I have no idea WTH this is. Seriously. It's probably the weirdest thing I've ever written. I apologize to everyone who reads this and says "HUH?!". And to those of you who get it ….you scare me.

Seriously, readers, there's death, and gore and blood in here.

You've been warned.

It's all on you from here on in.

I'm telling you, you don't want to read on.

On your own head be it!

"I can explain."

Those three words were never a good thing. Most often, they were uttered by someone caught cheating and were usually the precursor to a pack of lies. Leonard looked around the apartment and slowly blinked several times before focusing on Penny. It was easier to focus on her than anywhere else. All the red hurt his eyes. He watched numbly as she set the bread slicer she was holding on the kitchen table. She wiped her hands down her shirt and tried to surreptitiously kick a leg under the table.

Leonard whimpered as Penny grinned cheerfully. "You're a bit late, sweetie. As you can see, we expected you back an hour ago."

Leonard followed her pointing finger to the large banner over the hallway. Welcome Home, Leonard!

He tried to ignore the coppery smell that permeated the room. It made his stomach churn. His eyes flickered involuntarily to the hand on the couch as he cleared his throat. "I …I got held up in traffic," he managed to say finally. "Guess I should have called."

"Yes, you should have," Sheldon said in his ear. Leonard screeched and jumped. His feet landed in a pool of congealing blood and he landed on his butt. His glasses flew off and he groped blindly for them, cringing as the sticky fluid soaked through his chinos. His hand finally closed around the frames and he pushed his glasses back on.

He immediately wished he hadn't. He was halfway under Sheldon's desk and was only two inches away from Amy's head. The glassy eyes staring back at him still held an expression of horror. He scrambled backwards and bumped into the armchair. It rocked slightly and he caught sight of Howard's Nintendo belt buckle. There was a smear of blood on the directional button.

Leonard slowly stood up, panic and fear racing through him. He looked at his long time roommate cautiously. Sheldon was wearing dark jeans and nothing else. He took a moment to wonder when Sheldon had acquired a six-pack. His eyes traveled down to the corkscrew in Sheldon's left hand. An eyeball with a cocoa brown iris was skewered on the end. Bile rose up Leonard's throat and he raced for the bathroom.

He flung open the door and turned toward the toilet. The meal from his flight was even worse coming up than it was going down. He retched loudly, gripping the seat tightly. Once his stomach was empty, he rose unsteadily to his feet. He turned and froze. Faintly he heard a scream. It took him a moment to realize it was him screaming. Howard was propped up against the tub, a length of intestine stretching from the gaping hole in his groin, up his chest and around his neck.

Leonard ran from the bathroom and down the hall to his room. He slammed his door shut and almost screamed again. He had found the rest of Amy crumpled on his bed, the clothes making her easily recognizable. Black spots obscured part of his vision. He closed his eyes tightly but couldn't prevent himself from fainting.

It was dark when he opened his eyes again. With shaking hands he pulled his phone from his pocket. He cursed softly when he remembered the battery was dead. Dark hair was peeking out from under the bed, and he couldn't stop himself from reaching out and lifting the blanket. He felt tears slide down his cheeks as he stared at Leslie's corpse. The right side of her head had been bashed in, and her throat had been slashed repeatedly, almost severing it.

He dropped the blanket back down and edged out of the room. He crept down the hall, fearful of what other horrors he would find. From the front room he could hear whistling. His legs were shaking as he turned the corner. What was left of Bernadette and Kripke lay behind the couch. From the end of the hall he could see Raj's dismembered body beside the kitchen counter. It was his leg that Penny had kicked. He looked over at Penny and Sheldon who stood in front of the open door. They had showered and were dressed in jeans and matching Flash shirts. Leonard's bladder gave way and warm urine ran down his leg as they smiled at him.

"What have you done?" he whispered in terror.

Sheldon grinned cruelly. "Like you always said, Lenny. All it takes is one lab accident. Luckily, I had company when it happened."

Penny smiled sweetly, which made the mania in her eyes seem all that much more obscene. "You did ask me to keep an eye on Moon Pie, after all."

Leonard shook his head slowly. "How could you do this? Our friends! You killed them!"

Penny tilted her head and smiled wider. "Did we? As far as anyone knows, Sheldon and I eloped two days ago. We're in Vegas celebrating our honeymoon."

Sheldon placed an arm around Penny's shoulders, his hand landing over her left breast and squeezing lightly. "Speaking of which," he said cheerfully, "we should really get a move on, kitten."

Leonard watched them move out the door. "I'm calling the police," he cried out. "I'm telling them everything!"

Penny's laughter floated back, barely audible over the sound of Sheldon whistling. "I already did," she said. "Bye, Leonard."

In the distance the sound of sirens drew closer.

When the police came to see them at their suite in Vegas, they were suitably horrified and grief-stricken by the news that their long-time friend had returned from his 3 month trip and gone on a psychotic rampage. They stood beside Priya Koothrappali as she identified her brother's remains. They comforted Mrs. Wolowitz at Howard's funeral. They sat beside Mr. and Mrs. Rostenkowski at Leonard's trial.

No matter how adamantly Leonard accused them, no one believed him. When he stood before the judge and received his life sentence, his heart gave up and he died an hour later from a myocardial infraction.

Penny and Sheldon moved into a small cottage near the university. Everyone said they were the perfect neighbors. They were friendly with the people around them, affectionate with one another, and they supported a wide range of charities. And, if on occasion, a student seemed to just vanish from the college, well, people quit school and run away all the time.

You can't say I didn't warn you.