[Izaya's POV]

The ravenett sat silently in his dressing room for a little while longer, thoughts running through his head and all of them making his skin crawl. He had no idea how long he'd been alone before there was another knock on his door, this time not waiting for him to answer it. The door opened and Dong-Yul stepped in, seeing him looking off into space and moving to crouch down in front of him for his full attention. "Kobayashi-san?" he asked tentatively, seeing Izaya's eyes focus again as he really looked at the man in front of him. "Mr. Watane said that you can have an easy day, if you don't want to record. And if you want then you could go back home for a little while.." he announced, waiting patiently until he got a small nod from Izaya.

"Y-yeah.. I think I want to go home." Izaya muttered, just wanting to get away for a while so he could think. Everything around him was just giving him a headache and the only thing he was grateful for was that the pain in his side had finally gone away.

"Alright, I'll go let him know." the korean replied, getting up and heading out again after pausing like he wanted to say something else as well. Izaya stared where he was for a second before standing and grabbing his things, heading right back outside again and ignoring the people that tried to talk with him. Can't you see I want to be alone!?

He huffed to himself, not sure why the simple act irritated him so quickly, but pushed it away as he got into a cab again and hesitated on saying his address. The informant gave him a different location before they took off, heading to Ikebukuro.

Izaya stepped out and walked inside Russia Sushi quickly, giving a tired smirk to Simon as the dark man greeted him and asked if he wanted some sushi. "No, I'm not hungry. But, can I head upstairs for a while?" Izaya asked, trying to sound like his usual self even though that never worked on the russian. Simon watched him for a moment before leaning on the counter.

"Why you no want sushi? Sushi cheers you up! Have sushi." Simon demanded, turning around to order him some fatty tuna despite what he'd asked. Izaya just rolled his eyes slightly.

"Thanks for that, Simon. Still, can I go upstairs? I just want to lay down. I can eat your sushi up there too." the informant insisted, refusing to sound like he was begging the man. Truthfully he just didn't want to be around anyone, but that would involve staying outside for who-knows-how-long since Kasuka had found out where he kept his spare key. After another moment of watching him, Simon nodded and guided him upstairs to a guest room where he could sleep, giving the ravenett a pat on the head before going back down to run his business and probably scare some more tourists on the street by accident.

Izaya was just relieved that he was by himself again, dropping onto the guest bed and staring at the wall as thoughts began running amuck again.

You're losing your touch, Izaya.

You've gone soft.

You should have been doing your job and getting rid of all the weak humans still around, and where have you been? Playing fucking dress-up!

Some God you are...

Izaya curled in on himself at the last thought, feeling sick to his stomach. He'd never thought he was a true god, gods don't exist after all, but he did always think he was something akin to one. He could convince anyone to do anything he wanted, and that power only came to the strongest of people. If he wanted it to happen, he could make half the economy drop just from terrorizing politicians and corporation-owners until they dropped themselves as well. He could do anything...

Except now he didn't know if he could. Shara dying wasn't something traumatic for him, honestly he didn't give a fuck if she was really dead or running around Pompeii on vacation to get away from the shitty pay they probably gave her. But it did let him know that he hadn't convinced anyone of anything in months.

He hadn't gotten anyone to kill themselves. He hadn't pushed someone into depression. He hadn't destroyed lives and tormented souls like he was born to do. He hadn't done his one true job; weeding out the humans and making this world better, at least making this world more interesting for the next God that could surpass him.

But what had he done in the last couple months?

Izaya had been skipping around in female clothing, doing meaningless memorizing and executing for a camera. He'd been ignoring his boss, the only one that could ever truly kill him and had been playing nice with Shizu-chan and his family, the one that really should be the only one to kill him. He'd been letting Namie get off work with full pay still, letting Shinra and Celty morph into the back of his mind like they didn't exist sometimes, even ignored Shizu-chan for a good point and most of this only because he'd done something so disgustingly human that he's ashamed he hadn't even realized it until now.

He'd found Kasuka. He'd found someone that interested him solely for being them and that loved him, somehow, for who he was and fell into the worst fucking trap possible of developing an emotion he used to exploit to no end. He was a God, it shouldn't be possible to love someone. It shouldn't be possible to want to be near someone so much when there was nothing to exploit. It shouldn't be possible for him to feel empty when he wasn't near him. And it should certainly be impossible for that one human to drag him into becoming human as well, without even noticing it.

Those last thoughts struck a cord in him, it made his eyes narrow and his body feel cold as he curled up tighter on the bed and covered himself with the blanket so that if Simon walked in he wouldn't see him like this.

He was supposed to be all powerful, his intellect and cognitive skills beyond anyone he currently knew, his wits keeping him safe and in control of those he used it against, his emotions like a steel cage and unmoving as he watched people kill themselves and prior pushed them to doing it. He was supposed to be a God, someone everyone could look up to and worship for simply existing, even if they cursed him at times. But now... He was nothing.

Now, he was a human. He felt fear and love and pain and embarrassment and true happiness, all from another human that he'd gotten attached to. And he couldn't blame Kasuka. No, he could never do that.. Kasuka didn't even know what he was doing. He had been feeling all of these emotions his whole life, like most people do, and acting on them in the way he'd thought would work best - it was completely natural and Izaya couldn't blame him for a second for doing something that everyone did.

The informant could only blame himself for falling so far down from the perch he'd been on. Now, he just needed to decide if he could climb back up or if he could live with stumbling around on the floor and letting another take his place while he was still there to see it.

Chapter 31!

Welcome back to existential-crisis time!

JK, but really, Izaya's having such a hard time with himself right now...

I really like developing characters in unexpected ways and expanding on ideas if you haven't noticed, so I hope none of you mind it.

I hope you all liked this chapter! Favorite, follow and review to see more!