Author's Note:

Many thanks go out to my beta reader, Lyaksandra, who always keeps cool even when I send multiple revisions.

SAAMI – Systems Alliance Advanced Medical Institute. Sounds like it looks…

Chapter 13

"What do you mean Shepard is back in the hospital?" Liara sat at a glass-top desk in front of a wall of monitors. She swiveled her chair, her eyes boring into the other occupant in the room.

"Chakwas just contacted me," Miranda replied hastily. "Shepard collapsed and is being transported to SAAMI now." She quickly made a path to the table where her black leather duffel bag lay. Immediately, she began to check its contents then zipped it up.

Liara's eyes followed the former Cerberus officer's every step, never wavering, as though she could pull the answers from the brunette by will alone. "Collapsed?" she finally choked out, alarm woven into every fiber of her being. "What does that mean? Is she okay? What happened?"

Miranda turned to face the Asari, a look of genuine concern reflected in her eyes. "All I know is that Samara was with her."

"Samara?"

"The Justicar called it in."

"But-"

"We won't know anything more until we get there," Miranda stated brusquely. "Get your stuff, we have to leave. Now."

"Of course." Without further hesitation, Liara stood and started to gather a few necessities. "Leave…now…," she mouthed silently, brow furrowed in concentration. Of course Miranda was right, they needed to get to the hospital post haste. Still, something tugged at the back of her mind. A thought just at the edge of her consciousness…

"Liara! Let's go!

"Right behind you."

…

Dark clouds of smoke and ash filled the orange sky obscuring the twin suns hovering low on the horizon. Their circular shapes, barely seen through the swirling haze, infused a poisonous, blood-red hue within the eerie veil as it drifted menacingly across the desolate landscape. Unwavering and unforgiving, darkness continued to descend and brought with it an ominous, icy chill as the pillage and plunder persisted on this city once filled with splendor and beauty, leaving only broken ruins in its wake. It was a painful reminder of an age that had long since passed, a place that would be forgotten in the annals of time. Lifeless bodies were scattered in every direction, from horizon to horizon, piled together in rotting mountains of flesh, blood and bone, alone and with no one to mourn their passing, no one to bear witness to their extinction. Slowly and with meticulous precision they were being erased from history, so utterly and completely that the lingering residue of their existence would soon be nothing more than a distant memory, an image that would fade with each passing age. As the emptiness and anxiety of oblivion sank in, the bleak vision foretelling and replaying the end of all things whispered no more, leaving only the fear and desperation of feeling as though never having existed at all.

…

Gasping for breath, Lakota opened her eyes and tried to blink away the painfully stark illumination of a medical bay. Her head was throbbing as though it had been pummeled by a Brute. Panic immediately flooded her system, bringing with it all the unpleasantness of an accelerated heart rate, shortness of breath and mild queasiness in the pit of her stomach. Before she lost herself to the chaos, she clamped down on her anxiety, roughly bringing her emotions back under control. A quick assessment revealed that she was lying in a bed, all of her limbs were intact and other than the lingering ache in her cranium, she seemed uninjured. With effort, she tried to remember what happened and could only come up with a memory of speaking with Samara in the botanical garden.

"Shepard!" From across the room where she had been conferring with Miranda, Dr. Karin Chakwas hurried over, a concerned expression on her face. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Lakota said curtly as she eased upright into a sitting position and realized, to her chagrin, that she was dressed in nothing more than a bra, underwear and a thin, short medical gown. Her thoughts aimlessly wandered over the many ways in which the flimsy garment she was wearing lacked humility. A brief glance around revealed the other occupants in the room: Samara and Liara near the far corner, both watching her intently and Miranda standing near diagnostic machines perusing through the data. "If I'd known there was going to be a party I'd have worn my dancing shoes."

Miranda shot a disbelieving look over her shoulder and snorted. "Everyone knows you can't dance, Shepard."

"I bet the truth would surprise you."

"I know I was surprised," Liara said, a coy smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she recalled the night she found out the Spectre was in all actuality a very good dancer.

To Lakota, the sound of Liara's voice, calm and soothing, was like a cup of cool water on a blistering hot day. The sense of relief and joy at seeing the Asari was so strong that it almost overwhelmed her, but even though Liara's voice was a balm to her unease, Lakota couldn't bear to look her directly in the eye. The shame she felt regarding her behavior the last time they spoke was still too raw. Mentally, she clamped down on those thoughts, and instead shifted her attention to the immediate concern. "So… can anyone tell me what happened?"

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, Miranda turned, assessing the woman on the medbed. The former Cerberus officer was dressed rather uniquely, but no less provocative than usual: skintight black leather pants and a burgundy silk blouse with three-quarter cut sleeves and a generous neckline. The fact that the biotic wore something other than leather was unique. The fact that she wore anything at all made it provocative. "What do you remember, Shepard?"

"Samara and I were talking, then… I had sense of being submerged… or something… I must have passed out."

Still wearing her tailor-made burgundy armor, the Justicar stepped toward the Spectre and filled in the gaps. "You fell unconscious at the gardens," she stated evenly. "I immediately contacted Dr. Chakwas and you were brought to this facility."

Lakota nodded her head, absorbing the information. "Thank you."

"No thanks are required, Shepard," Samara said kindly. "I'm glad to see you awake and responsive."

"Me, too." Raking her fingers through her dark hair, the Spectre asked, "How long have I been out?"

"Three hours," Chakwas replied.

Lakota took a breath and forced herself to straighten, directing her attention solely on the doctor. "So what's the verdict, Doc?" she said with a playfulness she did not feel. "Am I going to live?"

"Yes, you're going to live, Commander," the older woman retorted as she flipped back her shoulder length silver hair. The finely pressed grey and white Alliance uniform gracefully accentuated her slight frame while her slate green eyes radiated a keen intelligence and sharp wit. As she eyed the Spectre skeptically, she passed a small handheld med scanner over her body capturing up-to-date information. "Although at the rate you're going, I'm not sure how long that will last."

The Spectre shrugged her shoulders noncommittally. "I figure I'm like a cat with nine lives."

"And how many do you have left to play with now?"

"Hmm… good question. If I'm optimistic, then I have at least three left."

"And if you're not optimistic?"

"One," Lakota said, flashing a wry grin, "give or take."

Chakwas exhaled audibly as Liara bent her head to hide her smile.

"Shepard, it's past time for you to be serious." Miranda's formidable tones echoed through the medbay as she strode briskly toward her. "This is your life we're talking about." The former Cerberus officer's controlled stoic composure was teetering on the edge. She was concerned about the Spectre and to see the seemingly cavalier attitude regarding her own health was maddening.

"I believe it is time for me to take my leave," Samara said coolly, addressing the Spectre. "Shepard, if you need anything, you know how to reach me."

Lakota smiled at the Justicar appreciatively, hoping it conveyed all of her gratitude. "I do. And thank you… for everything. Next time I'll try not to make things so… exciting."

Before she exited the room, Samara turned, a hint of a grin curling at the corner of her mouth. "Don't promise what you can't control, my friend. Excitement seems to follow you wherever you go."

Shaking her head ruefully, the Spectre muttered, "Ain't that the truth." Once the doors closed, Lakota focused her attention back on the two human women. "Okay, what's so important that you scared a Justicar away?"

Miranda and Doctor Chakwas shared an uneasy look.

Lakota rolled her eyes. She'd seen these two pool their resources before while on the Normandy, attempting to coerce some sort of promise from her to get more sleep or eat better or relax more. It wasn't going to work this time. "Oh don't try and bullshit me with that look. You've played that card one too many times."

Miranda hesitated briefly, glancing in Liara's direction. "This is the point in the examination when we ask for privacy."

"Wow," the Spectre said, somewhat incredulously. "You're really going to follow through with the façade right 'til the very end."

Liara met Miranda's gaze and realized that she wasn't joking nor was she attempting to deceive Lakota. The conversation that was about to take place would be significant. As much as she wanted to be present for it, to be updated about the state of her lover's health and offer support if needed, she wasn't sure if Lakota wanted her there. She decided not to risk being too presumptuous. "If you need me, I'll be right outside the door."

The former Cerberus officer nodded. "We'll let you know when we're done."

Lakota held up her hand. "No," she growled, sounding a little harsher than intended, "Liara stays." Turning toward the Asari, she tried to analyze her lover's demeanor and gain some insight as to whether or not she really wanted to leave or was just erring on the side of caution because of lingering insecurities stemming from their argument. When their gazes finally met and green eyes fell into the endless depths of dark blue, a silent understanding was exchanged. There would be a discussion about what had happened between them, but not at this moment. Right now the Spectre's health was the main focus.

As she nervously bit her lower lip, a hesitant expression crossed the Lakota's face, soft and vulnerable. "I'd like you to stay," she whispered. "Please."

Liara looked thoughtfully at her lover, then nodded in silent assent. She stepped next to the medbed, close to the Spectre, but not enough to invade her personal space.

Comforted by the Asari's presence, Lakota inhaled deeply then turned her head toward Miranda. Her eyes were an even shade, midway between green and grey, calm, alert, ready for whatever came her way. Raising a challenging eyebrow, she asked, "So what have you and the Doc been discussing?"

"Your test results," the human biotic replied. "We've been conferring on the best way to handle the situation."

Lakota absorbed that statement. "And what is the situation?"

Chakwas interrupted before Miranda could answer. "First," the older woman said, "how have you been feeling?"

Although she wanted answers, the Spectre trusted the medical doctor completely and knew that the questions being asked were purposeful, so she replied with equal candor. "I've been more tired than normal and my sleep is… restless." Glancing sideways at Liara, she said, "I've also been extremely moody and irritable. And these damn headaches aren't going away. They're getting worse."

"Have you been eating?"

"Probably not as much as I should be," the Spectre admitted. "My appetite is gone, too."

Chakwas didn't look happy but she nodded as though expecting the answers, then glanced back down at the datapad in her hand. "That goes along with the results of your lab tests."

"Which are?"

"Your serotonin levels are lower than expected while your cortisol levels are unusually high."

"Which means what, exactly?" Liara asked, as concern etched into her features. After voicing the question, she glanced down and noticed she was now holding hands with the Spectre. At some point during the conversation, they had reached out to each other, her right hand intertwining with the human's left, subconsciously seeking out comfort and support from the other. Smiling inwardly, she turned her attention back to what the doctor was saying.

"It means that Shepard's neurotransmitters, the chemicals that relay messages from neuron to neuron, are out of balance. Serotonin helps regulate sleep, appetite, and mood and also inhibits pain while cortisol is secreted in times of stress."

Lakota frowned. "So low serotonin levels…?"

"Has been linked to irritability, poor impulse control, decreased appetite..." Chakwas explained with precise efficiency.

"And high cortisol levels…?"

"Agitation and high blood sugar levels."

"And together?" Liara questioned, her brow furrowed as she tried to keep up with the explanations.

"Major depression," the doctor stated soberly. "Brain cells usually produce levels of neurotransmitters that keep senses, learning, movements, and moods running smoothly. But when something comes along and disrupts the balance, the complex systems that accomplish this go awry." Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she added, "In your case, Shepard, if the stress is severe or chronic, cortisol levels can remain excessively elevated. And chronically elevated cortisol is known to induce depression by decreasing serotonin in the brain."

Lakota had followed the doctor's explanation of her medical issues with the precision of a sniper scope. "So my bitchy mood is tied to a chemical imbalance?" Somehow that knowledge eased a bit of the Spectre's tension. Even if it wasn't the exclusive reason for all of her issues, at least there was a logical explanation for her to feel so mentally and emotionally out of control.

"Your bitchy mood is normal," Miranda said sardonically. "Your excessively bitchy mood is a product of the imbalance."

That comment hit a nerve. Narrowing her eyes, Lakota hissed, "You haven't seen me be bitchy yet."

Liara squeezed the Spectre's hand reassuringly, hoping to temper her lover's irritation. "But what provoked the imbalance?" she asked, her thoughts racing with theories of probable cause and effect.

Miranda paused, appearing slightly uncomfortable, her haughty attitude having faded away. "We're still looking into that."

"Bullshit," Lakota snarled. She had spent enough time around both the humans to know when they were trying to circumvent the conversation. "You know something," she challenged hotly. "What is it?"

It was Chakwas who answered. "It's your cybernetics," she said, "they're failing and causing your body's stress response."

The information hit the Spectre like a one ton Krogan and in that moment she was grateful that she was already sitting. No stranger to being in a crisis situation, her mind clicked into automatic, putting together the facts and formulating the logical conclusion. "So my cybernetics fail, which causes stress throughout my body, which increases my cortisol, which then decreases my serotonin, which ultimately makes me cranky."

"In a nutshell, yes," the doctor affirmed grumpily.

"Is that why I passed out?"

"Actually, Commander, no. That was caused by something more basic."

"Like not eating or getting enough bloody rest!" Miranda interjected, sounding accusatory.

Chakwas looked at the Spectre reproachfully, then punched a few commands into the datapad in her hand. "Which is odd since your medical files indicate that while you were here you consumed the proper daily nutritional intake."

Lakota's gaze fell to the floor as she coughed uncomfortably, her right hand rubbing the back of her neck. "Um… yeah…"

"Shepard," Liara said carefully, a suspicion creeping into the back of her mind, "you did eat while you were here, right?"

"What? Of course," the Spectre shot back, sounding defensive. Then, her shoulders dropped slightly as an air of defeat settled in. "But maybe not as much as the files indicate."

The Asari rolled her eyes in admonishment. "Shepard!"

Cringing inwardly, Lakota knew she'd been caught and would have to explain herself. Hesitantly, she said, "I may have… misrepresented my eating habits while here."

Miranda scoffed. "Misrepresented?"

"Would you prefer embellished?" the Spectre countered.

"How about falsified?"

"Overstated?"

"Shepard, there's a reason we monitor what you eat! It's important!

"Then give me something decent to eat, not the nutritionally packed cardboard you pass off as food!"

"That nutritionally packed cardboard is specially formulated! It's to help keep you alive even if you don't give a damn!"

"I give a damn about living, but I also give a damn about enjoying my life! And that includes what I eat!"

"Bloody hell, you are so arrogant!"

Lakota snorted. "You're calling me arrogant? Oh, that's priceless."

Having experienced the legendary arguments between the Spectre and former Cerberus officer on the Normandy, Chakwas decided to interrupt the bickering before it truly became heated. "Enough!" she demanded. "What's done is done." Then, she addressed the Spectre, a hint of a reprimand laced within her words. "I trust you'll take better care of yourself in the future, Commander, now that you know how serious the ramifications can be if you don't."

Looking appropriately scolded, Lakota nodded her head. "Yes. Of course."

"At least you have the decency to look contrite." Miranda couldn't stop herself from getting in the last remark. As much as she admired and respected the Spectre, she was intensely frustrated by her obstinate nature.

"Good," Chakwas said, ignoring the biotic's comment. "Then that is the end of this topic." The tone of her voice made it abundantly clear to everyone in the room that any discussion regarding the Spectre's eating habits were now closed.

Sighing heavily, the Spectre glanced over at Liara who had never witnessed the two strong-willed women quarrel and ended up watching the scene with a detached scientific interest. When the Asari's eyes met hers, Lakota whispered sheepishly, "It did taste like crap…"

Liara rolled her eyes in affectionate amusement, playfully squeezing her lover's hand at the same time. "I'm sure it did."

Smiling softly, Lakota brought her attention back to the new information about her cybernetics giving it some serious consideration. Although it was a bit frightening to think that the implants which helped restore her life were now breaking down, she couldn't help but wonder why she didn't feel more physically depleted.

"But if my cybernetics are failing, why don't I feel worse?" she asked, curiously. "I mean, almost thirty percent of my body is supposed to be linked to a cybernetic enhancement, shouldn't I be experiencing more side effects?"

Raising an imperious eyebrow, Miranda stated, "Human DNA, the human body, is extraordinarily adaptable."

"So basically," Lakota retorted dryly, "you don't know why."

Miranda crossed her arms in front of her chest, a show of both defiance and scorn. "We need to run more tests then we'll know more."

The Spectre rolled her eyes, snorting unceremoniously. "Am I dying?"

Taken aback by the blunt question, the former Cerberus officer stared blankly at the woman.

Lakota repeated her question in a darker tone, exasperation laced within her voice. "Am I dying? Are my organs functioning at a less then optimal level? Has my bone density changed? Or my skin? Am I in any immediate danger of my body shutting down on me?"

Miranda shook her head. "From what we can decipher, no."

"Remarkably, your body appears to be adapting," Chakwas added. "All the test results indicate that the only side effect is the chemical imbalance."

"And the headaches."

"And the headaches," the doctor gently conceded. "With the help of antidepressants your cortisol and serotonin levels will be brought back to normal. That will help you sleep and bring your moods back under control."

"Good," Lakota said, her voice sounding relieved. "Even I was getting depressed by my depression."

She glanced over at Liara, who seemed absorbed in another world. When their gazes met, the Asari flashed her a smile, but Lakota knew it wasn't genuine because it didn't reach her eyes which were a shade of turbulent blue.

Frowning, Lakota turned her attention back to the others in the room. "So how are we going to work this? You give me some pills to take and I keep coming in for check-ups?"

"No way, Shepard." Miranda's tone was adamant. "You need to stay here, so we can run more tests, figure out the full extent of the cybernetic damage to your system. You need to be monitored."

Lakota looked at Miranda blankly, then back at Chakwas, absorbing what she had been told. Scowling, she released her hold on Liara's hand then slipped off the medbed, attempting to stand.

"Shepard! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Miranda snapped, concerned irritation pouring off her in waves.

"I thought it was obvious. I'm leaving."

"Yeah, because that worked out so well the last time."

"I'm not staying, Miranda."

Chakwas stepped closer to the Spectre. "You can't leave."

Tilting her head slightly, Lakota icily stated, "I can do many things, Doc, wholly without your permission. What you need to understand is that I am not staying in this facility."

"This is not a request, Commander."

Although dressed in nothing more than a thin gown, the Spectre was still quite a formidable sight, radiating an authority that demanded respect. Her piercing green eyes narrowed as she regarded Chakwas coldly. When she spoke, her voice hardened perceptibly. "Let me remind you that I am a Council Spectre and not subject to the authority or whims of the Alliance Military or their medical staff! Now where the hell are my clothes?"

To her credit, Chakwas didn't flinch under the scrutiny of the Spectre's icy gaze. "Shepard," she said, her tone noticeably softer, "we need you to stay. At least until we have a better understanding of what's going on with your cybernetics."

"No. Absolutely, not!" Lakota flared, her eyes dark and stormy. "You said for yourself that the only side effect was my brain's chemical imbalance. Meds will fix that. So no!" The tone in her voice brooked no argument. "My days as a lab rat are over!"

Liara had remained silent, observing the argument from both sides. Now though, she knew she had to intercede before it escalated any further. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she stepped between the Spectre and the doctor, and although her blue eyes locked onto pale green, her words were meant for the others in the room. "Doctor, Miranda… leave us." The Asari's narrowed gaze never left Lakota's face, despite the protests from both the biotic and Chakwas. She stayed their denials with one simple word. "Please."

Neither Liara nor Lakota watched as the other two women left to room. Their eyes were only for one another. After the medbay doors closed, it was Lakota who spoke first.

"Liara…" The Spectre's voice lost its ice-cold hardness as something akin to shame shadowed over her features, but a steely resolve was still embedded in its tone. "I can't stay here. Not overnight."

The experience of waking in a Cerberus lab prematurely with her body not fully healed, and then finding out that she had "died" two years prior, accorded the Spectre with a healthy disdain for medical facilities. She was okay with routine examines, but having to wake up on a medbed was akin to having a recurring nightmare and that was something she wanted to avoid with rabid intensity.

"I know you don't want to," Liara said, sympathetically, "but they're right, even if you don't agree. Even though you think you are fine, something has changed with your cybernetics. For your own safety, you can't be left alone. Until they figure out what's going on, someone needs to be with you."

Lakota did not reply, instead a look of resignation passed across her face as she sighed heavily. She knew Liara was right, the failing cybernetics needed to be monitored, but she still couldn't convince herself that staying in the medical facility was the only option. There had to be another way that was just as viable.

"So…," Liara began cryptically, "you can either come with me or stay here under constant surveillance."

The Spectre studied the Asari intently. "Where's my third option?" she teased.

"There is no third option."

"But then you're not really offering me any real choice. You know how much I hate hospitals."

Nodding agreeably, Liara said, "Yes, I do. And I know you'd do just about anything to get out of here."

"So you admit that you're coercing me."

"I prefer to think of it as getting my way."

"Who taught you how to negotiate?" Lakota asked, feeling outmaneuvered.

Smiling slightly, Liara replied. "You did."

"Oh…well," Lakota mumbled, a faint blush touching her features. "In that case, you're good at it."

The Spectre was relieved that Liara wasn't really fighting her on the subject of leaving the medical facility. In truth she was offering a rational alternative, one that the two women standing out in the hall would consider acceptable. Her only hesitation was the likely awkwardness that would occur since they had yet to talk about the scene at her apartment the night before.

Frowning, Lakota raked her fingers roughly through her long, black locks. She hoped Liara wasn't offering to help out of some noble sense of obligation, especially if it made the Asari uncomfortable in any way. That wouldn't be fair to either of them.

"Liara, I appreciate the offer, but you don't have to do this." The Spectre's voice was a soft whisper, but within the silence of the medbay it was easily discernible as was the pain in her husky tones. Her head dipped down. "I can find somewhere else to stay."

"I'm sure you could, but you're not required to."

Lakota took a deep breath as though fortifying herself, then looked up, her turbulent green eyes meeting the Asari's serene blue. "About the other night-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Liara gently placed the forefinger of her right hand on the Spectre's lips. "We do have a lot to talk about, Shepard, but not right now. Not here. I'll find your clothes and let Miranda and Dr. Chakwas know where you'll be. Then I'll make sure you get out of here."

The Spectre swallowed. "With you?"

A faint smile ghosted over the Asari's lips. "Yes."

Lakota took a breath before she spoke. She didn't want to dare hope, but the possibilities were too immense to ignore. "You're really okay with me staying with you?" she whispered.

Blue eyes seemed to darken, or perhaps a passing shadow deepened the color. "Yes."

Mutely, the Spectre nodded and Liara closed the distance between them, her right hand hesitantly cupping the human's cheek. "It's okay, Shepard. I want you to come with me."

Lakota sighed heavily, melting into the caress and releasing a tightness in her chest that had persisted since their argument. Her left hand held the Asari's in place as she turned her head pressing a tender, sensual kiss onto the blue palm. "Thank you."

Liara leaned forward until their foreheads gently brushed together, her other hand coming to rest on the opposite cheek. They stayed that way for a long time, statuesque, with the Asari's hands reverently framing her lover's face, taking comfort in the simple tranquility of the moment until their breath and pulse had found a unified, steady rhythm.

The Asari sighed contentedly. "I've missed you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," Lakota replied honestly, feeling better about things.

With great care, Liara enveloped Lakota completely in her arms, holding her so tightly that the Spectre could scarcely breathe... not that she was complaining. It was exactly what was required, and Lakota clung to Liara as if her life depended on it, burying her face in the enticing hollow of her neck, inhaling her fragrance deeply as she surrounded herself with the soothing warmth of the Asari.

It's going to be all right, Lakota thought in relief. Liara really did understand. Even when she stumbled, Liara was still by her side, ready to help in any way.

Her emotions still on edge, the Spectre felt her chest grow full, tears stinging her eyes. Some part of her mind registered that the emotional intensity was probably caused by the chemical imbalance, but she didn't care. Being wrapped in her lover's arms was such a safe place for her, a secure haven in this poignant moment that she didn't want to let go.

"I've been feeling so lost," Lakota confessed, barely above a whisper. "So alone."

"It's okay, Shepard," Liara murmured fiercely in her ear. "I'm here." She held her lover closely, placing soft lingering kisses on her forehead, along her cheek, on the side of her neck, projecting all the love and tenderness she felt for the woman in her arms without the need of words.

"Yes, you are." Lakota closed her eyes and tightened her embrace, knowing that no matter what else happened, she had all she truly needed to survive right here in her arms.

"Liara."

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Take me home."