My favorite thing about writing this fic is that you guys really let me into your minds. Thank you.

I sincerely apologise for the fact that this chapter has taken so long and that it probably isn't even that good, but this part of the story is kicking my ass.

A lot of conversations need to happen and they're kind of not very easy to write.

Still though, I hope it doesn't completely suck.

Once, before things got ridiculously complicated and Tamsin still believed that her heart beating like some sort of drum when she's near Lauren wasn't anything to spend the night thinking about, the two of them had been lying in bed.

Not really doing anything, just lying there, looking at the ceiling.

Tamsin had wondered, as she often did, what was running through Lauren's mind. Was she thinking about all her experiments, or her father, or Bo, or Tamsin?

She wondered if Lauren thought about her as often as Tamsin thought of the other blond. She wondered if Lauren thought about her at all.

She must have been completely lost in her mind because she felt her hand being squeezed softly and she turned to find Lauren looking at her expectantly. Like she had just asked a question and was waiting for an answer.

"What?" Tamsin had asked.

"What's going through your mind right now?"

Her face was so close Tamsin could feel her warm breath, she could smell her vanilla and honey scent. She could see just how brown Lauren's eyes were.

Her face was too close for Tamsin to think straight, so she had answered with the first thing that came to mind, "you."

Then she had almost panicked, almost.

But then Lauren had smiled, slowly and genuinely. The corners of her lips turning up and her eyes growing brighter.

And in that moment, Tamsin didn't have the energy to do anything but feel ridiculously proud. Because she, Tamsin Sarksten, by doing nothing other than saying what was on her mind, had made Lauren smile like that.

That feeling that she felt in that moment had been one of the best things she had ever felt.

...

She was dying to feel it again, she had said exactly what was on her mind and she needed Lauren to show some sort of approval to her words so bad it was almost worrying.

And the longer Lauren went without saying a word, the more she just sat there and looked at Tamsin, the more the taller blond freaked out.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

Maybe she had said the wrong words or she had said the right words wrongly or- shit.

Maybe she should have had that drink after all.

Her hands in her pockets flexed nervously, she bit her lip and shifted from one foot to the other.

"Lauren please say something," she said when the silence finally threatened to take the last of her sanity.

"Will you sit, please?" Are the words that came out of Lauren's mouth when she finally spoke.

Tamsin wanted to say no, if she was going to get her heart broken she would rather have it done when she was as far from Lauren as she could possibly be, and close enough to the door so she could run before the tears came.

But Lauren was looking her with patient, pleading eyes, and she wasn't good at denying Lauren things.

So she sighed and moved to the table and took a seat.

"Would you like that glass of water now?" Lauren asked.

Tamsin narrowed her eyes, the fuck was going on though?

"Lauren, just," fuck it she was nervous, "just tell me."

She didn't even know exactly what she wanted Lauren to say, just that she wanted her to say something.

"I will," Lauren said patiently and took Tamsin's hand in hers, "after you calm down a little."

Oh fuck, this was it.

Tamsin wasn't stupid, she had seen enough movies to know that people only calm you down before they give you shitty news, before they tell you something they know you don't want to hear.

Lauren didn't want to be with her, maybe she had once, but not anymore.

She had waited too long, she had played too many stupid games with her, the other blond was done.

Tamsin felt like retching, it was all for nothing, she wasn't going to get her chance after all.

"I gotta go." She heard her voice saying from far away.

She was giving her mind signals to get her damned body up, to lead her somewhere where there was alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol.

"What?" Lauren's voice sounded incredulous and hurt.

Tamsin frowned, couldn't Lauren see she was saving both of them the trouble of a conversation neither of them wanted to have?

"I have- I have to go." She said again, wanting to make her voice strong but failing, miserably.

She could literally feel her heart starting to break. Maybe it was just as well that she had never fallen in love before.

It was hard as shit.

"Why?" Lauren asked, not having let go of Tamsin's hand.

"You don't have to force yourself, Lauren. It's okay."

"Force- what the hell are you talking about, Tamsin?" Now she sounded like she was on the verge of being angry.

She had even let go of Tamsin's hand.

"I know-" She put her hand in her pocket, it had felt so warm just seconds ago, "I know I fucked up and maybe you didn't even want this and-"

Lauren pursed her lips, her brown eyes growing dark and angry, really angry; Tamsin forgot her words.

"I didn't want this?"

"La-"

"No, Tamsin. What do you mean I didn't want this? In case you've forgotten, I'm the one who kissed you. I'm the one who tried to get you to spend time with me every chance I got. I'm one who went to have a conversation I never planned on having just because you asked me to. And I'm the one who waited days for you to call me, the one who came running the second you sent me a damn text!"

Tamsin had never seen Lauren like this.

She wasn't just angry, she wasn't just hurt, she was really angry and really hurt.

She didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry," she settled on that.

Lauren kept silent for a moment then shook her head, "I don't want you to be sorry Tamsin," she said, her voice sounding softer, "I want you to not be scared."

"I'm not scared." Tamsin said defensively.

"Yes you are. I wanted to calm you down," she explained moving so that she was right in front of Tamsin, "that's why I offered you a seat and water, I wanted you to calm down before I said anything. But the second I didn't speak when you wanted me to, you got scared and assumed I don't want to be with you."

"Do you?" She didn't know where that came from, she hadn't meant to say that, but the second it was out, she realized that she wanted to know that more than anything else.

"Of course I do," Lauren said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, her hand coming up to cup Tamsin's cheek, "you are-so beautiful, and so extremely brave and anyone, anyone Tamsin,would be lucky to be with you and it makes me extremely happy that I'm the one who gets that chance."

Tamsin didn't know what to say, hell she didn't know how to feel.

She had gone to pathetically nervous, to heart breakingly sad, to overwhelmingly relieved in the span of a few minutes.

It was like someone had taken her feelings and put them on a damn roller coaster and now she was just plain confused.

"I-" she tried finding the words but they just wouldn't come and she knew she was ruining the moment. She had driven herself crazy over this for months and now she had it and she knew fuck all what to do with it.

Lauren started to rub her thumb on Lauren's cheek, her brown eyes looking patiently at the other girl, her vanilla scent practically blanketing the both of them and that's when Tamsin realized that she was here.

After months of crying and drinking and feeling her heart break so many times she wondered how it was still beating, she was here.

Lauren knew how she felt, she knew how Lauren felt, she now had the right to look into those bright brown eyes and not feel like she was overstepping bounds, like she was indulging in something that wasn't her's to indulge in.

She was here, she was being given a chance and she wasn't going to be dumb enough to waste it. She let her lips curve into a small smile, Lauren's eyes shone brighter, "I'm going to kiss you now," She whispered, practically breathing the air Lauren was breathing now.

"Finally." Lauren whispered back.

...

She had wondered, often, if things would change between them.

If she would be expected to act differently when she was Lauren's girlfriend, if Lauren herself would start acting differently.

It worried her, a lot.

It's not that she didn't want to act differently, if Lauren needed her to, she would. It's just that she didn't know exactly what different meant.

The thing is, Tamsin had never been anyone's girlfriend, she had never even been in love.

And it annoyed her, a little, that the first time her heart had decided it wanted someone, it chose the most perfect human being Tamsin had ever met.

Why couldn't she have liked a mediocre girl first, just for practise purposes so she could at the very least be a tad experienced for Lauren?

But in the week that followed, learnt that she needn't have worried.

Nothing changed in the way Lauren was around her other than the fact that they kissed a whole bloody lot.

Lauren still made her heart race more than it was okay if she didn't want a heart condition, she still made Tamsin smile at her cuteness every time she would unconsciously ramble about her sciency stuff and she Tamsin still missed her more than it was okay to miss someone you saw almost everyday.

Lauren was adamant in giving Tamsin her space and not overwhelming her, they still did their movie nights and Lauren always asked what Tamsin would want for breakfast the next day although she already knew Tamsin would say pancakes.

"Don't you ever want something different?"

She asked as she put her hair up in a ponytail, getting ready for bed.

"What can I say," Tamsin scooted because she always took the left side,"I'm a creature of habit."

Lauren rolled her eyes fondly and jumped on the bed, laughing and kissing Tamsin's cheek smelling of minty toothpaste and lavender shampoo.

Tamsin smiled at her adorably, feeling her heart rate speed up just from being this close to her.

"You should be a little more spontaneous."

"I am spontaneous," she said with faux hurt.

Lauren just laughed and got under the covers, "not really."

"Fine then, I want something new tomorrow,"

"Yeah?" She seemed genuinely surprised.

Tamsin nodded and licked her lips, her eyes already zeroed on Lauren's lips, "I want..."

"You want..."

"Chocolate chip pancakes."

"Which are still pancakes,"

Tamsin shrugged and cupped her cheeks, she was done talking, "I guess they are."

Lauren looked about ready to say something but Tamsin already had their lips sealed, she settled on just chuckling into their kiss.

It had been a week and she was yet to hear from Lauren.

She was giving her space, she was more than okay with giving her as much space as she needed, but sometimes it just got hard.

Especially on days when she missed her so bad it hurt.

Like today.

She had woken up with those moods that just sucked and for some reason, her mind decided to latch on a memory of her waking up in bed with Lauren. Feeling happy and content and in love in a way that she knew no matter what her mother said,it was real.

And the fact that she didn't have that anymore just ruined her entire mood.

She had tried to lighten up, the whole day.

She had cleaned, because she had no one to do that for her now.

She had gone shopping, in hopes of running into Lauren again, which obviously didn't happen.

She had even tried gardening, which only resulted in her nails getting dirty.

So in the evening, when the loneliness became too much and she just needed to be around people, to forget that she was alone if only for a while, she had headed to the Dal.

And consequently, ran into Tamsin.

She hadn't seen the blond since that night at Lauren's and she had absolutely refused to think about her.

She had too much to deal with without adding Tamsin's bullshit to the mix.

But here she was, right at the Dal's parking lot and Bo suddenly felt like she could kill her.

"Uh, Bo," the stupid grin that had been on Tamsin's face fell, "hi."

Bo rolled her eyes, "don't, Tamsin, just don't."

Tamsin sighed, "Bo," she started in that way that people start conversations when they know you really don't want to hear what they have to say.

"I said don't Tamsin."

"Look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I really-"

Suddenly, all the anger Bo had been feeling for the past weeks was directed at the person in front of her, "you're sorry."

"Yeah, I am."

"The fuck do you mean you're sorry Tamsin? You stole the only person who means everything to me."

Tamsin's eyes narrowed, all the sheepishness she had moments ago fading away, her whole demeanor becoming defensive, "I didn't steal her, Bo. She isn't a thing that can be stolen."

"No," Bo said her eyes looking almost sad, "she's the girl who I repeatedly told you I was in love with."

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen, Bo."

"And that's supposed to mean something?" The brunette asked incredulously.

"Bo-"

"No, Tamsin. You don't get to stand there and tell me you didn't mean it like it's going to suddenly make you less of a piece of shit! I trusted you, I came out to you and you lied to my face time and again, you betrayed me."

There was silence between the two of them for a minute until Tamsin spoke, "I didn't betray you, Bo. Things were already fucked up between you two way before I came into the picture."

"I was fixing it!"

"You were talking about fixing it. There's difference. How long did you want her to wait for you while you ran around with Dyson?"

"You don't know shit, Tamsin." she practically spat out.

"I know plenty. I know you only started really going after her when you thought I was with her and I know she isn't a toy, Bo. You don't put her aside for however long you want to then decide you want her back because you don't want to see her with someone else."

"That's not true and you know it." The brunette yelled out, her eyes livid.

"Yes it is."

Tamsin gritted out. Bo just stood there, glaring at her, her breaths coming out so fast it looked like she was panting.

"I love her," she started, her voice calm and collected a sharp contrast with her features, "I love her and there's nothing and no one I won't fight for her. I lost her once because I was too scared and too much of a coward but not anymore. So you can say whatever you want, Tamsin. But you should know that if I didn't let my mother stop me from fighting for her, then I certainly won't allow you to."

Then she got back into her, ready to drive back home.

She didn't feel like drinking or being around people anymore.