Disclaimer:

I only own the plot and my original characters.

A/N:

I did not plan this chapter. It just happened. It is very different, very weird. There are major hints for content in future chapters.

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Chapter 4.5 - In which I find momentary respite

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The water comes up to my nose-and rises still. To my lower lashes, to just underneath my eyebrows, higher, higher still...

It seeps through every crack, every crevice of my being. And I begin to sink to the bottom of the Eltheric Ocean.

How relaxing.

Oh look! There she is! I wave at Heselle, who sits reading on the seabed clad in a long taupe dress. A multitude of colorful fish circle her. Her flaxen hair is splayed around her and floats like seaweed.

She does not notice me.

"Hey!" I shout, trying to get her attention.

"Hey, yourself Senior Officer Estoril," she responds coolly without looking up from her book.

"You're bothering me. You should leave."

"I never bother you," I chuckle as I move to sit next to her.

What is she reading? I attempt to find out, but when Heselle notices she slams it shut and it disappears.

" I said," Heselle snarls through clenched teeth. " You. Are. Bothering. Me."

" I most certainly am not!" I argue childishly, enjoying the silly banter with my best friend. I had missed her.

"Well I haven't missed you. So just go away. Don't come back."

She almost sounds serious.

"Are you dead?" I ask, concerned.

Heselle scoffs and lies back in the sand, she crosses her arms behind her back and rests her left leg over her right one.

"No I'm not dead."

"Am I dead?" I ask fearfully.

"You know you're not. So just leave."

"I cannot," I murmur, and I realize that it is true. I do not know how to leave. " What have you done?" I whisper, and my voice sounds so far away.

"Exactly what you wanted me to do," she answers abruptly.

"Please! Let me understand! I do not understand!" I plead, inching closer to her resting form. Yet she only seems to get farther and farther away the closer I get.

Then she looks me straight in the eye, and says a single, poignant word. "Good."

It is not Heselle anymore, but a Flame Atronach who now gazes at me earnestly with blazing fire for eyes.

"Stop boiling the water!" I protest as I attempt to banish the Daedra before me.

But I get no reply, because Flame Atronachs cannot speak.

I soon find that no matter how hard I try I cannot make it go away. Although I should not be surprised. After all, few Altmer are familiar with spells within the School of Conjuration-I am no exception to the rule. No matter how much I wish to be different. Why can I not be different?

I have always wanted to be the same.

We stare at eachother. And I muse to myself how rude it is of it to make the water so uncomfortably warm.

A few weeks pass in this manner. I do not move. I do not speak. I do not blink.

I endure.

And then the colored fish begin to bite me. They chew through the material of my Thalmor Robes creating neat little holes. They do not stop there. Their razor sharp teeth dig into my flesh. They chew and chew and chew.

I ignore them. I am mesmerized by the Flame Atronach's blazing gaze.

I have found tranquility.

I will be different. I am meant to be different.

"You should leave now," Heselle remarks casually, and I nod and wave goodbye to the fiery Daedra. She smiles amiably and waves as she continues to boil the water-now fused with my blood. I am glad to be rid of it.

I fall up. Up to the surface.

I am not upside down. The world is.