Callie POV
"I will be in living room...if you need me" Cooper tells me as I head up the stairs
"Mm-hmm" I hum back because I didn't have the energy to say anything else back
This has been the most exhausting day ever. I just wanted to fall in the bed, mom's bed, and fall asleep. I want this day to end. Part of me hoped that maybe I will wake up and it will turn out that this was all just a horrible dream, a nightmare. Nothing else. Ugh...Who am I kidding? That's not going to happen. I know this isn't a dream. This isn't something I can just wake up from.
I toss my bag inside my room. After it bounces off the wall, it falls onto my bed. The shoes, which I kick off the direction of my room, lands in the middle of the room. Without wasting any more time, I turn around and head straight to mom's room.
I didn't even switch on the lights. I don't need light, I know my way around the house, even in dark. When I entered the room, I went straight to mom's closet. I pulled out one of mom's sweaters and pulled it over my head. Next, I headed straight to mom's side of the bed and laid down, under the blanket. After I turned on my right side, I curled up in a small ball, pulled my knees up to chest and pulled the blanket up to my chin.
I close my eyes shut and try to think of mom. But somehow, I can only picture her lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to all of the machines and wires.
It wasn't the image of her that I wanted to see. But that was the first memory I got. I press my eyes shut together tighter and force myself to think about more happier memory of her. Anything but her in the hospital would do. But no matter how hard I try to think of a happy memory of mom, my mind keeps returning to the memory of her in the hospital bed. I keep remembering how cold her skin felt like, how pale she looked like, how the machine was breathing for her.
I knew I won't get any sleep tonight, even before I walked in the house. Yet I still tried, even though I knew it was going to be pointless. The house is simply too quiet, it feels too empty without mom here. Mom is the one that makes this house feel like a home. Without her here, this is just another house.
When I hear Cooper walk around downstairs, I sit up in the bed and glance to the clock on the nightstand. I have been tossing and turning around in the bed for 2 hours now. 2 hours and not one single happy memory of mom came to my mind. It was like my mind was stuck on that image of her in hospital.
I wrap the big blanket around me and head out of the room. When I make my way down the stairs, I see light in the living room. The TV was running, it illuminates the room. Cooper had turned the volume down to the lowest possible setting.
Quietly, I tip toe over to the doorway to peak a look inside of the room. Cooper was sitting on the couch, his legs were up to the coffee table.
"Hey" he says quietly the second he notices me there "Couldn't sleep?"
"No" I reply quietly and glance to the TV, to see what he is watching
"Green mile" Cooper points to the TV screen"Your mom's favorite movie. Want to watch it with me? I would love some company..."
"Mm-hmm" I hum back as I nod my head
"Come" he pats on the couch next to him. I tip toe over to the couch and slump down on it. After a minute, I scoot closer to Cooper and ,just like in the hospital, I lower my head to his shoulder.
"Wait" he says and I lean away from him when he starts to shifts on the couch
Cooper lowers himself more in the couch and turns more sideways. When he stops shifting and finally finds a pose which he was comfortable in, I press my head back to his chest. When we are both laid down on the couch and I snuggle up to him, Cooper wraps his right hand around me.
"The house feels empty without her" I tell him as we keep on watching the movie
"I'm sorry I can't do anything to fix it"
"You are doing enough" I say quietly in the dark "There isn't anything else you can do, actually"
"She is going to be okay, Callie. I can feel it" Cooper gives my upper arm a soft squeeze "Your mom will be okay." I needed to hear that optimism. That positive thinking.
"I keep expecting her to just show up, walk through the door like nothing has happened. I can hear her call out my name" Cooper remains quiet, he just listens "I keep remembering how she looked in the hospital. I can't think of a happy memory of her. I can't remember a moment when she was happy or simply smiling..."
"That's an easy one" Cooper said back without missing a beat. I move my head so I could see his eyes "You can think of any day, any moment you two are together. It doesn't have to be anything big, just an average day at home with you makes her happy. Or when you two cuddle on the couch while watching some movie. Making dinner together...or when you annoy the crap out of her" He chuckles softly at the last part "Amy is happy whenever she is with you, Callie"
"You think so?" I ask in disbelief
"I know so, kiddo" He says glancing down to me. I move my head back down and concentrate back on the TV screen.
"Thanks Cooper"
"Mm-hmm" he hums back "Try to get some sleep"
The comfort that came from Cooper, the warmth that came from the big blanket, and Cooper's nice words about mom, helped me fall asleep. Right there on the couch, cuddled up to Cooper – I drifted asleep in matter of few short minutes.
Lena POV
Sleeping in a king size bed alone, can leave you feeling very lonely. Stef's side of the bed was empty and the sheets were cold. Even if we didn't cuddle up while sleeping, I always knew Stef was there. Just a hand reach away. I could always turn on my right side and see her sleeping there peacefully. If I wanted to, I could just cuddle up to her back, she would whisper sheepishly to me – I love you – and we would fall back to sleep.
But now, now her side was once again empty. There was no one to cuddle up to, no one look at, no one to say – I love you - to. I hate sleeping alone.
Thankfully, it didn't stay like that for long. One by one, the kids had joined me in my king size bed for the night. First was Frankie. Then came Jude. Right after him came the twins. And finally Brandon. We all, squeezed closely together and spent the night in one bed. Now that the kids were older and bigger, there was barely room for all of us, but we still made it work.
Next morning, we were awake pretty early. We woke up before 8, when Frankie was crawling all over us to, trying to get to bathroom. After that - no one could fall back sleep. I wasn't going to send them to school today, so we were all just sitting in our PJ's around the kitchen table. Sending them to school would be the wrong thing to do - they wouldn't be able to focus and concentrate on studies anyway. They needed few days off and so did I.
But this morning was different than any other morning. How? It was quiet, too quiet. They weren't talking or laughing, or teasing one another, the twins weren't bickering, no one was talking about their plans for today. Frankie was being awfully quiet as well.
"Pass me the milk, please" Jesus asks politely to Brandon, who without thinking about it, reaches for the milk box to hand it to his brother
"Thank you" Jesus reply back as he pours some more milk over his second bowl of cereal. Jesus has never been this polite at home. This was another sign that the kids weren't okay.
I stood up and walked up to the side of the table and put my hands on the shoulders of Mariana and Jude, who sat opposite of the two other boys.
"Guys..." I glanced around them, to their sad faces "Mom is okay. This won't be like last time, when mom was in hospital for over a week"
"When will she be coming home?" Mariana asked looking over her shoulder, up to me
"A day or two. All depends on how mom is feeling, if her tests come back good"
"Two day doesn't sound bad" Jude wondered to himself, the others nodded thinking about it as well
"Can we see her longer today? The 10 minute visit was too short. We barely got to sit down," Brandon asked me after he put his empty glass on the table
"Yesterday, she was fresh out of surgery. She needed the rest. So yes, I think we will be able to stay longer with her today"
"Good" Brandon said picking up his empty plate and carried it to the sink
"Can I bring my book so she could read to me?" Frankie asked holding her cup in both of her hands
"I think you can. Mom would love to read to you" I replied smiling to the youngest. Stef loves reading to Frankie, that's what she is looking forward every day when she comes home from job. In no way, Stef would ever say – no – to reading with Frankie. Sted being in hospital, won't stop her from reading with Frankie.
"Okay, guys...we leave in 15, please go get ready. Get your book, Frankie," I say and help Frankie down the chair. Jude, Mariana and Frankie all head up, but the two oldest sons stay where they are.
"Do you think mom is okay?" Jesus spoke up when he pushed his empty cereal bowl further away from the table side
"Yes, she's okay. She will have to wear a sling for few weeks and take it slow-" Jesus cuts me off
"No, I meant...Mom killed someone. How can she be okay after she killed someone?" His words shocked me, I was literally left speechless for couple of seconds
This was the first I heard of that. I looked back to him in shock "W-Where did you hear that?" I try to keep myself composed
"Brandon and I heard Captain Roberts talk when we walked to the bathroom" Jesus says looking over to Brandon. He gave me a look that confirmed what Jesus said, was true.
"Mom said it was self-defence" Brandon added when he closed the tap in the sink
"When did she say that?" I turn to Brandon
"When we visited her" he said drying his hands in the towel "Jesus asked her and mom confirmed it and added that it was self-defence. That she had to do it. That it was either him or her."
Great, I had to find out about my wife killing someone from my kids. Neither Captain Roberts, nor Stef, thought it was important enough to tell me this. And my own kids found out about it, because Captain Roberts couldn't take the call or talk to the other cops further away from the waiting room, where all of the kids were.
I close my eyes briefly as I start to feel a slight panic forming. Not only Stef will have to deal with her being shot, her partner being shot, but also her killing someone. I have no idea how Stef has kept it together for this long. If it was me, I would have already lost it.
After taking few calming breathes I open my eyes and look back to Jesus and Brandon.
"Did you tell the others? Did you hear anything else from Captain Roberts?" I ask hoping they haven't overheard anything else about the shooting. I had no idea what else there could be to overheard. Maybe there was nothing else to hear. But the thought of them hearing some more detail about the shooting - frightened me.
Thankfully they both shook their heads back. That came as a huge relief for me.
"Good! Please don't tell your siblings. They don't need to know this"
"Don't worry. We won't tell them mom" Brandon said back, while Jesus nodded his head back. I smile to them sadly as they walk pass me.
Stef POV
I hate wheelchairs. I hate being in one. But those are the rules. No wheelchair, no seeing my partner. Nurse is pushing me in a wheelchair down the hallway, to the elevators. She presses the button to 3rd level once we are in. The ride up was very fast, I didn't even have time to count in my head, how many people could squeeze in here.
"Nervous?" nurse asks as she pushes me out of the elevator. We enter the ICU wing the next second.
"Worried" I reply as I look to the rooms we pass
"About?"
"What I will see" I say back keeping my eyes in the hallway in front of me
"Here we are" she says and opens the doors to one of the rooms
My breath catches in my throat at the first sight of her.
Nurse stops the wheelchair next to her bed and reminds me "I will be back in 10 minutes"
"Yeah...okay" I look over my shoulder and watch how nurse walks out of the room and leaves me alone with her
Did I look like this when I was shot last year? Did I look this weak? Did the ventilator really looked this scary? - I ask myself when I look over at Amy's still body.
"Hi, Amy" I breath out and reach for her hand. Her skin looked pale even compared to my light skin. Her hands was limp when I picked up her hand. Tears blurry my vision once I hold her hand in my. I was afraid to look up to her face, so instead I kept my eyes on her hand in my palm.
Do I wish I hadn't said the stuff I said about our slow day? – Yes! I wish I could take those words back.
Do I blame myself? - Yes! I have found a way to blame myself. It didn't matter that I wasn't the one who pulled the trigger.
Do I wish I was in her place? - Yes! I would take her place if I could.
Tears start to slowly roll down my cheek as I start to talk to her "I am so sorry, Amy...I never thought anything like this could happen. I am sorry I couldn't do more to help you"
I had to detain a small pause before I could continue, I needed to gather myself up. Seeing her like this was more emotional than I thought it would be.
"We got the guy, who did this to you. He will live to see a trial and he will be locked up!"
Finally I lift my head up and look up to her face "All you need to do right now, is keep fighting, okay? I know you can pull through this!"
I paused, thinking maybe she would answer me. But she didn't, she laid there as still as she was before.
"I know it is hard, I know you are exhausted...but you can't give up. There are people who depend on you. There are people, who need you. And I am not just talking about Callie. You can't go out like this. It is not your time, Amy! Please, don't give up"
I hear the doors to the room opening. Instantly, I look over my shoulder, thinking I would see my nurse, who came to tell me my time was up and that she needs to take me back to my room. But it is not the nurse that I see there.
"Callie" I breath out the girls name
"What are you doing here?" Her tone of voice took my by surprise. It was cold and she was very blunt. I let go of her mom's hand, when she walked deeper inside the room.
"I-I came to see Amy. See how she is doing" I tell her, even though it was pretty obvious to me
"You should leave" She states back, looking straight to my eyes
"Callie, I'm-" I couldn't even finish my sentence, when she cut me off
"Leave!" She said in much louder, more demanding voice. I was taken aback by her sudden rage against me.
"I'm sorry, did I do something to you?" I ask back confused. I simply didn't understand where this anger towards me was coming from.
"I SAID LEAVE!" She spells it out for me, word by word. Callie stands her ground and glares down at me. But I didn't move. I had no intention of leaving, not until I figure out why was she so angry with me.