I try not to grumble in annoyance as I plop myself down on the ground next to the small fire. I stare into the burning heat as I ignore the frustrated sensation growing in my chest which now seems as ferocious as the ball of flames.
I can't believe she left. She just left. Without saying a damn thing to me. Not like I matter. Not like I haven't been mourning her and living by her 'last words' for six damn years. I twist my face up in anger.
Clarke had left to rescue Madi, who had been in Shallow Valley. Monty said that one minute she was there and the next she was gone. Like she had just disappeared into thin air. He'd said they'd looked for ages, but she never turned up. Which makes Clarke's frantic actions understandable when he and the others had returned in the rover.
However, what bothered me the most about the situation, call me selfish; not like I care, was that when I had tried to comfort Clarke, she had just shrugged me off and wouldn't even let me touch her. I had even offered to go with her to help find Madi, but she had refused. Then she proceeded to leave without even saying goodbye that night.
At first I had assumed that it was because she was so worried about Madi, but when she returned a couple minutes ago with her, happy and healthy, she had still avoided my eyes. I don't know what's going on with her, but something's wrong and I hate it.
I toss a rock into the fire aimlessly, trying to calm myself down. There had to be a reasonable explanation as to why she was acting this way toward me, but before I can think on it any further, someone drops down beside me.
I glance over at Madi, offering her a small smile. She returns it.
"Hey," I say, and she just stares at me questioningly. When I notice this, I frown at her, as if urging her on to tell me whatever's on her mind.
"Clarke says Octavia isn't the same girl she told me about in her stories." Madi says quietly, as if what she's saying is dangerous. Which, knowing Ocatvia; which I kind of feel like I don't anymore, very well could be.
When I don't respond, she lets out a small sigh and continues speaking.
"I mean, I guess I can't expect everyone to be the same. It's been six years. Everything's different." She shrugs at the ground, and I feel a tinge of pity for her, knowing that she's feeling so down. "At least that's what Clarke keeps saying."
I frown at her words, but before I can analyze them any further, Madi speaks up again.
"Like Clarke says, lots has changed." She looks up at me, a small grin cracking on her lips. "She didn't tell me you'd be so hairy." She says the word in disgust and crinkles up her nose jokingly, as I fake hurt.
"Ouch," I mutter, rubbing my beard slowly, an amused smirk spreading across my face. Then a question springs to mind.
"Madi?" I ask quietly, not sure what I was expecting as an answer. "How did you recognize me,when we first came down?"
She looks up at me, almost confused. "The drawings of course," She says, a small giggle leaving her mouth as if I was a complete idiot for thinking of anything else.
"Drawings?" I ask, Clarke drew me? She drew all of us? I guess that did explain a lot. I mean, I saw her old cell on the ring.
Madi nods excitedly, as if sharing some big secret.
"Yeah, she drew tons of them." She smiles, looking at her hands, "She drew everyone. She drew Octavia a lot though," Her voice trails off and her smile is replaced by a frown.
"It sucks that she's so different now," She mutters and I silently agree. "She was my favourite." She says, and I almost laugh at the thought of her having a 'favourite'. It seems just like something she would do though.
"But mostly, Clarke drew you," She says, and my breath hitches in my throat at her words.
"M-me?" I ask, scolding myself for that unconscious stutter.
"Yeah," Madi replies, "Once, she showed me a drawing of you she did before Praimfaya, she didn't let me hold it though, it was practically falling apart. I was surprised it survived."
My heart drops at her words, my mouth suddenly becoming dry. I swallow.
"Before Praimfaya?" I ask, unsure I heard her right. But she just nods in confirmation.
"Octavia might have been my favourite, but I think you were hers," Madi says, like it's no big deal at all. Like Clarke didn't draw me before Praimfaya, or that I was her 'favourite'? What does that even mean?
"She talked to you everyday, you know?" Madi continues talking and I frown at her words. Talked to me? Talked to me how?
"On the radio," She mumbles, as if reading my mind.
"I mean, she asked about Raven and Monty and everyone, but she talked to you. Only you." I stare at her in confusion, Clarke talked to me? Everyday? Why just me? The radio didn't work.
My thoughts were so jumbled and confused I couldn't even think of what to say in response to Madi's confession. But she doesn't stop there.
"I think that's why she's so sad now," Madi mentions Clarke, looking down at the ground.
"Because everything's so different now," She mumbles. Her words almost inaudible. Like she's already said too much. And maybe she has.
Because then it hits me.
...
part two?