Callie POV
When mom and I arrived home from the doctors appointment, I head straight up to my bedroom. Mom was downstairs, on the phone with Lena. I only heard mom's part of the conversation, but it was enough for me to understand, that it was something about Stef. Wasn't sure about any detail.
I got to my room and changed out of my clothes to my PJ. Before getting back to the bed, I went to bathroom. When I returned back to my room, mom was folding my clothes and putting them on the chair more neatly, so they don't wrinkle too much.
"Take the medication, honey," Mom said nodding to the nightstand, when I was one foot in the bed. Mom had already taken the medication out and she had also poured me a glass of water. I swallow the medication and drink all of the water on top.
Once I am settled in the bed, I cover myself up with the blanket "What did you and Lena talk about?" I ask, my curiously getting the best of me
"Um..." Mom places my shoes neatly away, stands up and turns to me. She scratched her jaw line "We talked about Stef returning to work."
"Oh, is she already back to work?" I ask when mom walks up to the bed
"No, not yet. She passed the psych evaluation and now she only needs to re-qualify for the gun"
"That's good right" I ask cautiously, sensing that not everything was as good as it sounded
"Yes, it's good" Mom sat down on the bed side and tucked the blanket around my legs
"...But?" I inquire warily
"But Lena is more concerned about the gun re-qualification"
"Why? If she passed the psych then she should be all right..." I wondered out loud
"It's not that simple. Stef had never fired her gun while on the job, before the shooting. She has been on the force for more like 10 years...and the first time she had to use the gun, she had to killed a boy in self-defense. Picking up a gun after your first shooting, is extremely..." Mom paused as she thought about what word to use "...challenging"
"Oh" I breath out sadly and quietly
I didn't know that it was Stef first time of using her gun. It must be incredibly hard for her. Stef is very strong and tough on the outside. Rarely she let's someone see her break down. But I know, she is a real softy on the inside. She is one of the most caring and kind, and friendly person I have ever met. The guilt she felt, must be killing her.
"Lena said that Stef went to the shooting range tonight" Mom spoke up after a moment "Would you be okay if I left for an hour to go check on her?"
"Yeah, I will be okay. I was going to sleep anyway"
"Are you sure?" Mom re-asks to make sure
"Yes, mom. I'm sure. She's your partner, you look out for one another. You should go."
"Thanks honey. I will try to be back in an hour. If I will be any longer, I will call or text you. And if you need anything or need me to come back, call me, I will drive right back!"
When I nod back, mom leans forward and kisses my forehead "I love you, my sweet girl!"
"Love you too, mom" I whisper back and then watch her walk out of my room
In some few minutes, I hear the car start up. When I know for sure, that mom is gone, I quickly crawl to the end of my bed and I reach for my jeans, that mom had placed neatly on the chair. When I find the right pocket, I pull out the little note the boy – Gavin, gave me.
I return to my previous position on the bed, my back against the wall, blanket over me legs. When I unfold the piece of paper, I can't keep the smile away from my lips. I take my phone from the nightstand. At first I only add his number to my contact list. I checked the number 5 times to make sure I had entered in correctly.
I checked the WhatsApp, to see if he is using it. It said available, so I decided to try and text him through this app.
The keyboard appeared on the screen and that's when I froze. My heart was beating faster inside my chest, my palms suddenly were sweating. I drop the phone to my lap and wipe my sweaty hands in the blanket.
What was I suppose to write to him? Should I just say – Hi? Or is Hello more polite in this situation? Gavin didn't really seem like the super polite type.
What would we even text about? I didn't even know him! For all I knew, we had nothing in common. Weather, sport, movies- I try to think of a possible topics we could talk about.
No wonder I don't have a boyfriend. I suck at this! Weather - that's pathetic Callie! I shake my head at how stupid the topic idea was. This was more harder than I had anticipated.
Was this even his number? Maybe he gave me a bogus number and I will be texting some old grandpa or someone in Germany!
I sat with the phone on my lap, staring at it, for quite some while. The screen went black and locked few times. Every time that happened, I unlocked my phone again and continued to stare at the phone's screen, to his name at the top of the screen.
I should have given him my number. He was probably way better at this than I am. Also, he probably wouldn't be as scared as I am right about now.
Stef POV
I take another deep breath in and reach for the gun again. When I pick it up, I feel the weight of it, I feel how cold it is. Holding it in my right hand, I look up to the paper target that was few meters in front of me.
I can do this! Just hold the gun up and shoot. It's just a paper target.
Slowly I raise my gun up with my right and steady it with my left hand. Right when I looked through the sights, memories of of the shooting came crashing down at me, forcing me to lower my gun again. I place the gun on the small table in front of me and sight, disappointed in myself. A moment later, I take off my glasses and take out the earplugs. This evening has not gone the way I had hoped it would. I was incredibly frustrated with myself.
"You almost had it," I hear Amy's voice coming from somewhere behind me
"What are you doing here?" I ask when I turn around to see her. She was standing way back, by the doors, watching me.
"Lena called," Amy replied simply and walked towards me
"Great, she thinks I need a babysitter" I mutter to myself, but Amy heard it
"She doesn't think that, Stef. Your wife is simply worried about you. I bet she would come here herself, if she wasn't so…against guns" Amy gestured to the one behind my back on the small table. I don't reply, I remain silent.
"So..." Amy walked up to the booth next to me "Are you that bad of a shot or you just haven't taken a shot yet?"
I turn around to look at the target and reply quietly and ashamed "Haven't taken a shot."
"Why not?" Amy asks back in a lot softer tone
I raise my hand up to gesture at the target "I can't...I-I- I can't...I can't take the shot" I stutter badly. My hand falls down to my side and I look down ashamed "I keep seeing his face, on the target. And I can't...I can't do it! I can't do it Amy! I can't!"
"There is no rush. You can take as much time you need. No one is judging you!"
"I am!" I said in raised voice tapping to my chest. I got all worked up, I was that frustrated with myself "I am judging myself! It has been almost 2 months, and I can't shoot a fucking paper target without seeing the kids face!"
I turn to Amy, who stood leaned at the little wall that separated the shooting booths and asked her miserably, hoping she would have an answer for me "What is wrong with me!?"
"Nothing!" Amy replied without a hesitation "There is nothing wrong with you Stef. To be honest, I would be worried if this hadn't affected you at all. If you could just went back to work -that's when I would be worried about you."
I run both of my hands over my face while Amy continues to speak to of me. I wanted to scream at the top of the lungs, the other part of me wanted to punch a wall, but another part just wanted to craw in the bed, make myself as small as possible and cry.
"What you are feeling, what you are going through – it's normal. You killed someone in self-defense. Not just someone, a young kid. A kid who was almost Brandon's age. Of course this will affect you."
I suck in a breath as tears form in my eyes and ask her in shaky breath "Why is this so hard?"
"Because you are human!"
Amy turned around and walked to the wall. She sat down on the ground, back leaned to the wall. I walk over to her and join her by sitting on the ground. For a while we sit in quiet, just staring at the stupid paper target in the distance.
"I thought you were dead!" Amy said taking me off guard. My mouth parts a little as I look to her.
"All I heard, while I was laying on the ground, bleeding out, were gunshots. I saw the boy, who shot me, standing tall over me. And I thought, that he had killed you." Amy was staring at some spot on the ground in front of her
"You have no idea, how happy I was when I saw you leaned over me, talking to me," She glances to me, with tears in her eyes "That moment -I knew we would be okay. And we are. We were able to go back home, to our families. That's all that matters in the end. And I have you to thank you for it!"
"No, you don't-"
"Yes, I do!" Amy insisted as she kept the tears in her eyes, not allowing for them to fall "If it wasn't for you, I might not even be here. I don't know how I will ever thank you for it, because - a thank you - doesn't even seem to be enough"
"We are partners, that's what we do for each other. We have each others back. I have no doubt, you would do the same for me" I replied looking at her
"I hope I don't have to," Amy said jokingly, but I knew she actually meant it. Neither one of us, want to go through something like that ever again.
"Yeah, me too!" I agree and glance back to the paper target
"Can I do anything?" Amy asks from my side
Slowly I turn to look back at her "Just sit with me"
Amy nods back. We stay in silent for quite some time. It felt like some 15 minutes at least. Neither one of us moved from our spots. Neither one said anything. There wasn't anything I needed for her to say. I just needed for her to sit with me for a moment. Simple as that. All I heard was her even breathes right next to me. It was weird how much it calmed me down.
I kept my eyes on the gun, that was on the small table. The longer I stared at it, the more confident I became. I only needed to take one shot. One shot would be enough, to set me back on the right track.
Without saying anything, I stand up and walk straight to the shooting booth, where I had set down the gun.
Right in this moment, when I stood in front of the gun, I felt like I had gained my confidence and faith in myself back. Who knows, when I feel like this again. Maybe it will pass before I can actually take these shot. I needed to use this moment, before it passes. All I needed was to make one shot.
I put the earplugs in and glasses over my eyes. I reach for the gun and for a brief moment. Holding the gun in my right, I look down to it. Amy pats my shoulder, encouraging me. I look over my shoulder and watch her walk a bit further away from the booth where I stood.
I take a deep breath in and slowly raise my gun up with both of my hands. Looking through the sights, I aim for the chest of the target. I run my tongue over my dry lips as I continue to keep my eye on the target. My shoulders are tense, when I take the stand. Taking in few deep breathes, I relax my shoulders and clear my head of all of the thoughts, all of the doubts and fears.
One shot. All I need, is to take one shot.
I hesitated a little, but when my finger squeezes the trigger, I watch how the bullet flew out of the gun towards the paper target. When the bullet pierced through the paper target, I felt a huge relief. It was like I finally got rid of this huge burden that was on my shoulder. I could breath again. I squeezed the trigger few more times and watched how the bullets all pierce through the paper just inch away from where the first bullet made a hole.
Callie POV
Here goes nothing – I think to myself as my fingers move swiftly over the screen, typing a message. I read it few times and edit it a little each time, before I hit the send button. Once it was done, I place my phone in my lap.
"Oh, gosh, what have I done!" I bury my face in my palms when I realize the message was sent and I have walked into the unknown. There was no way back from this. It was done.
While keeping my palms over my face, I move my right hand's middle and index finger apart to peak a look at the screen with my right eye. The hooks have turned in the color of light blue. Gavin has received and read the message. And on the top of the screen it now shows the word – typing. Oh my god, he is typing back!
My heart is beating fast in my chest. I was incredibly nervous and anxious. Also scared. Yet excited. Gosh, I was feeling so many things right about now.
Soon my phone buzzed on my lap. Slowly I take my hands away from my face and look at it. My phone had locked up and now just a little light at the top of the screen indicated that I have received a message back. My hand trembled as I reached for my phone to unlock it. I held my breath till the screen light up and I could actually read what Gavin wrote back.
Hi, I am so glad you decided to text me. For a moment I thought you wouldn't...
A slight panic sets in, when I can't think of anything to text him back. This is were the texting will stop. We will both say Hi to one another and then that's it. It will end just as fast as it started.
But my phone, to my surprise, buzzes again. Instantly I look down to it. Did he actually text me again?
You know my name. Can you tell me yours? I promise, I am not a crazy stalker or serial killer
Only a crazy stalker or serial killer would say that - My fingers moved over the screen themselves, without my brain realizing what I had just written back
I had a feeling you would say that. If it helps, I have candy as well :D
Do you by any chance have a white van? - This sure was a strange way to start a conversation. I don't know what I was thinking when I typed it back
No, sorry to disappoint
It's Callie – I return back to normal topic, but only give him my first name
It is nice to meet you Callie
With that my texting with Gavin started. I texted with him for more than hour. We didn't talk about anything too specific. He did ask me, why I was in hospital. But overall, we just chatted about nothing in particular and joked about stuff and cat videos. It almost felt as if we have been friends for few weeks. It was that easy to text with him.
Form his texts, he seemed very sweet. I was looking forward to getting to know him better, not only through texting, but also in person. I couldn't wait till I no longer was sick and could go out. By his response, I assumed he felt the same way. I think there was even a slight flirting from his part.
"Callie, I'm home!" my mom called me from downstairs. I think she was already on the stairs. I place my phone down right before she enters my room.
It was too soon for me to tell her about Gavin. Way,way, way too soon! I didn't even know what will become of us. I had a feeling he wanted to be a little more than just friends. Of course there is a chance, that maybe I read and interpreted his texts wrong. I am after all totally new to this. No boy, except for Liam, has ever shown interest in me. But Gavin, he didn't seem like Liam. At least that is what my gut was telling me.
Anyway, definitely too soon for mom to know about him. I will tell her, if there something is going to happen between us. Which I actually, secretly, hope it will. I hadn't stop thinking about him ever since I saw him in the hospital. He had that kind of effect on me. I want to see his hazel eyes and those cute dimples again. I had never felt this way about a boy before. This was surely something new to me.
"Hey, sweets!" mom walked in smiling at me
"Hey, mom. How's Stef?"
"Stef's good. She will be all right," Mom relied as she sat on the bed side "Did you sleep?"
"No, wasn't really tired" I reply back casually. Technically, it wasn't a lie. I was too excited to sleep.
"I will make you an oatmeal bath first and then I will make dinner. Does that sounds okay to you?"
"Yup" I smiled at her
"You sound...energetic!" Mom said as she watched me carefully. There was a little smirk on her lips and she moved her right eyebrow up as she looked at me, almost like sensing that something had happened while she was gone.
"I'm just feeling much better. Am I not allowed to feel happy?"
"No, no...of course you are. I am glad that you are feeling better and I happy to see you smile. I missed that smile of yours!" Mom replied instantly and leaned down to place a kiss on my cheek
Once mom left to start the bath, I looked down to my phone and saw that the little notification light is on. Gavin had texted me again. My hands were no longer trembling when I reached for the phone.
I'm going for a ride with some of my friends. Won't be able to text you for an hour or so, while I'm at the wheel.
Have a nice ride. Be careful!- I type back as quickly as I can
It was nice texting with you, Callie
Likewise
Can I text you later?
I would like that, yes :)
Till later then :)
Till later
Once I have place my phone down on the nightstand, I sit still for a moment. I tried to wrap my head around what had just happened. This still seemed unreal to me. I sat still, till I let out weird squeak sound and bury my face in my palms again. This time not out of fear or frustration, but because how happy and excited I was just now. I couldn't keep the huge smile off my face.