First entry:
Shinji confronted me today. Apparently, he as seen me a few days ago…He was concerned to my state of mind and wellbeing. I must be more careful in the future…Shinji has recommended I talk to someone about my problems. When I refused he handed me this book. Keeping a diary is supposed to help people with dealing with their emotions. I wonder how often I will write in this…Ichigo is already constantly on my mind…I doubt writing about it will help me…
Second entry:
Time is such a dreadful thing. So, tiering. I never noticed the seconds tick by as I do now. Five months. My mind and duties keep me occupied. I wonder how Ichigo is doing…I know his address by heart now…I have been listening to his music…every note is like a promise to me…to me it is a confirmation of his love to me…I wish I could hear him play for me once again…
Third entry:
A year…Another four to go…I have managed to uphold my mask of normality in public. Shinji doesn't question me anymore and the others have stopped inquiring about my wellbeing. Still I find myself thinking about Ichigo…I wish I could write him a letter at least but I do not trust anyone that could help me with this…Yoruichi's curious nature would compel her to open it…I don't want anyone finding out about me and Ichigo…nothing good will come of it.
Forth entry:
One year…two months…4 days…18 hours…I want to see Ichigo. With every second that passes more.
Fifth entry:
Do you ever have the feeling that you see a person or speak a few sentences with them and you are already able to see your whole future together with them? I wish I could say I had this moment with Ichigo…he was so brash and headstrong when I first saw him. A force to behold yes. Who would have guessed he would come to mean so much to me? If I could turn back the time I would still make the same choices, knowing that it will lead to this situation. I don't regret my decision.
Sixth entry:
Two years now…there is no point in keeping up the pretense that I am truly writing in this. Everybody believes my façade. I would applaud my acting skills, but that would give me away, wouldn't it? I hope Ichigo is doing well.
Seventh entry:
Despite my previous entry I find myself writing once again…It does help to some extend…It feels like I can confess to someone…my feelings…It has been two and a half years now…Half the time has passed and it feels like eternity…I cannot wield to my desires. Five years that was the deal. I can't jeopardize Ichigo like that…or my friends. Despite the many friendly faces who welcomed us back into the Seireitei I can still feel their animosity. Three years and they are still as ignorant as always.
Eighth entry:
Ichigos music is as beautiful as always. I am listening to it once again. I must say that he has improved greatly over the years…I dream of playing a duet with him one day.
Ninth entry:
I have not written in a long time…Eventhough the time between my entries was always extended I have found no reason during the last months to write again…It seemed like such a waste. Why write about my feelings if I already am painfully aware of them? Still I find myself reverting to this, this book has become a companion…My only trusted ally…How pathetic is that?
Tenth entry:
Another year…just one more year…
Shinji closed the book in his hands wide eyed. This was not what he had expected. He had found the book lying on Roses desk. Rose himself seemed to have gone outside. It was time for lunch, Shinji had come in hopes to convince him to join him for Ramen, but Rose had already left and all that remained behind was the book Shinji had given him years ago. He couldn't help himself. He was still curious what the cause of Roses state back then had been. In his curiosity he had started reading the first page, afterwards he couldn't stop.
He had had no idea about Roses relationship with Ichigo. But it explained so much. Agitated Shinji raked a hand through his hair. From what he could gather from the book Rose had, against the orders of the Soutaichou, met with Ichigo after he had lost his powers. An apparently their next meeting was to be five years after the last. Shinji shook his head as he connected the dots, paling slightly.
Ichigo…a person who was alive, waiting to see a dead man…for five years. And Rose…it had to be painful to him, to wait and know that his love would wither and eventually die. Shinji balled his fist. Quickly he dropped the book back on its original place and left the third division barracks. He was walking the streets of Seireietei blindly, mind reeling with information and emotions. He felt…guilty…all this time his friend had spent suffering and he had been blind to it.
He didn't know what to do. On the one hand he wanted his friends suffering to stop…on the other hand he couldn't let him continue on like this. A forbidden relationship, lived over instances in time where the two people could meet for one day. There was no way it would end with either of them happy. Ichigo was alive, he was supposed to find a girl, or guy or whatever and have a family, he couldn't have any of that if he kept on living for a dead man. Frowning Shinjis eyes took on a determined glint. He had to talk to Rose.