Mondays are hard.
Well, everyday is hard but Mondays are especially hard.
Her mom used to live for Mondays. She'd get up early and make breakfast and play lively music that made the air smell more like Friday than Monday.
"It's a new week baby," She says, her eyes shining and her hand flipping a pancake or pouring a glass of juice or turning the page of her newspaper. "It's a new week full of possibilities." Then she'd smile and kiss her cheek and she'd make Lauren feel more loved than anyone on earth.
Mondays are hard.
...
"Whaddup, Small T." A voice broke through the silence in the kitchen and startled Bo so much she almost dropped the egg she was making.
She turned around to find Rabble hoisting herself onto the counter, already reaching for a piece of fruit from the plate Bo just set out.
"Hey hey." The brunette reaches for the plate, pulling it away swiftly. "This aren't yours." She sets them next to the cooker as she turns off the burner and poured the egg to a clean plate. "They're Laurens."
"Oh come on." The now orange haired girl pouted, "just a piece."
"No." Bo said sternly. "It's important that she has this exact meal in this exact portion. I googled it."
She arched a pierced brow, "you googled it."
"Yes." Bo nodded then pointed at her with a glare. "And don't comment on it."
"Wasn't gonna." Rabble shrugged although she clearly was going to comment on it. "Anyway," her voice turns serious, "how is she?"
It had been three days since Lauren had turned up at Bo's door, conflicted and defeated both at the same time and to say things weren't going well would be an understatement.
She stayed in the bedroom. Never leaving. Except to use the bathroom. She refused to eat. Bo would make the food, take it to her, and later come to collect the plate. Untouched. She spent most of her time sleeping, and when she wasn't asleep she would just stare.
It broke Bo's heart. This wasn't the Lauren she was used to, she wasn't used to seeing her so broken, so down.
"That bad huh?" Rabble said when a few minutes of silence passed.
Bo just gave her a small smile and picked the tray she had arranged the food on.
Rabble patted her shoulder and watched as she walked to the bedroom.
...
Lauren liked to keep the curtains closed and it made the room dark and stuffy.
Yesterday, Bo had tried to open the curtains and Lauren stood up and shut them again without saying a word.
"Hey." Bo said softly when she opened the door to find her seated on the bed, her knees folded to her chest, her arms around them like she was trying to hug herself. It broke Bo's heart to just look at her. "breakfast is ready."
Silence.
She set the tray at the small stool by the bed. "I made the pancakes just like you like them." She tried sounding cheery. "And, I managed to get strawberries!"
More slilence. Her smile fell.
"Lauren." She called softly, no response. "Lauren, please just- at least say something."
The blonde held herself in her little ball even tighter.
"Will you at least look at me then." Bo whispered. Hating how her voice cracked as she talked. She wanted to be strong for Lauren. God, she wanted to be strong for her. She just didn't know where to begin and it had been three days and she felt like she was fucking failing her.
She stayed standing there for almost ten more minutes.
Then she left.
...
Her mom used to have a flare for goodbyes.
They were her thing.
When Lauren was younger- four, maybe five- she would lift her high every time before they parted ways and turn her round and round and Lauren would laugh. Her blonde hair wildly blowing around and her mom wouldn't put her down until her cheeks were rosy and she felt so dizzy she couldn't stand straight.
As she grew older and a little too tall for that game, her mom took to cradling her face and looking into her eyes until Lauren got uncomfortable then she'd plant a kiss on her forehead, or her cheek, or her head.
"Mom," she would whine embarassed when her mom did this right in front of school grounds "why do always have to do that?"
"Because I hate saying goodbye to you. I just want to make sure you know I love you till I see you again."
Goodbyes always were her mom's thing.
...
Bo sighed as she flipped through channels.
Rabble had just gone home and she had already taken Lauren's dinner to her and came out with the untouched lunch tray.
She was getting past worried now. It had been three whole days and Lauren hadn't eaten, she was clearly losing weight and the bags under her eyes showed that she wasn't sleeping.
Bo had no idea if keeping her here was more harmful than helpful. She couldn't make Lauren do something she didn't want to do no matter how much she wanted to.
She felt like maybe she loved Lauren too much to be of any help.
"Fuck." She groaned, covering her face with her palms. "Fuck."
"It's not good to curse so much."
Her neck snapped up and she turned back to find Lauren standing by the door. Her eyes red, her hair unkempt, the pants she was wearing sagging on her body. She looked the most un-Lauren Bo had ever seen her.
But still, Bo's hopes spiked, maybe she was getting better. She was here, right. In the living room, interacting.
"Sorry." Bo said sheepishly. "Uh, I think I saw some channel showing Matrix tonight. We could maybe, watch it?"
She looked interested for a moment. Her eyes fell on the TV then on Bo then she sighed. "No thank you. I was just going to the bathroom."
...
The first night her dad didn't come home, she was scared out of her mind.
She thought of going to a neighbours, but ever since her mom went to heaven, they'd all taken to looking at her with such pity. Like she was that three legged cat that always hopped onto the neighbourhood and everyone felt obligated to give it food because it was so pathetic.
She didn't like that look.
So she stayed home alone.
She climbed onto a stool and stood on her tippy toes, her palms blindly searching the top of the shelf till she dropped a couple of boxes.
She jumped off the stool and ramaged through the boxes till she found her birthday candles. The one her mommy had said had actual magic and could grant any wish.
She lit one although it wasn't her birthday, hoping the angels would make an exception just this one day.
"Please make my daddy come home." She wished extra- extra hard then blew it out.
Then she lit three more, just in case the angels were busy and hadn't heard her wish.
Then she waited.
One hour, two hours, three hours. The big clock that always sounded so hard at midnight made it's usual noise. He still wasn't home.
She ran to her mommy's bedroom and took as many blankets as she could. Then she went around the whole house. Standing on her tippy toes again to switch on all the lights in the house before going to the living room and making a bed of blankets right in the middle of it.
She closed her eyes real tight that night. And pretended she was camping.
...
"Small Town, this isn't working." Rabble said, as she watched Bo pour yet more uneaten food that had been meant for Lauren into the trash can. "It's been five days, and all she has had is water. I'm no doctor, but even I know that's not healthy."
Bo sighed and threw the plates in the sink, placing her palms on the edge and letting her head hang. She was tired.
And worried.
So fucking worried.
"What do you want me to do, Rabble? Shove food down her throat?" She questioned, an edge to her voice that spoke of deep frustration.
"Don't be smart with me. You know what I mean. Call someone, an adult or something."
"Someone like who? Half this town won't fucking look me in the eye, her father is the cause of all this shit in the first place and I don't even know if my parents are still my parents or they've disowned me. So tell me Rabble, who I'm I supposed to take her to?"
"The hospital would be a good place to start."
"No." Bo shook her head, "Lauren hates hospitals."
"Bo."
"She needs me. Okay, Rabble? She needs me. She needs to know there's someone in this world who'll brave hell for her. She needs to know someone cares enough to go through anything for her."
"Taking her to a hospital won't mean you don't care, Bo."
"To her, right now, that's exactly what it'll mean."
...
The first time she made her mom's apple pie, she burnt her index finger.
It hurt, really bad, but she found some antiseptic and some cooling balm and after a while it wasn't that bad.
Besides, she wasn't going to let some small burn keep her from her mission.
Last night, sehe found her dad wearing her mom's trench coat. The faux fur one that she had bought in New York and was so proud of because she had haggled for it. 'Like a real New Yorker.'
Her dad was clutching it tight around himself, crying and sniffing it and hugging it so tightly Lauren thought he wanted to drown in it.
"I miss you so much." He had whispered.
And Lauren spent the whole night thinking about that statement. Then it occured to her, that maybe having memories of her mom close would keep her dad home more often.
Hence the apple pie which honestly, turned out rather well.
Not much like her mom's. But something close to it.
At least she thought so.
Her father, not so much. "You don't like it?" She asked in her little voice, her fork dangling in her tiny hands.
He pushed the plate away and kissed her forehead. "It's wonderful honey. I'm just not hungry." Then he left.
She tried her hardest not to cry as she was cleaning the dishes. Her burnt index finger suddenly more painful that it had been before.
...
"You have to eat Lauren."
Bo said sternly.
Lauren turned her body away and stared into the semi-darkness.
Bo sighed and moved to the curtains and opened them. Letting in a burst of light into the room.
Lauren stood up. Bo stood in front of her. "It's been six days. You have to eat."
Lauren tried side stepping her. Bo stepped in front of her. "I'm serious Lauren. I'm not leaving here until you eat."
The blonde looked at her blankly and moved to the plate. Grabbed the bruger and took a violent bite. Some of it falling to the floor and she chewed, looking Bo right in the eyes before taking another bite then another and gulping down the juice.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and gave Bo a 'happy now' look.
The brunette nodded. Her heart beating too fast. "I'll go get something to clean that up." She poinetd at the food Lauren had dropped.
When she came back, Lauren was back in fetal position.
And the curtains were closed again.
...
"But it's my birthday." Lauren whispered, biting her lips to keep from crying as she watched her father put things in his bag, ready to leave.
"I'm sorry honey. But some people have real problems, okay. I need to help them. Do you want me not to help people just cause it's your birthday?" Laurence asked.
She shook her head. Wiping a few tears that fell in the process.
He smiled and kissed her temple. "I'll buy you a present later. Okay?"
She nodded. People had real problems. A birthday isn't a real problem. It's not even a problem at all. She shouldn't be selfish.
She braved a smile and walked her father to the door.
Watching him go before she slowly removed the party hat she had made and placed it next to the one she'd made for her father. "Happy birthday, Lauren."She whsipered to the empty house.
...
Lauren was eating. It was small amounts and she looked like she was being forced to eat but she was eating and Bo was taking her victories however they presented themselves.
It was late. It had been a week since she arrived and Bo had just finished doing the dishes when she heard sobs.
They weren't loud. And that was probably what made them even more painful. They were choked, like Lauren was trying so hard not to cry but couldn't help it.
She thought for a few seconds before slowly opening the door and walking in. Lauren was seated in the middle of the bed. Her knees to her chest and her head between her knees. Her hands hugging her to herself.
Bo's heart broke and she felt tears stinging her eyes. It's the worst thing, seeing someone you love break down and not be able to do anything about it.
She slowly sat down on the bed. Lauren's sobs quietened when she felt the bed deep. Still she didn't look up.
Bo took her hand softly, almost scared.
Lauren tried to pull away, but she held on tighter.
"I won't say a word." She whispered, her own tears falling. "I won't say a word unless you want me to, Lauren. I promise. I'll just sit here and hold your hand. I just want to sit here, and hold your hand."
Lauren's hand relaxed and she laced their fingers together.
Bo almost cried in happiness.
Then suddenly, there was a gasp, then a choke and before she knew it, Lauren was crying.
Almost reflexively, Bo hugged Lauren's frame that now seemed tinnier than it had ever been. Her body seemingly trying to protect Lauren from all the hurt, acting like a human shield, but not quite succeeding.
And all that time, she didn't once, let go of her hand.
...
An; Thank you, for the reviews and thoughts on the last chapter. . This story is-it's more than just a story to me tbh. Not only was it my first ever public piece of writing, but I've learnt so much while writing it. I get PMs of people asking if I've abandoned it and let me just say, that's never happening. It's a hard story with hard topics that I sometimes have read on. If I take long, it's probably because I'm not satisfied with what I have written.
Thanks again, for being so awesome and patient. Well, most of you. And for the long, insightful reviews which I just Adore.