Soul Song
Chapter 4
Rose was distracted. He knew the others had noticed that something had changed but he had rebutted their questioning looks. Completely ignoring them sometimes. He was wistfully staring at the wall, remembering the night he made love to Ichigo. It had been perfect. But now he had had a taste of the one thing he could never truly hold, and it was eating him alive. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight. Everything reminded him of Ichigo. When he had remembered the paper with Ichigos address he had scrambled to get it, just to see Ichigos handwriting, to have something that was purely him. When he had unfolded the paper, he found in neatly written script an address and a PS that had made his heart melt slightly. There written underneath stood: I'll wait for you. I love you. Forever. Such simply words. Ichigo had always complained that he couldn't articulate himself in as many colorful words as Rose but while Rose needed so many words to tell what he felt, all it takes Ichigo were a few lines. Rose had taken to carry the paper with him. He pulled it out of his pocket and stared at it, he still had a few minutes until the Captains meeting began, he would need all the mental strength he had to pull through another day of grey paperwork and grey people without a speck of orange.
He was so immersed in tracing the writing on the small piece of paper that he didn't notice the other captains slowly arriving in the entrance hall to the first division meeting room. Kyoraku and Ukitake looked at each other in question as they took in the form of Rose staring at a piece of paper as if it held the questions to life itself. They didn't interrupt him but stayed at a respectable distance. Shinji arrived next, he was a little less hesitant and approached Rose with the intention of asking him about the paper. As was his luck, before he could even step closer the huge double doors opened and the Soutaichous voice loudly ordered them to enter. Shinji saw Rose startle and take in his surroundings. He quickly stored away the paper in his pocket and took his usual stand in the rows of Captains slowly filing in one after another.
The meeting dragged on and on, Shinji could literally feel the time pass by, every second a terrible drag to his being. He knew he wasn't the only one. Rose next to him was, which was uncharacteristically for him, staring at the ground, not even pretending to listen. Shinji had noticed his friend pulling away, he was more solemn these days, a quite sadness surrounded him that Shinji couldn't understand. He whished he could help his friend, but all their advances had been rebutted. The soutaichou finally announced the end of the meeting. Shinji had made up his mind to speak to Rose the second it was over, to inquire about his well being and the paper he had looked at, but he was more than surprise as Rose left the quickest he had ever seen. Taking a few long steps to the exit and shunpoing away in the next second, not even bothering with greetings or anything the like. "Is there something the matter with Otoribashi-kun?" A voice asked Shinji from behind, when he turned around he was met with Ukitakes worried expression and Kyorakus contemplative stare. Shinji sighed. "I have no idea…He doesn't really talk to anyone right now." He told them pulling a face at his admission. "I see…" Ukitake said concern in his eyes as he looked at the place Rose had been in seconds ago. "Maybe we should seek him out? There seems to be something the matter…" Shinji huffed a little but nodded in agreement. The three of them followed Roses trail of Reiatsu. They were surprised when they found him standing on one of the bridges between the white tower, overlooking Seireitei as the sun slowly sat. They had to walk around the tower to be able to see his face. Shinji was just rounding the corner and was about to call out to him with his arm raised when he stopped, arm slowly sinking to his side. Ukitake and Kyoraku looked at each other. "What's the matter…" Kyoraku asked Shinji before he stopped too as he was able to see Roses face. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, even though his mouth was pulled into a soft smile as he stared at the sunset. No sound could be heard from him as he stood silent and straight, his tears the only incarnation of his sadness. Shinji slowly turned around, eyes clouded in shadows. He took a few steps into the cover of the tower before leaning against one of its cool white walls. Ukitake and Kyoraku followed him in concerned silence. "I've never seen him like this…" Shinji said softly. Ukitake laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Never…not even after everything with Aizen, not even when Hiyori was terribly injured…" Shinji looked up at them, a deep frown on his face and his eyes clouded in pain and confusion for his friend's state. Ukitake sighed softly. "Maybe it would be the best if you searched him out on your own another time. From the state he is in…I don't think you should leave him alone even if he tells you to." Shinji nodded slowly. "For now, I think it's best if we leave." Kyoraku commented, making his way down the street they came from, Ukitake shot a concerned glance towards Shinji when he simply motioned for him to go ahead but followed Kyoraku a second later. Shinji stood there against the wall, taking a deep breath he chanced a last look towards Roses position, sighing he turned and walked away.
Rose stood at the mirror in his quarter, staring at his reddened eyes. How was he supposed to survive another 5 years of this.