His hands are on me then, skimming over my body and making my motions falter a little. His hands are magic. He finds my breasts again, his touch less gentle this time. He wraps one arm around me, pulling me closer, and his other hand slides down my stomach. I move my hand on him faster as his fingers slide beneath my underwear. My heart feels like it's going to pound out my chest. If he doesn't touch me soon—
"Holy shit," he says suddenly, his voice much lower than normal, and my entire body shivers as his fingers brush lightly over me. My hips push toward him, trying to get more.
"Yes," I gasp. Yes to everything. Yes to the way this feels, yes to the way he's touching me, yes to more of it, just…yes. He moves his fingers a little more, adding a bit more pressure, exploring more of me. He can have no doubts about just how much I want him right now.
"Holy shit," he says again, and I feel one of his fingers sliding into me. It takes every ounce of control I have not to squeeze his erection in response; I would definitely do more harm than good right now. He pushes another finger into me and I almost collapse, letting out a long breath at the sensation. I readjust my legs, giving him more access, and he wastes no time thrusting his fingers in and out of me in short, firm strokes. I grip onto his back tightly, pumping my other hand faster up and down his shaft. My hips start to thrust against his touch, trying to get closer to him. Nothing has ever felt like this before, and if just standing here like this feels this good, I can only imagine what the main event is going to be like.
I shiver from head to toe with anticipation.
He buries his face my neck, his breath coming out in deep, heavy gasps. His fingers curl a little, finding different spots within me, and my knees literally shake. I moan—loudly—and lift my head. His own head pops up a moment later, our mouths meeting in a desperate kiss. There can be no question at this point, either; I am desperate. Not desperate in the way that I just want to have sex with any willing body, but desperate for Josh. Desperate for more of the way he's making me feel. I need him more than I need air right now.
I release my hold on his erection, wrapping my arms around him. He keeps his hand shoved down my panties, his hand moving a little faster, his tongue moving against mine at the same pace. It's exquisite. I grab onto his shoulders and shove him away, almost laughing at the look on his face as he lands on the bed. His erection twitches and bobs, pointed straight up in the air at attention. This has got to happen—now. I lean over him, planting my hands on the bed next to his hips, close enough so that my breasts rub against his chest, though it does nothing to release the tension in every square inch of my body. I'm on the verge of telling him to take me—to do whatever he wants with me—when a small dose of reality hits me. Protection. We need something. Though honestly, at this point, it probably wouldn't be a deal breaker. I get a shot every few months, I know he's clean, and there are certainly a whole lot of other things we can do without a condom. Still…
"Do you have any condoms?" I manage to ask.
"Huh?" he answers, and even in the darkness, I can see how hazy his eyes are, that all his blood has redirected south and has nothing to spare for higher brain functions.
"Do you have any condoms?" All he does is blink at me, and I start to feel oddly self-conscious, wondering if he has some weird quirk about wearing them. "I have some in my room." I've had them since the day we first kissed and my failed attempted to get him into bed. I don't relish the idea of putting my clothes back on to go get them, but I'll absolutely do it if I have to. "I can run and get them if—"
"I have some!" he exclaims suddenly, gesturing toward the bureau. "They're, you know…" I nod, forcing myself to stand up straight, watching as he nearly leaps over to the small chest of drawers, pulling all of them open as he searches. I run my hands through my hair before I tug at my underwear, shifting my hips as I push it down my legs. Just as I'm tossing them with the rest of my clothes, Josh wraps himself around me, nearly knocking me over with the force of it. I can see a box of condoms land on the bed out of my peripheral vision, but his hands running over my completely bare body distract me. His hands grab onto my ass, pulling me closer to him. I make a noise at the feel of it, trying to get closer.
"Take yours off, too," I tell him. I can't stand here naked much longer without him doing the same. I need the full skin-to-skin contact. He answers without hesitation, pushing his boxers down his legs and then tossing them onto the bed. He reaches for me but I step away from him, grabbing the box of condoms. I need to distract myself. I'm afraid if I see him completely naked I'll actually throw him on the bed and ravish him, safety be damned. I manage to pull out one of the little foil packets, handing the rest to him. He stares at me, seemingly waiting for instructions. "Get on the bed."
He complies immediately and I can't help but marvel for a few moments at how willing he is to do what I tell him. I suppose I should have realized this years ago, but if I'd known it could be this easy to get him to pay attention, I might have suggested we get naked a lot sooner.
He puts the box of condoms in the nightstand; my breath catches as I take him, this completely naked man. He's absolutely beautiful. He makes my knees turn to jelly. He ignites a fire in me that no one else ever has. I want him in a way I've never wanted anything before in my life. I crawl onto the bed next to him, molding myself to his side. I bury my face in his neck again, sucking at his skin hard enough to leave marks. Some crazy, primal part of me wants to mark him in some way, to let anyone wondering know he's mine, even if it's only for tonight. I reach out, finding his erection again, running my fingers over the tip, spreading around the moisture I find there. He hisses, almost sounding like he's in pain. He grabs my leg and pulls me onto his lap. I suck at his neck for a few more seconds before I sit up, adjusting myself across his legs. His eyes run over me, completely unabashed, his hands gripping onto my thighs. I slide closer, trapping him between our bodies, and I'm not sure which one of us moans louder. The friction is unbelievable.
He grabs my ass again, holding me tightly to him, and our hips start thrusting in response. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, kissing him again. It's completely different from earlier—there's nothing slow or tentative about it. It's frantic and desperate and lewd and completely amazing. I think I'll actually have bruises on my lips when this is all over.
I feel his hand on my stomach, stroking my skin just for a moment before he moves between my thighs. My entire body jumps as his fingers brush over me a few times, and then again as he pushes them inside me. I drop my head to his shoulder, thrusting against his hand, my hips moving in a steady back-and-forth motion. I can hear myself moaning softly into his skin and he tightens his other hand on me, pulling me closer. His fingers shift, moving against my g-spot and I sit up straight, my entire body going tense for a few seconds. I almost come undone then. I push myself into him, arching and moaning like a porn star. "Oh, my God, Josh!" I exclaim, tightening myself around his fingers. He moves them again, rubbing against that spot inside me and I swear that I wail, thrusting against his touch. He may not have the best track record with women but I can tell this much for sure—it's not for lack of trying on his part. Not if this is any indication. He found a place in me that makes me make a noise I wasn't really aware I could produce and doesn't venture away. It seems like such a simple thing, but in my experience, most guys will keep wandering around, kind of ignoring what's working and looking for something that might work better. That method can have merit, but I really prefer the tack Josh is taking.
I sit up suddenly and launch myself at him, kissing him. I don't want to think even a little bit about him with other women, or how he learned what he's doing. I just want this. I push myself away from him a moment later, feeling strangely empty as I leave his apparently magical fingers behind. I see the bathroom light glinting mutely off the condom wrapper and grab it, holding it up to him. "You want me to do it?" He shakes his head immediately, taking it from me and tearing it open, rolling it down his shaft in one fluid motion. It's oddly fascinating to watch.
I push myself to my knees and inch forward, positioning myself just above his erection, and I'm hit with a strange sensation. This is it. This is the moment. All these years of pining after him will be over; all the mystery will be gone. Maybe, though, I'm not that worried about that. I think this is one mystery that I'm ready to solve. But this is Josh. Josh. We're about to have actual sex. This is going to happen. It's going to change everything.
He puts his hands on my hips, preventing me from sinking down on him. "Are you sure?" he whispers, his voice strangled, but full of concern and affection. I don't know if he saw something on my face or if he just wants to me to be sure about this, but it makes my heart flutter in an entirely different way. This may be a big deal but he's still the sweet guy I've known for years, the one who would do anything for his friends…the one who dropped everything and flew across the globe to sit at my bedside.
Yeah. I'm sure.
I take his face in my hands, making sure he can see my eyes. "Yes," I answer simply, and he takes a deep breath, guiding me down to meet him. A moment later, I feel him pushing into me and let out a sigh, relaxing my body. I shift and lift up again, sliding down him a little more this time. It's been a while since I last did this—about a year and a half, actually. I always forget it can take some time to readjust. His fingers dig into my hips but he doesn't try to force me down. His jaw is clenched and there are beads of sweat on his forehead, but he lets me take the lead. I push myself up again, changing my angle slightly as I come back down, my eyes falling shut as I sink all the way down. He fills me completely—not at all to the breaking point, but definitely enough. I feel him everywhere, and not just in a literal sense. My insides tremble and I bite my lip, my thighs gripping onto him. I have to hold onto him, or else I think I might break into a million pieces.
I feel his lips on me again, kissing and sucking and biting his way from my shoulder to my throat. It's probably agony for him, but he doesn't do anything more than that, waiting, I assume, for me to be ready. I wrap my arms around him, pushing away from him just a little until I can see his face. I want to tell him that I'm more than ready, that I've been ready for a long time, but I have no words. All I can do is give him a little nod. He thrusts up to me and I push against him; we fall into sync within moments.
We move slowly, watching each other. His fingers dig into my hips, his body shaking a little from the strain. I hold onto him as tightly as my fingers allow. This feels…perfect. It's such a clichéd word for what we're doing, but it's the only thing that comes to mind. It feels right and natural and good and how things are supposed to be.
I change my angle, pushing against him a little faster. His hands move to my ass, holding on tightly as he matches my thrusts. The look on his face is indescribable. I can see a million different things there, the soft light hitting his face just enough so that I can see it all. His eyes all but sparkle at me, glittering like dark jewels. I feel one of his hands on my neck pulling me to him, and I moan as the angle changes a little. It's not quite my g-spot, but it's close enough that I can feel tiny sparks of electricity zapping through me.
I'm sort of working on some other stuff right now. I have something I'm working on in bits and pieces that may or may not be part of my head cannon/personal universe, but might be worth a read anyway. I've got stuff to type up at some point, too. I've had some vague ideas for more of Chip Reader, which I posted over a year ago, so we'll see if that comes to fruition. I've got another bit of my head cannon that I think I want to put out there some point because it seems that Josh and Donna are my dumping ground/test subjects. I have an idea and I throw it at them to see if it sticks.