Callie POV
Flashback -Foster home #4, Anna and James Rask: 2009. Sep- 2010. Jan
There are 4 kids living at the Rask household. Anna and James had a 15 year old biological daughter Annie. She was a spoiled brat, real snob, arrogant, thinks she is so better than everyone. James would buy everything and anything for her, all she has to do was blink her eyes at him and say – please, daddy. But overall Annie was okay. Meaning, she didn't talk to me. Which of course was better than the last foster home, where the biological kid was tormenting me. Annie simply didn't talk to me, she ignored me. At school she pretended, she doesn't know me. And honestly, I was glad.
Besides me, James and Anna are fostering two more kids. There is Gavin, who is 16. He has been in foster care ever since he turned 8 months old, when his mother abandoned him, leaving him by the doorsteps at a firehouse. Gavin is a skinny kid, with long, dark, messy hair. He always wore his torn light blue jeans and his old t-shirts with band names on. Gavin was like a big brother to me. He looked out for me and even helped me with school, when I had trouble.
Margaret, who was 17, has been in foster care for 7 months. She was in the car crash, along with her parents and her two younger brothers. It was a rainy day, when a truck driver lost the control of his truck and crashed into their car. Margaret was the only one of her family to survive. She spent few months in hospital, recovering, and once she was on her feet she was placed with the Rask's. Safe to say she was living with survivors guilt. Margaret was heavily depressed and suicidal. I can't say that the Anna and James were trying to help her deal with her loss. They ignored her, like they ignore the rest of us.
On December 24, the Rask's were having one of their annual friend and extended family gathering dinner. This time, they celebrated Christmas. For us, the foster kids, it only meant one thing - we needed to stay out of their way, out of their sight. If we are quiet and don't disturb them, we will get the leftovers of their big feast.
Just like all the other times, when a gathering happened, Gavin walked in the room I shared with Margaret.
"Wanna go wander the city with me?" He asks us, rocking on his feet, his hands in pockets
"Why not" I say sitting up in my bed and walking up to him
It wasn't like I had anything better to do on this Christmas day. Going out of the house was way better than sitting here and listening to the party that was going on in the living room. Hanging out with Gavin and Margaret was way cooler. They were more of a family to me than the Rask's could ever be.
"Cool! Margaret, you coming?" He asks and we both look to her on her bed
Margaret was curled up in a ball, facing the wall. Slowly she rolled around to her other side, with the same dead, empty look in her eyes. In these short 4 months I have lived here, I have never seen her smile.
"Where to?"
"Christmas stroll" He joked at first, but then offered real destination "We could go to the junkyard" That was one of our spots we hung out. It was just filled with junk, that was left to rust. No security, no one to disturb us.
"Sounds good" She said, but didn't sound excited at all
In some 30 minutes we arrived at the junk yard. Gavin managed to open of of the doors to an old jeep and we all hopped in. I sat in the back, while Gavin and Margaret got in the front seats.
"Look what I got!" He said and pulled out a joint
"Is that..." My mouth drops as I look at it with big eyes, examining it closer
"Weed" Margaret said casually. Gavin gave it to Margaret and pulled out a lighter.
"Where did you get it?" I ask him curiously, leaned to the front seats
"I have my resources" he lights up the joint avoiding my question
I knew Gavin was hanging out with some people from a local gang. Clearly, they weren't the best influence, but who am I to tell him that. Whenever he skips school, I assume he goes to hang out with those people. There have been nights, when he hasn't even come back at the house. That's all I know, I have learned not to ask too many questions.
Margaret took the first smoke and then gave the joint back to Gavin, who took two smokes. Gavin turned back to me.
"Try it! It is the best I have ever smoked" he said handing it to me
"I have never smoked before"
"It's easy. You just inhale it. It feels amazing afterward" He says still keeping the joint out for me. I reach for it warily. As I held it between my thumb and index finger lightly, I looked down to it.
"Gavin is right, it is real good Callie" Margaret encouraged me to try
I lifted the joint up to my lips and then inhaled it for some 2 seconds, like I saw Gavin and Margaret do it. It was so strong, it hit my airway close. I handed the joint back to Gavin as I started to cough the smoke out.
"Good right?" He asks taking another smoke of it, then handing it back to Margaret
"You will get used to it, kid" Margaret said before inhaling it
"Yeah" I reply still coughing
As I sat in the car, which was filled with smoke, I realized the smoke scent was similar to what I have smelled in Gavin's room few times. I suppose he was smoking weed in the house at well. And why not? It's not like the Rask's care about it.
"I have a feeling this was your first and last smoke, wasn't it?" Gavin asked, knowing me me too well
"Probably" I said and tapped my fist to the chest, still coughing. I knew Gavin won't force me to smoke if I didn't want to, neither would Margaret.
"It's for the best" Gavin replied leaning back in the front seat and put the joint up to his lips again "I have a feeling you will be the only one from our trio that has some sort of future"
"He's right" Margaret agreed leaning her head back at the headrest
"Why do you say that? I'm just as screwed up as you two" I reply looking to the front mirror, to his reflection
"I just have a hunch" Gavin says and winks at me in the rear view mirror
2 days ago
I push the hoodie off my head, when I look up to the street number. This is it. This is the last known address for Gavin. A red, brick apartment building. The chances of him still living where were slim, but if I don't check, I will never know.
Slowly I head up the few steps that lead up to the building and push the doors open. If I remember correctly, I need to look for apartment 3B.
Loud music was coming from the apartment, when I reached it. I won't deny, I was scared, my heart was racing inside my chest. I bang on the doors 3 times and then take a small step back. As I wait for someone to answer, I look both ways of the hallway, making sure I know my exit plan, in case things go bad.
When I hear someone rattle the door chain on the other side, I held my breath and my body tensed up. The doors opened and a head peaked out. I only needed one second, to recognize him. He still had the long, black, messy hair. I would recognize those hazel eyes and thick brows everywhere. It looked like he hasn't shaved for few days. His face was covered in short stubble.
"Gavin" Once I said his name, his look changed. It softened.
"Shit...Callie?" Gavin said surprised as he recognized me as well. He opened the doors wider and stood in the doorway for few seconds, looking at me. Gavin was only dressed in boxers and white t-shirt.
"Long time no see" I smile at him warily, hoping he will let me in. For old time sake.
"What are you doing here?" he asked concerned and peaked a look to the hallway both ways "Don't stand there, come on it" He grabbed my hand and pulled me in the apartment
"Who's that?" A woman, who was wearing just her underwear asked, looking me up and down
"A friend! Give me 5!" He told her and nodded to one of the doors
"Don't be long" She says twirling her hair and then walks away, closing the doors behind her
The apartment looked like it hadn't been clean in few weeks. Kitchen table was covered in empty food containers, pizza boxes, Chinese fast food containers. Sink was filled with dirty dishes and it smelled pretty bad as well. There was a bong standing on the coffee table by the couch. I assume he had just smoked some. I saw dust on the floor, in the corners. But, I had a feeling he was complaining about his living situation.
"Sorry about the mess" Gavin said and grabbed his jeans from the armchair. As he jumped in them, then hurried to the window and opened it, to let some fresh air it.
In a hurry, he tried to clean up the kitchen a bit. He run his palm over the table many times to clean it off of some food crumbs. Gavin wipes his hand by his jeans and then pulled the chair by the table "Please...sit" He offered kindly. I headed over and took the seat
"You want tea? I think I had some. I'm not sure about sugar, though" He said running around the kitchen
"No, thank you. I'm good!"
"You sure?" he stops to look at me and then scratches his head "I don't have anything else to offer"
"Really, I'm fine" I say politely as I look to him
"Oh-okay" Gavin walks over to the table and sit down opposite me
"Wow...you look good. You have grown a lot" He said after a small awkward pause
"Thanks. You kind of look the same. Haven't change that much" The only change I could see in him was that he was taller and he has put on some weight
"How are you? Are you still in foster care?"
I rub my hands to my jeans nervously "I'm...great. Actually, I was adopted like 2 years ago"
"Wow!" He looked genuinely surprised "Wow, that's...I'm happy for you Callie. Truly happy for you" He hung his head down for a moment, but when he looked up to me he added "Margaret would be happy for you as well"
"Yeah" I reply sadly and look down to my hand
"W-what brings you here?" he asks placing his hands on the table
"I—I need...want some weed" I say warily, afraid what he will think of me
He leans back and looks surprised. Gavin places his hands in his lap and looks sideways, away from me "I am not going to sell you weed, Callie. I don't want you to go off the road like I did."
"No, it's just...one time thing. I need like few grams only"
"Why?" He asks almost hurt, with a disappointment in his eyes. There was a time he would give it to even if I didn't ask. Apparently he has changed more than I thought he was. Maybe he was regretting the choice he made when he was 16.
"It's a long story, but the short one is that I want to make pot-brownies. And like I said, I just need few grams for one plate"
"One time thing?"
"You won't see me again. I promise!" Gavin stared at me for some while. I think he was trying to read me. Tying to tell if I was telling the truth.
"Fine" He says standing up and walking to the same room the girl went to
A minute later he walked out with a small plastic bag in his hand "8 grams. I won't give you more."
"I don't need more" I say and reach for my pocket to get some money
"I don't want your money" He said louder and more sternly. I reach for the small bag once I put the money away.
"Thanks" I reply putting the small bag in my backpack
"Don't...I don't want to see you here again. Is that clear?" he warns me
"Crystal"
"Beat it kid" Gavin says in more playful manner when walks over to the doors to walk me out
"It was nice seeing you, Gavin" I say when he opens the doors for me. I was one one step out the doors, when he grabbed me by my elbow gently, keeping me from walking away.
"Margaret gave up on her life, I am letting my life go down the drain. Please, please don't screw up yours Callie"
"I won't. I'm thinking about going to college" I say proudly
Slowly the corner of his lips move upwards, forming a smile "One hug before you go? For old time sake?" He asks me, with sad eyes, before I go. I nod back and wrap my hands around him.
End of flashback
"How did you know where to find him?" Cooper asked me once I was done with my story
"He told me. Before he run away"
"Where did he run to?" Cooper asked not knowing too much about the foster care
"The street" Lena answered in my place, knowing the choice few foster kids make
"This one gang took him in. He used to hang out with few of the members before." I explained to him in more detail
"That's fucked up" Cooper sighted, while Lena just looked to me sadly
I was preparing myself mentality and emotionally for a lecture. My gut told me, I would get one lecture from each. I was sure of it. But both of them weren't saying anything. They were sitting silently, with thoughtful, distant and sad look in their eyes.
"Cooper, say something" I glance to him. He looked disappointed in me before, he obviously has something to say to me now. He has to.
"So you can snap at me - you are not my father, I don't have to listen to you! And then storm out of here? No, don't think so. I will save that lecture for something more serious. I will go check on Stef and Amy" Cooper said instead of lecturing me. He got up from the table and walked away, shaking his head lightly, still processing what I told him 5 minutes ago.
When he walked away, I turned to look back at Lena "Aren't you going to say anything?"
"What do you want me to say?" She asked me back, tilting her head slightly to her left
"Anything"
"I'm in no position to lecture you Callie. You are not at school and I'm not your mother."
"You could tell me how dangerous it was to go to to the shady part of town to buy drugs" I even suggest her what she should lecture me about. I was giving her material!
"You already know that" Lena replied
"What about lecturing me about smoking weed? That would be one good lecture, huh?"
"You said it was your first and last time" Lena answer in calm voice, which weirdly enough, today, is starting to annoy me
"I could be lying!" I argue back
"You aren't. You have a look when you lie"
"What...no! I don't have a look!" I was sure I didn't have a tell
"You do" Lena said with certainty in her voice. But maybe I do. Now that I think about it, mom has always been able to tell when I was lying.
"What is wrong with you?" I finally loose my patience and call out in louder voice. I needed to be lectured. I came in the house, ready to be lectured. Why was no one lecturing me? I was starting to get anxious from all of this waiting and anticipation of the lecture.
"What do you mean?" Lena asks back still in the same calm manner, only now she had a perplexed look in her eyes
"This!" I gesture with both hands to her "Why...how are you so calm? You should be furious with me! Because of me, your wife is high! Your wife, who is a cop, is sitting in the living room – high!" I emphasized the last word, hoping she will finally register in her mind, what I have done
"You should be yelling at me. Lecturing me! How irresponsible I was. How I made a horrible decisions on my part. That I should have never gone to the side of the city to find my old foster brother, who is selling drugs on the street. That I can never ever go back there and if I will, I could get in big, big trouble! That drugs are bad, really bad!" I say in louder and much firmer voice
This was the first time ever, that I have read lecture to myself. I think I was feeling so guilty, so bad, for what I have done, that my subconsciousness was telling me, convincing me, that I need to receive a lecture, a punishment for what I have done.
"Callie you are smarter than that! You should have known better! This was the most stupidest thing you could have ever done. And I am not saying you are stupid, I am saying what you did, the choice you made was stupid!"I say louder imitating Lena's voice, while Lena just sat opposite me, waiting calmly for me to finish venting "If police had cough you, you could go back to Juvie, and what then? What would happen to your future then? You would have another record and the judge would never seal it when you will be 18. I am really disappointed in you Callie. I raised you better than that! No laptop, no phone, no TV. And I am taking away your license again. You are grounded for 2 moths. Just school and home!"
Lena's lips slowly moved upwards, forming a small smile "Are you done?" she asks me softly once I had calmed down and started to breath normal
"Yes" I reply quieter looking down to the table
"First part, I have to give it to you - sounded like me. The second part...eh, more like Amy" She smirked back
"You are laughing at me" I say staring back at her "You think this is funny?" I throw my hands up
"A little bit. But I have to say, you gave yourself one good lecture. You should teach this to my kids, then I would never have to lecture them ever again" She patted my arm gently standing up and walked out of the kitchen
I, still sitting at the kitchen table, call after Lena "This is not a joke! I bought weed for god's sake! Drugs! I had drugs! I made pot- brownies! I'm danger to the society! I'm a bad person! Scold me!"
"Aha...sure!" Lena waves her hand back at me, without turning to see me
"Lecture me! God dammit, lecture me! PLEASE!" I shout after her, when she is completely out of my sight. But there was no answer. She didn't call anything back.
I lower my forehead to the kitchen table once she was out. Slowly and softly, not to hurt myself too much, I started to bang my forehead at the table. This – no lecture – thing was killing me. I had anticipated a lecture from an adult. I need to receive a lecture. What is wrong with them? Why was no one lecturing me?