sultal's note: added part in chapter 1 about Jim's sister (I toyed with introducing her in the next chapter for the first time but decided that it would be better to introduce her at the start with Jim's 3 bros)

Chapter 4: The Blue Fairy

Philoctetes was a three foot two inch-potbellied-short tempered-woman crazy-half man-half goat-stubborn- sweaty-cynical-slob.

He was also a saint. A saint of Kindness. His birthmark, pinched inside the skin folds of his lower back, was an upright infinity knot. The top of the infinity knot was a heart.

And when one was a saint of Kindness and a three foot two inch-potbellied-short tempered-woman crazy-half man-half goat-stubborn- sweaty-cynical-slob, there was only one job suited for him.

Philoctetes (Phil) was a trainer of heroes. Big hearted and in touch with his inner demon, Phil was the "tough love" sort. He coached bed-wetters into angels with flaming swords. He turned saints into Saints with a capital S.

And holy matrimony was he good at it.

Until recently.

"No! NO! No no no no no NO! You wet lambs! You freak shows!" Phil stomped to the waterfall. "What did I say?! What did I say?"

Phil squinted at the three soaking heroes-in-training. Inwardly, Phil placed a big emphasis on the 'in training' part, because this trio was hopeless.

First, there was Hercules. Dumbo ear, carrot haired, cheesy grin Hercules. He had biceps the size of watermelons, monster calves, rippling pectorals and a heart of pure gold. Hercules was the quintessential saint of Kindness. A.k.a: whimp.

Second, there was Mulan. Mulan was a saint of Charity, and she gave 164% effort every day. The embodiment of determination-meets-empathy, Mulan gave Phil everything she had, which wasn't much. After all she was a girl. Losta brain; little brawn.

And third, there was Garrett. A saint of Humility, Garrett was tall, rugged, handsome...and blind. His attributes included a walking stick and a silver-winged falcon named Aiden that Garrett could apparently understand. Phil grunted. Nuff said.

Objectively, Phil could summarize the three saints with three adjectives. Hercules: big, not so bright. Mulan: bright, not so big. Garrett: big, bright, but blind.

It was pitiful. In all his glorious years as a hero-trainer, Phil never had a less competent group. Sure they were chivalrous, noble, brave yatta yatta yatta, but holy matrimony they were all so...saintly. It was annoying. And it was getting in the way of the butt kicking.

Phil scratched his rump. He pulled out a few hairs. These kids would need a miracle to survive this training mission in West Illtyde.

"What did I tell you punks?" Phil repeated as Mulan and Hercules helped Garrett from the water. He splayed all fingers. "Rule Number 10! Rule Number 10! Does anyone know Rule Number 10?"

Hercules grimaced. Garrett snorted. Mulan spoke.

"Rule Number 10: Watch your footwork."

"Ohhhh!" Phil said. "So you all remember Rule Number 10, do you?"

Nods.

"Because y'all forgot it pretty good out there playing fancy footloose with Kaa, Creeper, and Fidget!" Phil shouted, hopping on the riverbank. "Holy matrimony! What was that? We practiced footwork last week! You know the acronym! FSWAEBKBBOYF! FSWA feet shoulder width apart, EB equal balance, KB knees bent, and BOYF on the balls of your feet! Then you can fling into the ol' lunge and punch - "

"Well that explains the left hook." Garrett said, mopping his bloody lip. "Hercules. Nice punch."

"That was Mulan."

"Really? Mulan, bravo. I might lose a tooth."

"Sorry, Garrett."

"It happens."

"Um!" Phil waved his arms. "Hola? Hello? Earth to students that just got shlapped! You guys fought like daylilies versus Tyrannosaurus rex! Herc! A fish? You drop your sword in the pool and try to fight Creeper with a fish?"

"Uh - " Hercules glanced at Mulan and Garrett, unsure how to answer Phil's rhetorical question. "Uh. Well. Yeah. I did. But it was an accident - "

"Rule Number 16!"

Hercules rubbed his neck. "Oh come on Phil."

"Rule Number 16!" Phil barked. "Spit it out man child! Rule Number 16: A hero - "

"A hero." Halfheartedly, Hercules skimmed his blade through the reeds. "Is only as good as his weapon."

"That's right!" Phil spun. "Mulan! You punched Gary!"

"It's Garrett."

"And you!" Phil spun again. "Gary! How could you not see that punch coming!"

Expressionless, Garrett pointed to his milky eyes. "I'm blind."

"Stop giving excuses!" Phil ducked as Aiden chirped angrily over his horns. "Remember Rule Number 66: Keep both eyes open when you shoot; you'll see twice as well!"

Mulan and Hercules blinked.

Garrett almost smiled. Gesturing with his staff, he turned towards Hercules and Mulan. "Is he still talking to me?"

"It means use your resources!" Phil kicked wet leaves from his hoof. "You've got hearing, smell, touch, taste, and gut instinct right? Plus, doesn't that bird quote-on-quote 'SEE' for you Gary?"

Aiden squawked. Garrett stroked his wing. "Aiden is a falcon."

"Do you think I give a crab cake what type of bird it is?" Phil turned purple. "Chicken, pigeon, pterodactyl I don't care! You brought the bird so use him!"

"Phil!" Hercules knelt. "Phil, calm down! Come on. At least we beat them, didn't we?"

"You beat three, second rate sinners!" Phil poked Hercules' chest. His finger almost broke against the iron muscles.

"News flash..." Phil sucked his knuckle. "That was kid's stuff! Peach fuzz! Get it into your heads now, punks! Rule Number 79: There's always a bigger fish! And Rule Number 6: The bigger they are, the harder they hit! This is West Illtyde! There's always going to be a meaner sinner with a bigger meat cleaver! You wanna be heros?"

Phil clomped into the forest. "Then we've got work to do! Come on, punks! Move it!"

Mulan shook her head. "Where are we going?"

"Back!" Phil roared. "Back to the Inn Between, and back to East Illtyde. Straight to the gym! Gonna make you sweat till you drown! Kapeesh?"

"But we just won!" Mulan protested. "Phil! Give us another chance! One more fight! One more battle!"

"Nothin' doing you're not ready."

"Phil!"

"Tough noogies."

"Phil!" Mulan pleaded. "Phil! We - "

"Hey! Miss Charity!" Phil tugged Mulan's tunic. Under the fabric the birthmark of Charity, a vertical infinity knot open at both ends, rest on her lower back.

"Let's be charitable and not argue with Coach Phil, huh? Rule Number 67: Play by the rules! And Rule Number 68 - "

Phil shoved Mulan with one hand and dragged Hercules and Garrett with the other. "I make the rules! So come on punks! You ain't heroes yet!"

"What a misfortune." Chimed a musical voice. "For I need a hero. Or two. Or three."

"Rule Number 39!" With astounding agility Phil flung Mulan, Garrett, and Hercules down. "DUCK!"

Phil flopped onto his belly. "Alright imposter!" He growled at a pastel light glowing behind the trees. "Come out with your hands up! Come out with your sin...sinner...whoa. Holy. Matrimony."

Darkness dissolved. And a woman with crystal wings folded from a sparkling, blue light.

"Oh." Hercules touched his heart. Had he a hat, he would have removed it. Had he been standing, he would have knelt. "Oh. Phil. Phil who..."

"Garrett." Mulan smiled and couldn't stop. "Garrett. She's...she's beautiful. I know you can't see. But she's so - "

"I know." Garrett exhaled, soft music in his ears. "I can hear it. I can feel..."

"Who..." Hercules breathed. "...is she?"

Phil rose. "She's a messenger from Heaven. An angel. She's..." Phil bowed his head, "...The Blue Fairy."

The Blue Fairy smiled. And the filth of West Illtyde disintegrated into her sunshine smile and alabaster glow.

"Philoctetes." The Blue Fairy took the satyr's hand. Her voice was gentle. So gentle, it hurt. "My dear, dear Philoctetes. I have missed you. It has been too long."

Phil blushed. Gingerly, he touched his forehead to the Blue Fairy's hand.

When he looked up, the blush was gone.

"Blue, babe!" Smoothing his eyebrow, Phil cozied to the Blue Fairy's side. "What's a nice dame like you doing in a place like this?"

"He's hitting on an angel." Mulan gagged. "Phil's going to Hell."

But the Blue Fairy was merely amused. Perhaps, especially to Phil, a little flattered.

"Philoctetes." Nonetheless kind, the Blue Fairy turned solemn. She lowered before Phil, descending gracefully as a swan. "I need your help. I need a hero."

"You kidding?" Phil puffed like a frog. "Philoctetes! Hero at large! At your service! Sock it to me, babe! What's the deal?"

The Blue Fairy twinkled at his offer. But she was still sad. "I made a prophesy."

"Ooo." Phil squished an eye. "Eck. One of those buggers? Which one?"

"The Clamshell."

"Clamshell, clamshell...Oh the Sinner's Prophesy? The Clamshell Prophecy?"

The Blue Fairy nodded.

"Prophesies." Phil spit. "Bad juju. They sneak up on ya. Like rabbits."

The Blue Fairy smiled appreciatively. "They do."

Phil patted her hand. "So the prophecy spoke through you, huh? Poor baby. You probably have zero idea what it means. And zero idea what 'clamshell' means. Right?"

The Blue Fairy sighed heavily, though she seemed relieved. "True."

"But!" Phil beamed. "You need a hero to protect you! Right?"

Fleetingly the Blue Fairy averted her eyes. Her gaze was imploring upon return.

"Philoctetes...The Horned King believes the clamshell is found."

Phil turned to jelly. His blood ran cold. Cognizant of the darkness gathering by mere mention of the Horned King's name, he stared into the Blue Fairy's frightened eyes.

"The Horned King? The Devil?" Phil squeezed her hands to stop the tremor in his. "Who? Who is the clamshell?"

The Blue Fairy spoke painfully. "He thinks it is a girl."

"Is he right?"

She considered. "I do not...completely believe so. But I am only the messenger of the prophecy, not the author."

"Oi chee-mama." Phil tweeked his nose. "Who's the girl? Saint? Sinner? What's this chic's name?"

The Blue Fairy shook her head. Golden curls waved over her glittering cheeks. "Her name? The Horned King only knows. But he does not have her."

Phil leaned. "No?"

"No." Hope lifted the Blue Fairy's voice. "A thief stole her away.."

"Does the thief know who the girl is? Or..." Phil swallowed, "...who the Horned King thinks she is?"

The Blue Fairy paused. Her wings wilted.

Then releasing Phil, she rose. "It does not matter. Philoctetes, the Devil Incarnates are gathering. The Horned King is hunting. And whether or not this girl is the clamshell...the prophecy is coming true."

"So. You need a hero." Phil raised his chin. "For what? Find the girl before the sinners?"

The Blue Fairy shook her head. "No. She may not be the clamshell. Philoctetes...I need a hero to decipher the prophecy."

Phil almost choked.

"What? Say what? Blue, babe! You want me to solve the Clamshell Prophecy? You want me to crack the code?"

"No." The Blue Fairy lifted an open palm. "You, your lady, and gentlemen."

"Me, my whooza, and who?"

Phil froze. Then he turned.

The heroes-in-training stood behind him, three in a row. Hercules looked confused, Garrett looked skeptical, and Mulan looked ready to body slam the gates of Hell.

"Oaghhhhhhh!" Frantically Phil turned to the Blue Fairy. "Nah-nah-nah NO, big fat NO! They're not heroes! They're rookies! Students! Saplings! Saps! They can't even - "

The Blue Fairy smiled. She started to fade.

"Seek the wisest saints..." The Blue Fairy said. "...Merlin the Diligent and Mama Odie the Temperate."

"Merlin and Mama Odie have been missing for years!" Phil cried.

"They will help decipher the Clamshell Prophecy."

"Then why don't you go bug them?"

"Philoctetes..." The Blue Fairy whispered. "...Philoctetes the Kind. Thank you. And grateful thanks, to my heroes."

The Blue Fairy disappeared. As her body broke into glitter and butterflies, Phil shook his fists at sky.

"THEY'RE NOT HEROES! THEY'RE ROOKIES! AND IF YOU THINK WE'RE GOING ON YOUR HEAVENLY QUEST THEN I'VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU BABE: BURN IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

"AH!" Phil wrenched about face. Fuming, he bulldozed through the stunned trainees.

"Um Phil." Hercules counted on his fingers. "Burn in Hell is actually three - "

"I know!"

Mulan raced through the glitter as it diffused through the wood. "You cursed an angel! You're probably going to be the one that burns in - "

"I know! I know!" Phil swatted at the butterflies. "Come on punks! Let's go!"

Mulan skipped ahead. "Phil we can't go back to East Illtyde now! We can't go back to the Inn Between! The Blue Fairy needs us! She wants us to - "

"I know, I know! Where do you think we're going?"

"Huh?"

Phil threw up his arms. "We're going on the Blue Fairy's quest! We're going to find Merlin and Mama Odie!"

"Really?" Mulan gushed.

"Well waddaya think? A hot divinity in a sequin negligee just asked me to be her hero! Of course we're going to go on her stinking quest! BUT - "

Phil pointed at each trainee. "This doesn't make you heroes! You're still rookies! Comprendo? Kapeesh?"

Mulan wriggled like a puppy. "Yes! Yes, yes! We got it! We'll give it everything we've got! Right guys?"

Hercules grinned. He gave Mulan a thumbs up.

Garrett fingered his staff. "I...suppose so."

"Okay." Phil hiked his belly. "Here goes nothing. First thing we gotta do is locate Merlin and Mama Odie. Any ideas?"

Garrett raised a brow. "Don't you know?"

Phil high-pitched his voice. "No I don't know!"

"The Blue Fairy doesn't know?" Hercules asked.

"No she doesn't know!" Smoke curled from Phil's ears. "That's why she needs us! "

"Someone must know!" Mulan said, "Is there a sinner we could pay? A monster we could fight? Ancient rune we could read?"

Phil puckered a lip thoughtfully.

"Well. There is the Seawitch of Wrath. She might know, but she's way too far south in the Seat of Lust. By Neverland. That's a creep resort, let me tell you. We're not going down there. But..."

Phil strummed the end of his beard. "...there is the Enchanted mirror. In the Dead Library."

Garrett turned in staff in the ground. "Sounds lovely."

"What's the Enchanted Mirror?" Mulan asked. "And the Dead Library?"

"The Dead Library is the biggest library in Illtyde." Phil made goalposts with his arms. "I'm talking big. They say all the knowledge in Illtyde is packed in that baby. Books, treasure maps...The Enchanted Mirror."

"Which is?" Garrett prompted.

"The Enchanted Mirror lets you to see anyone." Phil explained. "All ya gotta do is ask. Creepy as crap, but it might give us some clue if we ask to peek in on Merlin and Mama Odie."

"And who are Merlin and Mama Odie again?" Hercules asked.

Phil rolled his eyes. "Big shot saints. Super smarty pants. Supernatural magical kinda freaks."

"Sounds like it's worth a shot." Hercules said. "But why is it called the Dead Library?"

Phil grinned. "The Dead Library is up north in the Cult of Sloth. Folks in Sloth don't do much reading. Don't do much more than...well they're sinners of Sloth. Don't do much of anything. So the library is empty. Silent. Dead. Kapeesh?"

Mulan brightened. "Then it should be easy to get in. No one in Sloth will have enough energy to stop us. Right?"

"Wrong." Phil motioned for the group to follow. "The Dead Library is a tower with no doors to enter. Just a window up at the very top. Sinners of Sloth are too lazy to make doors. Never leave their homes anyway. Plus..."

Phil rolled his fingers, anticipating a strong reaction. "Last time I heard, the Dead Library was guarded by a dragons."

"Dragons?!"

"As in plural?" Hercules said.

"As in one headed, two headed, five headed, authentic fire breathing dragons. But don't worry." Phil muttered. "Should be no problem for heroes like you."

"That's right!" Mulan increased her cadence. Quickly, she fell in stride with Phil. "We can do this. After all, we've got the Blue Fairy on our side - "

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold it princess!" Phil turned. "Let's get one thing cleared up right now: Mortals run the show, kay? Devils, demons, and angels are like puppet masters. They can't directly snatch a sinner or save a saint. That's why they have us. We're the puppets. We do their dirty work! So, if the Horned King wants this 'clamshell chic' - "

Phil made air quotes.

"- then he hires sinners to hunt her out. Same with the Blue Fairy. If she wants this prophecy solved, then she needs us! Not the other way around! Kapeesh?"

Mulan, Hercules, and Garrett nodded. "Kapeesh."

"Good." Phil muttered. Grumpily he trudged onward. "They're only divine. They're not all - knowing. If they were, then we wouldn't have to solve this stupid prophecy."

The group followed in silence.

Then, Hercules asked. "What is the Clamshell Prophecy?"

Phil bit his lip. And although he tried to feign nonchalance, Mulan, Hercules, and Garrett heard the satyr tremble.

"Nothing too serious. Just doom and damnation for sinners. And...possibly the end of the world."

sultal's end note: Garrett (Quest for Camelot) was really tough to decide on a virtue, I had 3 in mind. I KNOW many virtues can go with certain characters, but I think Humility is what drove Garrett when it came right down to it. Questions? PM. ty. keep writing.