought was always at the forefront of my mind. x
Special shout-outs go to Mistressdickens, who gave me the idea for yet another "fall" - the biggest one - and to kouw. It's kouw's fault this story even exists. "Do your Modern AU idea for a NaNoWriMo," she said to me. "Give it a shot - who knows?" Who knew, indeed?
In addition, I'd be remiss in not thanking lemacd, who devoted a great deal of her own time to sharing her personal stories with me and answering an endless stream of questions, thereby allowing me to get a very important plot line done correctly. I've loved that, and loved finding a fellow Banna shipper who understands my Chelsie ways. :)
And, last but CERTAINLY not least, this story would have gone NOWHERE without the encouragement of all of you lovely reviewers - identified ones and guests together - who've stuck by me and sent the supportive thoughts that kept me going for the past eight months. THANK YOU.
Epilogue coming soon. And I Love You So is on the Spotify playlist for this fic. xxx