A huge thank you to bloodyblond who gave me the idea for this one and asked me to run with it. I had a lot of fun writing this one because it gave me a chance to express some of my real feelings about fanfiction. Live and let live, people. We'll all be so much happier.

"Absolute hokum," Sheldon said as they walked up the stairs. Leonard rolled his eyes as Howard and Sheldon argued Star Trek canon versus Star Trek fan fiction. "You cannot expect anyone to believe that Spock and Deanna Troy 'got busy' during a party on Deep Space Nine!"

Raj shifted the bags of food as Leonard unlocked the door. The door to 4B opened and a blond in a red dress stepped out. "Hey."

They all looked over. "Hey Louise," Leonard said as casually as possible.

Sheldon frowned. "Louie, you may want to wear a slip with that dress. I can see your penis."

Louie/Louise placed his handbag in front of him. "Sorry. A package came today, Sheldon. I signed for it." Sheldon took the long thin box with a simple thank you, as Louie closed the door.

Howard wasn't done. "There's a reason they call it fan FICTION, Sheldon! It doesn't have to follow canon! In fact, that's why there's fan created fiction in the first place! Because people like to imagine alternate scenarios that don't work in the world of canon! Why can't you just let others enjoy their fantasies without blasting them for it?"

Sheldon glared down his nose at Howard. "If it isn't canon, it's wrong!" He carried the box back to his room and carefully opened it. Inside were 2 cardboard standees. He unfolded the first and set it aside. It was of Data. Camouflage, really. If his friends asked he could tell them (and show them) it was a Data standee. But underneath was his real purchase. A blush rode high on his cheeks as he unfolded it and set it up between his dresser and the closet.

Penelope Queen as Emma Frost from the X-Men: Manifest Destiny movie. He reached out slowly and traced her bottom lip. He had always considered himself above mere human desires. Until he saw Penelope Queen in this portrayal. She was beautiful, vibrant, electric. She truly brought the sultry vixen to life.

A knock on his door jolted him and he turned guiltily. "Yes?"

"Are you coming out to eat, or are you sulking because Howard is right?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon jerked the door open wide enough to slip out. "Howard is not right. He is gravely wrong!"

"Says you," Howard muttered from the living room.

Xxx

Sheldon reclined on his bed and opened his journal. He began cataloging the events of the day carefully.

"So. Not a fan of fan fiction, huh?"

He looked over to the Emma Frost/Penelope standee. "No. It is ridiculous and tedious writing that bears little resemblance to actual canon events. Mostly written by prepubescent girls in the middle of hormonal surges."

Penelope walked over and sat down, her thin cardboard form yielding easily to her new position. "I disagree."

Sheldon folded his arms. "On what basis?"

Penelope smiled. "Right now, at this very minute, in another universe there is a tv show on. The show is about four nerdy scientists and their lives. You are in it. Well, someone playing you, anyway. And I am in it. Only, in that universe, I am your friend Leonard's girlfriend."

Xxx

Sheldon squawked and sat up. He was gaping for breath. He looked across the room at the standee. It was still in the spot he had placed it. After a few minutes he laid back down. Just a dream, he thought.

Xxx

"Sorry," Penelope said in a chagrined voice. "I shouldn't have thrown that at you so suddenly."

Sheldon stared at her. "I'm dreaming."

She nodded. "Of course you are, sweetie. I'm cardboard. How could I move and talk if you weren't?" She stood and moved up on the bed to sit beside him. "You know, this is like fan fiction. In reality, I am in England, and you are in Pasadena. Not very fun, huh? But here, in this dream, we are sitting on your bed."

Sheldon took her 2D hand in his. It was surprisingly warm. "You said in another universe you are with Leonard. Why?"

Penelope shrugged. "Because that's the way the writers scripted the show."

Sheldon looked dismayed. "But Leonard?"

She nodded. "But it's not all bad. There's a fairly large community of fan fiction writers who have decided that you and I make a better couple. And so they write beautifully elaborate stories, cute little fluffy ones, and occasionally some very naughty, sexy ones." She grinned over at him. "I like the ones where you go all alpha male on me the most."

Sheldon blushed deeply. "You do?"

She leaned over and gently pressed her lips to his. "Very much so. In that world, there is no us, except in the realm of the imagination of fans. And like you, there are many fans of the show who think those writers are deluded. That their stories of you and I are pure hokum."

Sheldon reached up and traced her bottom lip again. "Is there a universe where we are together?"

Penelope nodded. "Lots of them. In one we're clowns made of candy. But we're very happy."

Sheldon leaned in and kissed her again. "I wish we were together here, too."

Penelope smiled softly. "Me, too."

Xxx

Sheldon woke up at his usual time and licked his lips. They tasted like cherry lip gloss.

Xxx

Howard looked up to see Sheldon standing in the doorway of his lab. Sheldon placed his hands behind his back. "I apologize, Howard. You were right. Fan fiction is not absolute hokum."

Howard watched with stunned amazement as Sheldon turned around and left. He looked down and pinched his arm. "Holy frak," he said as he rubbed the sore spot. "I'm awake and Sheldon just apologized. Not even fan fiction is this strange."