An1: Consider this the chapter between part two and three.I'm going to take a break from this story before I come back and finish it. It might be a one hour break, might be a day, might be a year, I don't know. The third part of the story is the last one and so much happens, I need to do it justice.

An2: I've had this story, every single detail of it, planned out since before I started writing it. I promised that it's not exclusively copdoc or doccubus and that each character and ship will get development and all that and I've tried to do that to the best of my ability. If you don't agree with what I'm doing, feel free to not read. I honestly won't be offended. I'm not trying to be rude, really. But it gets a little tiring when I have to keep defending characters with every chapter.

Thank you for reading.

Day 1.

Numb.

So many feelings were battling to be felt all at the same time and her body couldn't handle it, so it decided to feel nothing.

She was feeling numb.

And fucked over in the worst possible way because it's like the world just couldn't get enough of screwing with her.

She took two steps forward, then it hit her so that she took a couple million back.

And it was so, so bloody unfair because fuck it, she deserved something good too. She had something good. Something amazing and now...now she didn't even know what to feel.

"How about that hug, honey."

They were inside the house, she didn't even know how she had opened the door and let her mother inside her house.

"No? Fine then." The woman sat herself down and fished a cigarette from somewhere, she always had one of those on her, "lovely place you have here." She put her feet on the table.

I love you.

That's where she was supposed to be. In Lauren's house, in Lauren's room, surrounded by Lauren's love. Fuck it, she should just have stayed there! Why the hell hadn't she stayed there.

"Did you suddenly go dumb, Tamsin?" She asked blowing a puff out.

Tamsin couldn't bare to even look at her, "why the fuck are you here? How are you even here in the first place?"

Danielle laughed. Shrill and forced, it made Tamsin's skin crawl, "all these questions before even offering me a bottle of beer. How rude, darling. Did I really teach you nothing?"

Her voice was soft with the strongest undercurrent of anger. It sounded how it always did before she or her good for nothing husband rained blows on her.

She felt something in her heart sink, she took a step back feeling so utterly small it was a wonder she was even visible.

"Come sit next to me, Tamsin. Come tell me what you've been up to these past few years."

She stabbed her cigarette on the seat, produced a little baggie, holding it reverently and snorted a little, then smiled at Tamsin, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand, "I hear you even snagged yourself a girlfriend. A surgeon's daughter no less."

Fear.

It was the first emotion that had managed to break free from the rest and get to the very core of Tamsin.

Complete and utter fear.

"Who told you that?" She hoped against hope that her voice sounded strong. That the panic in it didn't seep out.

Danielle laughed again, this time it was gloating, like she had something, "a little birdie. So when I'm I meeting this surgeon's daughter?"

"Never."

...

It was surreal, that her mother was on her couch, passed out because that always happened after she had a hit.

That her mother was here.

On the night when the universe had given Tamsin everything she ever wished for, it had also given her the one thing she never wanted to see again.

Are you still coming over? It's been two hours- Lauren.

Tamsin stared at her phone. The text had arrived thirty minutes ago and she still had no idea how she was supposed to reply to it.

Lauren's voice saying 'I love you' in that sure yet soft way she had was playing over and over in her head. And every time she'd let it sink in, she'd remember that her mother was on the couch, asking to meet 'the surgeon's daughter. And she would feel her skin crawl and her heart sink with helplessness that she had no idea how to deal with.

She needed a beer.

She needed ten beers.

"Do you think I could have one of those?" The raspy voice startled her a little.

She threw the beer she was carrying at Danielle without even thinking and went back for another one. She didn't want to think of anything anymore. Not when she was this sober.

It had been a while, a really long while, since she drunk for the sake of drinking. Since she did anything just for the sake of it and even as she took the beer, she felt a little disgusted at herself and resentful at the woman sitting on her couch, sipping on her beer, for bringing her back to this point after she had worked so hard to be better.

"Why the hell are you here, Danielle? Really." She didn't even know the words were coming out until they were out.

Danielle eyed her like she was insane, "I already told you, Tamsin."

"Yeah, you already told me a bunch of bullshit. I want the real reason now."

She was drunk. Maybe on alcohol, maybe on exhaustion, maybe on anger that her body refused to feel for fear that it would break from the sheer amount of it.

But whatever it was, she was definitely drunk. It was the only thing she could think of that would make her talk to Danielle like this.

"I see you grew some balls too." Danielle smiled, all teeth and fakeness, "good for you."

"Why are you here?" She repeated. Her voice hard and sure. A complete contrast to how she really felt.

"Donny got jailed." Danielle gritted out, pausing to take a swig of her beer, "son a bitch punched a guy right into a coma. Got thrown in for attempted murder or something in those lines. Left me penniless, the bastard."

Tamsin almost scoffed, "you're here because you need money?"

"I'm here because you're my family. The only one I have left. And I want to be in your life."

This time, Tamsin did scoff.

She had spent her entire life waiting for this woman to want her. To acknowledge that she was human and deserving and her fucking daughter. She had done every single thing she could think of just for one freaking second where the woman could say that yes, you're my daughter. And she hadn't, not once got it.

And now, now when she didn't even fucking want it, it was being offered like it was gold or something. It was practically being forced on her and really, how was that fair?

"I'm not your family, Danielle. I haven't been your family for years."

"I gave birth to you," Danielle said after a minute of silence, "I carried you for nine months when I looked like darn whale. Went into labor for hours and brought you into this goddamned world. And before you up and left making the neighbors think that we'd killed you or sold you into fucking slavery, I fed you and clothed you and put a roof over your ungrateful head. So you can think whatever you want to think, Tamsin. But I am your family."

...

Day 2.

They didn't have any more conversations after Danielle's little speech.

Tamsin didn't know what to say, and although she now knew exactly what to feel, she didn't know how to feel it.

So she drunk, and drunk some more and when confusion became even worse than it was before, she drunk just a little more.

She knew the headache she would have in the morning would kill her but she didn't care. She needed to get lost in something. Her first instinct had been to go to Lauren's. To just leave and go to the one place where she felt safe and had even the semblance of being okay. But then, what would she tell Lauren when she asked what's wrong? Which she definitely would because Lauren knew Tamsin better than Tamsin knew herself.

She'd know something was wrong the moment she lays eyes on her and if there's one thing she knew, even in the sea of confusion that she was drowning in, it was that she never, ever, wanted any single part of Danielle to touch Lauren.

Not even the knowledge of her existence.

So she drunk, and slept and when morning came, she drunk some more because the best way to deal with a hangover is to drink.

Everyone knows that.

...

Are you okay?-Lauren.

She had been staring at that text for close to ten minutes now, telling herself to text back because even from a text, she could tell that Lauren was worried.

But what could she say.

If she said yes, then Lauren would want to know why she hadn't gone over yet. If she said no, then Lauren would want to know why.

Either way she answered would lead to Lauren finding out about Danielle and that just wasn't happening.

She was fucked, no matter what she did, but what else was new.

"People don't eat around here?"

Danielle asked startling her. She tucked her phone under her covers and frowned at her mother.

Yesterday, she had been too shocked to think straight and right now, she was too drunk to think clearly but even in her less than stellar state. She could see that Danielle looked thinner than she had the last time she'd seen her and that was saying something because she wasn't that fat to begin with.

Her eyes were sunken and her skin looked rough. Tamsin wondered if the woman ever looked in a mirror, "I haven't shopped in a while."

Lauren cooked all of Tamsin's meals. Sometimes, when she knew Tamsin wouldn't be able to be at her place after work, she packed food for her that she only had to warm and it would be ready.

Once she had even ordered pizza to be delivered at Tamsin's because she knew the blond was shit at taking care of herself.

"Well, I'm hungry. Doesn't this place have a McDonald's or something?"

"No. Look, just have a beer or something. I'll bring food home with me when I come from work."

Danielle looked like she wanted to say something. Her sunken eyes seemed curious. Tamsin hoped she knew that she was taking as much as she could right now and she was so close to breaking that it wasn't funny.

Pushing her wasn't the best of ideas right now.

"Fine."

She said and went away.

Tamsin went back to staring at her phone.

...

I know you're clearing your head, Tamsin. And I know you need space to do that. I just need to know you're okay. You can at least tell me that- Lauren.

She was getting frantic now, and angry, Tamsin could tell just by reading the text.

She could practically hear Lauren's voice in the words.

"I don't know how much more of these games I can take, Tamsin."

She remembered that night. How small Lauren had sounded. She'd thought that was the lowest low they'll ever go to. She wished that had been the lowest low they ever went to. Because that was easy. That meant Tamsin only had to deal with herself in order to make things right.

But this, this was a whole different ball game. Danielle had an interest in Lauren. She somehow knew of her existence and she was at a place where she could get to her and harm her and Tamsin just couldn't let that happen.

She knew what she had to do in order to make things right.

She knew what she had to do in order to protect Lauren. But knowing didn't make it any easier. Knowing didn't mean her heart wasn't breaking in a way it hadn't had in a while. In a way that made her feel small and helpless and unworthy.

Maybe that was it, maybe she was one of those people in the world who just didn't deserve happiness.

"Tamsin-"

She looked up. She'd been hanging out in the store with just her thoughts for a while now, letting Nadia close up all by herself. She knew the curly haired girl would be upset but she was so past caring of so many things right now.

She couldn't even if she wanted to.

"-Tamsin, what's up?"

That wasn't what she'd been expecting. She expected anger, irritation. This, concern,wasn't what she'd been expecting at all.

She ran her hands through her hair and stood up, she didn't want to look pitiable, she wasn't a pity case, "nothing. It's nothing."

"Tam-"

"Nadia, please, let it go."

Her voice wasn't angry like it usually could have been. She was too tired, too beaten to even feel anger.

She had made her decision and it was weighing heavily. All the strength she had was going into keeping herself together.

Nadia nodded, took Tamsin's hand and squeezed it like she was trying to give some of her strength to the blond girl. Then she left without saying a word.

It was from sheer will that Tamsin didn't break down and cry.

...

I know I'm in no position to ask anything of you, but meet me at Betty's tomorrow, please- Tamsin.

She tucked her phone in her pocket after hitting sent and pulled out a cigarette.

She lit it and watched as the night air played with the smoke. It was done now, she had put her plan in motion and it was done now. It was real, she was doing this.

She furiously wiped away at a tear that dared fall.

No, she wasn't going to let herself cry. Not right now. She needed to do this, there was no other way.

It hurt like hell but it was what it was. Because Lauren came before everything else to her, including her happiness.

...

Day 3

Are we okay-Lauren.

The text came as she was stirring her coffee, waiting for the other girl to arrive.

She had sneaked out of the house before Danielle woke up. She'd spent the whole night packing and she'd already talked to Mrs. Perkins, this was the last part of everything and it was probably the hardest.

She'd almost answered the text. She couldn't bear Lauren being hurt and that text had hurt written all over it. But just as she was typing, the brunette slid onto the opposite side of the booth.

Her eyes snapped up and she locked her phone, "uh, hi."

She hadn't seen the girl since that day in the parking lot. She hadn't even thought she'd be having any sort of conversation with her any time soon.

"Let's skip the formalities, Tamsin. What's this about."

She looked tired. Like she hadn't been sleeping well and it occurred to Tamsin that maybe this wasn't the fairest thing to do to either of them. But there's no one else she could trust with this and she needed to trust someone.

And Bo might be a lot of things, things between the two of them might be screwed up, but if there's one thing Tamsin was sure of was that Bo would move heaven and earth for Lauren.

"I need you to do something for me."

"Seriously?" The brunette seemed genuinely surprised.

Tamsin pulled the letter from her jeans pocket. She had spent a great pat of her early morning writing this letter.

She needed it to say the exact right thing.

"I need you to give this to Lauren."

Bo's eyebrows shot up, "what the fuck, Tamsin."

"I-" shit this was hard, "I'm leaving town for a while and I need you to give this to Lauren. You're the only one I can trust with this."

"Tamsin this isn't funny."

"I'm not trying to be funny. Just give her the damn letter."

"Why?"

"Why what?" Damn it, this was hard enough without Bo vying from the script of how this had panned out in Tamsin's head.

"Why are you leaving? Why are you not telling Lauren you're leaving yourself and why did you choose me to give her the damn letter! I don't know what you're doing, Tamsin but I don't want any part of it if all you're going to do is be vague as shit. I have my own issues to deal with."

Tamsin bit her lip. Things just got harder by the second. She sighed, "my mom is in town."

Bo blinked, then blinked again, "so?"

Tamsin knew this was the part where she should give the girl her life story, she was putting Bo in a difficult position and she owed her at the very least an explanation. But she couldn't. Seeing her mom after all this time was enough to deal with. Add the fact that she was putting the only good thing she ever had in her life on the line and you have a Tamsin who just couldn't deal with digging up old ghosts right now.

She was dealing with more than enough as it was.

"My mom is toxic, Bo. She seeps poison into everything she gets into contact with and I cannot let her get to Lauren. I won't."

"And you think leaving is the right way to deal with this?" Bo's voice wasn't judging. She genuinely wanted to know.

"It's the only way. You don't know her, Bo. You don't know what she's capable of. I can't let Lauren get involved with any part of her."

"Then go to the police. If she's that bad-"

"No."

"Tamsin-"

"She's my mom, Bo. I'm not turning my mom in. I refuse to be that kind of person." She said resolutely.

Bo nodded, because if anyone in the world understood loving people who don't deserve your love it was her.

"I still think this is a bad idea." she said taking the letter, "where are you even going?"

Tamsin sighed and leaned back on her seat, "I don't know. All I know is that I'm the only link between my mom and Lauren and if I get myself and her out of here then she's as far as Lauren as possible. That's as far as I can think."

And if her mom was as far from Lauren as possible then there was no way her murderer husband could get to her either. She didn't tell Bo that though. It wasn't important for her to know.

"This is going to break her." Bo stated quietly.

Tamsin looked away. She knew that. God did she know that. But she was doing this for Lauren more than anyone else.

She needed to get her mom away. She needed to. Before she obsessively started looking for the surgeon's daughter, demanding money for a fix or what the fuck ever it was she wanted from Lauren. And there was no way she was going to get Danielle away without leaving too.

"And I'm not making you any promises on what I will or won't do, Tamsin. I'm doing this right now because you said it's for Lauren but from this point on, don't hold me to anything. You know I still love her and that-"

"I know."

She couldn't hear Bo finish that sentence.

Not when two days ago Lauren was telling her she loves her in the most sure way Tamsin had ever heard. Not when Lauren never denied loving Bo too. Not when she wasn't going to be around to fight for the one thing that she had ever wanted to fight for with all that she had. Not when she needed to keep Lauren safe.

"I know." She said again.

Bo nodded.

Then they both kept silent, there was nothing left for them to say to each other.

...