Amy POV
"This sucks" Jesus said pouting
"You can still drive it..." Mariana tried to console her twin
"I don't want Amy to watch over my shoulder! I'm not a baby!" He said harshly and stomped to the nearest bench and sat down, crossing his arms on his chest
I turned to the other 4 kids "Do you still want to try it out?"
"I'm in!" Brandon said, he was the only one of the kids who could actually by the law, drive a Jet Ski.
In California you have to be 16 to operate a Jet Ski. Or the Jet Ski had to be 15 horsepower or less. Sadly, Jesus was out of luck, he wasn't 16 and the Jet Ski's were all over 15 horsepower. The only chance he had at operating a Jet Ski, was if I was driving with him, but he didn't want me looking over his shoulder. When Jesus found out about the rules, he flipped out pretty bad. He was really looking forward to it and this just shattered his dreams.
"If you want, I can drive with both of you…" I offered looking to Mariana and Jude
"I would much better want to be the passenger!" Jude replied first "I don't want to drive it myself"
"Okay, we can do that. Mariana?" I ask looking at Mariana "It could still be fun, feel the wind in your hair…"
"Can I try it too?" Frankie asked as she was swinging my hand
"You are in luck, because yes you can" I smiled down to the girl. 4 year old's were allowed to ride, but only with an adult by the wheel and of course on much, much, much slower speed.
"I'm OK with you watching over my shoulder" Mariana added smiling and then only Jesus was left "Jesus, what about you?" I turn to look back at the boy
"I don't want that!" He pouted and glanced away. I sight looking at him, this will probably change his mood for the whole day if not for the week "This is STUPID! I am almost 16…stupid rules!" Jesus called out angrily from the bench
"Okay, so…Brandon, you will ride on your own" he nods back to me instantly and shows me a thumbs up "And I will get 3 rides for you three" I conclude
When I pay for everything, Brandon, Mariana and I get a quick course from an instructor about the Jet Ski, we are told all the Do's and Don't on the water, lectured about safety on the water and soon we are ready to go.
I walk back to the three kids that agreed to try it "Okay, so…" I clap my hands looking at them "How about I start with Frankie and then-"
"I don't wanna go first!" Frankie cried out "First is scary!" she wrapped her arms around Mariana's leg
"Oh…um…Okay" I crouch down to her and soothe her "You don't have to go first. Then…um" I saw how she was clanged on to Mariana so I went with Jude first "What if we let your brother Jude go first?" I look up to the boy to see if he agrees
He looked over to Mariana to see if she is okay with that. Mariana gave him a smile and a nod back "Okay!" Jude agreed
"And then we can see…how you feel about it, okay?" I tickles her side softly to get a little smile out of her. She giggled and hid behind Mariana to get away from the tickles.
"Mariana" I stood up to ask her "You okay with going last?"
"I'm good..." She smiles back
"You will have to watch your sister, I don't think Jesus is up to it" I said glancing over her shoulder to the bench where Jesus was still pouting, mumbling something to himself
"Don't worry, I will watch her" She said with certainty, looking down to her sister
"Just don't let her wander around…she can fall in or get hurt-" I said looking around the pier, there are so many places where she could get hurt, it kind of gave me a small anxiety attack
"She is my sister you know" Mariana added with a smirk "Do you really think I will let her wander off or let her out of my sight, or let go of her hand?"
"Good point, I'm just..." Honestly, I was nervous, I didn't want anything bad happen to them. I was the adult here, I was the responsible one. I needed to take care and watch out for 5 kids that aren't even my! It is stressful to say the least.
"Worried…yeah, I can see that! You don't have to worry" She patted my arm and then ushered me away "Go, before Jude changes his mind"
I looked over my shoulder to look at the boy, who was now standing by the side of the pier looking at the big Jet Ski in front of him, with a slightly horrified look on his face.
"Right…going" I replied and walked towards Jude, but then spin back to Mariana to once again remind her to watch her sister
"Not the first time I am watching her!" Mariana reminded me before I could open my mouth. I turned back around and marched over to Jude who was watching how Brandon got on the Jet Ski.
"Okay, bud…let's get the vests on!" I said and got two from the instructor
"I'm kind of scared" Jude said when I was making sure that his vest is on secure
"That makes two of us. I haven't ride one of those thing in like 5 years...I think" I said getting my vest on
"You have ride one before?" He asks when I sit on the Jet Ski, I pat the seat behind me "Yeah…Aaron took us once to this water park…there were all kind of water activities. Jet Ski was one of them"
"Cool" He said wrapping his hands around me tightly to hold on to me, her pressed his head to my back
"You ready?" I ask placing my hands on the handles "No..." Jude whispered, when I started the Jet Ski, I smile to that and drive out after Brandon
Callie POV
I have no idea how long have we been walking, also, I had no idea where we are going or where we are. We have been walking upslope for most of the time, we are taking small paths and trails and ever since we left the lake, we have been in the middle of the woods. For all I know, Stef and Lena could just leave me here, give me a box of matches and one water bottle and say – survive!
Stef reads the map and checks the compass every few minutes. Lena even helps her orient in the map, so my guess is that both of these woman, that I have been following blindly, have had some experience in orientation…or at least they passed Geography in school.
They have been chatting with one another nonstop, the topics include nothing and everything. And what surprised me the most - they haven't even tried to talk to me. Not once! Both of them just looked back to me time by time, to check if I am still walking with them. But neither one of them has said one word to me, Stef hasn't even tried to make a joke.
I was being quiet the whole way, I have been walking with my head down, placing one foot in front of the other. But that was about to change when they stopped after we reached yet another small trail crossroads.
"Where are you taking me!?" I shout out from some 10 steps behind them. They both were standing with their backs to me and first thing they do, once I shouted at them, they looked up from the map that Stef was holding. Then they both slowly looked to one another, Lena smiled at her lightly and only after some few seconds, they both turned to me.
"Look who's talking!" Stef said with a one sided smirk on her lips
"Yes, ha-ha-HA! Where the hell are you two taking me!?"I throw my arms up and looked at the surroundings
"Are you really asking us something?" Stef asked looking straight at me, with a very serious facial expression
"It sounded like a question…so yeah!" I cross my hands on my chest and glare back at her. She glanced to Lena for a second and then looked back to the map in her hand. Stef folded it the next moment, held it in her hand and then pressed her hands to her hips.
"So…now you want to talk?" I screw up my face not sure what Lena is getting at
Stef clarified "Now that you need something from us" she pressed her right hand to her chest "Now that you want to know something, you suddenly want us to talk to you? But yesterday at the camp, when we wanted you to talk to us, you ignored us…"
"You barely said two words to us yesterday…and when you did, your tone wasn't the nicest one" Lena added "You were actually rude and disrespectful to us all day"
"Are you kidding me?" I uncrossed my arms "You took me to the middle of the freaking woods to play some Jedi mind trick on me and make me feel guilty?!"
"There are no tricks" Lena said very calmly "We simply ask you talk to us..."
I let out a frustrated sight and turn around "I'm getting out of here, you can head on your stupid hike alone" I grunt back and started to walk away
"And where exactly are you going?" Stef called after me "Do you even know where we are? We have been walking for an hour…taking left and right turns…you have no idea which way is the camp, which way is East or which way is the lake"
That slowly forced me to stop, I didn't want to, but I had to. Stef was right, I had no idea how to get back to the camp. I didn't see the lake from here, I didn't hear any cars, we hadn't crossed paths with another person since we crossed the street when we left the lake.
I turned to face them, sucking in my lower lip, I cross my arms. I was getting real frustrated with them "What do you want from me?"
"We know…that you despise us, because of what happened 6 years ago" Lena said talking one step closer to me "And we also know, that you overheard the comment Stef said to Jenna, the other day"
"Oh, once again you two know me so well, like I am 'your kid'?" I hissed back "Just stop acting like you know me! Because you don't!" I raised my voice
"I didn't say that we do. We are trying to apologize…" Lena said softly and shook her head "What Stef said that day…" Lena glanced back to where Stef stood, now with much more softer features "it was wrong of her to say it. Sometimes adults say the wrong thing too, sometimes we make mistakes too…She shouldn't have said that!"
I let out a frustrated scoff
"I apologize for what I said" Stef added sincerely "I was out of line…I'm sorry"
"You think your stupid apologizes do me any good?" I ask them back harshly and uncross my arms and gesture to Stef
"We know it doesn't change the past-" Stef started by taking a step close
"You are damn right it doesn't!" I yell back at her, I lost my temper "It doesn't change the fact that you only fostered Jude. It doesn't change the fact that I got separated from Jude. It doesn't change the houses where I was placed in and it certainly doesn't change the fact that I was—" I forced myself to stop there and for a moment just glare at them
Dead silence fell over all of us. The wind blew slowly and some birds were signing high up in the trees. My blood was boiling from the anger I felt towards them.
"You know what…" I take the step back that I had taken towards them, raise my hands up and say very calmly "You wouldn't even understand…you have no idea what I went through"
"Then tell us…help us understand" Lena pleaded in the most gentle voice, her brows were softly frowned up, her palms were turned to the sky, her eyes were soft and she didn't look away from me, not even for a second. Stef, behind Lena, looked like a sad puppy, they both were pleading me to talk, and their eyes did the talking.
I covered my face in my palms, I couldn't take the looks they were giving me, I needed to hide from them just a little bit. I needed few seconds to gather myself up, I needed few seconds to catch a breath.
"Please…" Stef pleaded from where she stood. I took my hands down from my face and glanced to the side, avoiding their looks.
Stef POV
I watched how Callie slowly took her hands away from her face, her hands fell down to her side and she turned her head to the right. That moment I felt that - everything is going to be okay, that we will be fine eventually.
"You…" She started very quietly, still looking away from us "were the first two people, who made me feel worthless" Callie said and looked to both of us with so much hurt and anger in her eyes
The feeling I felt 5 seconds ago changed to - I have a feeling we are in for a hell of a roller-coaster feeling ride, so I took a step forward to be next to Lena. Without looking down to my hand, blindly, I reached for Lena's hand, we interlocked our fingers and kept on listening to the girl. I was hoping to gain some comfort, some strength from Lena.
"You two…" she continued off with the same tone of voice, she spoke slowly, her voice wasn't raised, it was lower than she usually speaks "made me feel disposable and you made me feel like I wasn't good enough" my lower lip whimpered when she said that
"Suddenly, I wasn't good enough for anyone - not for you, not for Jude…You made me feel like there was something wrong with me!" Callie pressed her hand to her chest when she said the last part, which hurt, like it has never hurt before. She delivered that line with so much hatred in her voice. I was trying to prepare myself to may come next.
"And I didn't even know you…I had no idea who you were or how you looked, or what you like were like. You were strangers...and you made me feel worthless" Callie added in much more bitter tone, she looked sideways away from us and run her tongue over her lips
"…and I hated you" Callie stated when she looked back to us, I saw tears forming in her eyes. I bite my lower lip so it doesn't whimper that much, tears start to obscure my vision
"I hated you two for so long" Callie chuckled when she admitted that, she shook her head slightly "I hated how you two made me feel. I hated how you two barged in my life and fucked up my shitty life even more…"
There was a small pause, when she just looked back at us "I watched that car, Bill's car, drive away through our living room window and I remember I was thinking to myself – Maybe they will ask that one question…and it would result in me seeing my baby brother again. How hard it is to ask if Jude has any siblings?" I squeezed Lena's hand tighter and she squeezed it back
Callie tilted her head once side and added quietly looking to ground in front "I never saw the car again. And next thing I knew…I was sitting in a living room and breathing in smoke from cigarettes. After that it was just one shifty home after another...The older I got, the more horrible the foster homes got and the less anyone cared about me, the less I cared about what happened to me. I thought I deserved this life that I was living. For 4 years I was alone and scared…and abused pretty much on daily basis…"
Callie looked down to her feet and took in a shaky breath. I quickly glance to Lena, to see her standing still, watching the girl, with silent tears just streaming down her cheeks. When I hear Callie's voice again, I look back to her instantly. Two tears drop down my cheek, I couldn't hold them in anymore.
"At one point, I started to wonder if I would get out of foster care alive. And the thought of living on street sounded better than staying in fucked up foster home. I came to conclusion - I would have been OK with dying. It's not like anyone would miss me, it's not like anyone cared what happened to me…no one would even know that I would be gone, not even Jude. I wish I could have been invisible to my fosters parents, because that would mean they wouldn't hurt me...but even that was too much to ask for. Instead I was nothing...and that meant it was okay to hurt me" Callie said in a very flat tone of voice, she sounded…empty, her eyes were empty, it scared me
"And then I met Amy…" when she said Amy's name, her eyes changed, the empty look inside of her disappeared "all I had to do was take a bat to my foster brothers knee and smash up a car. If I had known that would eventually get me in a good home, I would have fucked up every single one of my foster sibling knees…" she laughed out softly and rubbed her bridge of the nose. It was a frustrated laugh. She didn't laugh because that was funny, she laughed at how fucking screwed up that whole situation was.
"2 years go by…and I finally get to chance see my brother again and in a bonus, I get to meet you!" she said gesturing to us "The two people, I have hated for the last 6 years of my life"
"And you know what pissed me off the most?" She asked us, but I had a feeling she didn't want us to answer, so I just suck in my lower lip to stop myself from saying something totally out of place
"…I don't hate you" she said shaking her head "I wanted to hate you so badly…" Callie said in much louder voice, gesturing with her hands, she pulled her hands in fist at the end and bit her lip "I hated you for 6 years, because you two left me behind. I blamed you two for fucking up my life, for not asking one simple question to Bill. You didn't have to adopt me, all I wanted was for you to foster me for at least a week, till they could find a good home for me. I blamed you for ruining my life, because I couldn't blame no one else…you two were the source of my anger for 6 years"
Tears were now falling down freely, I felt so guilty because she was right. We didn't even ask Bill if Jude has a sister, because nothing even pointed to that he could have a sibling. Just because Bill didn't say it, didn't mean we shouldn't have asked it. It was like we chose to ignore the fact that he could have a sister. She has every right to hate us. I hated myself too and when Lena gripped my hand even tighter, I knew she felt the same way.
Of course we could reason back that we already had 3 kids and we had no room…but the truth is, we have 5 kids now, we live in the same house we did 6 years ago. Our income hasn't changed that much. Our main concern back then, was with the twins, we didn't want them to feel threatened, we didn't' want them to feel like we are replacing them. But they took in Jude even better than Brandon did. Right now, I can't think of one good reason why we couldn't have taken in two kids at the same time…like we did with the twins.
That's why I feel so guilty now. Because I did feel like we could have helped her then, but we chose not to. It is on us, that she got hurt in the foster care, I feel like it is on us. And I have no idea how I can fix it. We made a huge mistake 6 years ago which I have regretted every single day ever since I found out that Jude has a sister.
Callie lets out a frustrated chuckle and adds after she takes her hand thought her hair "But I don't hate you, I actually like you" she smiles weakly to us "And when you said, when you joked..." Callie glared right at me "about me being your kid, like it was nothing..." she grinned her teeth and took a step back, pulling her hands in fists, her knuckles turned white "...I felt so much anger towards you, because you thought you can joke about it..."
One single tear falls down Callie's cheek as she stares at me, with the look that said just how much I hurt her.
"What can we do? What do you need us to do?" I ask barely above whisper "So you could forgive me…us" I briefly glance to Lena
"You don't get to talk about it!" Callie said quietly, she pointed her right index finger down, but as she continued to talk, her voice got louder and louder "And you don't ever get to joke about it! Because, it is my life that was screwed up…NOT YOURS. I don't care, how much you say you care about me or how much you say you love me, or how much I feel as if I am your family. I will never be your daughter, you two had a chance and you passed on me! SO YOU DON'T GET TO…YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK OR EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT!" She shouted out the last part. Callie was leaned down to front a bit, her right index finger was now pressed to her chest, and her left leg was slightly in front of her other. She was now just staring at us, waiting for our response.
"Ever since we found out that you were Jude's sister, we kept thinking about all the what if''s" Lena spoke up first, surprising me a little "We made a mistake 6 years ago and we started to realized it as we got to know you. I think…we got lost in the illusion of the what if, because you are so great with everyone, you feel like family...and we realized what we missed out on" Lena spoke softly, tears were streaming down her cheek "The line between reality and the what if…got blurry and we crossed it. But you are absolutely right - we had no right to joke about it. Amy is your mom! WE ARE NOT" Lena's voice was very sincere "I promise you we won't say…anything like that…ever again" tears were falling down my cheeks as I listened to Lena and Callie was standing there listening to Lena, with tear strained face as well
"We promise…never again" I added not much louder than a whisper "Can you forgive us?" I asked in shaky voice, scared to what Callie will say back
Callie clears her throat first, lowers her hands that were pressed to her chest, straightens her back and takes the step back with her left leg. She pulls lightly on her shirt and looks down. I could see her wheels turning.
Callie's voice was quiet, when she spoke up, she kept her eyes on the ground "Keep your promise and we will be good"
"So…you…forgive us?" Lena's voice cracks when she asks to clarify it
Callie tilts her head up and after few seconds of not saying anything and not moving a muscle, which made us hold our our breath and our hearts to beat faster, she nods her head few times and adds quietly "Everyone deserves a second chance…this is yours"
Never have I ever felt such relief like I do right now. My body instantly relaxes and few more tears fall down my cheek. I didn't even think about it, I let go of Lena's hand and marched over to Callie and just hugged her. Lena joined me in and we held Callie in a mama sandwich whispering that we are sorry and that we will keep the promise, over and over again.
AN: I want to hear your opinion on whether you want me to write all the camping trip in or would you rather that I jump over the camping trip in big steps and move on to the next small story? I don't want you to get bored with this story, so if you think that it is dragging or that I am taking too much time with this mini-story, I could wrap it up faster. It would help me decide on what pace to go on (I am perfectly okay with both options). I would love to hear your opinion on that, please.