Congress was an absolute fuck, and seriously all of the older white men could just go and fuck themselves. She came back to her house in Malibu, grumpy and sweltering in the summer heat.
Damn this entire premise, she was going to die soon, would it KILL the weather to give her a win for once? She decided to retreat to one of the colder rooms in the Malibu house: the workshop. She'd be honest, she missed the bots, and she was in need of a smoothie soon, one that helped to reduce the toxic spread of poison in her bloodstream. NO-DOY was at the very least the smartest of the bots, and could make it for her, but she figured that the other arms would have to learn it at some point.
"INGA, workshop please?" she yelled up.
"Elevator waiting, madam." a posh, British voice replied. She heaved a sigh of relief as she stepped into the elevator, feeling her tension slowly recede. She slowly began undoing the buttons of her dress shirt.
She had originally wanted to imbue the AI with all the attributes of the real Inga, who had been her nanny for a few years. Helga had, in a fit of childhood impetuosity, managed to get her fired, only realizing that Inga was the only nanny, nay, the only person who actually cared about her.
However, it made sense to not use Inga's actual voice, because the Swiss-German accent would have driven her crazy. Not to mention that British voices were a standard, neutral standby that people would go for an AI, due to their perceived intelligence. If she were to input an accent in the AI, people would ask questions. Helga Pataki didn't want to answer questions that hinted towards the personal.
If anyone asked, INGA stood for Intelligent N Genius Assistant. Not many asked questions beyond that. Helga was strangely grateful.
The elevator doors opened and Helga walked out of the elevator, keying in the code to her workshop and walking straight in.
" Mother has arrived!" she yelled out, finally taking off her shirt completely and tossing it to the floor. The bots came running in, all chirping and beeping as they greeted her, like three happy dogs. NO-DOY had grabbed her pant leg and was refusing to let go, while CRIMINI and BUCKO whirled around her.
" Alright, alright, you losers!" she yelled, amused. " Leggo, I hate these pants, but you keep pulling, they'll break- INGA, can you lower the temperature to acceptable levels?"
" I could, but it might be good to specify what exactly acceptable levels are, Madam."
"Hey, don't make me come up there and start yanking wires out, " Helga yelled back. The bots all withdrew, now seemingly terrified that she would actually do what she said. " Traitors, all of you." Helga pointed and pretended to be offended. " Thank god we're alone, otherwise people would actually think we love each other or something."
She finally took off her tight dress pants and stood in the middle of the room, dressed in nothing but a strappy bra and a pair of boy shorts. The good thing about living alone was the fact that no one else was around, so she could wear exactly what she wanted.
" Ahhhhhhhhh, good as new!" She yelled. " INGA, assist NO-DOY in making the smoothie, we have work to do, like the fact that we need to figure out the schematics of the P Phones, and then maybe more repulsor tech, I think we need to up the firepower by 100% and consider more colours, RnD is KILLING ME-"
She bent over to pick up an errant wrench as INGA opened up the schematics of the Mark 42 armour, displaying the schematics and all the specs.
Helga, who had her back turned towards the glass walls, was talking loudly to herself and the bots, while pacing around the workshop. " -yeah, it makes absolutely no sense to add that feature in, NO-DOY I SAW YOU TRY AND ADD OIL IN THE MIX- NO! Don't you look sad at me! Criminey, you would think that you would get the recipe by now- NO NOT YOU CRIMINI, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN-"
It was then that Helga turned around and realised that there were two people now standing outside the glass walls of the workshop. One that she recognised and who was currently hiding her gaping mouth with her hand, and the other she did not recognise but would like to. " Phoebe!" she yelped in surprise. " What are you doing here!" Turning up to the ceiling, she yelled, " INGA, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT VISITORS!"
" I'm sorry, madam, but I believe Ms Heyerdahl overrode my protocols by habit as she was too busy talking to her visitor right there," INGA replied primly. Phoebe herself glared up at the ceiling, annoyed that the AI had betrayed her.
" Not the point," Helga said, wielding a wrench at her PA. "Why are you here, who's the manmeat, and do you know Congress is a bunch of shitheads? They're doing absolutely nothing for our country-"
At this, the manmeat drew himself up to his tallest height, way taller than anyone Helga had ever dated and said in a loud voice. " On the contrary, I believe Congress does everything for our country, and if we don't have faith in our Congress, we might as well give up the fight."
Silence reigned between the three people in question. Helga was the first person to break the silence.
" Did he- did the manmeat just talk back to me?" she said in a mocking voice. " INGA, did you get it? Video and audio?"
" Affirmative, madam."
" Delicious. If we record this, we'll be able to make a song out of it, and maybe even a viral video-"
At that point, Phoebe knocked on the glass wall again, voice raised. Her voice was a little muffled, but audible, " Helga G Pataki, we can talk about you making fun of the representative from Legal later, but in the meantime, open the door and put on some clothes, you're making the poor man blush!"
Helga looked down and realised that Phoebe had a point, meeting someone in her underwear was something that only worked if they were both in a hotel room. And one of them was massaging scented oils into the other person's back. And front. And over and under and-
Phoebe was narrowing her eyes, and Helga decided that it would be a good idea not to make mom mad.
Manmeat, it turned out, was actually a tall drink of water known as Arnold Feldman. He had annoying blonde hair slicked back, a shit body so well-built that Helga figured she could bounce a quarter off his taut butt, and terribly beautiful arms. The only drawback was the fact that he had a weird shaped head and the fact that he was a very very wet-blanket.
That she sort of still kind of wanted wrapped around her 24-7 a day while feeding her grapes, but that was not the point.
Feldman was apparently a relatively new hire and was sent by the Law Department to get a contract that needed both Helga's signature and Phoebe's vetting. Phoebe had decided to get him to travel with her to the Malibu mansion just so Feldman could get them both done at the same time. The diminutive personal assistant had told her so while Helga put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt bought from one of the resorts she went to. She was pretty sure it was universal. They had some sort of yellow cartoon character on it.
" So why did you bring him down to the workshop, Pheeburino?" Helga said, dramatically holding her chest. "I don't pay you to bring my employees around and give them a tour like Cribs. "
" Sorry!" The personal assistant squeaked. Though she was a PA with a PhD in biomechanics and a degree in business, Phoebe still elected to apply for the personal assistant job when Helga put the ad out. Helga had to admit she wasn't super impressed by Phoebe at first, but after a very long interview with Phoebe , and Helga finally asked her what Phoebe would be able to offer the company, Phoebe, who was also tired, and near tears, replied,"I'm a very emotional person, but when I get on something, I stay on something. "
This was something she had proven time and time again throughout the years and though Phoebe had become more self-assured and more confident, she still was Helga's number 1 confidant after Patty, the one that worked side-by-side with her and helped her create the best of what could be. Helga could safely say that Phoebe was the only reason Pataki Corp could even be the juggernaut it was today.
It did spark a small thought in her head and stayed there when Phoebe started fussing over Helga and the paperwork again.
"And I must admit that Arnold has managed to help out the law group with their issues, do you know je's managed to break up several disputes and also work on getting compensation for the villages affected by the Ten Rings-'
"Pheebs. How long have you worked here?"
Phoebe stopped short, but replied slowly. "Around 9 years, Helga."
Helga collapsed on the lounging chair she kept in the workshop. "And do you…see yourself working here forever?"
The tiny Japanese woman was now looking more confused than ever. "Helga, are you alright?"
"Psh, please." Helga waved a hand dismissively. "What's most important is you right now. Tell me your dreams and your secrets."
Phoebe put some of the papers down and walked over to place a hand on Helga's forehead. "You're a little feverish-" she murmured, taking out her phone to text for a doctor.
"Pheebs, you've been my rock, my foundation, my NO-DOY when I need one. "The bot itself perked up when it registered that Helga said it's name, but then shuffled away when it was clear there was no operative command at hand at the moment. "You're my hands and you practically oversee the company. I've been thinking about the legacy of Pataki Corp and… you need to lead it as CEO."
Phoebe dropped her phone mid-text. "No!"
"Phoebe, it's only you, you're the one with the know-how,"
"But it's YOUR company!"
"I barely run it anymore, I show up at meetings and look cute but bored-"
"I'm just an assistant!"
"With a PhD, you absolute ninny, who gets a PA job when they have that in their pocket!"
"I can't run the company, I don't have the temperament!"
"And I do?" Helga looked up at Phoebe then. "We both know I'm terrible, and I would rather be somewhere alone, tinkering with tech. Which reminds me, I'll probably still be head of tech and RnD, you just need to look through and support my ideas, I think we can go to the field and test out some of these things. I'm planning to create some sort of patch that prevents period cramps, whaddya think?"
Phoebe was still gaping at her boss, her boss currently offering her Pataki Corp, one of the biggest multi-billion dollar enterprises in the world. "I'm not a Pataki, what would the shareholders say, what would your father say?"
Helga jumped up. "Firstly, Big Bobbo ain't head of the company, and he ain't here no more. Secondly, the shareholders actually like you. I'm still the owner, I just want you to head it. And Pheebs. I think-fuck that. I KNOW you can do it. "
Phoebe looked like she wanted to protest some more, so Helga waved her off. "Look, think about it, I'll be around till Tuesday, and then I want you to accept it. You're the best employee I have ever had, and I know you can do it.
When Phoebe left, mulishly still not accepting Helga's offer, and took Arnold Feldman with her after getting the necessary documents signed, Helga picked up the phone to contact the Law Department.
She wanted to get a few things in her will changed, for one thing, making sure that Phoebe had 100% ownership of Pataki Corp should Helga ever pass on. The law people were pretty efficient and headed by Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd, who always got what she wanted, which in this case was anything Helga asked her to do. They would get the paperwork done by Tuesday, and she would get Phoebe to accept being the company CEO by then. She was very sure she could do it.
Some would say that what she was planning was not a good idea, and that Pataki Corp needed a sensible CEO. She would counter that since Pataki Corp had her and her father as previous CEOs, they were due for a proper, perfect CEO. Phoebe was someone smart, tenacious, and for someone like her to stay with Helga after so many years, she deserved a promotion that befitted her status. At least she could do something to make amends for all the years of shit she threw at her. Helga was in the position to do so and she would make sure that her final gift to Phoebe would be one that showed her how much she loved and appreciated her.
The phone finally clicked and Helga smiled. "Rhonda! Change of plans-"