Chapter 6: Where the Hell is Jim?

No one arm wrestled like Gaston!

And Gaston, a sinner of Pride, was well aware.

"Is this it?" Playfully Gaston cranked his opponent's arm halfway. The onlookers jumped as Gaston slowly allowed his opponent to push his arm upright. "This all you got!? Come on!"

Gaston squeezed his opponent's fist. "Stop fighting like a girl!"

The opponent snarled, spit, and fought Gaston with the fury of a two headed bull.

Yes. Kayley was mad. And she was losing.

And...she'd bet all her money on this match.

Kayley was a sinner of Greed, but very atypical. She cared little for monetary wealth insofar as the substance itself. Rolling around in gold was not Kayley's idea of a good time. No. Kayley, like her family, was a sinner of Greed because she lived by a simple mantra:

Money equals Freedom.

Kayley valued her independence more than anything. It was a priority so enormous she sacrificed love, pleasure, and pride to keep her freedom.

Which was why Kayley frequented the Snuggly Duckling; a local bar for gamblers, sinners, and black-hearted scoundrels looking for excitement.

Or a fierce arm-wrestling match. Such as tonight:

Kayley versus Gaston. Woman versus Man. Amber-eyed-auburn-haired-damsel versus all-time-champion-self-conceited- jackass. Single round elimination. One and done. Arm wrestling to the death!

Well, not to the death, but certainly to humiliating defeat.

"Ehhhhhh!" Sweat stung Kayley's eyes. The urge to wipe it was agonizing but Kayley dared not release her pressure against Gaston. Her shoulder was screaming and her wrist felt ready to snap.

Gaston was laughing at her effort. Furiously Kayley scanned the bar.

Where the Hell was Jim?

Jim was Kayley's brother. Actually, Kayley had four brothers of which Jim was the youngest. The older three, Sinbad, Dimitri, and Flynn, formed the most successful thieving operation in West Illtyde. However, they refused to induct the two babies of the family until Jim and Kayley were literally 'worth their weight in gold.'

"Plus some." Sinbad had clarified.

"Plus alot." Flynn had said.

"Until you're a profit." Dimitri had added. "Not a loss."

Kayley grunted. So much for family values. But as a sinner of Greed she understood their point. The thieving operation was an 'everything in the pot' system. Everything the thieves stole was amassed into a collective sum. The treasure trove was then divided equally between all members: Sinbad, Dimitri, Flynn, and two outsiders Vladimir Vanya Vonitsky Vasilovich (Dimitri's partner in crime), and Ruber (who Jim disliked and Kayley despised).

Kayley grit her teeth. Freedom was hard earned and very expensive; especially split seven ways. So, if she and Jim wanted to secure their freedom via membership in the "family" business, two things needed to happen:

One: Jim needed to get his sorry behind to the Snuggly Duckling.

Two: Kayley needed to win.

"COME ON!"

Sinners stomped their feet and punched the air. Coins, diamonds, and bank notes exchanged hands. Bets were placed. Fingers were crossed. And Gaston ordered a beer.

"After I win!" Gaston roared. "Drinks on the the house!"

"YEAH!"

Gaston toasted. Forearm fixed on the table, he drained his glass. Golden foam ran down his stubble as his Adam's apple jugged up and down. Kayley strained and pushed but was unable to capitalize on the moment. Gaston's arm was a steel block.

"Now!" Gaston slammed down the glass. He licked his lips at Kayley. "V for Victory! Because no one - "

Gaston shoved.

" - arm - "

Kayley twisted. Her elbow popped.

"- wrestles - "

Gaston pushed. Kayley resisted with all her strength.

"- like - "

Helplessly Kayley watched her arm rotate back.

" - GASTON!"

Wham. Gaston nailed Kayley's arm. So forceful was his finish, Kayley flipped from her chair.

Cheers exploded like fireworks. The roof of the Snuggly Duckling nearly blew off as the bar broke into chants of "Oh what a guy, like Gaston!"

"Sinners!" Gaston kissed his biceps as a flock of bimbettes kissed him. "Drinks on the house! Courtesy - "

Gaston threw Kayley's money at the bar. "- of Kayley and the Cult of Greed!"

The crowd whooped and avalanched the bar. Sourly, Kayley watched her money splatter. It would take her a month to steal it all back.

"Well." Kayley massaged her fingers. She glared as a lusty bimbette poured wine down her bosom and offered Gaston a drink. "At least it can't get worse."

"Eh! Wrrrong again."

Kayley looked up. Three grumpy brothers looked back.

Kayley smiled. "Hi guys."

Sinbad grabbed. "Get up."

"Sinabd! Wait!" Kayley floundered as Sinbad hauled her belt. "Sinbad! Sinbad! I have another match with - "

"Excuse us!" Sinbad pushed through the crowd.

Kayley threw an elbow. It was still store from arm wrestling. "- Sinbad! I don't want to - "

"Coming through!"

"Sinbad!" Kayley spun around. "Sinbad! If you just let me fight another round I can get back the money all on my own - "

"Zip it, Feisty Pants! Gentlemen?" Sinbad turned to his brothers. He nodded at the door. "Lock and load?"

Flynn and Dimitri bumped fists. "Yup. Sorry Kayley."

"Guys!" Kayley protested as Flynn got her legs, Dimitri got her arms, and Sinbad got the door. Ignoring Gaston's laughter, she aimed a foot at Flynn's face. "Guys! Stop! This is unfair! This is - "

"- like stealing candy from a baby." Sinbad waited as they hoisted Kayley over the threshold. "But WAIT! You already know all about that! Because it's exactly what Gaston just did to you!"

Kayley kicked. "I - "

"Is Jim in there?"

"No! He - "

"Fine. Gentlemen, drop her."

"Ooof!" Kayley landed on her rump. She could still hear Gaston laughing.

"Sinbad!" Kayley stood tiptoe against her oldest brother. "Sinbad! I needed the money! The odds were good. If only Jim had been there - "

"Where the Hell is Jim anyway?"

"I don't know!" Kayley popped a hip. "But I would have won fair and square if Jim snuck poison into Gaston's glass like he was suppose - "

Kayley stopped. She covered her mouth.

"Oooo. The ol' drug and mug trick?" Humored, Dimitri rubbed his temple. "Kayley, Kayley, Kayley. That's the oldest prank in the book. You would have never gotten away with it."

"Well, you would know." Kayley retorted. "You never have."

"Ouch." Flynn punched Dimitri's shoulder. "Girl don't lie Dimitri!"

"Ladies." Sinbad scowled. "Stop changing the subject. Kayley, what possessed you to arm wrestle a sinner of Pride? You know their confidence is like a freaking superpower!"

"Especially Gaston." Flynn said. "A guy where bullets literally bounce off his biceps."

"No one deflects bullets like Gaston." Dimitri wryly said.

Kayley crossed her arms. "I have confidence."

"Ya got zilch." Sinbad said. "Kayley, you're a sinner of Greed. And if you ever want to be an upstanding, respectable thief then you and Jim need to stop duking creeps like Gaston – "

"He killed Mother!"

Kayley pointed furiously at Sinbad. "Gaston killed her! He killed Mother!"

Sinbad inhaled. On the exhale he forced a tremor from his voice.

"We can't prove that. Kayley you know we can't prove that. And even if we could – "

Sinbad gripped the hilt of his scimitar. "—losing to Gaston isn't...isn't going to bring her back. You and Jim need to drill that into your heads. Before you both get hurt."

Sinbad straightened between Dimitri and Flynn. "Got it?"

Kayley huffed. She 'got it' but she definitely didn't like it.

Their mother was a Sinner of Lust, which may have accounted for her five children. But she was an incredible woman. Her husband, a sinner of Greed, apparently didn't like wasting money on diapers and Christmas presents because he abandoned the family when Jim was born.

Kayley had vague recollections of her father. She was a toddler when he left. But according to Flynn, Dimitri, and Sinbad, their father wore boots and smelled like cold, hard cash. Kayley snorted.Appropriate.

It was tragic: A single mother of five robbed of love and cheated out of everything, including her virginity. By all rights, she should have sold the kids into slavery and cried herself into an open man's arms.

But she did not. Their mother took the lemons Fate gave her and squirted citric acid right back in Fate's eye! Knowing her children were sinners of Greed, she seduced master thieves –Scrooge McDuck, Vladimir Vanya Vonitsky Vasilovich, Ruber, and Long John Silver – to teach their trade.

However, she intended not only for her children to learn, but to understand commercial thievery herself. After all, their mother was a woman of the night; a business woman of the oldest profession.

When Sinbad, her eldest, turned 16, their mother organized the thieving operation. Combing strategies learned from each master thieve, she advocated thievery off all persuasions. Thievery was an art. And her children were rapidly becoming the artists.

And like an artistic work, the masterpiece was protected. Loot was locked in a household treasure trove (it was too risky to store funds in McDuck bank. Mr. McDuck had been known to dip his feathers into client accounts). The treasure trove was guarded by a dragon named Mushu. Mushu looked more like a lizard than a dragon. However, he could breathe fire and was just as greedy as the rest of the family, which made him irreplaceable.

It was incredible. Their mother had created a thieving dynasty. She only had one rule.

Money equals freedom.

Kayley wondered.

Freedom was essential to all of them. At first, Kayley suspected the drive came from their father – the man who ran away and never came back.

But as she grew into a young woman, Kayley's perspective changed. She suspected, and Jim agreed, that their mother craved freedom because it was the one thing she could not have. She was trapped. Trapped in poverty and forced to sell herself, and her freedom, to a man. Five times.

Kayley glanced at the Snuggly Duckling. She missed her mother. For all her worn history, her mother was an incredible woman. Although she was a sinner of Lust, she loved her children. Tenaciously.

But Fate resented their mother.

The allure of wealthy, widowed, sinner of Lust attracted men across West Illtyde. Her mother turned all suitors away. But no one persisted like Gaston. His affections quickly turned brutal, and Kayley remembered the day her mother publicly denounced Gaston and threw him from their home.

The next day, their mother was dead.

Kayley closed her eyes. Jim had found her body. He'd only been nine. Kayley had been eleven. Flynn was thirteen, Dimitri fifteen, and Sinbad eighteen, barely a man.

Five children, very much alone. Lost of a mother and in danger of losing their riches. And their freedom.

But they hadn't. Sinbad welcomed Vladimir Vanya Vonitsky Vasilovich and Ruber into the thieving operation. Flynn and Dimitri quickly earned membership (Flynn stole a magical lamp and wished for gold from the genie that popped out, and Dimitri married a girl name Anastasia that conveniently came with a lucrative dowry).

The future was bright as gold. Except for Kayley and Jim.

Kayley frowned. Her firing squad of brothers frowned back.

They were all alike, her brothers. Big bad boys with big sarcastic personalities. They even looked similar; chiseled faces with brown eyes shaded by floppy brown bangs. There were minor deviations in appearance: Sinbad's goatee, Dimitri's crooked nose, Flynn's softer cheekbones, and Jim's blue eyes. But they all shared one unequivocal commonality.

They were all Kayley's brothers. And they were all pains in the butt.

"Well." Kayley replaced hands on her hips. "There's no glory in letting Gaston walk free. Someday, I promise, Gaston will pay."

Flynn bit his lip. Dimitri reacted, but Sinbad held him back.

"You know the rules. No sentiment before lunch. Come on." Sinbad turned down the road. Copper cobblestone gleamed beneath his feet. "We better get going. McDuck wants us."

"McDuck?" Kayley ran to Sinbad. "Mr. McDuck? Mr. Scrooge McDuck? Spokesman for the Cult of Greed?"

Sinbad nodded. All cults had a spokesman – an intermediate between sinners and the Devil. "The same."

Kayley was confused. "Why? He only calls ceremonies when a sinner sells their soul to the – oh wait!"

Kayley beamed. "Is this it? Is this finally it? Are you going to let me become a devil incarnate?"

The response was simultaneous. "No."

"But you let Jim!" Kayley wined.

"Correction." Dimitri said, "Long John Silver let Jim. We didn't know Jim was a devil incarnate until McDuck sent us that congratulatory gift basket."

"Which we had to pay for." Sinbad muttered.

"But those mini muffins!" Flynn kissed his fingers. "You gotta admit those were to die for!"

Dimitri frowned. "Speaking of which, where the Hell is Jim? McDuck wants everybody at his bank."

"Everybody?" Kayley said.

"Evray-bah-day." Flynn adjusted his satchel. Something valuable clinked inside. "All sinners of Greed."

"So zip your pockets. If you don't they'll be picked. Unless..." Sinbad smiled. "Unless you are an idiotic moron and lost everything arm-wrestling to Gaston."

Kayley scowled. "Hmph." was all she had to say as she followed her brothers to McDuck Bank.

McDuck Bank was the pride and joy of the Cult of Greed. Copper and pyrite roads lead to the bank, but the building itself resembled an iron safe.

No one but Mr. McDuck kept his money inside the bank, but that was incidental for two reasons:

One, the bank was only large enough to hold Mr. McDuck's money. Mr. Duck's total net worth was approximately one multiplujillion, nine obsquatmulatillion, six hundred twenty-three dollars and sixty-two cents. It was a ballpark estimate, but everyone agreed Mr. McDuck was way too greedy and way too rich.

Two, the bank was a symbol for the Cult of Greed. It defined the landscape and served as a holy shrine to thieves everywhere. Plus, the bank was an architectural wonder and Mr. McDuck charged for personal tours.

Sinbad steered Kayley inside McDuck Bank. Kayley vaguely noticed the cornerstone inscription ('There's always another rainbow with another lonely pot of gold') before Sinbad carted her over the threshold and pointed at two men.

"Sit."

Kayley shoved. She stared at the two men: Vladimir Vanya Vonitsky Vasilovich and Ruber.

Kayley rolled her eyes. Vladimir and Ruber were members of the thieving operation. That meant she had to be polite.

"Vlad..." Kayley acknowledged the portly, older thief. Vlad smiled. He always looked happy. It was so annoying.

Stiffly Kayley addressed the second man. "Ruber." she grumbled, toying with her hair so she didn't have to look.

Ruber laughed. Kayley cringed. Ruber was a barrel chested man with savage teeth and a twitchy eye. He'd traded his soul to the Devil in exchange for a sword permanently fused to his right arm.

Kayley scowled. Ruber would saw a child in half and eat it raw. But...he had the girliest laugh.

"Kayley. Dear Kayley." Ruber twirled his sword. It rotated grotesquely inside his wrist. "How's your little arm? We heard Gaston almost broke it. Ooops."

Ruber touched his cheek. "Was that suppose to be hush hush?"

Kayley balled her fists.

"Pig." she muttered, stepping over Vlad. "Boys. I'm leaving."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Dimitri said. "Where are you going?"

"Better company." Kayley answered. Ignoring her brothers, Kayley plowed through the gathering and plopped down next to 'better company.'

Long John Silver.

"Well." Long John Silver turned. He hunched as Iago, his pet parrot, walked across his shoulders. "Tis a fine day I gets te sit beside such a pretty thief!"

"Hate to bust your bubble, Pops." Iago squawked. "It's only Kayley."

Kayley grinned.

Long John Silver was a pirate. At least, he was a pirate long ago. A sinner of Greed, Silver shipped aboard the Jolly Roger with Captain Hook. Captain Hook's was a sinner of Wrath, and apparently the two pirates squabbled over pillaged treasure. Silver tried to steal all the treasure for himself and Captain Hook had a temper tantrum.

Captain Hook's temper tantrum resulted in Silver's near decapitation and right-sided amputation. However, on the brink of death Silver sold his soul to the Devil and was rebuilt into a cyborg. The right side of this body was completely mechanical and his heart was a hunk of motorized steel. Kayley sighed. It was so romantic.

Silver had retired for fear of Captain Hook's wrath, but had taken special interest in Jim and Kayley. Kayley suspected that Silver considered them an investment for his future return to piracy. She expected Silver would ask them to join his crew, and prayed it would happen soon.

After all, Kayley doubted that Sinbad, Dimitri, and Flynn would ever inducted them into thieving operation. So, piracy was the second best option.

Kayley saluted. "Hello Silver. Iago."

"Toots." Iago said.

Silver's mechanical eye revolved. "Where the Hell is Jimbo?"

"Question of the day." Kayley crossed her legs. "He was supposed to meet me at the Snuggly Duckling."

Silver grunted. "We heard. Ye lost then?"

Kayley shrugged.

Silver kneaded her arm. "Close match was it?"

Kayley brightened. "Oh very. Thanks."

"Don't mention it lass. Don't mention it. Ayyyye..."

Silver rubbed his gold earring. Jim had one exactly like it. "Would'a thought Jimbo would be back by now."

"Back by now?" Kayley said. "Back from where? Where did he go?"

Suddenly, Kayley was suspicious. "Silver! Did you send Jim somewhere? On a quest? On an adventure? Without me?"

Silver shifted. "Well...I...that is to say..."

Kayley gasped.

"You did!" Accusingly, she pointed a finger. You did, you did, you did! Where is he? Where the Hell is Jim?"

"Neverland, Toots!" Iago waddled down Silver's robotic arm. "Jimbo bimbo went to steal Long John's 'share' of Captain Hook's treasure! Actually..."

Wickedly, Iago winked. "He went to steal all of it!"

Kayley was incredulous. She was furious.

"Without me?"

"Kayley!" Dimitri sliced a hand across his throat. "It's McDuck! Zip it!"

Iron doors, engraved with golden money signs, swung open. Mr. McDuck charged into the room, his webbed feet slapping the tiles beneath his spats.

Although he was a duck, Mr. Scrooge McDuck was formidable. His cane clicked the ground sharply with each stride and his glower was permanently pinched between a top hat and pince-nez spectacles. He was a brooding, elderly Scotsman with a curse for every occasion.

"Kick me kilts!" Mr. McDuck swung his cane. The gold tip flashed. "Quiet the lot o' ye!"

Kayley leaned into Silver.

"Why did you let Jim go without me?" she hissed. "How am I ever going to do great things if I'm stuck here?"

Silver batted a hand. "Sorry Lass! Twas my thinking Jimbo would bring ye along, ye being mates an' all."

"Well he didn't!"

"Snooze ya loose." Iago said.

Silver clamped Iago's beak. "Shut ya up! Both of ye! Lass, I'll have a good speakin' te Jimbo when he returns. But now tain't the time!"

Silver turned Kayley's head to Mr. McDuck. "Pay attention. There's trouble afoot, Lass. I can smell it."

Kayley crossed her arms. "Well there's certainly going to be trouble when Jim gets back. I'm going to beat his – "

"Lass!"

"Listen well lads!" Mr. McDuck aimed his cane. "All of ye! I'm only going te say this once! The Cult of Greed has been cursed! Cursed by the Devil himself! My gold, your gold, all our gold has been turned..."

Mr. McDuck flapped a purse from his frock. He unclipped the fasteners and turned it upside-down. Sand poured out.

"...to dust."

Kayley's jaw dropped. She turned to Silver. "Dust?"

Silver frowned. His mechanical eye narrowed. "What in the blue blazes?"

"Cursed?" Ruber's sword scraped the floor. Behind him, sinners emptied dust from boots, breast pockets, and bags. Flynn gawked at the bucket of sand in his satchel. Vlad fainted into Dimitri, who was too stunned to speak.

"Cursed? Why?" Sinbad demanded, standing aside Ruber. "What have we done? What's the Horned King got stuck up his – "

"Blast me bagpipes, Lad!" Mr. McDuck quacked. "Watch yer tongue, will ye? We're in a dilly of pickle already!"

"But why curse the Cult of Greed?" Aladdin yelled. Kayley leaned. Aladdin was a young thief, around her age. Like she and Jim, Aladdin was struggling to kick start his own career. "Why turn our gold to dust?"

"One of our kind – " Mr. McDuck scowled. "—stole something from the Horned King. A wee lass it seems. And twist me tartan, the Horned King wants her back!"

Sinbad shook his head. "You're kidding! A girl? All of this for a girl?"

"Who is she?" Governor Radcliff, a beefy coinsure of gold, called. "What is this girl worth to his Hellishess, The Horned King?"

Mr. McDuck twisted his cane. "It's a loot and crock but The Horned King tells me this girl...could be the clamshell."

"The bloody what?"

"The clamshell!"

"Clamshell?" Flynn threw his satchel. "Seafood? What is this a pregnancy craving? Tell the Horned King we'll give him a freaking lobster bake!"

"It's a title ye daffy doober!" Mr. McDuck fumed. "Ye are well aware of the Clamshell Prophecy?! The doomsday to sinners alike?! Well hot Scots it's coming to pass, and the Horned King thinks a sinner of Greed has stolen the lass that personifies the clamshell described in the daft bloody poem!"

"And!" Mr. McDuck snapped his beak. "Unless one of ye lads return the lass, then our gold will be cursed to dust! Forever!"

Dimitri pushed Vlad upright. "Who's the thief?"

Mr. McDuck bristled. "No one knows! A sinner o' Greed! But if I knew, I'd burn him in tar an' feathers!"

"Who's the girl?" Sinbad said. "She a sinner? Saint? What's her name?"

"Aye, for that we know less! Except she wears a bonnie blue bow in her hair. AND– " Mr. McDuck looked over his spectacles. " – her name is Wendy."

"So..." Ruber snarled. "...unless a sinner of Greed hands this little Wendy creature to the Horned King, our gold is damned?"

"Aye, Lad. And the deed must be done at The Crossroads. By Friday the thirteenth."

"Oh he sets a deadline, yet." Flynn raked his hair. "Terribly thoughtful."

"Who else knows about this?" Sinbad asked. "All sinners? Or just the Cult of Greed?"

Mr. McDuck rubbed his top hat. "All sinners, Lad. They're all lookin' for her. Captain Hook's even offered a handsome reward for the lass."

Kayley straightened. She nudged Silver. "Captain Hook? Reward?"

"Why?" Dimitri asked. "Why would Captain Hook want her?"

"Hook's the spokesman for the Cult of Wrath." Silver said, speaking for the first time. "Wants te be in favor with the Horned King no doubt. Never hurts. 'Specially if ye sail between the Devil and the deep blue sea."

"What's Captain Hook's reward?" Kayley pipped. "How much?"

"Enough to tickle ye tassles." said Mr. McDuck. "But I warn ye, Lads! Captain Hook's got spiders in his mouth! Tricky with words! Grab hold of the lass and Hook's reward if ye can – but jumpin' jigs get the lass te the Horned King! Save our gold!"

"Gold..." Governor Radcliff drummed his fingers. "...beautiful gold."

Mr. McDuck hammered his cane. "All clear?"

Nods.

"Righty then. Dismissed!"

The doors slammed. The meeting was adjourned.

"Kayley." Sinbad materialized between Kayley and Silver. "We're going. Come on."

"Silver – " Kayley spoke swiftly as Sinbad wrenched her away. "—I'll talk to you later – "

"Keep going!" Sinbad said as Dimitri, Flynn, Ruber, and Vlad trailed behind. "Move, move, move, move, move! Okay."

Sinbad turned. He huddled Kayley in the middle of group. "Okay, Gentlemen. Dimitri and Vlad: you two go home. Check the Treasure Trove. If McDuck isn't off his quacker, then all our gold should be turned to dust."

"Ohhhhh." Vlad pursed his lips. "Yes. I vill be sick!"

"Barf on your own time, Vlad." Sinbad said. "Good news though, we should still have our non-gold assets: furs, magical objects, animals, slaves. Everything that we can still auction at the Feast of Avarice. Ruber, Flynn...you double check the stock and take inventory. Stat!"

"Wait!" Kayley objected as the men dispersed. "Wait! Sinbad! What about me?"

"You?" Sinbad stroked his goatee. "Well Kayley. We're short a boat-load of gold. You and Jim want to join the family biz? Be thieves?"

Balloons lifted inside Kayley's chest. Eagerly she nodded. "Yes!"

Sinbad shrugged. "Well. This is your chance to prove it. Either catch the clamshell chic or get your hands on some mulla..."

Sinbad grinned. "...then babe, you're in."

Kayley squealed. She seized Sinbad in a bear hug.

"Delightful." Ruber said, a twitch running across his lips. "Two more brats to share the wealth."

"Speaking of which..." Flynn said. "Where the Hell is Jim?"

sultal's note: (1) I switched Garrett's virtue to "Humility" in chapter 4. Fits him better. (2) Mr. McDuck is my new favorite, the "net worth" I actually got right off Wikipedia (it was a comic apparently) (3) keep writing.