[Izaya's POV]
The informant laid on an uncomfortable white bed, curled up as he tried to ease the pain in his side without the help of pills. It was almost 4 in the morning and he'd been awake for an hour already, having been woken up because he'd moved in a certain way during sleep that tugged on his wound.
Shinra had denied that he take anymore pills until this certain wound has healed, wanting to make sure all of the drugs were out of his system before allowing him to take more. He'd already just scraped by on not taking enough to permanently harm himself, but even that discovery had pained him. The doctor had insisted on opening his wound to see just how far it had healed before the overdose of pills kicked in and when he'd done just that, without anything to lessen the pain of un-stitching him and opening it with some medical appliance, the doctor had very quickly started working on him without an explanation.
"If I hadn't looked sooner, you could have died." was what he'd said, apparently finding a mass of stagnant blood in the wound since nothing was moving to repair it but since it was harmed, nothing was moving in and out of it very much at all. Shinra had told him something about it fermenting inside him if he'd waited too long but by that point Izaya was almost passed out from the pain anyway, only not jerking with every one of Shinra's movements because of Celty's whisps.
Now that Izaya was fully conscious and only sick because he wasn't allowed to lessen the pain in his side, head or psyche, he could better comprehend that he had almost died without Shinra's help, along with his boyfriend's help for calling the doctor in the first place.
Izaya gave up after that, knowing the pain wouldn't go away and he would just have to deal with it alone. He waited for someone to come check on him for a couple hours then, glancing around the room and twiddling his thumbs as he kept thinking about his situation. The situation he'd been dragged into the moment he started his now-favorite hobby.
It wasn't like he regretted doing it, he'd done it on a whim because he thought it would be fun and, besides a few very dramatic moments, it really had been. He'd been having the time of his life, performing for people and using his talents right in front of people's eyes instead of sneaking around like a deviant. He'd even gotten to go to a fancy party and a signing where everyone looked up to him and applauded him for what he did. He had two boys fawning over him, one annoying and one he loved to death, and he even got to rub something other than his wit in Shizu-chan's face.
To say he hated ever choosing to go to that audition would be the biggest lie he'd ever told.
But now look where he was. He was in a recovery room in Shinra's apartment, in stabbing pain that he couldn't even hope to get rid of for possibly weeks on end, with the fact that he could have died in his sleep a couple days from now hanging over his head. I'm only still okay because of Kasuka... he reminded himself, making him cringe at the fact that he'd left his cell phone at home so he had no way of texting his boyfriend. He'd already ignored his lover for two days, and unless Shinra had called him some time last night then he was probably even more worried than he was before.
Izaya let out a sigh, shifting himself very slowly and sitting up so he could breathe more easily. There was a pain settling in his stomach that almost made him sick, and he worried that Shinra may not have completely fixed him yet, but then his stomach growled and he sighed, realizing it was probably just pain from being so hungry. He'd tried to eat yesterday after Shinra had finished, eating the fatty tuna that Namie had brought him when she'd been given a call to come to the doctor's apartment instead of back to work, but he'd just thrown it right back up since the pain was still fresh and a shock to his system after his body had been alerted to the problem.
Now, he could probably eat a horse if it got close enough. He glanced at the clock and saw that it had only been an hour and a half since he last checked and he sighed, curling up again and taking smaller breaths so it wouldn't hurt as much, and just trying to ignore the thoughts running around his head asking him if he'd finally given up on being himself again.
Shinra had told him that it was common for drugs, whether you overdose or not, to give some people symptoms of depression and anxiety so he took all the awful emotions he'd been feeling the last couple days and threw them away, trying to focus on facts until he could think straight again. Even then, it was hard to ignore that he'd lost one of the few joys in his life. People watching was still fun, the humans that lived around him and Kasuka were extremely amusing at times, but he just didn't feel the urge to mess with them anymore. He'd still get the fleeting thought to torment them if they did something he didn't like, towards him or just in general, but he never executed it.
And even if he thought about executing it, he'd always think of something else to do that got in the way of it, most of the time being that he wanted to visit Kasuka.
And after trying to be by his side every day whenever we had the time, I pretended that he didn't exist for two days...
Izaya finally couldn't stand just sitting there anymore, pulling the blanket off of himself and standing up, testing his own balance before slipping on his signature jacket and heading out of the room silently. If he found some paper on his way out then he'd leave a note for Shinra, but it wasn't on his priority list - if he didn't get back home then he was sure he'd go crazy.
Rain poured down as Izaya sat on the hard, stone rim of the fountain in West Gate Park, hood of his jacket drawn up so he wouldn't look like a drowned rat but doing nothing else about getting wet.
The park was empty because of the weather and time of day, even though it wasn't late, but he didn't mind it. He wanted to be alone for a little while longer. Which was why he still hadn't texted Kasuka where he was yet or talked to him.
What was he supposed to say? That he'd thrown a tantrum when he'd gotten back home and that he was now wandering around like a ghost for no particular reason?
Sure, that would go over just fine after ignoring him for now three days..
So he just sat there quietly, staring at the stone path in front of him that was spotted with different shades of grey as the rain splattered on it, actually calming him down. He used to think he liked it because all of his humans would bundle up just to go outside for a few moments and would look miserable, or frustrated when they stepped in a puddle that was deeper than expected. He supposed that he had really just liked the sound this whole time, and the feel of it.
It was quiet in the park except for the varying sounds of water around him, and he expected it to stay that way, until he heard footsteps. He didn't look up, thinking it was just someone who also liked the rain and liked this park, deciding to take a walk and go right passed Izaya like he didn't exist.
But instead, those footsteps got closer until there was a mass that dropped down to sit right next to him, dark heavy jacket looking familiar in the corner of his eye until he looked over to see Kasuka had found him all on his own.
"I was hoping you'd be here." Kasuka said softly, obviously not knowing what to say either after being ignored for three days. Izaya just nodded and looked back at the path again, scratching at his wrist absently as he continued thinking. Kasuka, as always, noticed and reached over to take the hand that was hurting himself, holding it tightly in his own as things got silent again.
The silence dragged on for a little while until Kasuka finally spoke up. "If we stay out here too long, then we'll both get sick." The actor glanced over at him again and hoped for a response, getting a look in return.
"Yeah, I guess we will... If I get sick, then you have to make me soup and feed it to me like they do in those dramas." Izaya muttered, hoping to lift the mood a little as well. Kasuka gave him a smile.
"I would do that even if you weren't sick. You know that." the ravenett replied, moving to sit closer to him and let Izaya rest his head on the actor's shoulder. Izaya sighed softly as he did, relaxing as he drew in his boyfriend's warmth, letting the silence take over again. He knew the man was waiting for some kind of explanation as to why Izaya hadn't spoken to him, and why he had been so blunt with him when not ignoring him. And as much as he wanted to give him a good explanation, he still couldn't think of one.
I was trying to be strong again, like the Izaya you met 5 years ago. I was trying to prove that I could still be a God and I could have the world at my feet again... But I don't think I did either of those things.
It was quiet for just another moment before Izaya spoke up. "I burned my chess-board..." he admitted, thinking back to when he was throwing his tantrum and when he flipped said chess-board onto the floor, infuriating himself further as the pieces went everywhere and he realized he would have to pick them all up later. He didn't even know what he had been trying to accomplish when he got there, he just knew that he had looked around his room and saw the board that he hadn't touched in months, hadn't progressed on in months and hadn't taken anything off of in months. It was the one piece in his home that was truly keeping track of how long ago his old self had ceased to be him.
He felt his boyfriend shift as he looked down at him, obviously confused. "Why would you do that?"
"Because I didn't want to play anymore." Izaya said simply, still staring off into space as he felt Kasuka tense up a bit at the connotation it could hold. After all, Kasuka had listened to his lengthy explanation on what the board was to him and all the pieces on it. It would make sense that it worried him. But to Izaya, it was just a chess-board now.
"You don't have to be so worried, Kasu-kun. I'm not suicidal or anything like that. The game just.. changed the rules on me too quickly for my liking." he explained, closing his eyes as Kasuka moved to wrap his arm around him as well as hold his hand.
"Is that why you wanted to be alone for a couple days?" Izaya just nodded and buried his face in his boyfriend's chest for a moment as he relaxed, opening his eyes to stare at the dark coat in front of him since he didn't want to look up.
"Kasuka.. If I wasn't a God, would you still love me?" he asked softly, not sure why he was even asking. He knew Kasuka would say yes, even if it was just to cheer him up, of course he would always say yes. That's just how his boyfriend was.
"Izaya.. You were never a God." Kasuka stated instead, surprising the informant so much that he actually jerked back to look at him with wide eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but Kasuka cut him off with his lips before he could. When he pulled back, ruby and golden eyes locked again. "You weren't a God. You said it yourself, you don't believe in Gods, so how could you be?" Kasuka paused like he wanted Izaya to answer him, but the informant just opened his mouth and closed it again, still baffled. "You aren't a God, but you are my whole world Izaya. So I hope you understand that I'll never stop loving you." he finished, watching Izaya's face for some kind of reaction before they were kissing again, tears beginning to run down Izaya's cheeks from the relief he felt.
The two stayed pressed together for a while longer, sharing kisses and having tears wiped away until Kasuka stood up and picked up his boyfriend, this time piggy-back style. "I'm sorry for having you carry me." Izaya apologized, somewhere in the middle of being comforted he had moved the wrong way and tugged on his wound once more, only then remembering the pain that had been dulled for a while because of his deep thought. Kasuka just started walking towards the informant's house, holding onto his legs tightly while Izaya wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders.
"I don't mind. In fact, I might carry you around like this more often if it keeps you happy." Kasuka responded, unable to see Izaya blush at that as they continued on. The two fell into a comfortable silence as they finally got to his apartment, getting inside and shutting the door behind them, Kasuka still piggy-backing Izaya even though he really didn't need to. As they went into the living room, Kasuka about to go upstairs so he could lay Izaya down, the actor glanced over to see three chess pieces sitting on Izaya's desk. "I thought you said you burned those." he noted, tilting his head to try and see Izaya's face.
"I did, but I wanted to keep those three... I lied last time when you asked which piece you were." the informant replied, glancing over as well and looking at the three pieces. Sitting on his desk was one Black King, a White Queen and a White King, all lined up in that order. And even without explaining, he knew Kasuka understood which piece was which.
The actor loosened his grip on Izaya's legs to let him know he'd be letting go soon and Izaya dropped onto his feet gently, watching Kasuka turn around suddenly and wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him in close to give him another kiss, this one filed with passion. "I love you so much." Kasuka whispered, making Izaya smile lightly as he was lifted up again, this time to wrap his legs around Kasuka's hips.
"I love you too." he replied, finally being led upstairs to his bedroom.
Chapter 33~!
Holy fuck I loved writing this chapter so much, it's amazing and I barely ever think that of my own stuff, so I hope you agree and AAAAAAAHH~
Next chapter you guys get something special, and I think you all know what it will be~ ;3
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Also, lemme know which piece you think represents each person, and who the third piece belongs to!
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