2. Safe and Sound.

… Around you and especially when not.

10 AM was the perfect time for training. Sasuke had been skeptical at first, but after encountering Orochimaru one early morning, he had quickly been able to tell that he did not want to spend more time than absolutely necessary with him when he was sleep-deprived. The air radiating from Orochimaru had been pulsating, a dark aura capable of instilling fear in whoever passed him.

Admittedly, maybe he had been enraged by a happening Sasuke wasn't privy to, but Sasuke didn't want to take any chances. He knew from Kabuto that Orochimaru tended to work until the crack of dawn sometimes. That, to Sasuke, was a valid excuse to sleep in. Or maybe it was fear driving him toward that admission. Sasuke could talk big all he wanted; Orochimaru was a creature who had earned being feared.

And today, Sasuke learned he was deserving of hot burning anger as well.

Sasuke vomited onto the stone floor of training ground 5, his stomach convulsing in the aftermath of what he recognized to be a panic attack. He steadied himself with his palms which were pressed down firmly in an effort to still his shaking arms; not that it helped nor mattered given his whole body was trembling. Sweat covered him all over.

What had gotten him to this point was laughable. In half a year of training, Sasuke had never once allowed such a display of weakness in front of anyone. He had learned to keep to himself, to not expose fear or worries or pain, since it could and would be used against him easily. Konoha was much more lenient in many things and much more forgiving than Oto was.

And there Sasuke barfed again, the awful smell entering his nostrils. He might as well not have eaten breakfast that day.

"What's wrong, punk? Too weak to lift it?"

Sasuke wanted to laugh. He would have preferred laughter over the tears stinging in his eyes, tears that took so much effort to prevent from spilling down his cheeks.

Don't look at me. I don't want to be seen like this.

But Sasuke heard Orochimaru's mocking as proof that, regardless of whether he turned or not, the damage was already done. It was irreparable damage, most definitely.

Again, Orochimaru spoke, "Pick it up, Sasuke-kun." And Sasuke heard an order.

Sasuke didn't think to disobey and turned around. His knees were scraping the floor, but he couldn't feel it. He saw the unsheathed katana where he had dropped it, a blade of magnificent steel, now hissing and spitting at him as though ready to strike. Its body curled, muscles tensing, bearing its fangs. Sasuke would get bit if he dared to inch closer. It would tear through him. He would fall like his parents had, blood everywhere, someone yelling to not open the door. His mother's voice, Sasuke heard it.

Itachi had killed everyone with a weapon just like this.

Orochimaru's foot was tapping. Bodies dropping, down, down, down.

Tap, tap, tap.

Itachi had made Sasuke watch way too long, way too often. Every time had been like the first time, over and over. Sasuke remembered it vividly, as though the memory had burned his flesh. All he needed to do was look down on himself to see the impress.

The air was tense again, vibrating in waves and engulfing him. This wasn't a memory. Orochimaru was getting angry. He was the epicenter of this darkness, darker than Zabuza of the Mist, darker than Itachi had been at the night of the massacre.

Sasuke had gotten bigger, but so had his enemies.

Sasuke put one foot on the ground, pushed himself up. The world was shaking almost as much as he did, though Sasuke was determined to remain standing. It wasn't fair that he had to go through this nor was it fair that he had lived through what he had to get to this point. He wiped at his mouth, blinked away the tears, and picked up his sword. The touch was burning, but Sasuke noticed that he wasn't bleeding like he had thought he would.

Memories burned, touch burned, his stomach burned. Sasuke's eyes turned red.

"Now, come," Orochimaru said. He stood perfectly still, as though he saw no threat in Sasuke at all. His own blade hung loosely in his grip, and what infuriated Sasuke was that Orochimaru didn't need to take him seriously. Sasuke was vermin that Orochimaru could squash beneath his feet. Sasuke would drop, drop, drop. Orochimaru would curl around him and squeeze, then eat him whole.

Sasuke closed his hand more tightly around the hilt of his weapon. He staggered, bared his teeth, breathed heavily as he decided that one day he would be strong.

Sasuke charged.

…

Sasuke screamed.

He didn't know nor cared where he was upon waking. His body startled into a seated position as arms flailed and legs thrashed to rid him of the constraints of his blanket.

The shuddering breaths he inhaled could not supply his lungs with the needed volume of air. He was going to suffocate. He was!

Panicked, he reached for his throat with both hands and cupped it from the sides. He felt hands there before he managed to touch. He needed to think it was his own hands and not those of his brother that was holding, pressing, constricting his air pipe.

Sasuke was pressed against a wall. His back throbbed painfully, but the pain there couldn't compare to the pain in his arm. Itachi had broken it like a twig he had stepped on, without deeming it worth paying attention to. Of course Itachi had noticed, it entered his awareness, yet it seemed insignificant to his purpose. Sasuke was like that. Sasuke would be killed by him and Itachi would rip his eyes out of their sockets. Itachi would blind his little brother, the one that had looked up to him with these very eyes that were sparkling with adoration.

'You don't carry enough hatred.'

In searching for Itachi, Sasuke was searching for death. He was committing suicide, agonizingly slowly. Maybe Sasuke wanted to suffer. Maybe he deserved it. No, he most definitely did. He had been too weak to prevent his brother from committing the massacre, and before that, he had been too weak to be a proper son to his father.

A sob broke from him, and when he felt wetness on his hands he realized that he was crying. His shoulders shook as his muscles tensed to the utmost degree. He tried to fight the desperation that his dream had left in its wake, tried to break free from its lingering effects. Sasuke knew he was awake, but he had equally little control over what was happening now than he had when he was asleep.

He continued to pant between his sobs. Breathing seemed impossible; his heart racing as though trying to jump from the confines of Sasuke's body, wanting to touch air that way.

Sasuke really couldn't breathe. He was hyperventilating. His carotid artery was pulsing against his palms quicker and quicker, and it caused Sasuke to gasp faster. He escalated, panicked. He wasn't in control at all. He was too weak. Too weak. Too weak!

Sasuke cried openly when he allowed his hands to exert pressure. If nothing else, he could control pain, and if his body wouldn't allow him to breathe, Sasuke would overrule it by preventing himself from breathing by choking himself. It was a choice now, a choice Sasuke could make and control.

Soon, his arms were shaking of strain instead of panic. Applying pressure for longer than a few seconds was more difficult than Sasuke had thought.

Then, Sasuke felt a hand on his shoulder. He jerked, and his hands curled tighter around his neck again. Long black hair was the first thing he saw, making Sasuke jump against the headboard. He pushed himself backward by kicking against the mattress, pushed against the wood despite knowing there was no escaping now. Itachi was going to kill him. Sasuke would die.

But he didn't. Itachi touched Sasuke's shoulder again, reached with his other hand to cup Sasuke's own. Sasuke flinched at every contact and pressed his lids together so he didn't have to see. He waited for pain.

"Let go, Sasuke-kun."

Orochimaru?

Sasuke snapped open his eyes. He mouthed Orochimaru's name soundlessly as though trying to make himself understand. When he looked at Orochimaru's eyes, they didn't glow red in the darkness. They were a dull yellow, almost gold. Sasuke saw clearly how they were fixated on him and how Orochimaru's brows formed a subtle but distinct frown.

Despite the darkness, Sasuke could see it clearly. He realized that his sharingan were burning brightly, most likely since he had woken up. Stress did that sometimes. But how come Orochimaru could see when there was no light? This was an underground base, a cave, where-

"Sasuke-kun." The familiar voice managed to direct Sasuke's attention to the present. Sasuke was used to hearing it give orders or instructions, and Sasuke knew it was important to listen. The dark and raspy sound gave the voice an authoritative touch.

For some reason, Orochimaru was sitting on the edge of the bed now. His cool fingers curled around one of Sasuke's wrists. The thumb dug under the side of Sasuke's palm, between the hand and Sasuke's neck. Orochimaru leaned close, as though in emphasis, and said again, "Let go."

Sasuke did, assisted by Orochimaru's hand. Orochimaru's fingers continued to curl around Sasuke's, but they didn't squeeze. Right now, Orochimaru wasn't the snake monster he had been on the training field.

"Well done," Orochimaru said, and he smiled as he did. He wiped over Sasuke's eyes and cheeks to rid them of tears, then moved his hand up to gently stroke Sasuke's hair. As this was happening, Sasuke did nothing except stare. The touches didn't burn. There was no poison, no hurt. Sasuke calmed, slowly, until he was able to breathe normally again. His heart kept pounding, but Sasuke wasn't scared anymore. Was that weird?

Orochimaru let go. Sasuke thought he was going to leave, but again his expectations turned out to be flawed. Instead of standing up, Orochimaru remained seated right where he was and pulled Sasuke against his chest, thus successfully removing him from the headboard he was pressing his back against.

"You are doing so well, dear," Orochimaru praised. "Continue to breathe; deep breaths. I'll stay with you tonight so you don't have to be alone."

But Sasuke wasn't a child anymore, he didn't need an adult to watch over him. He didn't need Orochimaru. He refused to need him for anything except training. Orochimaru was a monster in human skin, yet human in moments like this. Sasuke should be scared even more because of it.

"You have suffered on your own for a long time. It's alright now. I will take care of you," Orochimaru promised.

Sasuke refused to need him. At the same time, he felt his shoulders relax and his right hand reach out to hold onto Orochimaru's yukata. It wasn't a conscious action, but Sasuke couldn't undo it once he noticed it. He was despicable. Orochimaru was. Sasuke was.

Orochimaru grinned.

A/N:

Next Oneshot: After failing on the training field, Sasuke sets out on a mission to capture an escaped experiment.

Thank you again for reading! This is the OS I wanted to write when I first came up with the idea for this series. It grew bigger for there, and here we are.
At the moment, I'm at a loss for what to do with the fourth and last OS, so if you have any wishes or suggestions, don't hesitate to send them to me! Other reviews are of course just as welcome ;D

The third OS is already written and will be posted in a few days.