Nanna told her that scars carry the memories that caused them, if we ask about scars we revive the memories again, we open the wounds again, and we hurt even if we don't mean hurting. Nanna told her that sometimes we hurt in order to heal, that the wounds sting worst when they are healing or being cleaned; Nanna told her never to try to heal or clean a wound when the wounded is not ready. Nanna teached her to never ask about scars; to wait patiently for answers.
She missed her so much, she wished that she could talk to her about Harry, the boy who's full of scars.
He was like a puzzle, whenever she solved a part of it, it got more complicated, more intriguing and she got more confused. Sometimes he'd look so old, his green eyes would go unfocused and he'd go quiet, gradually quiet, until he sighs. Those kind of sighs that usually end an inner battle or a sad memory. She wished that she could talk about it with him, lift his burden, or even acknowledge it. But nanna teached her never to ask.
Therefore, she'd just be there, bake him cookies, talk with him, walk with him, share with him. It felt good that she could take care of someone, to busy herself with helping another soul to bear with the cruelty of life. It gave her a sense of proactivity and purpose, and it felt almost peaceful.
It had been a while since she saw him, and a part of her started to worry, another part felt lonely and there was that tiny part that was angry, at him and at herself, because he just disappeared and she missed him. She barely knew him, she shouldn't miss him.
She focused on the part that worried ignoring that other parts that made her feel vulnerable and weak, she had this ominous feeling that there was something behind his sudden disappearance, and she couldn't ignore it.
That's why she was standing on the Dursleys' front door, rehearsing greetings.
"Hello mrs. Dursley, is harry here?" No, that sounded too stupid, she thought.
"Hello i was wandering.." bugger, get a grip of yourself Nada, you can do this, she muttered.
She took a deep breath, and rang the bell, ignoring the muscle that was beating loudly inside her chest. She gulped when she heard approaching footsteps, and braced herself when the door knob turned, and the door was open.
"Hello mrs. Dursley," she started in reciting mode, but stopped abruptly when she realized who opened the door, it was Harry- or his ghost.
She suppressed a gasp on the sight of him, his face was gaunt and pale, and his clothes were too wrinkled as if he spent too much time sleeping in them and then there was his hair, something was horribly wrong with his hair. From one side, it was as messy as it always have been, and from the other it was chopped too close to his scalp growing more sparse at his temple where a white bandage was placed.
He was as surprised as her, for he quickly half hid himself behind the door.
"er, Hello," she managed to say, not managing to look away from his injury as quickly. He kept staring at her so she continued stuttering "I'm-m sorry if it's a bad time- I was just worried- you -I.." she mentally slapped herself for her everlasting awkwardness.
Harry was about to say something when his aunt yelled from inside "Who is it?!"
He looked inside, then glanced at her, then looked inside again, this time more focused as if checking for something then he finally said, with a hallow toneless voice "It's no one," he gave her a meaningful look gesturing with his head towards his right, and mouthed voicelessly what she could understand as "the park", then he closed the door.
She sat there, on a bench in the park, watching as mothers yelled, laughed, chased and fussed, as mothers do. While children joyfully bounced everywhere. She sat before a scene that would have brought her peace if it wasn't for what she has seen in the morning, if it wasn't for whom she is waiting for on that bench.
She waited patiently as hours passed, and was about to leave when she felt someone sitting beside her.
"Sorry for making you wait," he said, looking to the distance.
She looked beside her to face him, now dressed in a Hoodie covering his head. She took her time to find her voice.
"it's ok," she said finally.
They sat in silence for a while except for the sounds of two girls playing with a rubber ball nearby.
"What happened to your head?" She blurted out, the words too heavy with her accent.
"I fell," he said still not looking at her.
"How?"
"I fell on the edge of a table"
"How?" She repeated, as if he said nothing.
"How what?" He said, annoyance bubbling in his voice "I just told you, I fell over the edge of the kitchen table-got stitches," she winced at that.
"you know what I mean Harry" she said gently, which was his last straw.
"No I don't, enlighten me!" Now his voice was louder, harsher.
She would have doubted that she was mistaken about her assumptions if he wasn't that defensive. Someone did this to him, all the signs screamed that, it was almost impossible to ignore them like she did before.
Well, she knew it but now that she knew that it was actually dangerous, physically dangerous she couldn't ignore it anymore. In fact, she felt angry. Angry for him and at him. Angry that this had happened to him, happens to him, and angry that he is treating it with foolish stoicism.
"Somebody did this to you," she said matter of factly, firmly "and you should tell someone".
There was a moment when she heard nothing except the sound of the rubber ball being tossed between the two girls, then suddenly one of the girls hit the ball too hard sending it towards them, Harry caught it with astonishing reflex, it almost scared her.
He forcefully tossed the ball towards the girl, catching her mother's attention, he ignored it however and gaped at her. "What, you work with the social services now?"
She started to panic "Harry, please just listen to me- I know you must be fee-"
At this he stood up interrupting her " .Nothing," he said slowly stressing on each syllable in each word "You don't know me- stop acting like you do" she just froze, but he continued with his ranting nevertheless " What? Do you like that role? The beautiful princess that saves the street rat? Do you think that this will be some kind of a nice story that you'd tell latter to your 'uptight' friends? - save your charitable acts for someone who needs them, I don't need your help," and with that he left, leaving her stunned on the bench in silence, she couldn't even hear the whispers that erupted between the disapproving mothers.
His head was throbbing, he was out of breath, but he never slowed down or stopped to rest. His feet angrily pounded at the ground, echoing in his head with pain.
He didn't know how or when have he reached his room, but once he realized that he was finally there he collapsed on his bed.
He was too exhausted.
He took off his trainers, and threw both of them forcefully at the door, and with a thud, he lied on the bed staring at the ceiling, he ruined everything.
When he saw her this morning, he felt something between shock and relief. He didn't realize how much he missed her until he saw her. It was like realizing that he was thirsty right after a cool glass of water was pressed on his lips, and he almost had a sip, when it was brutally knocked out of his hands, leaving him nothing but the realization of thirst.
He hated that he was that thirsty for care, he hated that she probably knew it, that she probably talked to him from the very beginning out of her good heart, out of pity. There was a voice in the back of his head that whispered these thoughts to him whenever she smiled at him, or laughed at his jokes, or scooted on a bench to make a space for him. He used to ignore that voice but he couldn't bring himself to do it when he saw raw pity in her eyes. He couldn't stand it even if he was that thirsty.
He was dragged harshly from his thoughts when his room's door flung open revealing a livid Petunia.
"Who came this morning? It was one of them wasn't it? WASN'T IT?"
He tried to be as calm as possible "I have no idea what you are talking about," He replied tonelessly.
"One of your lot came to my doorstep today, that is where you went !- I knew it ! I knew that you are determined to ruin my life!" She continued screeching waving her hand dramatically everywhere, he remained silent.
"Is it over?" He asked wearily.
"No! It is not over! If one of the neighbors saw them- I will make sure that you regret it! I will make sure that you regret ever being born!"
He snorted at that, and sighed "well, you can check this done already," he stood up and looked her in the eyes "you have done a great job in that!"
They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, when he finally broke eye contact.
"It was no one," he said finally.
"It better be," she said striding out of the room.
"Just let me be," he yelled after her making her stop, she didn't turn around to face him but he continued, with a lower voice that had a tinge of pleading "have an ounce of mercy, and let me be- go back to ignoring me, forget that I exist for a while"
"How can I?" she said quietly turning around, "how can I when you look at me with her eyes, when you remind me with this – this freakiness, this abnormality that took her away from me" she continued her voice hardening "she didn't stop here, no perfect Lilly didn't stop here she got herself blown up and I ended up cleaning her mess - and I have to deal with her freak of a son, I have to feel indebted every day to my husband because he has to bear with my burden, I have to risk my own son's safety. I can't- I can't pretend that you don't exist as long as you are breathing"
He smiled at her, a smile she couldn't interpret "there's a great, great possibility that this little problem of yours will be solved soon, and I'll stop breathing, and you will never have to deal with me or my abnormality anymore"
Her eyes narrowed for a moment in confusion "what do you mean?" she said flatly.
"What? Are you concerned? Will you grieve me if I die like you certainly did with her?" he said, mockingly.
She stared at him for a moment "it will be good, to have an extra free room in our house" with that, she turned on her heel and left, leaving him standing alone in the middle of his small room.
She wouldn't ever acknowledge the twinge of remorse she felt after the words left her mouth, and he wouldn't ever acknowledge the twinge of pain he felt when he heard them.
It was too cold for this time of the year, he took a mental note to wear something warmer next time he gets out after the sun sets. He didn't realize where he was going until he was standing at the bottom of the ladder that lead to the roof of the abandoned shop.
That abandoned shop was Nada's discovery, he was actually surprised that he lived there his entire life and didn't notice it. When he told her that once she told him that sometimes it takes an outsider, to notice.
He reached the roof to find her sitting there, in their spot, wrapped in a huge shawl and looking into space.
"I am sorry," He said without a greeting.
She flinched violently clutching her chest and muttering something in her mother tongue, it sounded like she just cursed.
He hurried towards her "oh, I'm sorry"
She laughed "That is too much sorries in one minute"
"am I forgiven then?" He said with a smile.
"You are forgiven then," she said scooting to give him a space to sit beside her.
"That was quick" he said rubbing his arms for warmth "shouldn't I beg for a while?"
She eyed him for a moment a serious expression on her face "are you cold?"
He stopped rubbing his arms "What? Why-"
She didn't wait for him to continue, she just unwrapped her shawl and gave it to him.
He laughed nervously, mimicking her own words "last time I checked, boys took off their jackets for girls, not the other way round"
"That's not a jacket," she reasoned "and we will probably share it"
"It's fine," he said offering it back "it is really not that cold and-"
She grabbed one end of the shawl, spreading it between them, and wrapped her side around her shoulder. He didn't have any choice but to comply. And within seconds they were sitting on the ground, sharing her blanket like shawl.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while when she finally spoke again.
"I am sorry too, I shouldn't have pried"
"it wasn't that," he added as an afterthought "well, not only that"
"Then what was it?"
"I think- well I thought, that you felt sorry for me"
For a second he thought that she stopped breathing.
"What! Harry, no!" she took a deep breath and continued a bit calmer "you know, I also thought that you worked there, not only my Dad"
he was about to interrupt her but she held his wrist to stop him "no, listen Harry- do you know why we thought so?" He shook his head "because you didn't act like a broken person"
she gulped and continued " You hold yourself proudly, you are not broken- that day at the park, you weren't the person who's trying to smoke the problems away" she stopped there then continued more calmly "you were there for me Harry, you didn't know me but you chose to be there, obviously the world is not very kind to you but you choose to be kind anyway- and Harry we are who we are when the world is not on good terms with us"
"You sound like Dumbledore," he said finally regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth.
"Like Who?" She giggled
"Professor Dumbledore, he is the headmaster at my school," he said the truth.
"Well, I will take that as a compliment," she said snuggling more in her shawl.
He tensed at the realization of how close they were, although they were not touching he could still feel the warmth of her body, and the sound of her breath, eventually he couldn't help but relax.
"It was my uncle," he blurted out "you asked if someone did it, it was my uncle"
At this, she remembered Nanna's words, wounds sting worst when they are about to heal, or being cleaned. This was going to hurt, but he was at least ready, she thought.
AN: First, i need to apologize for the mistakes that littered the chapters previously. I try to proofread them but i either don't get all the mistakes or I don't recognize them. that's why I really need a beta, so any volunteers will be much appreciated. Second, I won't be updating daily for the next chapters because I figured out that maybe I will need more time to finish the final chapters properly. and finally i was thinking of creating a tumblr for the story, because i find it a bit hard to communicate through ff, so what do you think?